Death

[Kitsune]

Death is weird.

After reading the thread about souls, I started to think about it. In our Western culture, we treat death in a strange way: Someone passes away, and we put them on display for a day, then despite the fact that the funeral is really for the living, we take all of the dead's wishes into account and [usually] put them in a nice, comfy container that looks a lot like a bed. Then we take the decorative box, place it in a cold, grey concrete one, lower it into the ground, and that's the end of it.

Other cultures treat the death of someone as a celebration of their life. The closest we get, here, is when everyone brings food over to the mourning household. When I lost a friend and witnessed that first hand, and the rest of the traditions, the first thing that ran through my head was, "This makes NO sense."

After getting past all of those "invinceable" years of my life and having a couple of experiences that made me realize I was very much a mortal, I've come to the odd realization that the only thing garunteed in life is that one day you will die. And while a lot of people seem to think that living forever would be a great thing, I know I don't want to be around so long. Even so, its actually a little disturbing, thinking about the day that you will die. Will you meet a quick end in a car accident? Will the last thing you see be the ceiling of a retirement home? All I can say is that when I die, I'm glad I won't be around for what happens afterwards. The customs and traditions are pretty weird.

Anyone else feel the same way? I was a little disturbed that through all the sadness I experienced in the death of a friend there was a prevailing "this is weird" emotion.

Heh. There's another certainty too. Hence "Death and Taxes".

[perth]

I felt the same way when my sister, Angie, died. The pain of the loss, coupled with the need to plan the funeral, being surrounded by people wishing to pay their respects, and many other things, left me with a feeling that the whole thing was just too surreal. That was the word I used to describe it then and it feels the same way now.

I felt guilty about it at first. Here I was, supposed to be mourning the loss of my sister, and all I could make myself think about was how wierd the whole thing was. But then I realised that the reason it feilt wierd to me was because it *is* wierd. And I found myself preferring to think of the good things, and not focusing so much on the loss. That was a mistake too, but I won't really get into it. The key is finding balance, I think.

As far as viewings go, I was really upset with my parents when they decided on an open-casket viewing. I find it morbid and almost offensive to the deceased. The following sounds shallow, but hear me out. No one wants to be seen by anyone when they're looking their worst. No matter how much make-up is slathered on, you don't get much worse than dead. Angie always took care of her appearance, didn't leave the house unless she looked her best. And to display her that way was, as far as I'm concerned, an insult to her memory.

Yeah, death is wierd.

[juju]

Well, Radar doesn't pay his taxes.

My wife has said much the same thing about funerals, Kitsune. She says that when she dies she wants everyone to have a party.

[Kitsune]

Perth -- the whole make-up thing is disturbing, and the only reason I can think that open viewings are done is to confirm to everyone that the person is, indeed, truly gone. I never understood people treating the deceased as the person that once was. To me, that isn't them, anymore.

Juju -- I want a New Orleans-style funeral. I want jazz and dancing!

[perth]

Originally posted by Kitsune
Perth -- the whole make-up thing is disturbing, and the only reason I can think that open viewings are done is to confirm to everyone that the person is, indeed, truly gone. I never understood people treating the deceased as the person that once was. To me, that isn't them, anymore.

Yeah, I think thats my problem with it. I would have preferred to remember her as being full of life, and a lot of fun to be around.

Thing is, my father tried to dominate all the planning, and he made a string of horrible decisions about the arrangements. I finally had to step in, because I was the only person she had ever discussed death with. I had to put my foot down and insist that she be cremated, insist that the word "Angel" not be put on any memorials for her, as well as a couple other things that she had told me she wanted in the event of her death. It was really hard, and divisive at a time when the last thing we needed was conflict, but I had a duty to her. Moral of the story: Make for damn sure the people who will be planning your funeral know what you want. It's inevitable that things won't go exactly the way you wish, but you can at least clear a lot of stuff up.

[Kitsune]

Make for damn sure the people who will be planning your funeral know what you want. It's inevitable that things won't go exactly the way you wish, but you can at least clear a lot of stuff up.

I used to have plans for when I died. For awhile I was positive I wanted to be burried and then I changed my mind to cremated, etc, etc. After awhile, I realized that, being dead, I probably wouldn't care what anyone did with me. So I will leave it to the people I think a funeral is really for: those you leave behind. I never thought all that show and tradition was for the person who had passed on.

[perth]

Well, my poorly explained point was that it makes things a lot easier for those you leave behind if they know what you want. Big decisions like cremation vs. burial are more easily made if they know you wanted cremation. In the end, if those decisions have already been made by you, its easier for them to pick up the pieces and go on.

Look at it this way, telling your family as much as you can about what you want is sort of the last kindness you will be able to do for them.

[Kitsune]

That's a really good point, Perth -- I hadn't thought about it that way. I guess I never considered that there might be some disagreements between family members.

[perth]

Its a painful time for them. You may not be there for it, but you can still do a lot to make it easier. I'm glad my sister told me what she wanted, I wish she had told the rest of 'em.

[Griff]

I'm not too big on the whole pump the body full of chemicals so it looks sorta alive when it goes on display. I guess they have a viewing so folks who can't get their heads around dead won't cling to some irrational hope. For me, throw a party, spill a few drinks on me, and feed me to the trees. Its about time to talk to Mom about how she wants to go out. Thanks for mentioning the bit about your sister only telling you... I gonna try to get everyone together ahead of time.

[ladysycamore]

Originally posted by juju
Well, Radar doesn't pay his taxes.

My wife has said much the same thing about funerals, Kitsune. She says that when she dies she wants everyone to have a party.

I have a friend who says that as well. And no one is to wear black. I told her, "But it's so slimming!"

[darclauz]

I want to be bent into a sitting position and displayed on a couch. I want to be wearing tyedye and want to play country music in the background the whole time. I just want to irritate everyone one more time.

my brother, on the other hand, wants to be put on a spring and an automatic timer. at certain times, he's going to bounce out of his coffin, point a finger, and have a recording of his voice say, "You killed me!"

and my aunt has a sister who is 70 plus...when she dies, aunt nanci is wearing a long skirt to the grave.

nuff said.

[perth]

Originally posted by darclauz
and my aunt has a sister who is 70 plus...when she dies, aunt nanci is wearing a long skirt to the grave.

Okay, I admit it. I have read and re-read this, and I'm sure there's a joke there, but I just... don't... see it.

So she can get sexed up more easily?