need advice really really bad - Page 6

wolf · 02-13-2004, 05:32 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by staceyv
i used the anal beads on him and they hurt, okay?

TMI.

wolf · 02-13-2004, 05:34 PM

I'm expecting that we will see Radar's version of this in a few months ...

elSicomoro · 02-13-2004, 05:43 PM

It'll probably involve "sucky sucky" and a lot of $$$.

staceyv · 02-13-2004, 06:44 PM

wow, undertoad. thank you. you are right about life and i hope you are right that i won't always feel this way...anyway, thank you.

staceyv · 02-13-2004, 07:17 PM

here's something that bothers me. arsen refers to himself as jay gatsby in his letters to her. he is a character from literature. look at the analysis:

Being a young soldier, he falls in love ...
their relationship splits up. After the war, because of several circumstances, he has to attend Oxford College in England.
...As he comes back to the United States he finds his great love married to another man and thinks his only possible chance to get Daisy back is being rich. This idea is stuck in his head and trying to get his love back is the only thing he lives for. Little by little Gatsby loses his sense of reality completely. He is a dreamer, but to complete his dream of living a perfect life he has to reunite with Daisy.

...All in all Gatsby is totally lost in his dream world and not able to find back to reality...
Gatsby is a very dedicated person. He tries everything to get Daisy back.
In The Great Gatsby the American Dream plays a big role.

elSicomoro · 02-13-2004, 07:28 PM

At the risk of sounding insensitive, b/c I'm sure you truly love him...

--Get a divorce lawyer.
--Have him deported.
--Move on.

staceyv · 02-13-2004, 07:32 PM

are you saying that because of the gatsby thing?
he stopped using it in july. we married in september. i'm starting to think that he may have had those bad intentions, but he might really love me now...but i don't know. i'm going to the therapist before i decide what to do.

wolf · 02-13-2004, 08:48 PM

(I would like to point out that despite having been to Rhode Island many times, including Newport, I have never met staceyv's husband).

elSicomoro · 02-13-2004, 09:03 PM

Stacey, no, I said what I said initially based on what I've read in the entire thread.

Like I said in another thread, I'm no expert on this kind of shit...but you seem like a nice enough person and all, and it just seems to me like you're being taken for a ride. Of course he's going to try and make things right...his life in the States could be at stake. You seem to be torn between "Well, he IS trying to make up for it." and "I can't trust this fucker any further than I can throw him." It seems to me like the writing is on the wall, but I know what it's like to love someone so much that it hurts...and hurts to let go.

Hopefully the therapist will help, but in the end, the decision is yours. I think you have to step back, reapproach it with a cool calm head and go from there.

Good luck.

OnyxCougar · 02-13-2004, 10:51 PM

She already said she doesn't want to be with him at this point.

that's the case, then it is over. I said it before. Cut your losses. That doesn't mean it's not going to hurt like hell.

staceyv · 02-13-2004, 11:08 PM

i also posted that i don't want to break up,either. i want to believe him and continue with a happy life. all this is too stressful. then i start thinking "what if it' s all a lie?" i am completely torn in two directions. we sat down and made an agreement with each other on ways to rebuild my trust. he says he will go to counseling, he will not talk to or e-mail or see that girl ever again, he says he won't even go out without me. he says he will give me all of his account numbers and i can read his e-mails if i want, that he will not hide things and that he will be 100% honest with me, even if it might upset me...basically, anything i threw in the air, he was like "sure, i'll do that...i'll do anything you say" but i also told him that my trust will probably only be fully won when he has a greencard and he is still with me. if he really wanted to, sure, he could open a secret e-mail account, he could lie instead of 100% honesty policy, he could say he has to work late and do whatever. all of these things he agreed to did not restore my trust in him, but it looks like he is willing to do anything to try. his only response to "why did you write those letters?!" is "i don't know, i really don't know...i'm twisted, i know it was perverted, unfaithful, i don't know"

this is where we stand now. i guess only time will tell.

staceyv · 02-13-2004, 11:10 PM

our contract:

we agree on 100% complete honesty. no punishment, and arsen will remind stacey.

arsen will not hide things from stacey

arsen will take stacey with him when he goes out, or not go.

4 drinks out or 3 at home for STACEY.

no e-mails or contact with eva

pay off stacey's credit card bills and a diamond ring before greencard.

honechka will not cut her hair for one year, and she will not look for the hidden scissors.

arsen will not cheat on stacey. that includes kissing and romantic letters. and of course, no physical contact like head, sex , etc. same for stacey.

arsen will go to marriage therapy.

02-13-2004
2-13-04

wolf · 02-13-2004, 11:20 PM

What does stacey do for arsen other than service him sexually?

One sided contracts are unrealistic and unenforceable.

elSicomoro · 02-13-2004, 11:21 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by OnyxCougar
She already said she doesn't want to be with him at this point.

Really? Could you point out where she said that? Because in re-reading the entire thread, I didn't see that mentioned at all. Not to mention Stacey's newest post...

wolf · 02-13-2004, 11:28 PM

This situation is not unlike the first time we heard about your husband

And here, I must unfortunately say, "I told you so."

02-13-2004, 05:34 PM	#77
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	I'm expecting that we will see Radar's version of this in a few months ... __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

02-13-2004, 11:20 PM	#88
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	What does stacey do for arsen other than service him sexually? One sided contracts are unrealistic and unenforceable. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

02-13-2004, 11:28 PM	#90
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	This situation is not unlike the first time we heard about your husband And here, I must unfortunately say, "I told you so." __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis Last edited by wolf; 02-13-2004 at 11:32 PM.

02-13-2004, 05:43 PM	#78
elSicomoro Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 12,486	It'll probably involve "sucky sucky" and a lot of $$$.

02-13-2004, 06:44 PM	#79
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	wow, undertoad. thank you. you are right about life and i hope you are right that i won't always feel this way...anyway, thank you.

02-13-2004, 07:17 PM	#80
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	here's something that bothers me. arsen refers to himself as jay gatsby in his letters to her. he is a character from literature. look at the analysis: Being a young soldier, he falls in love ... their relationship splits up. After the war, because of several circumstances, he has to attend Oxford College in England. ...As he comes back to the United States he finds his great love married to another man and thinks his only possible chance to get Daisy back is being rich. This idea is stuck in his head and trying to get his love back is the only thing he lives for. Little by little Gatsby loses his sense of reality completely. He is a dreamer, but to complete his dream of living a perfect life he has to reunite with Daisy. ...All in all Gatsby is totally lost in his dream world and not able to find back to reality... Gatsby is a very dedicated person. He tries everything to get Daisy back. In The Great Gatsby the American Dream plays a big role.

02-13-2004, 07:28 PM	#81
elSicomoro Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 12,486	At the risk of sounding insensitive, b/c I'm sure you truly love him... --Get a divorce lawyer. --Have him deported. --Move on.

02-13-2004, 07:32 PM	#82
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	are you saying that because of the gatsby thing? he stopped using it in july. we married in september. i'm starting to think that he may have had those bad intentions, but he might really love me now...but i don't know. i'm going to the therapist before i decide what to do.

02-13-2004, 08:48 PM	#83
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	(I would like to point out that despite having been to Rhode Island many times, including Newport, I have never met staceyv's husband).

02-13-2004, 09:03 PM	#84
elSicomoro Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 12,486	Stacey, no, I said what I said initially based on what I've read in the entire thread. Like I said in another thread, I'm no expert on this kind of shit...but you seem like a nice enough person and all, and it just seems to me like you're being taken for a ride. Of course he's going to try and make things right...his life in the States could be at stake. You seem to be torn between "Well, he IS trying to make up for it." and "I can't trust this fucker any further than I can throw him." It seems to me like the writing is on the wall, but I know what it's like to love someone so much that it hurts...and hurts to let go. Hopefully the therapist will help, but in the end, the decision is yours. I think you have to step back, reapproach it with a cool calm head and go from there. Good luck.

02-13-2004, 10:51 PM	#85
OnyxCougar Junior Master Dwellar Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Kingdom of Atlantia Posts: 2,979	She already said she doesn't want to be with him at this point. that's the case, then it is over. I said it before. Cut your losses. That doesn't mean it's not going to hurt like hell.

02-13-2004, 11:08 PM	#86
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	i also posted that i don't want to break up,either. i want to believe him and continue with a happy life. all this is too stressful. then i start thinking "what if it' s all a lie?" i am completely torn in two directions. we sat down and made an agreement with each other on ways to rebuild my trust. he says he will go to counseling, he will not talk to or e-mail or see that girl ever again, he says he won't even go out without me. he says he will give me all of his account numbers and i can read his e-mails if i want, that he will not hide things and that he will be 100% honest with me, even if it might upset me...basically, anything i threw in the air, he was like "sure, i'll do that...i'll do anything you say" but i also told him that my trust will probably only be fully won when he has a greencard and he is still with me. if he really wanted to, sure, he could open a secret e-mail account, he could lie instead of 100% honesty policy, he could say he has to work late and do whatever. all of these things he agreed to did not restore my trust in him, but it looks like he is willing to do anything to try. his only response to "why did you write those letters?!" is "i don't know, i really don't know...i'm twisted, i know it was perverted, unfaithful, i don't know" this is where we stand now. i guess only time will tell.

02-13-2004, 11:10 PM	#87
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	our contract: we agree on 100% complete honesty. no punishment, and arsen will remind stacey. arsen will not hide things from stacey arsen will take stacey with him when he goes out, or not go. 4 drinks out or 3 at home for STACEY. no e-mails or contact with eva pay off stacey's credit card bills and a diamond ring before greencard. honechka will not cut her hair for one year, and she will not look for the hidden scissors. arsen will not cheat on stacey. that includes kissing and romantic letters. and of course, no physical contact like head, sex , etc. same for stacey. arsen will go to marriage therapy. 02-13-2004 2-13-04

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