For the Aussies, a plea for help - Page 3

Treasenuak · 11-08-2008, 10:20 AM

Good advice, UT. Next time I talk to him, I'll ask... we got in a bit of a fight this morning and he stormed off in a huff. Seems to me HE'S occasionally (often) the female of the relationship...

On another note, I'm very glad I posted this here. So many people have pointed out inconsistencies, misinformation, and just plain "wtf?" moments... this is why I like having such an unbiased (or at least broad-spectrumed) audience for the big questions.

Again, thank you all.

xoxoxoBruce · 11-08-2008, 01:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Undertoad

Note, I am a poor judge of people and I may be wrong.~snip

You should post that in the Youtube comments... or someone else could.

Aliantha · 11-08-2008, 06:05 PM

Treas...aside from my advice about what really happens in Australia, I think maybe it's pertinent to share something with you about me.

Not long after I first split with my boys father, I became entangled in an online relationship with a man from Washington State. He told me all sorts of sad stories about his life and because I felt pretty down trodden with my own life at the time, I thought we really had something in common. Anyway, he came over here the first time. He was supposed to stay for three months, but we had a fight, and I have to tell you that at the time, I thought he was going to beat the crap out of me. He didn't though, so that was lucky. I asked him to leave and so he went back home. After he got there he was all soppy an apologetic and said how he was just stressed being in another country and all blah blah blah, so I forgave him and he came again to Australia. The second time I said only to come for a few weeks. That was a year later. I'd become stronger and was happier in my life, and when he got off the plane, I just knew he wasn't the one for me at all. He went home and we never really talked much after that. Now he's married to someone else. I hope he's happy. He never would have been with me, nor I with him.

All I really want to illustrate with this story is how wrong you can be about someone online. How it's so easy to cover up little flaws, even if you mostly webcam chat etc. Even if you think the other person is very empathetic. Even if you think they're the best person you've ever had to talk to in your life. I thought all those things about the man I met.

I was dead wrong. I couldn't have been wronger in fact.

I will add finally that I did meet my husband now on an online site. It was slightly different though. It was a...ummm...swingers site and neither of us was actually looking for a relationship at the time. Just a bit of fun.

That particular bit of fun didn't turn out the way I expected it to either. lol But the ending so far has been much happier, and I know it's going to stay that way.

So, I'm not saying you can't have a meaningful relationship with someone online, but just be careful. There's a whole lot of distance both physically and culturally between Australians and Americans (in a lot of ways) and both countries have their fair share of wankers who you wouldn't want to be involved with anyway.

About the green card thing you were wondering about. I doubt that'd be it. There's not that many average Australians who feel they'd have it better in the US than they have it here. The lowest minimum wage for an adult here is about $12, with most people earning above award after a certain period of time doing their job right.

I hope this helps. I really don't know you from a bar of soap either, so for all I (and the rest of us) know, maybe your story is full of holes too, but I think we all just try to tell things from our own perspective and particular range of experience.

I can tell you for myself that I'd never even think about getting involved with your fellow, even though I live in the same country, let alone a country thousands of miles away.

monster · 11-08-2008, 06:08 PM

I'm trying not to scaremonger here, but is there an online sex offenders register in Aus? if so, have you checked it, Treas? You have googled him, right?

Aliantha · 11-08-2008, 06:16 PM

If it's a 'matter of public record' then yes. You'll find it here or maybe here (this one is free and probably more relevant).

The only one you really have to watch out for is dennis ferguson though...and everyone knows where he is. lol (inside joke for the aussies)

This is the government organization that might be most helpful.

DanaC · 11-08-2008, 06:58 PM

Good point monster.

I must admit, the thought crossed my mind, that it sounds like the mother's gone to a lot of trouble to block access to this man. I know, from friends' experiences, that this doesn't necessarily mean the guys done anything wrong, but there are so many genuine cases of abuse that her determination does ring a few warning bells.

monster · 11-08-2008, 07:42 PM

Treas, let me preface this by saying you don't remind me of "Guinevere" at all (for a start, you are listening to the advice you are receiving...), but this thread does remind me of this 4-year, 80-page classic on an expats forum. some might find it amusing, some might find it horrifying, some might find it helpful -it scared and amused me in equal parts I would say.

You know, though, there is a similarity in that no-one wanted to "say anything" at first, but once they did, the floodgates opened. let's give Treas a break now, she's smart, she's got the point, she's on it

:ducking out:

Sundae · 11-08-2008, 08:33 PM

Very interesting Monster!
But you notice we have a much better level of grammar and spelling here in the Cellar... so much for people knocking the US schools!?

monster · 11-08-2008, 11:03 PM

If brit Expat sites were newspapers, that one is definitely "The Star" Or maybe "The Sun" at a push.

the Sarah Palin, if you prefer a political theme.

Treasenuak · 11-09-2008, 05:34 PM

-sighs- Info update. Talked to Mick today on Yahoo messenger. Asked him some of the questions that have been brought up here. Yes, he says he DID run up to the girls in the mall the day he glimpsed them there. Says he asked for contact info but ex refused and MIL stepped in and started giving him hell. All he would tell me on this. As for legal aid, claims he has not gotten it yet "because things shouldn't be this hard. I shouldn't have to do that."

And when I got after him about he should do WHATEVER it takes to find his girls, if he loves them as much as he says he does, I got accused of attacking him and of implying he was a bad father and he tried to guilt trip me for being "rude", "insensitive," and "kicking him like a dog." I told him, in essence, to pony the f*ck up and do what needed done.

Sadly, I'm beginning to understand why his ex left in the first place. Can we say high maintenance? He whines more than my dog when she's begging for bacon.

I think I see the beginning of the end of this one. -sigh-

Aliantha · 11-09-2008, 05:39 PM

I'm sorry things are difficult for you at the moment Treas. It's always disappointing when you find someone has a few skeletons in the closet.

Who knows though. Maybe your straight talking is what he needed. Maybe he'll go and sort his shit out. Either way, better he does it now than later right? The last thing you need is a whining man falling on your doorstep thinking the world owes him a favour for his slack attitude.

Stay strong. You're doing the right thing for you and your child.

Hey...I just had a thought. My ex is going to Darwin...today actually. Maybe I could get him to go punch this guy in the nose for you if he turns out bad.

My ex is a bit of a scrapper.

Treasenuak · 11-09-2008, 05:41 PM

-grins- I thank you for the offer, Ali! Perhaps not a punch in the nose, but a kick in the arse would be appropriate right about now!

Aliantha · 11-09-2008, 05:42 PM

Nose...Arse...not a whole lot of difference really is there? Either way if you do it right, it's gonna bleed.

Treasenuak · 11-09-2008, 05:45 PM

-grins- Heard this from someone once... "We all enter this world naked, screaming, and covered in blood. But if you live your life right, that kind of thing does not have to end there!" ... but that's another thread topic in and of itself, I think.

Aliantha · 11-09-2008, 05:46 PM

Hmmm...not sure I want to know much more about that quote. lol

11-08-2008, 06:05 PM	#33
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Treas...aside from my advice about what really happens in Australia, I think maybe it's pertinent to share something with you about me. Not long after I first split with my boys father, I became entangled in an online relationship with a man from Washington State. He told me all sorts of sad stories about his life and because I felt pretty down trodden with my own life at the time, I thought we really had something in common. Anyway, he came over here the first time. He was supposed to stay for three months, but we had a fight, and I have to tell you that at the time, I thought he was going to beat the crap out of me. He didn't though, so that was lucky. I asked him to leave and so he went back home. After he got there he was all soppy an apologetic and said how he was just stressed being in another country and all blah blah blah, so I forgave him and he came again to Australia. The second time I said only to come for a few weeks. That was a year later. I'd become stronger and was happier in my life, and when he got off the plane, I just knew he wasn't the one for me at all. He went home and we never really talked much after that. Now he's married to someone else. I hope he's happy. He never would have been with me, nor I with him. All I really want to illustrate with this story is how wrong you can be about someone online. How it's so easy to cover up little flaws, even if you mostly webcam chat etc. Even if you think the other person is very empathetic. Even if you think they're the best person you've ever had to talk to in your life. I thought all those things about the man I met. I was dead wrong. I couldn't have been wronger in fact. I will add finally that I did meet my husband now on an online site. It was slightly different though. It was a...ummm...swingers site and neither of us was actually looking for a relationship at the time. Just a bit of fun. That particular bit of fun didn't turn out the way I expected it to either. lol But the ending so far has been much happier, and I know it's going to stay that way. So, I'm not saying you can't have a meaningful relationship with someone online, but just be careful. There's a whole lot of distance both physically and culturally between Australians and Americans (in a lot of ways) and both countries have their fair share of wankers who you wouldn't want to be involved with anyway. About the green card thing you were wondering about. I doubt that'd be it. There's not that many average Australians who feel they'd have it better in the US than they have it here. The lowest minimum wage for an adult here is about $12, with most people earning above award after a certain period of time doing their job right. I hope this helps. I really don't know you from a bar of soap either, so for all I (and the rest of us) know, maybe your story is full of holes too, but I think we all just try to tell things from our own perspective and particular range of experience. I can tell you for myself that I'd never even think about getting involved with your fellow, even though I live in the same country, let alone a country thousands of miles away. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

11-08-2008, 06:08 PM	#34
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	I'm trying not to scaremonger here, but is there an online sex offenders register in Aus? if so, have you checked it, Treas? You have googled him, right? __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

11-08-2008, 06:16 PM	#35
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	If it's a 'matter of public record' then yes. You'll find it here or maybe here (this one is free and probably more relevant). The only one you really have to watch out for is dennis ferguson though...and everyone knows where he is. lol (inside joke for the aussies) This is the government organization that might be most helpful. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

11-08-2008, 07:42 PM	#37
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	Treas, let me preface this by saying you don't remind me of "Guinevere" at all (for a start, you are listening to the advice you are receiving...), but this thread does remind me of this 4-year, 80-page classic on an expats forum. some might find it amusing, some might find it horrifying, some might find it helpful -it scared and amused me in equal parts I would say. You know, though, there is a similarity in that no-one wanted to "say anything" at first, but once they did, the floodgates opened. let's give Treas a break now, she's smart, she's got the point, she's on it :ducking out: __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

11-08-2008, 11:03 PM	#39
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	If brit Expat sites were newspapers, that one is definitely "The Star" Or maybe "The Sun" at a push. the Sarah Palin, if you prefer a political theme. __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

11-08-2008, 10:20 AM	#31
Treasenuak Multiorgasmic and wrapped in plastic Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Central Tennessee Posts: 483	Good advice, UT. Next time I talk to him, I'll ask... we got in a bit of a fight this morning and he stormed off in a huff. Seems to me HE'S occasionally (often) the female of the relationship... On another note, I'm very glad I posted this here. So many people have pointed out inconsistencies, misinformation, and just plain "wtf?" moments... this is why I like having such an unbiased (or at least broad-spectrumed) audience for the big questions. Again, thank you all.

11-08-2008, 06:58 PM	#36
DanaC We have to go back, Kate! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Yorkshire Posts: 25,964	Good point monster. I must admit, the thought crossed my mind, that it sounds like the mother's gone to a lot of trouble to block access to this man. I know, from friends' experiences, that this doesn't necessarily mean the guys done anything wrong, but there are so many genuine cases of abuse that her determination does ring a few warning bells.

11-08-2008, 08:33 PM	#38
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	Very interesting Monster! But you notice we have a much better level of grammar and spelling here in the Cellar... so much for people knocking the US schools!?

11-09-2008, 05:34 PM	#40
Treasenuak Multiorgasmic and wrapped in plastic Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Central Tennessee Posts: 483	-sighs- Info update. Talked to Mick today on Yahoo messenger. Asked him some of the questions that have been brought up here. Yes, he says he DID run up to the girls in the mall the day he glimpsed them there. Says he asked for contact info but ex refused and MIL stepped in and started giving him hell. All he would tell me on this. As for legal aid, claims he has not gotten it yet "because things shouldn't be this hard. I shouldn't have to do that." And when I got after him about he should do WHATEVER it takes to find his girls, if he loves them as much as he says he does, I got accused of attacking him and of implying he was a bad father and he tried to guilt trip me for being "rude", "insensitive," and "kicking him like a dog." I told him, in essence, to pony the f*ck up and do what needed done. Sadly, I'm beginning to understand why his ex left in the first place. Can we say high maintenance? He whines more than my dog when she's begging for bacon. I think I see the beginning of the end of this one. -sigh-

11-09-2008, 05:39 PM	#41
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	I'm sorry things are difficult for you at the moment Treas. It's always disappointing when you find someone has a few skeletons in the closet. Who knows though. Maybe your straight talking is what he needed. Maybe he'll go and sort his shit out. Either way, better he does it now than later right? The last thing you need is a whining man falling on your doorstep thinking the world owes him a favour for his slack attitude. Stay strong. You're doing the right thing for you and your child. Hey...I just had a thought. My ex is going to Darwin...today actually. Maybe I could get him to go punch this guy in the nose for you if he turns out bad. My ex is a bit of a scrapper. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

11-09-2008, 05:41 PM	#42
Treasenuak Multiorgasmic and wrapped in plastic Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Central Tennessee Posts: 483	-grins- I thank you for the offer, Ali! Perhaps not a punch in the nose, but a kick in the arse would be appropriate right about now!

11-09-2008, 05:42 PM	#43
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Nose...Arse...not a whole lot of difference really is there? Either way if you do it right, it's gonna bleed. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

11-09-2008, 05:45 PM	#44
Treasenuak Multiorgasmic and wrapped in plastic Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Central Tennessee Posts: 483	-grins- Heard this from someone once... "We all enter this world naked, screaming, and covered in blood. But if you live your life right, that kind of thing does not have to end there!" ... but that's another thread topic in and of itself, I think.

11-09-2008, 05:46 PM	#45
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Hmmm...not sure I want to know much more about that quote. lol __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

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