The best stories are the ones you don't remember.

Kitsune · 09-27-2004, 10:41 AM

It was five, maybe six pints of beer, consumed so quickly it was later described as "rapid fire". And since it was a British-style pub, the beer wasn't nearly as cold as it should have been. Dammit, I really hate that. But who can say anything in protest when you're with good friends and you have reserved an entire night away for nothing but drinking? Even an awful plate of chips and gravy (guiness gravy!) proved enjoyable despite the smell. At some point during all of this, the dim light of the bar got hazy and I decided to take a little nap.

Usually, in this situation, one would expect to wake with a missing wallet or drawings on the face done with a sharpie, but my friends weren't so cruel and were busy arguing about tanks and mechanized canons. (Was I dreaming?) How nice of them not to disturb my slumber -- I only woke up because I was in a cold sweat and my mouth was watering. And my stomach was making really bizarre and unhappy noises.

Uh-oh.

The bathroom? I glanced at it briefly but knew better than to attempt it. Pushing your way through a long line of drunken patrons is never a good idea. I elected to bolt from the table and rush out the door to lean against an oak so tall and mighty that it could only have grown so strong with the help of generations of fertilizing vomit. But there would be no contribution from me, tonight, because God never lets me throw up when intoxicated -- I always have to "ride it out" and endure spinning rooms and stumbling steps for hours. (Hey, kids! Drinking is lots of fun!) Deep in my belly, Newcastle Ale and gravy-covered french fries were fighting out a monumentous battle with the help of room-temperature carbonation. I regained my composure and made my way back inside Fox and Hounds.

What happened next was considered, by my friends, to be "the sexiest thing Kitsune has ever done". A woman, dressed in a red vest, was attempting to exit as I was trying to enter. I bumped into her and, being the polite guy I am, opened my mouth to excuse myself. The only problem is that when you're drunk, the words just never come out right. In fact, all that did come out was an unexpected, uncontrollable belch so foul that the poor woman visibly wretched and took several steps backwards -- then nearly fell over as she hit a step! Boy, did my stomach feel worlds better! But she didn't, and was now pale as she rushed past me, headed for the same tree I had just visited...

I'm sure the best stories from alcohol adventures are the ones you never remember, but I'm sharing this one with you because, um... I'm not sure. But there it is. It is, by far, not as good as one in which an elderly woman attempted to get into a physical fight with me at another bar thanks to a heated debate concerning the Atkins diet. Eating nothing but meat sure does make people irritable! But that is for another time...

Good times.

Cyber Wolf · 09-27-2004, 11:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitsune

It is, by far, not as good as one in which an elderly woman attempted to get into a physical fight with me at another bar thanks to a heated debate concerning the Atkins diet. Eating nothing but meat sure does make people irritable!

Surely! The alcohol had nothing to do with it!

Elspode · 09-27-2004, 12:02 PM

That was, by leaps and bounds, the most detailed and engaging disgusting belch story I have ever been fortunate enough to read.

Kitsune · 09-27-2004, 01:17 PM

That was, by leaps and bounds, the most detailed and engaging disgusting belch story I have ever been fortunate enough to read.

The red vest woman seemed impressed by it, too. Its a night neither of us will ever forget. Oh mysterious woman, I'll wait for you by the door until we meet again!

During my discussion with locals about "bar tales", I found out that my assumption that girls would be completely and totally disgusted by this wasn't quite correct. Stories from bars told by guys usually end with:

"...even though I don't remember falling."
"...and so they made me clean it up."
"...but I never did find my pants."

Yet, some of the stories from the women I work with were exponentially more surprising in their details.

A friendly and important reminder: never go drinking with your co-workers!

Cyber Wolf · 09-27-2004, 01:30 PM

I've only been in a drinking situation with co-workers once and I remained sober the whole evening, so I was the one who was able to confirm/deny what people did/said/tried and miserably failed to do when the next Monday came 'round. That's a great position to be in!

limey · 09-27-2004, 02:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitsune

[snip] During my discussion with locals about "bar tales", I found out that my assumption that girls would be completely and totally disgusted by this wasn't quite correct. [snip]

The BF and I frequently have beer-driven belching competitions which I usually win. We both think this is hilarious

.

wolf · 09-27-2004, 07:05 PM

I laughed so hard I wept.

Great story.

jane_says · 09-27-2004, 08:48 PM

Good one! My favorite beer stories are the ones from the day after keg parties when everyone who had any fun at all is pooping foam. Do you have any of those?

Kitsune · 09-27-2004, 08:55 PM

everyone who had any fun at all is pooping foam

Um, no. No I don't.

10-02-2004, 06:18 PM

I honestly think that the dumbest idea you can have drinking generally involves a phone (especially cell phones). Given the opportunity, I would attach a breathalyzer to my phone and the second I was above a .00001 I would not be allowed to make a phone call, send a text message, or do anything of any sort that would lead me to communicate with a sober person (especially those of the opposite gender).

Oh, and what the *#&@ does "pooping foam mean"

busterb · 10-02-2004, 06:41 PM

I think maybe pooping foam means the beer s#$ts. Phones are the curse of the drinking class. After working in oil field for a number of years, I have a large phone book. Get loaded & call ever a-hole who's in book. Who me? When did I call? Hello hello. :-) BB

Trilby · 10-02-2004, 07:21 PM

Drink'N Dial can be a horrible thing. Especially if you're calling people in other time zones.

I once went out with some co-workers, had a few too many and ended up on a mechanical bull. Boy, that was near impossible to live down. I apparently kept trying to put my foot in the "stirrup" which was merely painted on the bull, not the real thing....

Clodfobble · 10-02-2004, 07:52 PM

I've been the recipient of a few drunken emails, myself. Mostly from ex-boyfriends. Better than being woken up by a phone call, and evidence of the transgression remains for blackmail material.

Cyber Wolf · 10-02-2004, 08:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brianna

Drink'N Dial can be a horrible thing. Especially if you're calling people in other time zones.

I once went out with some co-workers, had a few too many and ended up on a mechanical bull. Boy, that was near impossible to live down. I apparently kept trying to put my foot in the "stirrup" which was merely painted on the bull, not the real thing....

Laughing myself sick over here...

Kitsune · 10-02-2004, 08:40 PM

I've been the recipient of a few drunken emails, myself.

I think we've all seen some posters hit the "Submit" button while under the influence here at the Cellar. That's just a guess, though.

Brianna, your story just made my night.

09-27-2004, 10:41 AM	#1
Kitsune still eats dirt Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Tampa, FL Posts: 3,031	The best stories are the ones you don't remember. It was five, maybe six pints of beer, consumed so quickly it was later described as "rapid fire". And since it was a British-style pub, the beer wasn't nearly as cold as it should have been. Dammit, I really hate that. But who can say anything in protest when you're with good friends and you have reserved an entire night away for nothing but drinking? Even an awful plate of chips and gravy (guiness gravy!) proved enjoyable despite the smell. At some point during all of this, the dim light of the bar got hazy and I decided to take a little nap. Usually, in this situation, one would expect to wake with a missing wallet or drawings on the face done with a sharpie, but my friends weren't so cruel and were busy arguing about tanks and mechanized canons. (Was I dreaming?) How nice of them not to disturb my slumber -- I only woke up because I was in a cold sweat and my mouth was watering. And my stomach was making really bizarre and unhappy noises. Uh-oh. The bathroom? I glanced at it briefly but knew better than to attempt it. Pushing your way through a long line of drunken patrons is never a good idea. I elected to bolt from the table and rush out the door to lean against an oak so tall and mighty that it could only have grown so strong with the help of generations of fertilizing vomit. But there would be no contribution from me, tonight, because God never lets me throw up when intoxicated -- I always have to "ride it out" and endure spinning rooms and stumbling steps for hours. (Hey, kids! Drinking is lots of fun!) Deep in my belly, Newcastle Ale and gravy-covered french fries were fighting out a monumentous battle with the help of room-temperature carbonation. I regained my composure and made my way back inside Fox and Hounds. What happened next was considered, by my friends, to be "the sexiest thing Kitsune has ever done". A woman, dressed in a red vest, was attempting to exit as I was trying to enter. I bumped into her and, being the polite guy I am, opened my mouth to excuse myself. The only problem is that when you're drunk, the words just never come out right. In fact, all that did come out was an unexpected, uncontrollable belch so foul that the poor woman visibly wretched and took several steps backwards -- then nearly fell over as she hit a step! Boy, did my stomach feel worlds better! But she didn't, and was now pale as she rushed past me, headed for the same tree I had just visited... I'm sure the best stories from alcohol adventures are the ones you never remember, but I'm sharing this one with you because, um... I'm not sure. But there it is. It is, by far, not as good as one in which an elderly woman attempted to get into a physical fight with me at another bar thanks to a heated debate concerning the Atkins diet. Eating nothing but meat sure does make people irritable! But that is for another time... Good times. Last edited by Kitsune; 09-27-2004 at 10:48 AM.

09-27-2004, 12:02 PM	#3
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	That was, by leaps and bounds, the most detailed and engaging disgusting belch story I have ever been fortunate enough to read. __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog

09-27-2004, 01:30 PM	#5
Cyber Wolf As stable as a ring of PU-239 Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: On a huge rock covered in water, highly advanced moss and 7 billion parasites Posts: 1,264	I've only been in a drinking situation with co-workers once and I remained sober the whole evening, so I was the one who was able to confirm/deny what people did/said/tried and miserably failed to do when the next Monday came 'round. That's a great position to be in! __________________ "I don't see what's so triffic about creating people as people and then getting' upset 'cos they act like people." ~Adam Young, Good Omens "I don't see why it matters what is written. Not when it's about people. It can always be crossed out." ~Adam Young, Good Omens

09-27-2004, 07:05 PM	#7
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	I laughed so hard I wept. Great story. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

10-02-2004, 06:41 PM	#11
busterb NSABFD Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: MS. usa Posts: 3,908	I think maybe pooping foam means the beer s#$ts. Phones are the curse of the drinking class. After working in oil field for a number of years, I have a large phone book. Get loaded & call ever a-hole who's in book. Who me? When did I call? Hello hello. :-) BB __________________ I've haven't left very deep footprints in the sands of time. But, boy I've left a bunch. Last edited by busterb; 10-02-2004 at 06:44 PM. Reason: Add

09-27-2004, 01:17 PM	#4
Kitsune still eats dirt Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Tampa, FL Posts: 3,031	That was, by leaps and bounds, the most detailed and engaging disgusting belch story I have ever been fortunate enough to read. The red vest woman seemed impressed by it, too. Its a night neither of us will ever forget. Oh mysterious woman, I'll wait for you by the door until we meet again! During my discussion with locals about "bar tales", I found out that my assumption that girls would be completely and totally disgusted by this wasn't quite correct. Stories from bars told by guys usually end with: "...even though I don't remember falling." "...and so they made me clean it up." "...but I never did find my pants." Yet, some of the stories from the women I work with were exponentially more surprising in their details. A friendly and important reminder: never go drinking with your co-workers!

09-27-2004, 08:48 PM	#8
jane_says Colonist Extraordinaire Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: SW VA Posts: 200	Good one! My favorite beer stories are the ones from the day after keg parties when everyone who had any fun at all is pooping foam. Do you have any of those?

09-27-2004, 08:55 PM	#9
Kitsune still eats dirt Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Tampa, FL Posts: 3,031	everyone who had any fun at all is pooping foam Um, no. No I don't.

10-02-2004, 06:18 PM	#10
cam2 Guest Posts: n/a	I honestly think that the dumbest idea you can have drinking generally involves a phone (especially cell phones). Given the opportunity, I would attach a breathalyzer to my phone and the second I was above a .00001 I would not be allowed to make a phone call, send a text message, or do anything of any sort that would lead me to communicate with a sober person (especially those of the opposite gender). Oh, and what the *#&@ does "pooping foam mean"

10-02-2004, 07:21 PM	#12
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	Drink'N Dial can be a horrible thing. Especially if you're calling people in other time zones. I once went out with some co-workers, had a few too many and ended up on a mechanical bull. Boy, that was near impossible to live down. I apparently kept trying to put my foot in the "stirrup" which was merely painted on the bull, not the real thing.... __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

10-02-2004, 07:52 PM	#13
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	I've been the recipient of a few drunken emails, myself. Mostly from ex-boyfriends. Better than being woken up by a phone call, and evidence of the transgression remains for blackmail material.

10-02-2004, 08:40 PM	#15
Kitsune still eats dirt Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Tampa, FL Posts: 3,031	I've been the recipient of a few drunken emails, myself. I think we've all seen some posters hit the "Submit" button while under the influence here at the Cellar. That's just a guess, though. Brianna, your story just made my night.

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)