Makeup

[binky]

How old were any of your girls when you started to allow them makeup? Mine is 12 and I said okay to eyeliner, which has now gotten progressively gunkier and more goth looking. What opinion does the Cellar have on this?

[Cicero]

Aaaah way to young for goth, I know that. Then again, I don't know anything about having kids, I just know how to be one. Carry on.

[binky]

There are kids in her middle school wearing way more makeup(boys included), and all black clothing, etc. There are cutters, and anorexics, and slutty girls, etc. This is why I don't want to make too big of a deal out of this, but I miss my sweet, not undead looking kid.

[Sundae]

My sister started wearing make up at 11/12.
Not to school though.

My Mum bought me make up from about the same age, but I wasn't interested in it until I was about 14. I did used to colour my hair with wash in/ wash out colours from about the age of 10 though! If we'd had more money/ pester power I would definitely been having highlight by the time I hit 12 - I was never very image conscious (apart from hating the way I looked) but I've always loved the immediate change you get from changing your hair.

I think it's worth trying to instill an idea of "appropriate" make up - yes you can wear it but only on these occasions. If all her friends are wearing it, it might be worth a chat about the value of being different, and showing her some magazine clippings of different, edgy, low make up looks. The bottom line is, if she wants to wear it, she'll put it on behind your back anyway.

Like Cic, I don't have kids. But I remember what it was like very clearly!

ETA - Binky don't be afraid to tell her it's too much. Parents have been doing it for years. My Mum used to send my sister back upstairs to take some off when she was going to school (secondary school, 12 upwards) with the 80s favourite of a rainbow palatte across her orange foundation face. And my friend's Mum was sent back upstairs to comb out her beehive!

She's whinge and moan and it will be Oh Mum! but she won't hate you for it. Not forever anyway. It's the sort of "old fashioned you don't get it OMG you are so lame" loving that kids accept easily, as much as they sound off against it.

[Cicero]

Originally Posted by binky

There are kids in her middle school wearing way more makeup(boys included), and all black clothing, etc. There are cutters, and anorexics, and slutty girls, etc. This is why I don't want to make too big of a deal out of this, but I miss my sweet, not undead looking kid.

Yea. The fuck ups. It's way too early for "self expression" for "being different". More learning, less, look. Don't compare your daughter with the cutters for god's sakes.

If she is making straight A plus's I say go for it. That would be a treat.

Makeup is for fun at home. Like face-painting. I don't think I have one iota of respect for parents that let their pre-teens look like the homeless at 12.

Are you saying since everyone else is doing it why shouldn't she? Kids at school are cutters so why not black smears everywhere?

Aaah. You are probably a fun mom, and I would be the total bitch mom. So, heh, no real opinion here. I would be way too strict.

I see nothing wrong with an alternative hairstyle. Except for dreadlocks.

[Chocolatl]

I don't have kids and I never really wore makeup in school, so my opinion is completely unfounded BUT what if you came to an agreement like: only natural-looking make-up to school, gunky stuff is okay on the weekends or out with friends?

Something else that might be a fun experience is to go to a makeup counter at a department store or makeup store, and have your daughter get a "school-day" makeover. Maybe call ahead to make sure the gal at the counter is on your same page with what is appropriate for a middle schooler. It'd be fun, and it'd show that you're interested in allowing your daughter to experiment with makeup but that it has to be within reason. It could open up a talk about why people wear makeup in the first place, and give you a chance to talk about what's appropriate in a given situation.

[DanaC]

Sounds to me like you're handling it well Binky. I'm not a parent, but I've been a teen and I am an aunt to teenager and a preteen ;P

Jst letting her know that approriateness is contextual is probably the best way. As long as she isn't risking bringing harm to herself I don't see a problem with what is essentially an attempt to construct her identity.


[eta] as far as school is concerned, as long as she isn't breaking any school rules I don;t see any need to make a deal about it. She'll probably grow out of this style and be onto something entirely different in a couple of years.

[Pico and ME]

Binky, its your job to be her center...her rock. Let her experiment, but keep stressing to her what is real and what is solid so that she knows where the line is drawn and knows when she over reaches. And knows where to get back to when she needs to.

[dar512]

We let the girls start in eighth grade (~13). Limited to mascara and lip gloss and subject to veto by mom or dad.

[Treasenuak]

As a personal fan of the heavy-eyeliner goth look (y'all are lucky I don't have teenage pics saved on this computer), I can understand WHY she might want that look. But at the same time she needs to realize that HAVING that look groups her in with a certain type of person... the cutters, druggies, dropouts, whatever. So what she needs to decide is if that image and that association is what she wants to convey with her makeup choices. My two cents... hope it helps.

[Juniper]

My 12 year old went through the raccoon-eyes phase last year. Her personal style now is a combo of skater/Abercrombie. Last year I let her put two streaks of purple in her light blonde hair and it looked so cute. Her father hated it. But it was temporary wash-out. Umm...it didn't wash out. Her hair is so light, that streak stayed in there for months!

Anyway --- I do not allow eyeliner. I allow eye shadow, concealer, mascara, and tinted lip gloss. That is all my pale little girl needs. I only allow mascara because she's in competitive cheer and they wear it for competitions, so she's gotten to like the look. She puts it on very light. I shop with her for makeup, and I sold Avon for a while (I'm still technically a rep, but I don't push it to others, just enjoy the discount) so we get some from there.

After the "raccoon eyes" phase, she seems to have had an epiphany after watching the girls that do wear tons of makeup and she doesn't like the way they behave or the way they are treated (disrespectfully, popular for the "wrong reasons", her words). So now she wears very light makeup; I haven't had an issue with it for a long time. But then, my daughter is also convinced that she is most awesomely perfect and beautiful anyway, a trait which I suspect most 12 year olds don't share. Gosh, must be nice.

[Cloud]

I've got 2 daughters. I think 12 is too young for eyeliner or heavy eye makeup; lipgloss, nail polish, concealer, fine. some light eye makeup, maybe for special occasions. 13/14 is more appropropriate.

but since you're already said okay . . . kinda hard to take it back.

certainly not for school; maybe you can limit that

[Cicero]

I agree with Clouder. Totally.

[Clodfobble]

I maintain that eyeliner is extremely hard for anyone to do right. Most people I see with eyeliner on really shouldn't be wearing it at all, IMHO. But then again, I basically don't wear any makeup at all, so I'm not the best source for an opinion on it.

[Cicero]

I'm trying to understand what she said ok to still. Was it just eyeliner you have ok'd or is she done up with everything now, and that was the last item?