Cheating - Page 2

MaggieL · 07-03-2006, 01:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flint

Me and my wife check out chicks together. She even does the sneaky alert-nudge that guys do for each other when a hottie is spotted.

Same here. :-) Guys too, but women more often.

07-03-2006, 01:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by disenchanted

I once talked a person out of a relationship to be with me. I later got dumped when said girl found interest in some other guy.

The lesson I learned was that if you ever ruin a relationship for your own interest, don't be surprised when it happens to you.

That said, I figure that the basic concept expressed before (intent) is probably the truest. I like to keep it pretty cut and dried. If someone's flirting with someone, near or afar, it doesn't really matter. Their intentions show enough.

-disenchanted.

Exactly, it always freaks-me-out me when people are surprised when this happens to them.
I call it the Cathy Lee syndrome. That idiot had the nads to go out in public and act like a victim when the man she stole from another woman cheated on her.
Their entire relationship was based on the fact that the were both cheaters and she acts surprised when he cheats?! & we are supposed to feel sorry for her and be surprised as well?!... give me a break. I feel for the kids though, having to live in the acid dream that is their mom's world.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flint

Me and my wife check out chicks together. She even does the sneaky alert-nudge that guys do for each other when a hottie is spotted.

Same here. Gotta' look, she knows I ain't dead. If he acts like he ain't lookin' he's hiding something.

Ibby · 07-03-2006, 08:43 PM

Heh, since me and my girlfriend are both bi, we both do that for hotties of either gender. It's kinda fun.

yesman065 · 07-05-2006, 08:35 AM

You can always look at the menu, but you just can't order anything. Thats how my SO and I look at it. Heck, its natural to desire something you find attractive. Acting on that desire with another is where "cheating" would commence, if your in a monogomous relationship, of course.

xoxoxoBruce · 07-05-2006, 04:00 PM

More often than not, when I'm looking, it's admiration rather than lust.
Yes, it's true....men can look at a woman and admire her beauty without wanting to rape her.
Did you know that or is this an alien concept?

Elspode · 07-07-2006, 05:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

Hmm, when they came into your life, were they cheating on someone else?

One of my oldest friends (a musician, as are most of my oldest friends, and now playing in my band with me) wrote a great line in a song after his first wife screwed around on him, resulting in their divorce. She had been cheating on *her* boyfriend when my friend and she hooked up:

"If you mess with another man's woman, you might listen what I say
If she'll fool around on him, she'll do the same to you one day."

Truer words and all...

DucksNuts · 07-07-2006, 07:14 PM

True-true.

My cheating ex cheated on his then gf to get my me apparently, this i didnt know until after he cheated on me. I was bitching to one of his mates and he said, "well duh, he has a history of it".

xoxoxoBruce · 07-07-2006, 09:31 PM

Indubitably.

Iggy · 07-08-2006, 10:29 AM

Back to the original question... (warning: very long post ahead)

I think lying is where the cheating starts. I guess I don't really consider it cheating unless there is action as well, but if you lie about what you are doing (even as small as saying that you don't flirt with a certain girl when you do) that is where the trust is broken. Without trust the relationship will almost never work out, so why wait for the lies to escalate into actions? Because in my experience, if someone is lying it will escalate into actions even if it started out innocently enough.

I think if you have an agreement on what is ok and what isn't, and you break that agreement, that is cheating. Me and my SO have been involved with others in our relationship, but we discussed it beforehand. There was no going behind the other person's back to do things. And if either of us has a potential person and the other doesn't want to do anything with him/her, then nothing happens. The only time anything is allowed between one of us and another person is when both parties agree to it before it happens.

I guess the point I am trying to make is that if your partner thinks cyber-sex (or anything else for that matter) is cheating then by doing it you are cheating on them (and vise versa). But if your partner is ok with what you are doing then it isn’t cheating. It all depends on the relationship and the agreement you have with each other.

On a side note, I know a man who just recently got divorced from his wife. Both of them had relationships with another person online. I think because they both lied about their intent with said person, they were cheating on each other. Since they are divorced now, the man will now be open with his relationship with the other person. We have also discovered that she (the other woman) came here when the couple was still married and they were physically involved with each other. I also consider that cheating, of an even greater degree than the lies about the intent (and involvement) with the other person.

The other woman is still married to her husband. They have children together at their home in Texas (the now divorced couple live in Kansas). The other woman (we will call her D to make things simpler) plans on divorcing her husband when their children are graduated from college (they are 8 to15 years of age from what I understand). She says there is no longer love in her marriage and her husband ignores her more often than not. They are just indifferent to each other. So rather than “uproot” the children’s lives, she is staying in a loveless marriage and is cheating on her husband with the now divorced man from Kansas (we will call him J). I think this is wrong. I am sure the children know that their parents are not happy with each other and so I really don’t see why she has to lie, they will know anyway.

I should mention that my parents divorced when I was 15. I knew they weren’t happy with each other and after the divorce they got along much better, so sometimes I wondered why they didn’t do it sooner. So I am of the mind that “staying together for the kids” isn’t a good idea. They kids most likely know that their parents aren’t happy, and by separating from each other the parents might be more able to handle each other without fighting. But I do understand that this won’t work for every couple. For some, staying together might be better. But I think that getting a divorce is usually better in the long run.

I also think that if D is going to stay in a loveless marriage she needs to act like she is married. If her decision is to stay with him for another 10 years, she shouldn’t be cheating on him now. If she wants to be with another man she needs to divorce her husband. What she is doing is justifying her cheating by saying that she is trying to “protect” the children. I don’t believe that, and I think it is still wrong that she is doing what she is doing.

Just my opinion on the matter.

xoxoxoBruce · 07-08-2006, 10:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Iggy

I guess the point I am trying to make is that if your partner thinks cyber-sex (or anything else for that matter) is cheating then by doing it you are cheating on them (and vise versa).

I don't think it's cheating if you are open and above board, not hiding anything. Then it's a disagreement.

Communication is key, honest communication.

Quote:

I think lying is where the cheating starts. I guess I don't really consider it cheating unless there is action as well, but if you lie about what you are doing (even as small as saying that you don't flirt with a certain girl when you do) that is where the trust is broken. Without trust the relationship will almost never work out, so why wait for the lies to escalate into actions? Because in my experience, if someone is lying it will escalate into actions even if it started out innocently enough.

Absolutely....if you don't feel your doing anything wrong, why lie?

Trilby · 07-08-2006, 11:03 AM

Prof. Green Beaner didn't lie to me--he told me straight out. AND he didn't think he was doing anything wrong. Maybe I've been too hard on him...should give him another chance!

Iggy · 07-08-2006, 11:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

I don't think it's cheating if you are open and above board, not hiding anything. Then it's a disagreement.

Right, but that is the point I was trying to make. I don't think it is cheating either, but if your partner thinks it is cheating then it is. It works the same way the other way around, if you partner doesn't see anything wrong with it, then it isn't cheating. If you partner says it is ok for you to have sex with anyone you want to, then you aren't cheating on them by doing just that. It is agreed that that behavior is ok.

I hope that made sense...

Whatever you have agreed with you partner is what determines what is cheating and what isn't. I think all couples should discuss what they think is cheating and what isn't so there isn't any confusion on what is ok and what isn't. Communication is very important.

wolf · 07-08-2006, 11:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brianna

Prof. Green Beaner didn't lie to me--he told me straight out. AND he didn't think he was doing anything wrong. Maybe I've been too hard on him...should give him another chance!

Exactly how loud do you want me to shout "No" this time?

(really, do what you think you need to do, and understand how this differs from what you want to do.)

xoxoxoBruce · 07-08-2006, 11:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Iggy

Right, but that is the point I was trying to make. I don't think it is cheating either, but if your partner thinks it is cheating then it is. It works the same way the other way around, if you partner doesn't see anything wrong with it, then it isn't cheating. If you partner says it is ok for you to have sex with anyone you want to, then you aren't cheating on them by doing just that. It is agreed that that behavior is ok.

I hope that made sense...

Whatever you have agreed with you partner is what determines what is cheating and what isn't. I think all couples should discuss what they think is cheating and what isn't so there isn't any confusion on what is ok and what isn't. Communication is very important.

If you agreed not to do it, but still do, then yes, it's cheating.
My point was if you do it, say you do it, don't hide the fact that you do it, have not agreed not to do it, it's not cheating just because they don't like it. Then it's a disagreement.

xoxoxoBruce · 07-08-2006, 11:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brianna

Prof. Green Beaner didn't lie to me--he told me straight out. AND he didn't think he was doing anything wrong. Maybe I've been too hard on him...should give him another chance!

He still doesn't and you know it. Just explain to his wife why you're different from all the other pit stops he makes.

07-03-2006, 08:43 PM	#18
Ibby erika Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: "the high up north" Posts: 6,127	Heh, since me and my girlfriend are both bi, we both do that for hotties of either gender. It's kinda fun. __________________ not really back, you didn't see me, i was never here shhhhhh

07-05-2006, 04:00 PM	#20
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	More often than not, when I'm looking, it's admiration rather than lust. Yes, it's true....men can look at a woman and admire her beauty without wanting to rape her. Did you know that or is this an alien concept? __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

07-07-2006, 09:31 PM	#23
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Indubitably. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

07-08-2006, 11:03 AM	#26
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	Prof. Green Beaner didn't lie to me--he told me straight out. AND he didn't think he was doing anything wrong. Maybe I've been too hard on him...should give him another chance! __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

07-05-2006, 08:35 AM	#19
yesman065 Banned - Self Imposed Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 1,847	You can always look at the menu, but you just can't order anything. Thats how my SO and I look at it. Heck, its natural to desire something you find attractive. Acting on that desire with another is where "cheating" would commence, if your in a monogomous relationship, of course.

07-07-2006, 07:14 PM	#22
DucksNuts Bitchy Little Brat Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Queensland, Australia Posts: 5,067	True-true. My cheating ex cheated on his then gf to get my me apparently, this i didnt know until after he cheated on me. I was bitching to one of his mates and he said, "well duh, he has a history of it".

07-08-2006, 10:29 AM	#24
Iggy Back and ready to tart up the place Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Kansas Posts: 850	Back to the original question... (warning: very long post ahead) I think lying is where the cheating starts. I guess I don't really consider it cheating unless there is action as well, but if you lie about what you are doing (even as small as saying that you don't flirt with a certain girl when you do) that is where the trust is broken. Without trust the relationship will almost never work out, so why wait for the lies to escalate into actions? Because in my experience, if someone is lying it will escalate into actions even if it started out innocently enough. I think if you have an agreement on what is ok and what isn't, and you break that agreement, that is cheating. Me and my SO have been involved with others in our relationship, but we discussed it beforehand. There was no going behind the other person's back to do things. And if either of us has a potential person and the other doesn't want to do anything with him/her, then nothing happens. The only time anything is allowed between one of us and another person is when both parties agree to it before it happens. I guess the point I am trying to make is that if your partner thinks cyber-sex (or anything else for that matter) is cheating then by doing it you are cheating on them (and vise versa). But if your partner is ok with what you are doing then it isn’t cheating. It all depends on the relationship and the agreement you have with each other. On a side note, I know a man who just recently got divorced from his wife. Both of them had relationships with another person online. I think because they both lied about their intent with said person, they were cheating on each other. Since they are divorced now, the man will now be open with his relationship with the other person. We have also discovered that she (the other woman) came here when the couple was still married and they were physically involved with each other. I also consider that cheating, of an even greater degree than the lies about the intent (and involvement) with the other person. The other woman is still married to her husband. They have children together at their home in Texas (the now divorced couple live in Kansas). The other woman (we will call her D to make things simpler) plans on divorcing her husband when their children are graduated from college (they are 8 to15 years of age from what I understand). She says there is no longer love in her marriage and her husband ignores her more often than not. They are just indifferent to each other. So rather than “uproot” the children’s lives, she is staying in a loveless marriage and is cheating on her husband with the now divorced man from Kansas (we will call him J). I think this is wrong. I am sure the children know that their parents are not happy with each other and so I really don’t see why she has to lie, they will know anyway. I should mention that my parents divorced when I was 15. I knew they weren’t happy with each other and after the divorce they got along much better, so sometimes I wondered why they didn’t do it sooner. So I am of the mind that “staying together for the kids” isn’t a good idea. They kids most likely know that their parents aren’t happy, and by separating from each other the parents might be more able to handle each other without fighting. But I do understand that this won’t work for every couple. For some, staying together might be better. But I think that getting a divorce is usually better in the long run. I also think that if D is going to stay in a loveless marriage she needs to act like she is married. If her decision is to stay with him for another 10 years, she shouldn’t be cheating on him now. If she wants to be with another man she needs to divorce her husband. What she is doing is justifying her cheating by saying that she is trying to “protect” the children. I don’t believe that, and I think it is still wrong that she is doing what she is doing. Just my opinion on the matter.

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