please recommend a self help book, therapy, drug... - Page 7

staceyv · 01-22-2005, 01:32 PM

Thanks for being so positive. You have very good insight, maybe you should be a therapist!
I hope things go well for you with your studio. Art is WAY more rewarding than business, and by the way, your english is good enought that you are able to communicate everything you want to say, even when talking about emotions and complex subjects, so don't be hard on yourself there.

OnyxCougar · 01-23-2005, 05:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by staceyv

Actually, many people with Asperger's aren't diagnosed until they self diagnose in midlife, because as children, they are seen as bright. They are early readers, they have excellent verbal skills and often excel in one or two areas, so the only thing that seems "off" about them is that they are seen as "shy", they have a hard time making friends, etc. But that usually doesn't send teachers and parents running to find a diagnosis. I'm not saying I just contracted it, I'm saying I may have found a name for what I have. I have ALWAYS felt weird, different, whatever...

Actually, that's not the case. Aspergers (which has ALOT in common with Autism and is seen in many circles as very mild and specifically socially oriented autism, jinx) is commonly diagnosed as Autism in early childhood. My son's doctors refused to label him with Autism, even though he was clinically diagnosable through the (at the time) DSM-III.

I don't know where you're getting your information, Stacey, but the quiz that you linked me to has no scientific value. It makes no distinction between children and adults. That quiz is not one that is used by professionals to determine formal diagnosis. My son's score is therefore meaningless because it's not the same test.

I'm really trying very hard not to be mean or anything, considering our past disagreements I'm trying to stay positive, but I'm telling you, Stacey, you may have some symptoms in common with Aspergers (which are also symptoms common to other problems, like Autism and bipolar disorder) but you don't have Asperger's.

Trying to self diagnose yourself is only going to lead to more problems.

staceyv · 01-23-2005, 06:34 PM

I appreciate you trying to be nice, and because you were so nice, I'm able to admit that you're probably right. I have a lot of the symptoms, but I am also missing key symptoms- I am not clumsy and I am good at reading body language, etc.
I guess it's like trying to diagnose a headache. After researching enough, you could end up thinking that you have meningitis or brain cancer just because you have a few of the same symptoms, when in reality you have a stress tension headache.
I really do enjoy talking with people on the Asperger's forums, though. I feel like we just "click".
I have taken numerous personality tests over the years, trying to figure out what job would be good for me, etc. I always score as an introvert. I have been introverted all of my life, but I have also been working with the public since I was 14 and I was in public school since age 5, so I do know how to act with people. Anyway, I just got this book on introversion in the mail, and I think that's my thing. Maybe there's nothing really wrong with me, I just naturally need more down time, and I process everything internally rather than externally.
Although I wondered what the hell was wrong with me when I spent days printing out recipes from the computer and organizing in three-ring binders, with indexes by ingredient , ethnicity and meal type...?

wolf · 01-23-2005, 08:55 PM

See, there you go again ... if you are managing to waitress ... and are personable enough to score some decent tips, you're not as introverted as you think you are. The food sensitivity thing is weird, but there is an excellent chance that you are just :gasp: normal.

(which would including having a little bitty bit of a lot of the things you are reading about in the books).

Beestie · 01-23-2005, 09:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolf

... but there is an excellent chance that you are just :gasp: normal.

So what you are saying, Wolf, is that there isn't a colored bracelet for what's bugging Stace? I know how much I hate it when stuff is wrong with me and it just turns out to be normal stuff.

The organizing internet info in three-ring binders did ring a bell, though. I have about three binders full of java tutorials that I printed out. Haven't taken a one of them. That was three years ago. Starting tomorrow, tho...

staceyv · 01-24-2005, 12:29 PM

Quote:

if you are managing to waitress ... and are personable enough to score some decent tips, you're not as introverted as you think you are.

I went through two weeks of training before I was on my own, and I basically just copy everything my trainer did. I know I should smile, so I do. I don't do any of that chit chat, though. I stick to basics. I say the same exact things to every table- "hi, how are you tonight, can I start you off with something to drink?" "okay, I'll be right back with that"..."here you go, would you like a few minutes to look over your menus?" then, either "sure, take your time" or "alright, what can I get for you?"..food comes out..."chicken teriyaki...steak au poivre...gourmet burger...Can I bring you any mayonaisse, vinegar, ketchup or extra napkins?...okay, enjoy your meal.."...."how is everything?...great." "can I take that for you?" or "would you like to wrap that?" "can I bring you any coffee or dessert?" check- "I'll be right back with that....I'll take care of this whenever you're ready..." "I'll be right back with your change"..."here you go, thank you very much, have a good night".

It's like a script to me! It's not really like socializing, I'm more like a smiling computer. And it does drain me. After work and the next day, I don't want to be around people at all, I need to be alone for a whole day before I have the urge to be around people again.
Being introverted doesn't make anyone abnormal, almost a quarter of the population is introverted, it's just the way the brain is wired. I guess I could be normal, though..What a concept.

kerosene · 01-24-2005, 01:26 PM

Stacey, you sound a lot like me. It's so funny, because I feel like I can relate to you exactly in some areas...like the waitressing thing. I was a waitress for a while and it didn't last for the same reasons you don't want to continue to do it. I use to burst into tears uncontrollably...like a ticking time bomb that I couldn't shut off. It wasn't just waitressing, either. Other jobs, at times of high stress or as a result of an insensitive comment from someone, would cause me to cry, and I would try and hide and not let anyone know I was crying. It was like this curse that kept me from functioning "normally". I would think "how can all these other people function normally, and I cant?" "What is wrong with me?" I figured out that I am just highly sensitive. Simple as that. I try and surround myself with other sensitive people, too. It helps a lot. I try and use my passions and sensitivity to its advantage...like with art, music and other things that allow me self expression. I quit my "good paying" "respectable" job, got rid of extra bills, got out of the industry I was in, moved into half the space I had before, and enrolled in school at CU (University of Colorado) studying fine arts. I love it, because I feel like I fit in. The kids in school are all about 10 years younger than me (I am almost 28). But, I don't care as much as I thought I would. In some classes, I am a loner and people look at me in my pink hair and weird clothes like I am a freak. In some classes, I have made one or 2 friends. But, overall, the experience has been amazing, so far and I have drawn an immense amount of inspiration from everything around me, because I can now allow myself to let that "oversensitive" part free. I don't cry much anymore. I don't get down on myself much, either. I am learning to live everyday as a gift and an opportunity to explore more of myself and the world I see. I hope that helps a little bit, maybe...maybe not. I just thought I would relate my recent story and try and give a different perspective.

Trilby · 01-24-2005, 01:41 PM

Case, I so admire that you had the guts to do what you did. Quitting a "respectable" job to follow your heart is just sooooo hard--I know, I tried to quit mine and found out very quickly that I could not survive on 6$/hour. I had to go back to the grind but I am trying very, very consciously to make it work for me and not become a slave to my emotions and feelings about the work, just go in and do what it is I do and forget all the insane, rotten, evil aspects of it. I couldn't change my situation, so I changed my mind. It's a daily battle, but it helps me to survive.

kerosene · 01-24-2005, 01:48 PM

Thanks, Bri! I just found myself in an unusual opportunity which afforded me to do that. And had a lot of encouragement and support.

limey · 01-24-2005, 02:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brianna

[snip ...] I couldn't change my situation, so I changed my mind. [...snip]

That is the way to do it - you can't control anyone else, or the world outside of yourself, but you can control your reactions, though it isn't necessarily easy.

Trilby · 01-24-2005, 03:28 PM

Right, limey, not easy, but definitely worth it. It's weird because NOTHING on the outside has changed, but I can deal with it now. Funny what you can do when you've no choice!

xoxoxoBruce · 01-25-2005, 08:10 PM

Mind over matter. I you don't mind...it don't matter.

justme · 01-27-2005, 06:32 AM

"It's like a script to me! It's not really like socializing, I'm more like a smiling computer."

Stacey,
I've had the same feeling working in the store. I hated working there. "Hi, how're you doing today?...Thank you, have a nice day..." damm it!

staceyv · 01-27-2005, 08:30 AM

Doesn't it suck to have to act fake all day?! I think it must be unhealthy to suppress your emotions and act opposite of how you're feeling. I read an article about that- it supposedly increases anger. Maybe THAT'S why I have road rage!

Trilby · 01-27-2005, 08:42 AM

Stacey, a book called THE DANCE OF ANGER is pretty enlightening. It helped me a lot. Anger is a self-perpetuating cycle and if you refuse to participate in it, the asshole who pissed you off is left holding the bag! I work with people who are professional button-pushers (at least, they push MY buttons! I need to be more like Wolf!) and I used to react (I could feel my body react, even when I kept my mouth shut!) and the book helped. Somebody who says something crappy to you is just dying for your response--rob them of the response and they are left with the crap feeling they put out there--not you. I hope you're feeling better--you sound better!!

01-23-2005, 08:55 PM	#94
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	See, there you go again ... if you are managing to waitress ... and are personable enough to score some decent tips, you're not as introverted as you think you are. The food sensitivity thing is weird, but there is an excellent chance that you are just :gasp: normal. (which would including having a little bitty bit of a lot of the things you are reading about in the books). __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

01-24-2005, 01:41 PM	#98
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	Case, I so admire that you had the guts to do what you did. Quitting a "respectable" job to follow your heart is just sooooo hard--I know, I tried to quit mine and found out very quickly that I could not survive on 6$/hour. I had to go back to the grind but I am trying very, very consciously to make it work for me and not become a slave to my emotions and feelings about the work, just go in and do what it is I do and forget all the insane, rotten, evil aspects of it. I couldn't change my situation, so I changed my mind. It's a daily battle, but it helps me to survive. __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

01-24-2005, 03:28 PM	#101
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	Right, limey, not easy, but definitely worth it. It's weird because NOTHING on the outside has changed, but I can deal with it now. Funny what you can do when you've no choice! __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

01-25-2005, 08:10 PM	#102
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Mind over matter. I you don't mind...it don't matter. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

01-27-2005, 08:42 AM	#105
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	Stacey, a book called THE DANCE OF ANGER is pretty enlightening. It helped me a lot. Anger is a self-perpetuating cycle and if you refuse to participate in it, the asshole who pissed you off is left holding the bag! I work with people who are professional button-pushers (at least, they push MY buttons! I need to be more like Wolf!) and I used to react (I could feel my body react, even when I kept my mouth shut!) and the book helped. Somebody who says something crappy to you is just dying for your response--rob them of the response and they are left with the crap feeling they put out there--not you. I hope you're feeling better--you sound better!! __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

01-22-2005, 01:32 PM	#91
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	Thanks for being so positive. You have very good insight, maybe you should be a therapist! I hope things go well for you with your studio. Art is WAY more rewarding than business, and by the way, your english is good enought that you are able to communicate everything you want to say, even when talking about emotions and complex subjects, so don't be hard on yourself there.

01-23-2005, 06:34 PM	#93
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	I appreciate you trying to be nice, and because you were so nice, I'm able to admit that you're probably right. I have a lot of the symptoms, but I am also missing key symptoms- I am not clumsy and I am good at reading body language, etc. I guess it's like trying to diagnose a headache. After researching enough, you could end up thinking that you have meningitis or brain cancer just because you have a few of the same symptoms, when in reality you have a stress tension headache. I really do enjoy talking with people on the Asperger's forums, though. I feel like we just "click". I have taken numerous personality tests over the years, trying to figure out what job would be good for me, etc. I always score as an introvert. I have been introverted all of my life, but I have also been working with the public since I was 14 and I was in public school since age 5, so I do know how to act with people. Anyway, I just got this book on introversion in the mail, and I think that's my thing. Maybe there's nothing really wrong with me, I just naturally need more down time, and I process everything internally rather than externally. Although I wondered what the hell was wrong with me when I spent days printing out recipes from the computer and organizing in three-ring binders, with indexes by ingredient , ethnicity and meal type...?

01-24-2005, 01:26 PM	#97
kerosene Touring the facilities Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: The plains of Colorado Posts: 3,476	Stacey, you sound a lot like me. It's so funny, because I feel like I can relate to you exactly in some areas...like the waitressing thing. I was a waitress for a while and it didn't last for the same reasons you don't want to continue to do it. I use to burst into tears uncontrollably...like a ticking time bomb that I couldn't shut off. It wasn't just waitressing, either. Other jobs, at times of high stress or as a result of an insensitive comment from someone, would cause me to cry, and I would try and hide and not let anyone know I was crying. It was like this curse that kept me from functioning "normally". I would think "how can all these other people function normally, and I cant?" "What is wrong with me?" I figured out that I am just highly sensitive. Simple as that. I try and surround myself with other sensitive people, too. It helps a lot. I try and use my passions and sensitivity to its advantage...like with art, music and other things that allow me self expression. I quit my "good paying" "respectable" job, got rid of extra bills, got out of the industry I was in, moved into half the space I had before, and enrolled in school at CU (University of Colorado) studying fine arts. I love it, because I feel like I fit in. The kids in school are all about 10 years younger than me (I am almost 28). But, I don't care as much as I thought I would. In some classes, I am a loner and people look at me in my pink hair and weird clothes like I am a freak. In some classes, I have made one or 2 friends. But, overall, the experience has been amazing, so far and I have drawn an immense amount of inspiration from everything around me, because I can now allow myself to let that "oversensitive" part free. I don't cry much anymore. I don't get down on myself much, either. I am learning to live everyday as a gift and an opportunity to explore more of myself and the world I see. I hope that helps a little bit, maybe...maybe not. I just thought I would relate my recent story and try and give a different perspective.

01-24-2005, 01:48 PM	#99
kerosene Touring the facilities Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: The plains of Colorado Posts: 3,476	Thanks, Bri! I just found myself in an unusual opportunity which afforded me to do that. And had a lot of encouragement and support.

01-27-2005, 06:32 AM	#103
justme Belt Conveyor Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: USA Posts: 66	"It's like a script to me! It's not really like socializing, I'm more like a smiling computer." Stacey, I've had the same feeling working in the store. I hated working there. "Hi, how're you doing today?...Thank you, have a nice day..." damm it!

01-27-2005, 08:30 AM	#104
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	Doesn't it suck to have to act fake all day?! I think it must be unhealthy to suppress your emotions and act opposite of how you're feeling. I read an article about that- it supposedly increases anger. Maybe THAT'S why I have road rage!

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