Is it over? - Page 6

anonymousfornow · 06-14-2007, 08:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

Why should he even contemplate life without you? You've shown no to propensity to leave. You've even offered to compromise. He knows he's got you wrapped around his finger.

You say your sex life is great, meaning you're satisfied with it but it would appear he has different standards. I've had many people gush to me how good their life is, with their spouse in the background rolling their eyes.

Or what he's doing on the net he doesn't consider part of his sex life, but a game. Like any other online game, but winning by scoring pictures and proposals. Just a hobby without regard for the emotional toll on his supposedly significant other.

I think that you're probably weighing the possibility of just letting it slide. Weighing what you feel you have vs it's emotional toll.
Don't do it. While you might be able to rationalize the trade off now, there is no guarantee things won't change. It will always gnaw at you and more important, his needs will change.... probably not for the better.

I wish you well.

I found out on Friday and he has been out of town all week working. i have not answered his calls since Tuesday(Monday I was weak) and it is quite difficult. I have tomorrow off so i plan to return his things and get mine before he gets back tomorrow night. I am doing something. Excuse my language ....but it just fucking sucks. I hate that I am in this position and he has forced me into it.

Cloud · 06-14-2007, 08:30 PM

it does, you're right. It fucking sucks.

Hope things work out better for you in the future.

LadyM · 06-14-2007, 09:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anonymousfornow

I found out on Friday and he has been out of town all week working. i have not answered his calls since Tuesday(Monday I was weak) and it is quite difficult. I have tomorrow off so i plan to return his things and get mine before he gets back tomorrow night. I am doing something. Excuse my language ....but it just fucking sucks. I hate that I am in this position and he has forced me into it.

This does suck. You have my absolute sympathy, and I give you kudos for DOING something about it. I made the mistake of letting a similar situation slide in a past relationship and it ended up completely destroying me. You'll be much better off this way.

skysidhe · 06-14-2007, 11:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

.... a game. Like any other game, but winning by scoring pictures and proposals. Just a hobby without regard for the emotional toll on his supposedly significant other.

speaks volumes

Sundae · 06-15-2007, 03:01 PM

Anonymous, Bruce is completely right.
Think carefully when he comes crying to get you back - and you know he will.

If you continue in this situation you will have no right to complain.
This is how he is - he had the chance to "reform" when this came up last year. We said he wouldn't change and he didn't. No amount of "I'm sorry"s and "I love you"s are going to change the bottom line - THIS IS WHAT HE DOES.

I don't mean that to explain/ excuse his behaviour. I think that was your problem the first time round - you wanted to ask us why he was doing it. It doesn't matter why when you get right down to it. What matters is that it hurts you, and it is a reasonable thing to be hurt about. If you can't change to accept his sexual behaviour - and there is no reason you should - then he will keep hurting you.

Write it off.

anonymousfornow · 06-15-2007, 06:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sundae Girl

Anonymous, Bruce is completely right.
Think carefully when he comes crying to get you back - and you know he will.

If you continue in this situation you will have no right to complain.
This is how he is - he had the chance to "reform" when this came up last year. We said he wouldn't change and he didn't. No amount of "I'm sorry"s and "I love you"s are going to change the bottom line - THIS IS WHAT HE DOES.

I don't mean that to explain/ excuse his behaviour. I think that was your problem the first time round - you wanted to ask us why he was doing it. It doesn't matter why when you get right down to it. What matters is that it hurts you, and it is a reasonable thing to be hurt about. If you can't change to accept his sexual behaviour - and there is no reason you should - then he will keep hurting you.

Write it off.

I agree. I am trying. It ain't easy. Here comes the moment of truth...

I was off today and delivered his belongings to his residence, and picked up mine. We have 2 big items left to exchange that could not be handled in my vehicle.

He has been gone all week working, and I have been successful at not answering the phone and doing alot of self talk to keep calm, focused, and REALISTIC.

He just got off the plane here and both of my phones are ringing. I know what the right thing to do is, I just have to do it.

As upalatable as the whole thing is....I am trying not to puke.

Cloud · 06-15-2007, 06:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sundae Girl

Think carefully when he comes crying to get you back - and you know he will.

re-reading the responses on this thread might help. We're pulling for you!

anonymousfornow · 06-15-2007, 06:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cloud

re-reading the responses on this thread might help. We're pulling for you!

Thank you. I need it.

xoxoxoBruce · 06-15-2007, 06:58 PM

And we still love you, too.

Beestie · 06-15-2007, 08:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anonymousfornow

Thank you. I need it.

Take as much as you need. Stop by anytime. Heck, you can even hang out if you want. Each of us is in our own separate loooney bin but we average out to normal which means you can't cherry pick - you have to listen to everybody!

We've all been where you are too in one way or another. Yeah, it sucks but when you finally do get through it - and you will - it feels great. Pull up a chair and grab a beer. Hang out for a bit.

anonymousfornow · 06-18-2007, 11:14 AM

Instead of getting off the plane, seeing all your belongings at your house, and doing something, ANYTHING to fight for your relationship....he orders an escort.

Our whole miserable horrifying weekend was spent listening to the man I love come clean with all his indiscretions, and why he does it, and replaying in my head how utterly horrendous and hopeless the situation is and the loss and changes that this will cost both of us a long while into the future.

I just started a new position last Monday and I am not at work today. I am sick and depressed and want to rip the hair out of my head. This is going to cost me my job, my car, my home, my sanity, my ability to trust men in the future. I am an innocent bystander.

He should have to fix this mess ;not me. He should have to pay the price for what he has brought into our lives and down upon our heads. I have enough life challenges to face without this on top of it. This was the nail in the coffin.

I love this man and planned on staying with him for as much as there can be a forever. He feels the same way, and i do believe him. I just cannot be in love with him anymore.

He is sick, and maybe this is his bottom, this is what it takes for him to seek help. Unfortunately, I now need my own help that I cannot afford.

Neither of us have been in this situation and we freely admit it, we also freely admit that we have no clue what to do or how to fix things or how to make the pain and addiction go away, or how to minimize the destruction that will be wrought on each of us because of this.

We are not married, and any commitments we have made to each other are null and void. I am one that does not believe you need a ring and a paper from the state to make the commitment any stronger or any more valid.

He has asked me for help. Do I help him? Am I wrong for making the desicion to split? For better or for worse. Isnt this the worse part?

Cloud · 06-18-2007, 11:39 AM

don't help him, help yourself. Write it off as a life lesson and move the fuck on.

jinx · 06-18-2007, 11:50 AM

Yeah, help him out. If he doesn't have a significant other, then there's nothing wrong with what he's doing.

anonymousfornow · 06-18-2007, 11:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jinx

Yeah, help him out. If he doesn't have a significant other, then there's nothing wrong with what he's doing.

I agree that in and of itself what he is doing is not wrong. It is wrong because we have made a commitment to each other, and his actions are hurting me.

anonymousfornow · 06-18-2007, 11:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cloud

don't help him, help yourself. Write it off as a life lesson and move the fuck on.

I agree with this too, but the burden should be on him. He should have to fix this so I am in a better position to be on my own. Not going to work because I am depressed is not really helping me move on

06-14-2007, 08:30 PM	#77
Cloud ... Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 8,360	it does, you're right. It fucking sucks. Hope things work out better for you in the future. __________________ "Guard your honor. Let your reputation fall where it will. And outlive the bastards!"

06-15-2007, 03:01 PM	#80
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	Anonymous, Bruce is completely right. Think carefully when he comes crying to get you back - and you know he will. If you continue in this situation you will have no right to complain. This is how he is - he had the chance to "reform" when this came up last year. We said he wouldn't change and he didn't. No amount of "I'm sorry"s and "I love you"s are going to change the bottom line - THIS IS WHAT HE DOES. I don't mean that to explain/ excuse his behaviour. I think that was your problem the first time round - you wanted to ask us why he was doing it. It doesn't matter why when you get right down to it. What matters is that it hurts you, and it is a reasonable thing to be hurt about. If you can't change to accept his sexual behaviour - and there is no reason you should - then he will keep hurting you. Write it off. __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

06-15-2007, 06:58 PM	#84
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	And we still love you, too. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

06-18-2007, 11:14 AM	#86
anonymousfornow May Ter Dee Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 26	Now what do I do? Instead of getting off the plane, seeing all your belongings at your house, and doing something, ANYTHING to fight for your relationship....he orders an escort. Our whole miserable horrifying weekend was spent listening to the man I love come clean with all his indiscretions, and why he does it, and replaying in my head how utterly horrendous and hopeless the situation is and the loss and changes that this will cost both of us a long while into the future. I just started a new position last Monday and I am not at work today. I am sick and depressed and want to rip the hair out of my head. This is going to cost me my job, my car, my home, my sanity, my ability to trust men in the future. I am an innocent bystander. He should have to fix this mess ;not me. He should have to pay the price for what he has brought into our lives and down upon our heads. I have enough life challenges to face without this on top of it. This was the nail in the coffin. I love this man and planned on staying with him for as much as there can be a forever. He feels the same way, and i do believe him. I just cannot be in love with him anymore. He is sick, and maybe this is his bottom, this is what it takes for him to seek help. Unfortunately, I now need my own help that I cannot afford. Neither of us have been in this situation and we freely admit it, we also freely admit that we have no clue what to do or how to fix things or how to make the pain and addiction go away, or how to minimize the destruction that will be wrought on each of us because of this. We are not married, and any commitments we have made to each other are null and void. I am one that does not believe you need a ring and a paper from the state to make the commitment any stronger or any more valid. He has asked me for help. Do I help him? Am I wrong for making the desicion to split? For better or for worse. Isnt this the worse part?

06-18-2007, 11:39 AM	#87
Cloud ... Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 8,360	don't help him, help yourself. Write it off as a life lesson and move the fuck on. __________________ "Guard your honor. Let your reputation fall where it will. And outlive the bastards!"

06-18-2007, 11:50 AM	#88
jinx Come on, cat. Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: general vicinity of Philadelphia area Posts: 7,013	Yeah, help him out. If he doesn't have a significant other, then there's nothing wrong with what he's doing. __________________ Crying won't help you, praying won't do you no good.

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