What's upsetting you today?

[xoxoxoBruce]

And take pictures... lots and lots of pictures.

[Aliantha]

a few days ago I posted that I'd ended a friendship. It's definitely over. During the course of the last few days I've had a number of calls an messages from mutual friends about the situation (none instigated by me. My intention was to just let it die quietly) wanting to know what's going on.

Apparently this ex friend has embarked on full character assassination.

On the flip side, no one's buying into it. In fact, if this person doesn't stop soon, she's going to end up with no friends.

Very sad for her, cause she needs them.

[Trilby]

Originally Posted by Aliantha

a few days ago I posted that I'd ended a friendship. It's definitely over. During the course of the last few days I've had a number of calls an messages from mutual friends about the situation (none instigated by me. My intention was to just let it die quietly) wanting to know what's going on.

Apparently this ex friend has embarked on full character assassination.

On the flip side, no one's buying into it. In fact, if this person doesn't stop soon, she's going to end up with no friends.

Very sad for her, cause she needs them.

given enough rope most people hang themselves. Just sit back, act classy and see what unfolds.

[Sundae]

Originally Posted by Trilby

given enough rope most people hang themselves. Just sit back, act classy and see what unfolds.

And if that doesn't work, go round and kick her in the cunt.
Then she'll have somethng to complain about!

[Aliantha]

Tril, that's kind of what I was doing. Most of this unfolded last week, and I saw most of the girls on the weekend at a picnic we had, but I didn't mention a thing. Apparently the nasty phone calls started on Saturday night after the picnic which ex friend didn't go to.

Believe me, a lot of them are shocked at the things this person is saying. They're so far fetched they don't even believe it. No one wants to tell me what she's been saying though, so it must be awesome. lol

Sundae, I don't think I'll waste any effort getting physical with this woman. It's not really my style for starters and she's doing a pretty good job of beating herself up without any help from me anyway.

[toranokaze]

So uhmm...

I got kicked out school

[Aliantha]

Bummer tora. What does that mean for you now then? And why did you get kicked out?

[anonymous]

I'm thinking of resigning from my job.

To do what? That's what the 'rents are worried about. Never mind my high blood pressure, two anti-depressants, one anti-anxiety, and constant gastric distress (ulcers maybe?.)

I was on one anti-d when I started here.

I've never not excelled at everything I've tried except sales. My chance to 'shine' and explain my difficulties (while repeating the huge number that is my responsibility...to keep me a bit anonymous let's say closer to 100 million dollars than to 50 million dollars) while the office is restructured have been met with...oh the tinge of implication that I can't prioritize, that I'm doing something wrong, that I'm lazy, that I'm crazy...

My talking with consultants, leaders, HR...all deaf ears, while at the same time making changes right and left to accomodate cow orkers.

To sit in a staff meeting and be told the reason part of my paperwork (that any monkey could process) has such a quick proclaimed turn around time as opposed to two months for another process is that they 'have other responsibilities.' Really? Oh, yeah, and I don't. I won't see any of you in July just as I don't see you now giving a crap about the magnitude of my job. Instead, a MIss Thang who is about the lowest on the totem pole can run cry to bigwigs that we don't ask 'how high' because she snapped her fingers and negates all the extra things I do, every term, that takes hours, that save enrollments to the tune of hundreds of students. When students come to my desk and tell me no one has EVER helped them like I did, or showed them respect. Unbelievable.

But egad: whatever will I do? If my job goes the world ends. Did you know that? Apparently, that is the way it is to MY friends and family. Suck it up. It's just a job. Commit fraud if it helps you achieve your goals. It's your fault, you've fucked it all up somehow (and how? I've been working since I was a young teen and never fucked anything up as it relates to my work ability.) Let the job change you. Let it make you bitter and unethical. Go in every day and feel like the red-headed stepchild. YOu HAVE to. You have children to think of. Except I don't. Your sissy law survived it. Maybe I need to get me a successful husband so I have an equally soft mattress to fall back on, so I can just check out of the employment world altogether. Becasue you know, none of that was her fault. Like it will be your fault. Or be like the other sissy law who is super super woman. That's who I should be.

If only I were MORE perfect. If only I were BETTER. It can't be the fault of anyone but ME. Right? Yes, let's make sure that your feelings about how much I suck match mine.

Ranting. Hurting. Fuck it. All. of it.

[anonymous]

Sometimes is never quite enough
If you're flawless, then you'll win my love
Don't forget to win first place
Don't forget to keep that smile on your face

Be a good boy
Try a little harder
You've got to measure up
And make me prouder

How long before you screw it up
How many times do I have to tell you to hurry up
With everything I do for you
The least you can do is keep quiet

Be a good girl
You've gotta try a little harder
That simply wasn't good enough
To make us proud

I'll live through you
I'll make you what I never was
If you're the best, then maybe so am I
Compared to him compared to her
I'm doing this for your own damn good
You'll make up for what I blew
What's the problem, why are you crying

Be a good boy
Push a little farther now
That wasn't fast enough
To make us happy
We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect

--Alanis Morissette

[Trilby]

anon- I was in very much the exact same position at work as an RN (and, as an Xray tech, too) I took drugs to cope (plus, you know, the 'i'm an addict thing') but working in health care is what REALLY took me down. The utter incompetence, the sheer uncaring attitudes, the fights between depts (hey, I thought we were all in this together to help the patient but apparently not) the pettiness, the backstabbing, the lying and the other liar swears to it, I went from one job to another trying to find my niche and never, ever finding it. People either hated me or loved me; it was never a neutral thing. administers hated me mostly b/c I brought up topics everyone was concerned about and talked about (10 patients to one nurse) I'd say that was unsafe in a 'formal' meeting and guess how many of my cow orkers supported me? right. none. They'd all look at their hands and murmur "Oh, we can manage..." then something horrid would happen and they'd spend 30,000 dollars on a 'consultant' to help them figure out WE WERE UNDERSTAFFED. It was brilliant.

I worked for one of the most unethical women on the planet and SHE hated me because I got work done. I work smart, not hard. I made her look bad. I was on top of this shit. I hated her with a pure white-hot hatred and the feeling was mutual. She was a high school grad who'd worked her way up (after fifty years) to boss of Accident and Emergency and she'd tell RN's how to do their jobs. One time I was at a deposition for an employee and the lawyer asked what gave her the right to voice a medical opinion and she said, "Forty years of experience". She was pure evil. If an employee dropped a wrench she'd drug test them. It was her or my sanity (she did all kinds of illegeal things)and one day I asked for a sign, felt like I got it and quit.

Woooooboy. Then the fun started. yeah, I had problems of my own----but I never drank on the job or before the job ---- just on the way home. I hated everything I did. It was killing me. Traditional health care was NOT my path and it took me two degrees, loads of humiliation and more for me to realize I was not where I was meant to be.

My family had a fucking cow. My father had paid for all my schooling (because he picked what I was going to do----I wanted liberal arts but he wouldn't pay for that "crap") he wanted me to have a job, goddamnit! Preferably one that made me misreble and suicical and insane. My jobs directly affected both my marriages negatively; I started to hate EVERYONE and became paranoid that nobody wanted anything but to manipulate me. "Hey, can you hand me that pen?" and I'd think "What's her true agenda?" I was nuts. the job MADE me nuts. i didn't even know I was nuts until I worked for the State of Ohio in psyche and saw all these horrible, unhappy, grey-faced, burned-out THUGS antagonizing the patients for their amusement and I said something about that. We had 'mental health techs' who were ex go-go dancers. Oh, yes, we did. Most of our staff was on more meds than our patients. I told them they were going straight to hell and you know what? That place closed a year or so later. It was SOOOOO Abusive.

Then someone I trusted said, "you know, working 7p to 7a is inhumane," and I thought, yeah, it IS inhumane. I fucking quit. My dad hated me anyway so what was that to me? and look! I'm still here! I am NOT homeless, i have food (hot dogs, not steak, but hey) I struggle every month to pay the bills but that's my own fault.

Im not telling you to do anything. I'm just telling you I jumped and landed ok. I don't know if the same will happen to you. but it's possible.

[anonymous]

It's like the only way I see out, to save my face which is apparently more important than saving my life...is to be seriously injured, seriously sick, or dead. And I've thought of these things. Every time someone tells me how lucky I am. Every time I am discounted or ignored when I try to talk about these things. Every time I sit here and listen to the golden children get accolades for planning a party in their spare time (which is pretty expansive, that spare time) and every time I am looked down upon chastised or just asked "WHY is that the way it is" when I've told a million times WHY it is the way it is...all I can think of is a good way to just check out. Without bearing the brunt of knowing what a fuckup everyone thinks I am.

No I don't really want to die. But I want to be out of it. I want to go away. I am back to wanting to run my car off a cliff. There aren't many happy noments intersecting all the crap right now. Very few laughs keepign me going. But I am not important. I used to be. I used to be considered really really good. No one cares. so why do I bother?

[Nirvana]

Assuming you are a grown person anon, and you can tell me to fuck right off but you have to quit caring so much what other people think especially relatives. Unless they are providing financial support their opinion is like their asshole...It is so freeing to please yourself. You can only live your life for yourself. Find something you love to do and try to make money doing it and make other people happy. You seem to be making other happy doing what you are doing, maybe you can find joy in that maybe not but don't cut off your nose to spite your face. Take care of number 1 YOU!

[Sundae]

Gotta agree with Nirv. It's easy to suggest but damned hard to follow.
I did it. But I only managed it because my parents let me live here.
Living as an adult child at home is bloody hard on everyone, but doing a job I love makes me a real person again. It's also allowed me to face health problems which before I would have exacerbated hoping they would kill me sooner rather than later.

If you are that close to the edge - not a judgement, just something for you to think about - then money is a fairly minor concern. Family opinion is a minor concern. It doesn't feel like that, but if you leave these people it will hurt them for the rest of their lives.

Don't judge yourself against other people. Excuse me while I go off and laugh for half an hour at my hypocrisy at typing that. I judge myself against my sister ALL THE TIME. I am jealous. I am envious. I desperately want her to love me and can't understand why she doesn't. And I am never compared to her now. Never, not ever. I just soaked up too much of it as a child. Also I was the second daughter. No special status for me.

Anyway, seems I turned your pain and misery into a post about myself.
See? You can do the same
I feel for you Anon. Mostly because I know who you are and care about you.

Say "fuck it" and go and volunteer in Borneo for a couple of months. What can you lose that you haven't already worried about?
Love and hope.

[footfootfoot]

What Nirvana said. And I think you would be much happier in a new line of work.

I was immediately reminded of that story about the president and the three envelopes:

Upon entering the white house, the new president receives a note from the outgoing president. It says that the three sealed envelopes numbered 1, 2, and 3. In each is a piece of advice on how to handle a crisis.

The first crisis hits and the president's popularity plummets. He opens the first envelope "Blame your predecessor" it says. He does so, and his ratings rebound.

After a while, the president encounters another lack of confidence from the voters. He opens the second envelope "Fire some cabinet members". He does so, and again his popularity rebounds.

A third time, a crisis hits. He opens the third envelope. "Prepare three envelopes" it reads.

My take-away is that you can't win in this situation and neither will your successor.

Another thing to look at is, in how many of your previous jobs did you have a similar problem? If this isn't an isolated incident it could be that you are a poor judge of jobs, or subconsciously pick jobs that are familiarly disastrous.

I realized after about 4 or 5 times that I tend to get involved with narcissistic borderline women. They all looked quite different, I don't have a physical type as much as a psychological type. I told my therapist I was no longer going to pick out my own girlfriends any longer, or at least have them vetted first.

Sorry you are having to endure non-cress people.

[anonymous]

I am that close to the edge. The only relief from the pain is to self-inflict pain. People are whispering amongst themselves, giggling, sounding important, going to meetings, acting important.

I used to be important. I used to be respected. I wish I would get shot. I wish the building would catch fire and I'd just sit here. Beating myself up, litterally, only helps for a minute.

I'm not trying to be a basketcase. The fact is, I am a basketcase. People think you can fake being a basketcase but you cannot. Not like this. I'm not exaggerating or trying to get attention.