The Role of Sex

freshnesschronic · 12-18-2006, 01:04 AM

Hey everyone.

I don't know if there's a thread to this or not (I'm new!) but I was wondering, if I could get some real responses on a subject that I can only talk to with my closest of friends--or complete but friendly strangers (like anyone reading)!

I was wondering about the role of sex in a relationship. No, it's not necessary (my opinion) but it is still very important (my opinion too)!
Sometimes for me, I crave it.

I know, I know, I'm a young male in college but I do have a girlfriend back at home I love more than anything. So the problem is...how we handle it. Since I've been away I've had to get used to dramatic decreases of maybe 300% less sex! So, whenever I come back (a la this Xmas break) one of the first things I think of is seeing my girl. The next is having sex with her (and then dinner and a movie).

Now I know I'd give up all the sex in the world to be with her (no it's true!) I value our relationship over sex no questions asked. But since I have an awesome relationship and sex...and recently been deprived of its frequency...I think it's very important I get some serious action for the month I'm back.
My personal mindset is different from hers, she obviously doesn't think about it every 12 hours and when I mention it she always reverts to "Is that all you think about?" And so I'm always like ".........no!......?"

I just want to know what other people think about the role of sex in a loving, healthy relationship.

Fresh

12-18-2006, 03:45 AM

It changes all the time... just gotta' keep talking and make sure everyone is on the same page. #1

xoxoxoBruce · 12-18-2006, 04:10 AM

freshnesschronic, you're normal. Don't lay a guilt trip on yourself for being horny. She should realize, she's lucky you aren't getting it elsewhere.

freshnesschronic · 12-18-2006, 09:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

freshnesschronic, you're normal. Don't lay a guilt trip on yourself for being horny. She should realize, she's lucky you aren't getting it elsewhere.

If I got it elsewhere she'd "Cut off my cock" (Borat reference)!

9th Engineer · 12-18-2006, 11:16 AM

Still, I think she should realize that your willingness to continue the relationship long-distance is a step up in commitment in and of itself. The head of the Office of Retention told all of us to get on the phone that evening and terminate any relationships we had still lingering from back home. Now take into account that we're in a much tougher program than most college kids and what he was trying to say was "You absolutly cannot afford to spend 2 hours every evening on the phone with your SO, so to avoid the breakup happening the night before an exam, turn it off NOW"

xoxoxoBruce · 12-18-2006, 11:20 AM

The head of the Office of Retention? They have water pill office?

Shawnee123 · 12-18-2006, 11:42 AM

Perhaps the Head of the Office Retention should hand out saltpetre?

:::waiting for the long-winded, wikiscientific explanation of the properties of salpetre, why it really isn't effective, other viable options in a robotic society...etc, and so on:::

Scazrelet · 12-18-2006, 12:02 PM

Theres always mutual masturbation over the phone :P

Actually, studies find communication and sex both to be crucial parts of relationships, if I remember correctly...

Anyway.

Long distance relationships are really taxing, I would know. You have to try even harder to make something work than if you were in the same area. But the most important thing, as was mentioned before, is making sure you are on the same page. You both need to talk talk talk, and find out how you both feel about things, where your boundaries are. I know this isn't exactly fun for most guys, but it really is neccesary. Best of luck with you and your girl.

DanaC · 12-18-2006, 12:07 PM

Fresh, it's not that unusual for a couple to have different ideas about frequency of sex. Your girlfriend has a right not to feel pressured to have more than she feels comfortable with.....but you also have a right to feel as much desire as you do. Don't let her make you feel guilty for wanting the frequency you want and don't make her feel guilty for not wanting more. :P

MaggieL · 12-19-2006, 10:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

The head of the Office of Retention? They have water pill office?

It's actually spelled "Orafice of Retention"...sometimes referred to as "anal retention".

xoxoxoBruce · 04-29-2007, 08:35 PM

Bump for Cloud

Cloud · 04-29-2007, 08:48 PM

I believe it's actually . . . "orifice"

Hime · 04-30-2007, 01:48 PM

hoo boy... when Fiance and I were long-distance, we were both incredibly horny! When we got to visit each other for the weekend, anyone who wanted to keep us from immediately having sex -- roommates, family, friends who wanted to see us -- was on the shit list.

Yes, there is phone sex, cyber sex, etc, but it's really not the same as being able to hold someone in your arms. One of the hardest things about adjusting to living together was finding that the intensity isn't really the same: in an LDR where you see each other once every month or two, every time you're alone together you want to go at it, but when you're living together you can be sitting on the couch together at 8 in the evening, both pantsless, and look at him and think "wow, that's a really nice penis" and be perfectly content.

Quite honestly, it's a hard transition because in a long-distance relationship you don't really get the sense of what it's like to really spend time together. Sexual tension lasts much longer and covers for more incompatibility when you're long-distance. You get to spend your time alone in your respective cities fantasizing about each other and talking on the phone about all the things you do when you're apart, and then when you're together it's generally a whirlwind of "sex! oh wait everyone I know wants to see you! Hey I need to show you five of my favorite movies right now! More sex!" In a non-LDR, it's still great to have a good sex life, but you need to be comfortable just hanging out together, too.

I don't think that sex is necessary for a good relationship, but I certainly wouldn't want to be in a long-term relationship with NO sexual component. If people are waiting for marriage to have intercourse, that can be totally healthy and successful, but I can't imagine being in a serious relationship where I didn't have sexual feelings about my partner, a strong desire to touch and kiss them, etc. But it seems pretty normal for desire to fade in a long marriage after having kids, etc, and I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing, if it's a general loss of interest in sex rather than a loss of interest in *each other.* I hope that my relationship stays hot and frisky for a very long time, but I'd settle for just happy.

Iggy · 05-01-2007, 04:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hime

...when you're living together you can be sitting on the couch together at 8 in the evening, both pantsless, and look at him and think "wow, that's a really nice penis" and be perfectly content.

That is the way it is for me and my SO. We prefer to be naked most of the time. But that isn't to say we don't still like to jump each others bones often, because we do.

Hime · 05-02-2007, 09:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Iggy

That is the way it is for me and my SO. We prefer to be naked most of the time. But that isn't to say we don't still like to jump each others bones often, because we do.

Oh, we do too.

It's just that now, we like to do other things as well sometimes. Like eating, sleeping...

12-18-2006, 04:10 AM	#3
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	freshnesschronic, you're normal. Don't lay a guilt trip on yourself for being horny. She should realize, she's lucky you aren't getting it elsewhere. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

12-18-2006, 11:16 AM	#5
9th Engineer Bioengineer and aspiring lawer Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Pittsburgh Posts: 872	Still, I think she should realize that your willingness to continue the relationship long-distance is a step up in commitment in and of itself. The head of the Office of Retention told all of us to get on the phone that evening and terminate any relationships we had still lingering from back home. Now take into account that we're in a much tougher program than most college kids and what he was trying to say was "You absolutly cannot afford to spend 2 hours every evening on the phone with your SO, so to avoid the breakup happening the night before an exam, turn it off NOW" __________________ The most valuable renewable resource is stupidity.

12-18-2006, 11:20 AM	#6
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	The head of the Office of Retention? They have water pill office? __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

12-18-2006, 11:42 AM	#7
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	Perhaps the Head of the Office Retention should hand out saltpetre? :::waiting for the long-winded, wikiscientific explanation of the properties of salpetre, why it really isn't effective, other viable options in a robotic society...etc, and so on::: __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby Last edited by Shawnee123; 12-18-2006 at 11:47 AM.

12-18-2006, 12:02 PM	#8
Scazrelet newbie Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: here, I think Posts: 19	Theres always mutual masturbation over the phone :P Actually, studies find communication and sex both to be crucial parts of relationships, if I remember correctly... Anyway. Long distance relationships are really taxing, I would know. You have to try even harder to make something work than if you were in the same area. But the most important thing, as was mentioned before, is making sure you are on the same page. You both need to talk talk talk, and find out how you both feel about things, where your boundaries are. I know this isn't exactly fun for most guys, but it really is neccesary. Best of luck with you and your girl. __________________ I'm new here, please don't hurt me.

12-18-2006, 01:04 AM	#1
freshnesschronic Professor Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 1,555	The Role of Sex Hey everyone. I don't know if there's a thread to this or not (I'm new!) but I was wondering, if I could get some real responses on a subject that I can only talk to with my closest of friends--or complete but friendly strangers (like anyone reading)! I was wondering about the role of sex in a relationship. No, it's not necessary (my opinion) but it is still very important (my opinion too)! Sometimes for me, I crave it. I know, I know, I'm a young male in college but I do have a girlfriend back at home I love more than anything. So the problem is...how we handle it. Since I've been away I've had to get used to dramatic decreases of maybe 300% less sex! So, whenever I come back (a la this Xmas break) one of the first things I think of is seeing my girl. The next is having sex with her (and then dinner and a movie). Now I know I'd give up all the sex in the world to be with her (no it's true!) I value our relationship over sex no questions asked. But since I have an awesome relationship and sex...and recently been deprived of its frequency...I think it's very important I get some serious action for the month I'm back. My personal mindset is different from hers, she obviously doesn't think about it every 12 hours and when I mention it she always reverts to "Is that all you think about?" And so I'm always like ".........no!......?" I just want to know what other people think about the role of sex in a loving, healthy relationship. Fresh

12-18-2006, 03:45 AM	#2
rkzenrage Guest Posts: n/a	It changes all the time... just gotta' keep talking and make sure everyone is on the same page. #1

12-18-2006, 12:07 PM	#9
DanaC We have to go back, Kate! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Yorkshire Posts: 25,964	Fresh, it's not that unusual for a couple to have different ideas about frequency of sex. Your girlfriend has a right not to feel pressured to have more than she feels comfortable with.....but you also have a right to feel as much desire as you do. Don't let her make you feel guilty for wanting the frequency you want and don't make her feel guilty for not wanting more. :P

04-29-2007, 08:35 PM	#11
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Bump for Cloud __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

04-29-2007, 08:48 PM	#12
Cloud ... Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 8,360	I believe it's actually . . . "orifice" __________________ "Guard your honor. Let your reputation fall where it will. And outlive the bastards!"

04-30-2007, 01:48 PM	#13
Hime Extraordinary Machine Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Outside of Washington, DC Posts: 307	hoo boy... when Fiance and I were long-distance, we were both incredibly horny! When we got to visit each other for the weekend, anyone who wanted to keep us from immediately having sex -- roommates, family, friends who wanted to see us -- was on the shit list. Yes, there is phone sex, cyber sex, etc, but it's really not the same as being able to hold someone in your arms. One of the hardest things about adjusting to living together was finding that the intensity isn't really the same: in an LDR where you see each other once every month or two, every time you're alone together you want to go at it, but when you're living together you can be sitting on the couch together at 8 in the evening, both pantsless, and look at him and think "wow, that's a really nice penis" and be perfectly content. Quite honestly, it's a hard transition because in a long-distance relationship you don't really get the sense of what it's like to really spend time together. Sexual tension lasts much longer and covers for more incompatibility when you're long-distance. You get to spend your time alone in your respective cities fantasizing about each other and talking on the phone about all the things you do when you're apart, and then when you're together it's generally a whirlwind of "sex! oh wait everyone I know wants to see you! Hey I need to show you five of my favorite movies right now! More sex!" In a non-LDR, it's still great to have a good sex life, but you need to be comfortable just hanging out together, too. I don't think that sex is necessary for a good relationship, but I certainly wouldn't want to be in a long-term relationship with NO sexual component. If people are waiting for marriage to have intercourse, that can be totally healthy and successful, but I can't imagine being in a serious relationship where I didn't have sexual feelings about my partner, a strong desire to touch and kiss them, etc. But it seems pretty normal for desire to fade in a long marriage after having kids, etc, and I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing, if it's a general loss of interest in sex rather than a loss of interest in each other. I hope that my relationship stays hot and frisky for a very long time, but I'd settle for just happy.

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