Steven Wrightisms - Page 2

spinningfetus · 06-03-2002, 07:05 PM

Or how about:

If a tree falls on me in the forest and noone is around to hear me and I mute?

Nic Name · 06-04-2002, 10:36 PM

If the Catholic Church defrocks a priest who molests a child, are they making the punishment suit the crime?

spinningfetus · 06-06-2002, 01:17 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Nic Name
If the Catholic Church defrocks a priest who molests a child, are they making the punishment suit the crime?

Would the priest then be collared or decollared?

MaggieL · 06-06-2002, 01:20 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by spinningfetus

Would the priest then be collared or decollared?

Only if he was into D&s play.

LordSludge · 06-06-2002, 01:25 PM

If a tree falls on a mime in the woods, does anybody care?

datalas · 06-06-2002, 05:45 PM

I would.....

I *like* trees.

Nic Name · 06-06-2002, 05:50 PM

If a tree fell on a Scot would anybody pine?

Nothing But Net · 06-06-2002, 10:08 PM

There is such a thing as a free lunch, especially if you're a Great White Shark.

hertz · 10-14-2002, 10:58 PM

A bona fide Wrightism from The Onion:

The Onion: Is there a God?
Steven Wright: Ahhh ... You'll have to ask Jesus.

juju · 10-16-2002, 02:41 PM

Bitman, they're jokes.

wolf · 10-16-2002, 09:33 PM

"I don't think. My brain just tells me what to do"
(actual statement by chronic mental patient calling into crisis hotline)

Bitman · 10-17-2002, 08:30 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by juju
Bitman, they're jokes.

What? Why didn't ju tell me earlier?? Here I'm trying to be helpful .. maggie I'll have to warch what I say in the future..

warch · 10-18-2002, 10:53 AM

Hey, leave me out of it.

Urbane Guerrilla · 10-23-2002, 01:09 PM

But Peter Mark Roget didn't find it. He compiled his Thesaurus in the eighteenth century, and this synonym's style just screams nineteenth:

synonymicon; n., -s [synonym + icon (as in lexicon)]: a lexicon of synonyms

(Webster's Third New International)

"Nihilism means nothing to me any more; nostalgia isn't what it used to be; but plagiarism doesn't change much, and since when were we ever revisionists??"

"That we are neither primates nor ungulates must give us pause..."

Riddil · 10-24-2002, 03:43 PM

Aw c'mon folks, it's really not THAT hard to stay on topic...

From my experience, it seems like the people who most often say, "I'd like to give them a piece of my mind", don't have all that much to spare.

-

Metaphorically speaking, most people are allegorical.

-

If time is money, why does everyone tell me to stop and smell the roses? Do they know something I don't about the billing terms of this deal?

-

Why do people feel the need to give directions in terms of 'as the crow flies'? Are they just practicing for the day they actually run into Clark Kent?

-

Wouldn't it be funny if one day we learned that the punishment in hell is with ice, not fire? Think of all those bets you could finally collect on.

06-03-2002, 07:05 PM	#16
spinningfetus Major Inhabitant Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Between a rock and a hard place... Posts: 122	Or how about: If a tree falls on me in the forest and noone is around to hear me and I mute? __________________ Don't turn you back on the bottle, its never turned its back on you. -Boozy the Clown

06-06-2002, 01:25 PM	#20
LordSludge Geek Join Date: May 2002 Location: Greenville, SC Posts: 76	If a tree falls on a mime in the woods, does anybody care? __________________ "Fasten your seatbelt. I saw something in a cartoon once that I want to try."

10-14-2002, 10:58 PM	#24
hertz Dry Nurse Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: melbourne Posts: 23	A bona fide Wrightism from The Onion: The Onion: Is there a God? Steven Wright: Ahhh ... You'll have to ask Jesus. __________________ In about as much trouble as a pidgeon with a broken wing hitching a ride with a hungry, amphetamine laden fox.

10-16-2002, 09:33 PM	#26
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	"I don't think. My brain just tells me what to do" (actual statement by chronic mental patient calling into crisis hotline) __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

10-23-2002, 01:09 PM	#29
Urbane Guerrilla Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Southern California Posts: 6,674	Yes, there is a synonym for "thesaurus" But Peter Mark Roget didn't find it. He compiled his Thesaurus in the eighteenth century, and this synonym's style just screams nineteenth: synonymicon; n., -s [synonym + icon (as in lexicon)]: a lexicon of synonyms (Webster's Third New International) "Nihilism means nothing to me any more; nostalgia isn't what it used to be; but plagiarism doesn't change much, and since when were we ever revisionists??" "That we are neither primates nor ungulates must give us pause..." __________________ Wanna stop school shootings? End Gun-Free Zones, of course.

06-04-2002, 10:36 PM	#17
Nic Name retired Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Toronto, Canada Posts: 1,930	*If the Catholic Church defrocks* a priest who molests a child, are they making the punishment suit the crime?**

06-06-2002, 05:45 PM	#21
datalas Generic Monkey Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Scotland UK Posts: 49	I would..... I like trees.

06-06-2002, 05:50 PM	#22
Nic Name retired Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Toronto, Canada Posts: 1,930	If a tree fell on a Scot would anybody pine?

06-06-2002, 10:08 PM	#23
Nothing But Net Professor Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: Spring, Texas Posts: 1,481	There is such a thing as a free lunch, especially if you're a Great White Shark.

10-16-2002, 02:41 PM	#25
juju no one of consequence Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Arkansas Posts: 2,839	Bitman, they're jokes.

10-18-2002, 10:53 AM	#28
warch lurkin old school Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Minnesota Posts: 2,796	Hey, leave me out of it.

10-24-2002, 03:43 PM	#30
Riddil Management Consultant Join Date: Aug 2002 Posts: 165	Aw c'mon folks, it's really not THAT hard to stay on topic... From my experience, it seems like the people who most often say, "I'd like to give them a piece of my mind", don't have all that much to spare. - Metaphorically speaking, most people are allegorical. - If time is money, why does everyone tell me to stop and smell the roses? Do they know something I don't about the billing terms of this deal? - Why do people feel the need to give directions in terms of 'as the crow flies'? Are they just practicing for the day they actually run into Clark Kent? - Wouldn't it be funny if one day we learned that the punishment in hell is with ice, not fire? Think of all those bets you could finally collect on.

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)