Cheating even though you are happy..... - Page 4

jinx · 08-23-2009, 07:37 PM

It takes 2 people to have a bad relationship - just like it takes 2 people to have a good one.

Pooka · 08-23-2009, 09:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

Contemplating bringing it into the reality is part of the fantasy.

If he was still in fantasy mode we wouldn't be having this conversation... he wouldn't have felt the need to start the thread. IF it was just part of the fantasy he wouldn't be here reaching out for help or for approval... clearly he feels a certain amount of guilt already.

I personally would have no issue if my hubby said some coworker wanted to do him and he jacked off in the bathroom thinking about it (but thats just me)... what I would have an issue with is if he found himself faced with the moral delimma of acting upon it. Why not tell the wife and let her share in the fantasy... leave the co-worker out of it and not dignify the offer by giving it any attention. Keep it profesional and if approached again make it very clear you are happily married and are not availible.

lumberjim · 08-23-2009, 09:52 PM

pooka is smart

i'm gonna go jack off to how smart she is right now.

lumberjim · 08-23-2009, 09:52 PM

but um....hey.....don't tell jinx, ok?

Shawnee123 · 08-23-2009, 10:27 PM

Yabbut, you'll probably tell her anyway. JINX? Jim is a'cheatin'.

Couples all about honesty. There should be a club!

xoxoxoBruce · 08-24-2009, 01:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pooka

If he was still in fantasy mode we wouldn't be having this conversation... he wouldn't have felt the need to start the thread. IF it was just part of the fantasy he wouldn't be here reaching out for help or for approval... clearly he feels a certain amount of guilt already.

What makes you so sure he reaching out for help or approval? How do you know he isn't bragging?
The chick propositioned him and he didn't take her up on it so he can't claim a conquest, but he can claim the proposition for partial credit.
But how does one do that? Hey, how about asking for advice.

It's been done before, of course it's usually verbal, and not on a board, but often enough that I recognize the possibility.

DanaC · 08-24-2009, 06:21 AM

Actually, I agree with Bruce on this one. Coming here and discussing it, asking advice and 'contemplating it' seems to me just a way of wallowing in the fantasy. Extending it out and savouring the feeling of being hit on, without actually acting on it.

If nothing's been done to make it real then there's been no betrayal.

I disagree with his assessment of the inevitability of trouble if it's raised though. Not every woman reacts the same way and it's grossly unfair to suggest it.

Shawnee123 · 08-24-2009, 07:16 AM

I was willing to give thatguy the benefit of the doubt. But then

Quote:

And I took classics advice and took a nice long look at the wife and damn it she's hot!!! So we went out with a few friends last night got smashed came home and some hot passionate sex.

So glad you realized your wife is hot...otherwise what would there be to admire?

Quote:

I didn't mean that I am only glad now. That came out wrong. I'm just curious as to what you look like. I hope that's not a crime......what do you mean by your not to fussed by being the *bit of fluff* ????

Here, he wasn't even sure if he was talking to me or to Ducks.

Attention-whoring. Plain and simple. Thisguy will spend his whole life preening and cheating.

Cliche.

DanaC · 08-24-2009, 08:13 AM

He doesn't appear to have cheated. There's nothing wrong with a bit of preening. Harmless flirting online? Come on, You're being overly harsh.

And reaquainting himself with how 'hot' is wife is? I think that's great. replace the word 'hot' with attractive. This guy has reminded himself how attractive his wife is to him. A fact that can get easily lost in the maelstrom of day to day married life. I still don't see how that makes him any kind of a bastard.

Shawnee123 · 08-24-2009, 08:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shawnee123

There are two kind of people who cheat even when they're happy:

1) They're not really happy
2) They're narcissistic yet insecure psychopaths

Surely attention is interesting, and you're human, but if you're really happy you don't want to mess it all up.

Good luck!

I was being my typical self, wallowing in hyperbole, but I still feel this is true in a smaller sense.

Some people will never be happy without constant ego strokes. The pattern is quite clear, having seen it a hundred times: when the spouse's ego strokes no longer suffice, the needy one will find other avenues.

It's a story as old as the hills, and I didn't write it.

Better we should say "awwww, poor thatguy. We know your dick is hard and it's OK, because you are just a guy and incapable of restraint."

I guess I expect more from a man than the cliched Pavlovian response. I find there are men who are much more than drooling stupid puppies.

Or, as pointed out, he's not really happy. *shrugs* Happy relationships don't require other people slapping your hand and saying "No, don't cheat, bad boy, don't cheat."

I've seen nothing to tell me this situation is otherwise.

So I'm harsh. Sue me.

Bastard? That was your word, not mine.

skysidhe · 08-24-2009, 08:52 AM

What kind of woman does that?

Will she tie him up nakid? take pictures? then blackmail? heh heh

Now I could see that kind of set up... but to pay just for a tryst? If she got her target right she could have just asked him to set it up and got the same result plus saved herself some money.
It would have to be very important to her or she's rich and bored.

ThatGuy · 08-24-2009, 12:02 PM

No i havent done anything....and wont be doing anything. And yes we did reconnect again that night we went out. and when i said hot it wasnt just in the physical form i meant it as an all around package she is hot. We used to watch sports together and go out all the time but lately we've just been doing our own thing and it had gotten kind of boring this was something we actually sat down and talked about this weekend. So things are good and back to normal. And i am actually writing all of this from work. Cause its a slow monday. And i did see that chick again in the hallway and asked me what my answer was and i said no. And that it would never happen and that i would appreciate it if something like this never happens again. i wanted to be nice yet firm so that she knew i was serious but not to piss her off so that things didnt get stupid and she tries to get me in trouble some kind of way. And i dont think i have ever been an attention whore ever in my life i just wanted to know if anyone had ever had something like this happen to them. I am happy with what i got and satisfied if not i would have never started this and would have just slept with that other women and thats that but i didnt. Its hard to explain but i am happy and everything was going pretty well except for a few things but i just felt like driving the happy bus off the cliff? I'm sure i am not the only one who thats ever happened too????

DanaC · 08-24-2009, 12:22 PM

I'm pretty sure you aren't :P

ThatGuy · 08-24-2009, 12:23 PM

Oh and by the way just recieved an email from "her" after we talked in the hallway stating that if this ever comes up in anyway shape or form that she will do whatever it takes to screw me over. WTF! So yeah you were asking what kind of woman does that...i'll tell you a what kind a pissed off one that didnt get her way. Now i am kinda freaking out a bit. Time for a smoke...........

lookout123 · 08-24-2009, 12:27 PM

Well, you can either let her hang you by your jewels for the rest of your time at that company which may be painful and short, or you can take those emails to HR. CYA. That is, of course, if you really truly didn't behave inappropriately enough to get your own ass slammed.

08-23-2009, 07:37 PM	#46
jinx Come on, cat. Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: general vicinity of Philadelphia area Posts: 7,013	It takes 2 people to have a bad relationship - just like it takes 2 people to have a good one. __________________ Crying won't help you, praying won't do you no good.

08-23-2009, 09:52 PM	#48
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	pooka is smart i'm gonna go jack off to how smart she is right now. __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

08-23-2009, 09:52 PM	#49
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	but um....hey.....don't tell jinx, ok? __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

08-23-2009, 10:27 PM	#50
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	Yabbut, you'll probably tell her anyway. JINX? Jim is a'cheatin'. Couples all about honesty. There should be a club! __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

08-24-2009, 12:02 PM	#57
ThatGuy Keeper of the Decorum Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Florida Posts: 58	No i havent done anything....and wont be doing anything. And yes we did reconnect again that night we went out. and when i said hot it wasnt just in the physical form i meant it as an all around package she is hot. We used to watch sports together and go out all the time but lately we've just been doing our own thing and it had gotten kind of boring this was something we actually sat down and talked about this weekend. So things are good and back to normal. And i am actually writing all of this from work. Cause its a slow monday. And i did see that chick again in the hallway and asked me what my answer was and i said no. And that it would never happen and that i would appreciate it if something like this never happens again. i wanted to be nice yet firm so that she knew i was serious but not to piss her off so that things didnt get stupid and she tries to get me in trouble some kind of way. And i dont think i have ever been an attention whore ever in my life i just wanted to know if anyone had ever had something like this happen to them. I am happy with what i got and satisfied if not i would have never started this and would have just slept with that other women and thats that but i didnt. Its hard to explain but i am happy and everything was going pretty well except for a few things but i just felt like driving the happy bus off the cliff? I'm sure i am not the only one who thats ever happened too???? __________________ What would Scooby Do?????

08-24-2009, 08:52 AM	#56
skysidhe ~~Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.~~ Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 6,828	What kind of woman does that? Will she tie him up nakid? take pictures? then blackmail? heh heh Now I could see that kind of set up... but to pay just for a tryst? If she got her target right she could have just asked him to set it up and got the same result plus saved herself some money. It would have to be very important to her or she's rich and bored.

08-24-2009, 12:23 PM	#59
ThatGuy Keeper of the Decorum Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Florida Posts: 58	Oh and by the way just recieved an email from "her" after we talked in the hallway stating that if this ever comes up in anyway shape or form that she will do whatever it takes to screw me over. WTF! So yeah you were asking what kind of woman does that...i'll tell you a what kind a pissed off one that didnt get her way. Now i am kinda freaking out a bit. Time for a smoke........... __________________ What would Scooby Do?????

08-24-2009, 12:27 PM	#60
lookout123 changed his status to single Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Right behind you. No, the other side. Posts: 10,308	Well, you can either let her hang you by your jewels for the rest of your time at that company which may be painful and short, or you can take those emails to HR. CYA. That is, of course, if you really truly didn't behave inappropriately enough to get your own ass slammed. __________________ Getting knocked down is no sin, it's not getting back up that's the sin

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