Mormon Madness - Page 3

Elspode · 05-12-2006, 04:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brianna

Joseph Smith must have had balls of steel to tell that story with a straight face.

Joseph Smith was just a horny bugger with a novel way of getting laid by a lot of different women. My hat's off to him. But I'm keeping my pants on...and my wallet in my pocket.

Urbane Guerrilla · 05-13-2006, 01:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SteveDallas

No rational concept of heaven includes grass that requires mowing.

Well, maybe formerly living grass that doesn't really mind being mowed.

This, I think, is more benevolent than the idea that lawnmower heaven is grassy hell.

PizzaMonkey · 05-16-2006, 04:39 PM

It is very well disguised as Christianity, with a few quirks (HOLY UNDERWEAR?) but on the inside, it is quite different.

The Mormon idea of Heaven is eternal burning (a little mixed up?), where men are gods, and women become goddesses that eternally give birth to 'spirit children'. Sound warped enough yet?

Also, black people can't enjoy the 'rewards' in 'Heaven'. They apparently didn't do well enough in their 'past life'.

(Adapted from "The Mormon Church Expose")

HUH???

Happy Monkey · 05-16-2006, 05:11 PM

Mormonism is Scientology + 100 years.

Tonchi · 05-17-2006, 01:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PizzaMonkey

It is very well disguised as Christianity, with a few quirks (HOLY UNDERWEAR?) but on the inside, it is quite different.

The Mormon idea of Heaven is eternal burning (a little mixed up?), where men are gods, and women become goddesses that eternally give birth to 'spirit children'. Sound warped enough yet?

Also, black people can't enjoy the 'rewards' in 'Heaven'. They apparently didn't do well enough in their 'past life'.

(Adapted from "The Mormon Church Expose")

HUH???

Actually, it was not until very recently that the Mormons started pitching themselves as "another Christian Church". As with every single other doctrine they have nowdays, they spun their reality for personal gain. It was to pursue a tax-exempt status with the federal government that they suddenly began trumpeting themselves as Christians, and pushed the idea with the advertising campaign that you probably have heard: "The Book of Mormon, Another Testament of Jesus Christ". Like pork is the other white meat, y'know?

Blacks and Native Americans were not so much unable to go to heaven, they could but they would have to recycle a particularly long time in order to turn them white so that they could attain perfection and move on. The issue was more that they refused to grant Blacks or Native Americans the PRIESTHOOD. Conveniently, their highest authority received a "revelation" from God that it was OK to let those inferior beings do that now. Conveniently at the time where the feds informed them that integration was in and discrimination was out if they wanted to continue to receive federal money for schools and highways in Utah. God came through in a timely manner again, just like he had about the polygamy doctrine after Utah had been rejected for statehood 3 times because their laws and court system did not conform to our national and constitutional requirements.

The Holy Undergarments idea was stolen from the Masonic Lodge rites, as were the symbols and passwords of the Curtain ritual they have. Women, so far, may NOT become goddesses. They can only be "Priestesses" to their men. But as I said before, it is believed that once the husband gets his own universe, Mrs. God and he continue to have physical sexual intercourse in order to produce the souls that will populate the new kingdom. No clarifications yet as to whether Mrs. God is allowed to "have a headache" or not be in the mood

be-bop · 05-28-2006, 05:50 PM

I want to ask a question about Mormons,which may seem flippant and I'm not out to offend anyone if you are into religion whatever floats yer boat..Here goes..Why are mormon missionaries so shiny?..
We had two the other day at the door and I have never seen such a well polished couple of guys.
Black suits,white shirts right off the set of MIB..but their faces with such a sheen..Jehovah Witnesses are never like that so drab compared to Mormons..Is it something they do to them in Utah before they ship them overseas..very curious.

Ibby · 05-28-2006, 08:19 PM

There's just so much pressure to be all... all perfect in Mormon society.

wolf · 05-28-2006, 11:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by be-bop

Why are mormon missionaries so shiny?..

Something to do with being filled with the energy of the prophetic vision of the Angel Moroni.

Either that or carrying the gene for Bipolar Disorder with Psychosis that was very prevalent in the earliest bloodlines in LDS.

SteveDallas · 05-29-2006, 10:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolf

Either that or carrying the gene for Bipolar Disorder with Psychosis that was very prevalent in the earliest bloodlines in LDS.

Is this documented anywhere?

wolf · 05-30-2006, 10:32 AM

Check the first chapter of the book of Mormon. That should clear it up.

WabUfvot5 · 06-21-2006, 02:23 AM

It had to happen. The Mormons have been prowling around here for the past month. Today their conversion quest was not going well (hello, everybody is at work!) and they spotted me outside watering plants.

Basic premise was that even though I didn't believe in god if I'd prayed I was sure to feel something, they weren't trying to convert me, and when I asked if they would explain how they got to live on another planet with jesus once they died the poor guy floundered more or less. Lots of dancing around and explanations like "It's hard to explain" (why is one always silent?) and "It's compilicated" sprang forth. Almost felt sorry for them and never even got to ask them about Joseph Smith trying to read egyptian scrolls.

I think they were chosen for CA because they could speak Spanish as they specifically asked (as another pair asked in a previous year) if I knew anybody around who spoke Spanish.

Trilby · 06-21-2006, 10:41 AM

My 76 year-old father was nearly converted due to the fact that they sent out three cutesy young ladies with gleeming smiles and long, dark hair to recruit him. He kept basking in their wholesome sexuality, visit after visit as they smiled and laughed and tried really, really hard to get him to sign on the dotted line. My mom, the Catholic with the twelve shrines to Mary in her home, finally had enough and was 'rude' (dad's word) to the girls and threw them out. See? Sex really does sell.

SteveDallas · 06-21-2006, 01:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brianna

My 76 year-old father was nearly converted due to the fact that they sent out three cutesy young ladies with gleeming smiles and long, dark hair to recruit him.

They never tried such recruiting tactics with me. (Wait, what if they had sent redheads??

)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brianna

See? Sex really does sell.

Apparently not! They didn't close the deal. Maybe if they had sent along a nice clean-cut young man or two to charm your mom while the succubi, errr, women, were talking to your dad they might have done better.

WabUfvot5 · 06-21-2006, 02:29 PM

Damnit, why can't they send succubi to me? I'd at least consider converting as long as said succubi were betrothed to me.

xoxoxoBruce · 06-21-2006, 02:37 PM

I get plenty of succubi(s), I want something while I'm awake.

05-16-2006, 04:39 PM	#33
PizzaMonkey Will my Title ever stop changing? Oh, I guess it has now... Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 70	It is very well disguised as Christianity, with a few quirks (HOLY UNDERWEAR?) but on the inside, it is quite different. The Mormon idea of Heaven is eternal burning (a little mixed up?), where men are gods, and women become goddesses that eternally give birth to 'spirit children'. Sound warped enough yet? Also, black people can't enjoy the 'rewards' in 'Heaven'. They apparently didn't do well enough in their 'past life'. (Adapted from "The Mormon Church Expose") HUH??? Last edited by PizzaMonkey; 05-16-2006 at 04:43 PM.

05-16-2006, 05:11 PM	#34
Happy Monkey I think this line's mostly filler. Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: DC Posts: 13,575	Mormonism is Scientology + 100 years. __________________ _________________ \|...............\| We live in the nick of times. \| Len 17, Wid 3 \| \|_______________\| [pics]

05-28-2006, 08:19 PM	#37
Ibby erika Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: "the high up north" Posts: 6,127	There's just so much pressure to be all... all perfect in Mormon society. __________________ not really back, you didn't see me, i was never here shhhhhh

05-30-2006, 10:32 AM	#40
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	Check the first chapter of the book of Mormon. That should clear it up. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

06-21-2006, 10:41 AM	#42
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	My 76 year-old father was nearly converted due to the fact that they sent out three cutesy young ladies with gleeming smiles and long, dark hair to recruit him. He kept basking in their wholesome sexuality, visit after visit as they smiled and laughed and tried really, really hard to get him to sign on the dotted line. My mom, the Catholic with the twelve shrines to Mary in her home, finally had enough and was 'rude' (dad's word) to the girls and threw them out. See? Sex really does sell. __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

05-28-2006, 05:50 PM	#36
be-bop Operations Operative Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: scotland/uk Posts: 664	I want to ask a question about Mormons,which may seem flippant and I'm not out to offend anyone if you are into religion whatever floats yer boat..Here goes..Why are mormon missionaries so shiny?.. We had two the other day at the door and I have never seen such a well polished couple of guys. Black suits,white shirts right off the set of MIB..but their faces with such a sheen..Jehovah Witnesses are never like that so drab compared to Mormons..Is it something they do to them in Utah before they ship them overseas..very curious.

06-21-2006, 02:23 AM	#41
WabUfvot5 Operations Operative Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 634	It had to happen. The Mormons have been prowling around here for the past month. Today their conversion quest was not going well (hello, everybody is at work!) and they spotted me outside watering plants. Basic premise was that even though I didn't believe in god if I'd prayed I was sure to feel something, they weren't trying to convert me, and when I asked if they would explain how they got to live on another planet with jesus once they died the poor guy floundered more or less. Lots of dancing around and explanations like "It's hard to explain" (why is one always silent?) and "It's compilicated" sprang forth. Almost felt sorry for them and never even got to ask them about Joseph Smith trying to read egyptian scrolls. I think they were chosen for CA because they could speak Spanish as they specifically asked (as another pair asked in a previous year) if I knew anybody around who spoke Spanish.

06-21-2006, 02:29 PM	#44
WabUfvot5 Operations Operative Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 634	Damnit, why can't they send succubi to me? I'd at least consider converting as long as said succubi were betrothed to me.

06-21-2006, 02:37 PM	#45
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	I get plenty of succubi(s), I want something while I'm awake. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

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