The bed of the future

hot_pastrami · 10-14-2004, 05:11 PM

Have trouble sleeping due to nervousness, paranoia, or bio-chemical terrorist attacks? Have a touch of agoraphobia? Do you hate getting out of bed to go to the bathroom? Do you enjoy the dark cozyness of a tomb? Then look no further for the bed of your dreams... presenting the Quantum Sleeper!

This is one tight piece of bedroom furniture, though you may have some trouble finding a matching dresser.

Some of the Features:

1.25" Polycarbonate Bulletproof Plating/Shielding
Bio-Chemical Filtered Ventilation
Rebreather
One way see through head cover (reflective mirror on 2 sides and front)
Safety Features (Proximity Sensor, O2 Sensor, Smoke Det., Motion Det. etc)
Emergency Communication system (Cellular, Short-wave Radio, CB etc)
Air/Water Tight Sealing
Battery Backup Power
Toiletry system
Optional CD/DVD player, Microwave and Refrigerator

For a high-tech bed, I think the list under "entertainment" is alarmingly short and misguided. But that's just me.

Missing features:

Coin-operated vibrating mode
The Clapper(tm) operated Barry White grooves
Retractable lava lamps
Cigarette dispenser

We should compile a list of these and other missing features, and mail them to the company.

wolf · 10-14-2004, 05:34 PM

I doesn't say anything about pistol holsters or rifle and shotgun scabbards. The model up at Fort Slang comes standard with those.

I would consider those essential in a biosafe containment system like that. Once the neighbors know I have one, they'll want to get in and I have to defend my territory.

xoxoxoBruce · 10-14-2004, 06:48 PM

Can it double as a coffin?

Elspode · 10-14-2004, 09:11 PM

Built in unisex copulation simulator with optional wet spot avoidance system?

Cyber Wolf · 10-15-2004, 06:59 AM

I might be overlooking it, but I don't see anything in there anywhere about it's safety during a fire. Sure, the thing itself may not burn but you'd be slowcooked on the inside if you were closed up in that thing and a fire broke out. I'd figure a house fire is much more likely to happen than much of the stuff they're claiming it protects against.

BrianR · 10-15-2004, 03:07 PM

Just crank up the optional AC! Seriously, I seem to recall reading about it's safety in a fire. Somewhere in there. I still want to see an MSRP.

Roosta · 10-17-2004, 08:29 AM

Where's the wheels and the engine?

richlevy · 10-17-2004, 10:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hot_pastrami

[*]Toiletry system

Well, security aside, from an over-40 perspective it means not having to get up and walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night for those of us who do not wish to avail ourselves of bedpans or adult diapers. Plus it will now be completely legal to fart in bed.

xoxoxoBruce · 10-17-2004, 04:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cyber Wolf

I might be overlooking it, but I don't see anything in there anywhere about it's safety during a fire.

It's an option
Fire Resistant:The Quantum Sleeper Unit must be located on a ground level to prevent falling through floor structure as a result of fire damage if the unit will include this feature.

10-14-2004, 05:11 PM	#1
hot_pastrami I am meaty Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Salt Lake City, UT Posts: 1,119	The bed of the future Have trouble sleeping due to nervousness, paranoia, or bio-chemical terrorist attacks? Have a touch of agoraphobia? Do you hate getting out of bed to go to the bathroom? Do you enjoy the dark cozyness of a tomb? Then look no further for the bed of your dreams... presenting the Quantum Sleeper! This is one tight piece of bedroom furniture, though you may have some trouble finding a matching dresser. Some of the Features: 1.25" Polycarbonate Bulletproof Plating/Shielding Bio-Chemical Filtered Ventilation Rebreather One way see through head cover (reflective mirror on 2 sides and front) Safety Features (Proximity Sensor, O2 Sensor, Smoke Det., Motion Det. etc) Emergency Communication system (Cellular, Short-wave Radio, CB etc) Air/Water Tight Sealing Battery Backup Power Toiletry system Optional CD/DVD player, Microwave and Refrigerator For a high-tech bed, I think the list under "entertainment" is alarmingly short and misguided. But that's just me. Missing features: Coin-operated vibrating mode The Clapper(tm) operated Barry White grooves Retractable lava lamps Cigarette dispenser We should compile a list of these and other missing features, and mail them to the company. __________________ Hot Pastrami!

10-14-2004, 05:34 PM	#2
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	I doesn't say anything about pistol holsters or rifle and shotgun scabbards. The model up at Fort Slang comes standard with those. I would consider those essential in a biosafe containment system like that. Once the neighbors know I have one, they'll want to get in and I have to defend my territory. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

10-14-2004, 06:48 PM	#3
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Can it double as a coffin? __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

10-14-2004, 09:11 PM	#4
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	Built in unisex copulation simulator with optional wet spot avoidance system? __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog

10-15-2004, 06:59 AM	#5
Cyber Wolf As stable as a ring of PU-239 Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: On a huge rock covered in water, highly advanced moss and 7 billion parasites Posts: 1,264	I might be overlooking it, but I don't see anything in there anywhere about it's safety during a fire. Sure, the thing itself may not burn but you'd be slowcooked on the inside if you were closed up in that thing and a fire broke out. I'd figure a house fire is much more likely to happen than much of the stuff they're claiming it protects against. __________________ "I don't see what's so triffic about creating people as people and then getting' upset 'cos they act like people." ~Adam Young, Good Omens "I don't see why it matters what is written. Not when it's about people. It can always be crossed out." ~Adam Young, Good Omens

10-15-2004, 03:07 PM	#6
BrianR Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 3,338	Just crank up the optional AC! Seriously, I seem to recall reading about it's safety in a fire. Somewhere in there. I still want to see an MSRP. __________________ Never be afraid to tell the world who you are. -- Anonymous

10-17-2004, 08:29 AM	#7
Roosta Nutter. Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: England Posts: 221	Where's the wheels and the engine? __________________ Back from the brink...

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)