Why is my teen-age daughter stealing?... - Page 3

Cyclefrance · 04-21-2006, 07:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by djacq75

Perhaps the consequences you are doling out are a little on the weak side? Spanking is legal, you know!

Oh, yeah, violence, that should do it..... sorry djacq, but think you are way off course - respectfully suggest you read a bit more of the background as a physical solution is way off being anywhere near appropriate or constructive - rather it would be totally destructive.

Ibby · 04-21-2006, 08:38 PM

Being a teenager myself, then I may be able to help. Since the stealing seems to not be out of neccesity, she is either A.) stealing because she has been convinced it's "cool", which means she's probably hanging out with the wrong people, or B.) she's stealing because she has a mild case of kleptomania, which isn't very likely and you should check out A first. Ask her who shes hanging out with, ask to meet her friends, and make the call from there.

Savay · 04-23-2006, 01:02 PM

I agree with Ibram. I am also a teenager, and A seems very likely. It is either those, or that she wants a thrill of some sort. I'm sure that this has already been mentioned, but just to be sure, I wanted to post it myself. Doing something wrong, especially illegal, can be a huge rush, and getting away with it just adds to the high, so to speak. A few years back, I was with some friends who were shoplifting, and I knew about it. I didn't even do the stealing, and I still felt great. If this is the case for your daughter, I suggest telling her about some other activities that might give her a similar thrill or rush. For example, rock climbling or repelling.

baseballsoccermom · 06-11-2008, 01:18 AM

I was checking to get information regarding stealing and came across this website. I am working with a young man who just stole quite a bit. He could be in very big trouble if he is charged as the value is over $500.00. He doesn't know or can't articulate why he did it. So I was very happy to read some excellent information regarding this and really wanted to share it with you. For many people (kids and adults as well), this behavior has to do with "great loss" in their lives. I'm trying to remember how they phrased it - I think loss of someone "personally meaningful" and the person (who is stealing) perceives that loss as very unfair. This young man's Dad was murdered that I'm working with - so I noticed that your stepdaughter's mother was murdered as well. And that fits the definition exactly. This young man was very close to his Dad and, of course, the event changed his life tremendously for the worst. I'm really concerned about him because he's a really nice kid and going to a juvenile jail would be so traumatic and dangerous for him. I am a stepmom myself and I congratulate you for trying to help your stepdaughter! Best of luck to all of you.

baseballsoccermom · 06-11-2008, 03:11 AM

Your stepdaughter has experienced the unthinkable. It is extremely traumatic to have a loved one (especially a parent) murdered. But to have witnessed it and to have been victimized at the same time is unimaginable! I am guessing that, whether she realizes it or not, or can talk about it or not - she is still suffering from all of it. I will try to get the name of the website that I was reading - a psychiatrist who has specialized for many years in "why people steal" relates his experiences and the results of his research. It's fascinating and it makes sense to me. For what it's worth, I think you are handling the situation with sensitivity - being the stepparent puts you in a difficult spot. I don't think you are ignoring the situation and you are trying to get information and advice from people who have been through it. I definitely think your stepdaughter could use counseling/therapy, but I would stay involved. Although she has done something that is very serious with serious consequences, I would not let anyone "shame" her or "humiliate her". That only makes the problem worse. I am going to see if I can find the name of that book -I'll let you know what it is. Please don't get discouraged by people who give you "cliche" advice - she doesn't have enough chores, kids today are entitled, etc. In some cases, it may be true. But, I think your stepdaughter deserves so much more. You sound like an awesome stepmom to me. By the way, I thought that mother who had her son hold the sign denouncing his father in public, was a really sad example of a parent. Again, good luck to you as you deal with your stepdaughter - I think she is a very lucky girl to have you in her life.

TheMercenary · 06-11-2008, 06:40 AM

This thread is two fricken years old bbsocmom. I think what ever issues they had are most likely different now.

Sundae · 06-11-2008, 07:50 AM

Be nice Merc, she's new here and might not have noticed.
Welcome BaseballSoccerMom

Anyone seen Brett's Honey?
It would be very interesting to find out what happened...

classicman · 06-11-2008, 08:03 AM

I have to agree with SG here Merc - An update would be interesting and many people come to the cellar by googling info and finding/reviving older threads. Thats what happened to me.

glatt · 06-11-2008, 08:06 AM

Thanks for posting this baseballsoccermom, and welcome.

While this thread may be old, anyone Googling this issue may stumble across it and find your post. It can only be helpful to them. Thanks.

monster · 06-11-2008, 10:17 AM

ditto. Welcome

lookout123 · 06-11-2008, 05:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by classicman

I have to agree with SG here Merc - An update would be interesting and many people come to the cellar by googling info and finding/reviving older threads. Thats what happened to me.

someone revived you?

Sundae · 06-11-2008, 06:14 PM

No, he means he was was stealing someone's teen daughter and needed advice so he googled it and found himself here.

kerosene · 06-11-2008, 08:33 PM

Oh My GOD! Me too!

baseballsoccermom · 06-11-2008, 08:36 PM

Thanks for the welcome, you all. Next time I will definitely take a look at the date! ha ha Yes, it would be good to hear from Brett's Honey.

classicman · 06-11-2008, 08:43 PM

Am I still here? I know I let the daughter go.

04-23-2006, 01:02 PM	#33
Savay Fellow-Commoner Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Somewhere Over the Rainbow Posts: 10	I agree with Ibram. I am also a teenager, and A seems very likely. It is either those, or that she wants a thrill of some sort. I'm sure that this has already been mentioned, but just to be sure, I wanted to post it myself. Doing something wrong, especially illegal, can be a huge rush, and getting away with it just adds to the high, so to speak. A few years back, I was with some friends who were shoplifting, and I knew about it. I didn't even do the stealing, and I still felt great. If this is the case for your daughter, I suggest telling her about some other activities that might give her a similar thrill or rush. For example, rock climbling or repelling. __________________ "Time for time together, and depending on the weather, we'll either argue in your house or outside."~ "Greener" by Tally Hall

06-11-2008, 06:40 AM	#36
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	This thread is two fricken years old bbsocmom. I think what ever issues they had are most likely different now. __________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!

06-11-2008, 07:50 AM	#37
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	Be nice Merc, she's new here and might not have noticed. Welcome BaseballSoccerMom Anyone seen Brett's Honey? It would be very interesting to find out what happened... __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

06-11-2008, 08:03 AM	#38
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	I have to agree with SG here Merc - An update would be interesting and many people come to the cellar by googling info and finding/reviving older threads. Thats what happened to me. __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

06-11-2008, 10:17 AM	#40
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	ditto. Welcome __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

04-21-2006, 08:38 PM	#32
Ibby erika Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: "the high up north" Posts: 6,127	Being a teenager myself, then I may be able to help. Since the stealing seems to not be out of neccesity, she is either A.) stealing because she has been convinced it's "cool", which means she's probably hanging out with the wrong people, or B.) she's stealing because she has a mild case of kleptomania, which isn't very likely and you should check out A first. Ask her who shes hanging out with, ask to meet her friends, and make the call from there.

06-11-2008, 01:18 AM	#34
baseballsoccermom Neophyte-in-training Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 3	I was checking to get information regarding stealing and came across this website. I am working with a young man who just stole quite a bit. He could be in very big trouble if he is charged as the value is over $500.00. He doesn't know or can't articulate why he did it. So I was very happy to read some excellent information regarding this and really wanted to share it with you. For many people (kids and adults as well), this behavior has to do with "great loss" in their lives. I'm trying to remember how they phrased it - I think loss of someone "personally meaningful" and the person (who is stealing) perceives that loss as very unfair. This young man's Dad was murdered that I'm working with - so I noticed that your stepdaughter's mother was murdered as well. And that fits the definition exactly. This young man was very close to his Dad and, of course, the event changed his life tremendously for the worst. I'm really concerned about him because he's a really nice kid and going to a juvenile jail would be so traumatic and dangerous for him. I am a stepmom myself and I congratulate you for trying to help your stepdaughter! Best of luck to all of you.

06-11-2008, 03:11 AM	#35
baseballsoccermom Neophyte-in-training Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 3	Your stepdaughter has experienced the unthinkable. It is extremely traumatic to have a loved one (especially a parent) murdered. But to have witnessed it and to have been victimized at the same time is unimaginable! I am guessing that, whether she realizes it or not, or can talk about it or not - she is still suffering from all of it. I will try to get the name of the website that I was reading - a psychiatrist who has specialized for many years in "why people steal" relates his experiences and the results of his research. It's fascinating and it makes sense to me. For what it's worth, I think you are handling the situation with sensitivity - being the stepparent puts you in a difficult spot. I don't think you are ignoring the situation and you are trying to get information and advice from people who have been through it. I definitely think your stepdaughter could use counseling/therapy, but I would stay involved. Although she has done something that is very serious with serious consequences, I would not let anyone "shame" her or "humiliate her". That only makes the problem worse. I am going to see if I can find the name of that book -I'll let you know what it is. Please don't get discouraged by people who give you "cliche" advice - she doesn't have enough chores, kids today are entitled, etc. In some cases, it may be true. But, I think your stepdaughter deserves so much more. You sound like an awesome stepmom to me. By the way, I thought that mother who had her son hold the sign denouncing his father in public, was a really sad example of a parent. Again, good luck to you as you deal with your stepdaughter - I think she is a very lucky girl to have you in her life.

06-11-2008, 08:06 AM	#39
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	Thanks for posting this baseballsoccermom, and welcome. While this thread may be old, anyone Googling this issue may stumble across it and find your post. It can only be helpful to them. Thanks.

06-11-2008, 06:14 PM	#42
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	No, he means he was was stealing someone's teen daughter and needed advice so he googled it and found himself here. __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

06-11-2008, 08:33 PM	#43
kerosene Touring the facilities Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: The plains of Colorado Posts: 3,476	Oh My GOD! Me too!

06-11-2008, 08:36 PM	#44
baseballsoccermom Neophyte-in-training Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 3	Thanks for the welcome, you all. Next time I will definitely take a look at the date! ha ha Yes, it would be good to hear from Brett's Honey.

06-11-2008, 08:43 PM	#45
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	Am I still here? I know I let the daughter go. __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

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