need your advise

greece · 10-06-2006, 01:08 AM

Hi everyone I really need an advise as you can see I am from greece an the language will be a little problem for me I mean maybe I won't be able to express all I want in the right way but I will try. I will tell you a story.
I am 38 years old and I have a girlfriend since highschool. She is now married with 3 children. She is my best friend for all those years. When we were younger we were close we were talking about several things and mostly about our family problems we were both coming from very severe family and we both had a mother we were affraid of. So we kind had one another. (that is the way I see it maybe she doesn't). She got married very young because she wanted to leave home and this was the only way. We were all that time in touch and we were going for long walks at least once a week. At about the age of 26 (don't remember exactly) she told me she had psycological problems and had started to visit a shrink. I didn't pay any attention I mean she was telling me about her sessions and about things she discovered through the therapy but only that. Last October she started to let me get deeper to her problems. In a few words I don't know the term but she has multiple personalities. I mean when I talk to her I may talk to another personality who will not remember talking to me. And she has at least 4 of them. I don't know why she decided to let me see all that maddness because thats what it is (you can't undestand it if you don't see it). The bottom line is that from last October I am coopperating with her shrink in order to avoid a suicide. I had to talk to her over the phone ( because now I live about 70km away from our hometown) and try to understand if she was my friend I was talking to or another personality and if she was about to leave home and go to a bridge near by. she is very clever and she trusts me so she is telling me things that she does't tell her dcs. She does't know I talk with her shrink and cooperate with him. Anyway all this situation led me to a therapist because I started to loose my mind. From July and on I stopped beeing so involved because I couldn't anymore. now she is in hospital and will stay there for at least 5 months because they have to feed her (she has stopped eatting properly for the last year). the advise I need is this: her shrink is asking me to help them again by visiting her at the hospital at least once a week and staying with her some hours. I remember the last time I went to see her in the hospital I had to take the train to leave and I felt panic in the train (it was the first time) and it took me hours to feel better. I feel that what the shrink is asking me is to go back in jail. Am I too shelfish here?????:

Aliantha · 10-06-2006, 04:54 AM

What good would you be to anyone if you damage your own mental health by putting yourself under too much stress?

Always remember, it's ok to say no.

yesman065 · 10-06-2006, 07:27 AM

Um, I know she is your friend, but you have to live YOUR life too. She married another man, started a family and I think it is more HIS place to be caring for her than yours - especially if it is causing you harm. At some point you need to recognize what oyu can and cannot do - we all have our limitations. I do wish you and her the best of luck though.

Undertoad · 10-06-2006, 07:39 AM

If you can't safe yourself, you can't save others. Fix yourself first and you may find you have fresh energy to help her.

It's a sad story, but it sounds like you have done a wonderful thing in helping her all along and you should be proud.

wolf · 10-06-2006, 12:36 PM

Chances are she has one personality and a bad therapist.

Work on yourself first, you can't be a support for anyone else if you're having problems at the same time.

If you do have further contact with her, keep your conversations reality-focused. Don't agree with nutty or odd things she says and does just to be nice. Be real.

People who want to kill themselves ultimately will, no matter what others try to do to help them.

morethanpretty · 10-06-2006, 12:44 PM

When I was younger my mother was in and out of the hospital. I couldn't stand to go see her there, but I was her "nurse" when she was at home. My father often forced me to go anyway. Eventually I learned to seperate myself from, well myself I guess. This allowed me to go without the panic, fear, and guilt that otherwised plagued me. My mother was mostly in no danger of dying, but she looked awful, and it was...well scary to a young child.
I also had an older friend who was dying, they had her in a nursing home...towards the end I refused to go, I could no longer stand to see her tiny frame twisted underneath the covers (she had rheumetoid arthritis), I didn't want her to see me cry...so I simply did not see her. I still feel the guilt of that decision.
Some people can put their selfish interest behind themselves and are able to help those who aren't...pleasant to be around, those are our wonderful doctors and especially nurses. And then some people cannot, that is their weakness, but they have other strengths.
If you can you should try to help her, you can see a shrink about it yourself. And if you can't help, it is no shame for you, that just was not one of your strengths.

greece · 10-07-2006, 12:25 AM

WOLF: she really has multiple personalities because I have seen her changing in them. Her eyes are changing her voice and her attitude for a few seconds and then after a while she came back again. and she has two therapists. I will have contact with her I can't leave her like that.I don't know if I will go to the hospital but she will call me. And with her you never know which is the reality. Thats why I have to talk to her therapist too so I can seperate her truth from her lie. For some time my life last winter was a mess because of all that. Now I am much better but I keep my distances.

greece · 10-07-2006, 12:32 AM

And I know she will eventually kill herself if she is commited to it. And you know my opinion as someone close to her is that she must be held in an institution (I don't know how is called) because her husband works her therapists too and all day she stays alone at home she can do whatever she likes. She is telling me she is tired of trying to be well. So sometimes I think that I will help more by not helping because maybe they (husbant and therapists) will decide to take other mesures. You know just thoughts!!

wolf · 10-07-2006, 10:48 AM

I have met and worked with a lot of people who claim to be multiples. Multiple personality disorder is a therapeutic cash cow ... you can keep a patient coming back to you nigh onto forever to work on "integrating". Instead of doing so, the therapist will discover more and more and more personalities, at least until she stops being able to pay for sessions.

I'm not saying she doesn't seem to change, or isn't convinced that this is happening.

Reading this may explain things better than I am able right now.

10-07-2006, 12:00 PM

You have been a good and loyal friend, and now, you, yourself, are at the breaking point. It really doesn't matter if she has multiple personalities or some other psychiatric condition. You are not a doctor, and you can't fix her. In your place, I would work on getting my own emotional strength back, and then if you want to resume contact with her, fine. If you don't, fine. You might gently tell her that you are under a doctor's care yourself and won't be able to see her for a while and then retreat from the situation. Good luck to you both.

footfootfoot · 10-07-2006, 09:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolf

Reading this may explain things better than I am able right now.

Suhweet!

Quote:

The patient claims that Braun convinced her that she had 300 personalities, among them a child molester, a high priestess of a satanic cult, and a cannibal. The patient told the Chicago Tribune: "I began to add a few things up and realized there was no way I could come from a little town in Iowa, be eating 2,000 people a year, and nobody said anything about it." The patient won $10.6 million in a lawsuit against Braun, Rush-Presbyterian-St. Luke's Hospital, and another therapist.

The cellar made me think I needed to be Yahoo! slurp spider and Squirrel Nutkin. I want 10.6 million dollars too. Folks, hit that tip jar--give till it hurts.

greece · 10-08-2006, 02:28 AM

WOLF: you are right once more she always finds new personalities she is seeing the therapist for 18 years now and she has stopped paying after the first 8 years. and I have understood that she somehow likes to be like that in the center of attention. And when I am thinking like that I draw my thoughts back saying that I shouldn't think that way because she can't really understand what she is doing.
MARICHICO: I have told her I am seeing a therapist too but I don't think she minds. She is too self centered and I try to forgive her for ignoring my situation. But again I am giving her credit for she is sick. What hurt me the most was the fact that before I started seeing a therapist I asked her to ask her therapist to introduce us to another good one and she never did. But as I have already told you I must forgive her again and again and again.

greece · 10-08-2006, 02:37 AM

FOOTFOOTFOOT:I don't know if wolf will understand better but that is exactly what my friend is expiriencing. Thank you because it helped me reading it.

10-06-2006, 01:08 AM	#1
greece talk only when your words are better from silence Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: in a small village 65 km away from Athens Posts: 9	need your advise Hi everyone I really need an advise as you can see I am from greece an the language will be a little problem for me I mean maybe I won't be able to express all I want in the right way but I will try. I will tell you a story. I am 38 years old and I have a girlfriend since highschool. She is now married with 3 children. She is my best friend for all those years. When we were younger we were close we were talking about several things and mostly about our family problems we were both coming from very severe family and we both had a mother we were affraid of. So we kind had one another. (that is the way I see it maybe she doesn't). She got married very young because she wanted to leave home and this was the only way. We were all that time in touch and we were going for long walks at least once a week. At about the age of 26 (don't remember exactly) she told me she had psycological problems and had started to visit a shrink. I didn't pay any attention I mean she was telling me about her sessions and about things she discovered through the therapy but only that. Last October she started to let me get deeper to her problems. In a few words I don't know the term but she has multiple personalities. I mean when I talk to her I may talk to another personality who will not remember talking to me. And she has at least 4 of them. I don't know why she decided to let me see all that maddness because thats what it is (you can't undestand it if you don't see it). The bottom line is that from last October I am coopperating with her shrink in order to avoid a suicide. I had to talk to her over the phone ( because now I live about 70km away from our hometown) and try to understand if she was my friend I was talking to or another personality and if she was about to leave home and go to a bridge near by. she is very clever and she trusts me so she is telling me things that she does't tell her dcs. She does't know I talk with her shrink and cooperate with him. Anyway all this situation led me to a therapist because I started to loose my mind. From July and on I stopped beeing so involved because I couldn't anymore. now she is in hospital and will stay there for at least 5 months because they have to feed her (she has stopped eatting properly for the last year). the advise I need is this: her shrink is asking me to help them again by visiting her at the hospital at least once a week and staying with her some hours. I remember the last time I went to see her in the hospital I had to take the train to leave and I felt panic in the train (it was the first time) and it took me hours to feel better. I feel that what the shrink is asking me is to go back in jail. Am I too shelfish here?????:

10-06-2006, 04:54 AM	#2
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	What good would you be to anyone if you damage your own mental health by putting yourself under too much stress? Always remember, it's ok to say no. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

10-06-2006, 12:36 PM	#5
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	Chances are she has one personality and a bad therapist. Work on yourself first, you can't be a support for anyone else if you're having problems at the same time. If you do have further contact with her, keep your conversations reality-focused. Don't agree with nutty or odd things she says and does just to be nice. Be real. People who want to kill themselves ultimately will, no matter what others try to do to help them. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

10-06-2006, 12:44 PM	#6
morethanpretty Thats "Miss Zipper Neck" to you. Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: little town (but not the littlest) in texas Posts: 2,957	When I was younger my mother was in and out of the hospital. I couldn't stand to go see her there, but I was her "nurse" when she was at home. My father often forced me to go anyway. Eventually I learned to seperate myself from, well myself I guess. This allowed me to go without the panic, fear, and guilt that otherwised plagued me. My mother was mostly in no danger of dying, but she looked awful, and it was...well scary to a young child. I also had an older friend who was dying, they had her in a nursing home...towards the end I refused to go, I could no longer stand to see her tiny frame twisted underneath the covers (she had rheumetoid arthritis), I didn't want her to see me cry...so I simply did not see her. I still feel the guilt of that decision. Some people can put their selfish interest behind themselves and are able to help those who aren't...pleasant to be around, those are our wonderful doctors and especially nurses. And then some people cannot, that is their weakness, but they have other strengths. If you can you should try to help her, you can see a shrink about it yourself. And if you can't help, it is no shame for you, that just was not one of your strengths. __________________ Addicts may suck dick for coke, but love came up with the idea to put a dick in there to begin with. -Jack O'Brien

10-07-2006, 10:48 AM	#9
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	I have met and worked with a lot of people who claim to be multiples. Multiple personality disorder is a therapeutic cash cow ... you can keep a patient coming back to you nigh onto forever to work on "integrating". Instead of doing so, the therapist will discover more and more and more personalities, at least until she stops being able to pay for sessions. I'm not saying she doesn't seem to change, or isn't convinced that this is happening. Reading this may explain things better than I am able right now. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

10-06-2006, 07:27 AM	#3
yesman065 Banned - Self Imposed Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 1,847	Um, I know she is your friend, but you have to live YOUR life too. She married another man, started a family and I think it is more HIS place to be caring for her than yours - especially if it is causing you harm. At some point you need to recognize what oyu can and cannot do - we all have our limitations. I do wish you and her the best of luck though.

10-06-2006, 07:39 AM	#4
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	If you can't safe yourself, you can't save others. Fix yourself first and you may find you have fresh energy to help her. It's a sad story, but it sounds like you have done a wonderful thing in helping her all along and you should be proud.

10-07-2006, 12:25 AM	#7
greece talk only when your words are better from silence Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: in a small village 65 km away from Athens Posts: 9	WOLF: she really has multiple personalities because I have seen her changing in them. Her eyes are changing her voice and her attitude for a few seconds and then after a while she came back again. and she has two therapists. I will have contact with her I can't leave her like that.I don't know if I will go to the hospital but she will call me. And with her you never know which is the reality. Thats why I have to talk to her therapist too so I can seperate her truth from her lie. For some time my life last winter was a mess because of all that. Now I am much better but I keep my distances.

10-07-2006, 12:32 AM	#8
greece talk only when your words are better from silence Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: in a small village 65 km away from Athens Posts: 9	And I know she will eventually kill herself if she is commited to it. And you know my opinion as someone close to her is that she must be held in an institution (I don't know how is called) because her husband works her therapists too and all day she stays alone at home she can do whatever she likes. She is telling me she is tired of trying to be well. So sometimes I think that I will help more by not helping because maybe they (husbant and therapists) will decide to take other mesures. You know just thoughts!!

10-07-2006, 12:00 PM	#10
marichiko Guest Posts: n/a	You have been a good and loyal friend, and now, you, yourself, are at the breaking point. It really doesn't matter if she has multiple personalities or some other psychiatric condition. You are not a doctor, and you can't fix her. In your place, I would work on getting my own emotional strength back, and then if you want to resume contact with her, fine. If you don't, fine. You might gently tell her that you are under a doctor's care yourself and won't be able to see her for a while and then retreat from the situation. Good luck to you both.

10-08-2006, 02:28 AM	#12
greece talk only when your words are better from silence Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: in a small village 65 km away from Athens Posts: 9	WOLF: you are right once more she always finds new personalities she is seeing the therapist for 18 years now and she has stopped paying after the first 8 years. and I have understood that she somehow likes to be like that in the center of attention. And when I am thinking like that I draw my thoughts back saying that I shouldn't think that way because she can't really understand what she is doing. MARICHICO: I have told her I am seeing a therapist too but I don't think she minds. She is too self centered and I try to forgive her for ignoring my situation. But again I am giving her credit for she is sick. What hurt me the most was the fact that before I started seeing a therapist I asked her to ask her therapist to introduce us to another good one and she never did. But as I have already told you I must forgive her again and again and again.

10-08-2006, 02:37 AM	#13
greece talk only when your words are better from silence Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: in a small village 65 km away from Athens Posts: 9	FOOTFOOTFOOT:I don't know if wolf will understand better but that is exactly what my friend is expiriencing. Thank you because it helped me reading it.

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