Am I Lazy or Crazy?

[Juniper]

I feel like I'm losin' it -- I need a pat on the back, or maybe a kick in the ass. This is gonna be a long post, I'm afraid.

My mom died in December 2007. I'm an only child. This is good because there's nobody else to divvy things up with. This is bad, because there's nobody else to HELP. Well, except for my husband, and he's pretty busy. So all the executor stuff, all the packing/sorting/tossing/cleaning of her belongings has fallen to me.

Mom had a condo, a fairly big one, with 2 bedrooms, a 2 car garage and 2 walk-in closets. Mom always was kind of a sentimental packrat, though we did get rid of at least half her crap when we moved her from the house where I grew up. But there's still plenty. Going through it, donating things, packing things, moving things, has been a monumental job.

Straight away, I came into some funds from mom's estate -- and while I grieved her loss and wrapped my mind around this chunk of money and the responsibility that came with it, it suddenly hit me: I'd go back to college! I had always felt like such a loser for not finishing my degree. I knew that mom would have wanted that. So that's what I did. I absolutely THREW myself into college, putting in 110% at least. It's almost been obsessive.

Therefore, I've been incredibly busy the past year or so. Way too busy. And looking back, it's quite possible that going to college full time was not the brightest thing to do when I had a condo to clean out and sell.

18 months later, it still sits vacant.

For 18 months, I have been paying HOA fees, utilities, insurance and taxes on this stupid condo, because I have been "too busy" to get it emptied, cleaned, and sold.

I am absolutely ashamed of myself. This has been a terrible burden hanging over my head, but I can't seem to make myself do what I need to do!

At this point, it's almost empty inside except for a few things that need packed up and a few big things I need help moving, plus there's a ton of stuff in the garage. I figure I can put it on the market with things still in the garage, as long as the inside is empty. I just finished painting the bathrooms and tomorrow I plan to paint at least one bedroom. Damn, painting is hard work.

It's just so HARD. Yeah, I sound terribly whiny, but it just is. I want to pay someone to paint the place, but that seems like such a cop-out. I painted every bit of her house before we sold it about seven years ago; I can do this too. But I will pay someone to clean the disgusting carpets.

Now, all this stuff has to go somewhere, and I am terrible about not wanting to get rid of it. Every time I put things in a pile for a donation, I hear this voice in my head - it's my grandma, who wasn't very nice to me, saying: "you're getting rid of that? how ungrateful, don't you appreciate anything they gave you?" or "How could you get rid of that - that was your MOTHER'S!" (or, your father's!) Everything, I swear, has such memories attached to it. I miss my parents so much!

So it is piled in my family room, my office/sewing room, and in my garage. And there is more to come.

Furthermore, I cannot do anything to improve my house while the condo is there. Every time I think maybe I'd like to paint a room here, I remember I still have to paint the condo. All these projects we have planned - redoing our bathroom, replacing the kitchen floor, etc. - all must wait till the condo's done.

I feel like such a horrible person, in that catch-22 way. I feel guilty for wasting money and time and drawing this out longer than it needs to be, and I feel guilty for wanting to get it over with! I feel guilty for hanging on to stuff and keeping my family from having a nice home, and I feel guilty for wanting to get rid of the stuff.

I am totally going nuts. Totally.

[xoxoxoBruce]

I the end, your folks are in your heart and the rest is just stuff. Sell the stuff and use the money to hire a painter. When the stuff is gone you'll feel better, life will be easier and your folks will still be in your heart.
Would I lie to you?

[Aliantha]

It was hard going through and getting rid of some of my mum's stuff when she died, but it was for the best. My brother and I went through and picked out what we wanted to keep, and then we let the word out in the family about other stuff, then we gave the rest to charity and finally got in a mini-skip and dumped the rest.

It was for the best, although hard to begin with.

I say pay someone to do the painting. Give yourself a break. You're not superwoman, and I doubt anyone expects you to be. Besides, your mum left you some cash, so why not use it?

[Juniper]

OK. Know anyone who wants to buy 150 empty beer cans from the 1970's, a couple dozen 8 mm Laurel & Hardy movies, and about 500 vinyl records? How about a few hundred paperback romance novels, several boxes of 70's and 80's self-help books, 40 paper boxes full of assorted fabric scraps..........

[Aliantha]

Ebay is your friend!

There's all sorts of kooks out there who'll pay good money for that. Maybe even enough to pay the painters.

[Juniper]

Yeah, I plan to put a lot of it on eBay and/or Craigslist. I just don't want to do that till I'm done with the condo itself and at least have it on the market. I'm not organized enough to deal with all of it at once.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Do you have a friend that could sell it for you... perhaps for a percentage?

[Undertoad]

I'll take the vinyl... Pooka will take the fabric

[disenchanted]

As for the painting thing, I say just find a weekend, get a couple friends and/or relatives together, spring for some pizza and beer, and just do it all at once. Tell your compatriot painters nice stories about your mother as you work. Let 'em know who she was and the good things she did in her life.

Sort of a combined eulogy and painting weekend.

[ZenGum]

Originally Posted by Juniper

Yeah, I plan to put a lot of it on eBay and/or Craigslist. I just don't want to do that till I'm done with the condo itself and at least have it on the market. I'm not organized enough to deal with all of it at once.

Seem like the wrong way around to me. Get rid of the contents first, then dela with the condo.

You might go through the lot, pick out one or two boxes full of keeping things, then put the rest up as a job lot on Ebay, with a few photos and estimates of what is in there, buyer to remove.
Do not listen to the voices in your head. Or if you must, don't be bullied by them.

Every time I put things in a pile for a donation, I hear this voice in my head - it's my grandma, who wasn't very nice to me, saying: "you're getting rid of that? how ungrateful, don't you appreciate anything they gave you?" or "How could you get rid of that - that was your MOTHER'S!"

Yes, it WAS my mother's, but it isn't anymore, it is time to let it go.


Then get the painters in, then cleaners, then, I suggest, rent the condo out.
Now is NOT the time to sell real estate unless you absolutely must. Get some tenants, even at supercheap rent, to cover the maintenance costs, then in a few years, look at selling. What are you going to do with cash, right now?
We can reasonably expect a strong surge of inflation, and devaluation, of the US$ over the next 5 or 10 years, you want to be holding assets, not cash denominated bonds.
So, you'd invest your cash in, oh, I don't know, maybe a condo or something ....

Keep it, rent it, sell it later.

[DanaC]

Originally Posted by disenchanted

As for the painting thing, I say just find a weekend, get a couple friends and/or relatives together, spring for some pizza and beer, and just do it all at once. Tell your compatriot painters nice stories about your mother as you work. Let 'em know who she was and the good things she did in her life.

Sort of a combined eulogy and painting weekend.

That is a stunningly good idea.

Painting parties can be really good fun. The therapeutic aspect of it being also some kind of mini-wake might be good too.

Juni, stop being so hard on yourself honey. This was never going to be easy, emotionally I mean. It;s really no wonder stuff is hanging over you and feeling too much. It's wrapped up with so much emotion. You made the right decision (imo) in going back to college. I bet your mum wuold be so proud that you did. That beats getting your act together on her stuff into the ground twice over. Ask your friends for help. Keep doing bits as and when you can.

You may need to develop a slightly more brutal streak on getting rid of some stuff. But that doesn't mean it'll feel easy, honey, it probably won't. Most importantly, though, you need to give yourself a break. Don't be so harsh with yourself. Nobody ever finds this stuff easy and it's twice as hard for an only child. It's right that most of your attention has been focused on your studies: that's far more time-bound than any of this other stuff. You don't get to put off deadlines and exams, they come along when they come along, regardless.

Keep us posted on how you get along. *hugs* You're doing great: look at yourself, you're on track to finish your degree! Keep that thought in mind. Shine it up now and again. There's a reason you chose to do that first.

[ZenGum]

LOL ... I just remembered the Simpsons episode where Ned Flanders needs help clearing out the things of his late wife Maude.

Get a mulcher, point one end out the window into a rubbish skip, and let fly.

Two hours, done.

Well, maybe not the thing to do, but it's an idea.

[classicman]

Originally Posted by Juniper

40 paper boxes full of assorted fabric scraps..........

This could be an interesting opportunity for another dwellar...


As UT said - missed that post.

[Flint]

Aw, you guys. So thoughtful.

[SteveDallas]

You're not lazy and you're not crazy. Cleaning out a house is a thankless task under the best of circumstances, and this is far the best of circumstances.

Is there somebody you could enlist to help you? Not physically, so much as in triaging the stuff with an objective eye. On the other hand, it's up to you how much emotional effort you put into deciding what stays and what goes. If you select some things you know you want to keep and trash the rest (and there are outfits that will carry it out and haul it away for you), nobody will fault you.

Laurel & Hardy 8mm films might actually have some value to collectors. Their fan club is called "Sons of the Desert."