Birthday Party Abandonment

[Clodfobble]

In your experience, how old were the kids when parents just started dropping them off at birthday parties and coming back when it was over? I didn't get invited to a lot of birthday parties in elementary school, and I can't remember the 2 or 3 I know I must have been invited to, so I can't remember where that line used to be, not that it would necessarily be the same today.

So far all the parties we've been to this year have been at bouncy-castle places, which I guess have rules that no one can leave their kid there to begin with. Suddenly today there was a party at a house, and one other mom and I were the only ones who stayed. The host mom said she was surprised, me I was rather stunned. One kid spent the last half of the party sitting by the front window waiting for his mom to come back. Is this the point where the bandaid normally gets ripped off?

[glatt]

I can't really remember, but it sure looks like for this group of friends this is the time.

If I had to guess, I'd say it's when they are kindergaten age.

[Aliantha]

I remember going to birthday parties in Grade 1 where I just got dropped off and Mum would come back a couple of hours later, and that was pretty much the way of it all the time unless my Mum and my friends Mum were friends and she stuck around to help out.

It's been mostly like that with my boys too. A few Mum's hang around to help out, but peripheral parents go home and come back. The only time I've ever seen a whole heap of parents stay is when the invitation specifically says that there'll be 'adult snacks' served to please feel free to stay. Normally in that situation I'd stay because I would think the parent is tacitly requesting it.

[monster]

Round here, we make it clear in the invite whether parents are expected to stay/leave/choose.

[monster]

How old? well some parents expected to drop them from first grade -ish- and others still expected to stay at 4th grade. I just did whatever the invite suggested.

[Rrrraven]

It would depend if I knew the parents or not. I would think that by first grade or so I'd feel comfortable dropping off if I knew the family well enough. Most of the birthday parties my kids went to when small were family-type affairs in which whole families were invited.

I was always surprised as the primary driver for school trips and such when the kids would jump into my car and their parents wouldn't even come outside to meet me. Same goes for birthday parties - please come inside and check to see if I at least look safe. Tell me about allergies etc.

[Clodfobble]

Yeah, first grade was about what I was figuring. We're still in Kindergarten. We also got our first sleepover invitation (all the boys in the class, not us specifically,) which also seems a smidge early to me, but in any case we decided to decline. I will never trust the random parents, so we have to wait until I can trust Minifob to take his own meds without reminders.

[footfootfoot]

with our decidely non-sample group there is a wide range of comfort among the parents with leaving the kids. A lot has to do with the individual kid some are clingy and others aren't. Some parents are very protective/controlling and other are more "take me away Calgon..."

It's hard to say how the kids have responded to the parents choices. There seems to be a correlation between the kids degree of engagement, self assurance, respect and the parents meeting the concerns of the child. Not pandering and indulging but not ignoring either.

[Clodfobble]

Oh that reminds me! I need to rant for just a second about this birthday party.

If you have two giant, excitable dogs, and one phobic child (not mine) who is screaming, literally screaming and running away in terror at the mere sight of these dogs, and can only barely handle being in the house knowing they are somewhere, let alone handle being in the same room... do you think maybe you ought to put the damn dogs in their crates, or off in a bedroom somewhere, for the duration of the party? Because saying for the thousandth time, "Oh he's very friendly, he won't bite," to the sobbing child who is climbing up his mother's leg is missing the point entirely.

[monster]

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

Oh that reminds me! I need to rant for just a second about this birthday party.

If you have two giant, excitable dogs, and one phobic child (not mine) who is screaming, literally screaming and running away in terror at the mere sight of these dogs, and can only barely handle being in the house knowing they are somewhere, let alone handle being in the same room... do you think maybe you ought to put the damn dogs in their crates, or off in a bedroom somewhere, for the duration of the party? Because saying for the thousandth time, "Oh he's very friendly, he won't bite," to the sobbing child who is climbing up his mother's leg is missing the point entirely.

Welcome to my world. Not my child's world... mine.

------


All the kids who had sleepover parties in K-3ish were the kids who were smarter and/or more mature than their parents. Extrapolate at will......

[footfootfoot]

Dog owners? African American Por Favor.

I know only a few dog owners who don't use their dogs as a proxy for expressing the antisocial behaviors they don't have to nerve to express themselves.

HaHaHa I typed "myself" there.

[Aliantha]

If I am having a kids party (and almost always even if it's an adults party) we isolate our dogs.

I can't imagine what kind of an idiot wouldn't do so.

Apologies to any dog owners who live by the 'love me, love my dog' ethos. I disagree. We even lock the cats up if someone who doesn't like cats is coming over. It's just inhospitable if you don't. IMO.

[infinite monkey]

My mom had one birthday party for each of us, in second grade.

No parents stayed. We played funny games, ate something, and had a great time.

I got a little taste of what my mom was actually signing up for when we had my younger brother's party. I helped out, being 8 years older than my brother. It was a blast, but exhausting!

[Aliantha]

A couple of times I've dropped my kids at birthday parties and considered leaving them there for good.

That would count as abandonment wouldn't it?

[Flint]

If someone leaves a kid at my house, I'm sending them a bill. This isn't a daycare.

And, believe me, I hope your kid doesn't have an issue with me shouting at them like a boot camp drill sargeant, because when you notice how my kids are so well-behaved, that's why. You leave me in charge of them, I'm not taking one ounce of shit. I don't care how permissive you are at home.