Bean, a dog 1994-2005

[mrnoodle]

Beautiful way to send your dog off, UT. I'm sure he felt the love you obviously had for him all the way to the end.

[Elspode]

Tony, I don't know what to say. What a beautiful and loving tribute to Bean. I now return the compliment you once paid me when I wrote about my familiar, TC.

Your humanity shines through brightly indeed in your tribute to Bean. Make sure you take a ball with you when you pass through the veil. He'll have been waiting a long time to play with you once again.

[jinx]

What a fantastic little dog! Obviously you two were great friends Tony, I'm so sorry for your loss.

[zippyt]

UT, Dude I am SOO sorry for your loss !!!!
Here are a couple of pics posted of him over the years I have been around here that i thought are cool ,
The first is a movie poster some body made ,
The second is Bean in over his head , I have seen our Boston do the same thing , we go float and hang out on the Spring river here in Arkansas , there is this spot that is PERfect for launching with an inner tube , Olliver saw me step in and thought " well DAD can do it so I can to !!!" In he jumps , thankfully we have a life preserver jacket for him , I dove in and SAVED him , I still have to do it every now and them , BOLD little dude !!!!!

[Murphonian Logic]

Ahhh, Fuck. Fuuuuuck. When did it get so dusty in here? Where did all this fucking dust come from?

I just want you all to know that this post didn't even touch me a little bit. I could totally care. I didn't even know the dog, could care less.

It's just really, really dusty in here.

(sniffle)

OR maybe allergies. If anyone doubts dust, I'm going with allergies.
Ugh, so now I feel compelled to tell my abbreviated story; here's the readers' digest version.
Had a dog, golden retriever, for about 15 years. Loved that dog more than any person I've yet met.
Anyhoo, One xmas I'm staying at my parent's house and my Dad wakes me up at some unGodly hour and say's the dog's gone off to die and we have to deal with this shit before my 2 younger sisters get wind of it and hopefully they won't notice. Thus the Disney story of "The Dying Dog Cover-up So We Don't Ruin Christmas."
We find the dog at the corner of the property and clearly her time has come. She's "gone off to die". Wake up the Vet on x-mas day. Bring in the dog. Vet says "yeah, it's time." Dad asks if I'm cool. I'm totally cool. Vet whips out needle to mercy kill my best friend in the world.

Suddenly, I'm not so cool.

I wuss out and opt to go wait in the minivan. I didn't realize that I'd be able to see out the windshield, through he front door of the vet office, down the hall to see the the vet give the black shot of death and watch my buddy quiver a little and then lie still.
Keep in mind, I'm like 23 at this point. I oughta be able to handle this.

Dad loads the dog in the back of the van and gets in the drivers seat. He looks over at me. "You OK?"
(Keep in mind I'd pretty much rather voluntarilly stick my foot in a fucking bear trap as have my Dad see me cry). But I'm a fucking mess.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I say, looking out the passenger window and refusing to look at him.

He pauses for what seems like forever and drives us home.

We're on a schedule. We've got to get the fucking dog in the ground before my little sisters wake up and this event ruins christmas. So here we are, my older brother finally woke up and we're hiding behind the shed digging a grave on Christmas morning. Digging our asses off. "Have a Holly Jolly Christmas..."

A caddillac of a grave for the dog. Digging, digging, digging. Has to be the worst Christmas ever. Meanwhile, the dog next door is barking incessantly. Non-stop, unbelievably annoying. I'm totally depressed and making damn sure I don't cry in front of people. Dad comes out to check up on me and my brother.
""How's it going?"
"We think we're done. How's it look?" It's about 2.5' wide; about 4 or 5 ' long and clearly deep enough. Dad looks at it critally, the neighbor dog still incessantly barking.
He rubs his chin for a sec and decides, "Go down about another foot and we'll throw the fucking other dog in there, too."

Thank god for humour.

I am so sorry for your loss.

[plthijinx]

damn UT, sorry bro. i lost my lab 2 years ago and I think about her every day. i know it's hard but bean is chasing that ball with casey! (just a little game of keep-away!)

[BrianR]

Damn, I'm so sorry for your loss UT. I know what it is to lose a beloved pet. Your tribute even made me cry (a little). And that's a rarity. I think it's good that you were thre at the end, it's a kind of closure for you. Bury Bean close by and visit him from time to time. Plant some flowers for him to smell. Never forget a true friend.

Brian

[windhund]

The House Dog's Grave

I've changed my ways a little; I cannot now
Run with you in the evenings along the shore,
Except in a kind of dream; and you, if you dream a moment,
You see me there.

So leave awhile the paw-marks on the front door
Where I used to scratch to go out or in,
And you'd soon open; leave on the kitchen floor
The marks of my drinking-pan.

I cannot lie by your fire as I used to do
On the warm stone,
Nor at the foot of your bed; no, all the night through
I lie alone.

But your kind thought has laid me less than six feet
Outside your window where firelight so often plays,
And where you sit to read--and I fear often grieving for me--
Every night your lamplight lies on my place.

You, man and woman, live so long, it is hard
To think of you ever dying
A little dog would get tired, living so long.
I hope than when you are lying

Under the ground like me your lives will appear
As good and joyful as mine.
No, dear, that's too much hope: you are not so well cared for
As I have been.

And never have known the passionate undivided
Fidelities that I knew.
Your minds are perhaps too active, too many-sided. . . .
But to me you were true.

You were never masters, but friends. I was your friend.
I loved you well, and was loved. Deep love endures
To the end and far past the end. If this is my end,
I am not lonely. I am not afraid. I am still yours.

- Robinson Jeffers, 1941

Godspeed, Bean.

[Queen of the Ryche]

Holy crap, Windhund. That was beautiful.
Lost my Buddie to cancer two years ago, after being my bestest friend for 13 years.
Sounds like a lot of people here understand and sympathize with your pain UT.

[wolf]

Windhund, that is a glorious tribute. Thanks for sharing it. Kind of a doggie version of "I'm not there". Actually that's appropriate for Bean too ...

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
(Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die!
Mary Frye (1932)

[BigV]

Thank you windhund. Very very moving. And all true.



wolf, thank you, too. Likewise. Despite the upward emotion of these two beautiful poems, I feel a wave of menalcholia bearing down on me.

[capnhowdy]

I thought I was a tough Marine until just now when I read Bean's tribute.
I wept bitterly. Come to find out I ain't so tough after all.
You are one helluva guy, U-Toad......What a heart.
My sincere condolences. I am so sorry for your loss. Makes me wish our dogs could outlive us, so as not to have to go through this. Hang in there, friend.