Pick Up Artist

freshnesschronic · 08-02-2008, 12:05 PM

So I want to enjoy college. I shoulda broke up with my X at the beginning of freshman year, a really shoulda (yes I'm hearing it from everyone).

I'm trying to get back in the game, trying to have great interactions with ladies, because frankly, being in that 3 year relationship---when I first came out of it I was like damn I am terrible with girls, been tied down and not getting any better on flirting and the whole sha-bang-a-bang.

I've been looking through online material about being a pick-up artist. And I'm wondering what you guys think of it. I'm definitely not a player, but is it wrong to try to aspire to be better with women? I've been making some big leaps in my game I feel recently. And I cannot wait for the school year to start!

I'm just so tired of trying to be the nice guy, because now that I'm out those nice dudes just don't have fun--they don't have the social and romantic interactions that I want to have. Trying to model myself after successful studs, is that so wrong? Or is it womanizing? What's the distinction between a guy who wants short term relationships (me) and a guy who preys on women? I'm trying to see the line.

Clodfobble · 08-02-2008, 12:23 PM

It's not wrong... just don't start whining when you discover the caliber of women that are attracted to that type of attitude.

DanaC · 08-02-2008, 01:14 PM

Quote:

I'm trying to get back in the game, trying to have great interactions with ladies

That, there, is what'll get you into all kinds of trouble. Like classic said, see what that attracts.

Instead of looking to pick up girls, look to expand your friendships and make sure that includes girls. Just....I duno, get on with them, like you'd get on with any other human being and if something sparks, it sparks. Apart from anything else, it's a hell of a lot nicer if a guy just tries to get to know you, than treats you like some prize to be won.

Get yourself out of your comfort zone and go to places where you'll meet people of both sexes and if you are open to the possibilities, but not actively seeking it out, my guess is you'll spark with someone, sooner or later. Plenty of girls out there, who are up for a little fun, but don't want to be hunted :P

lumberjim · 08-02-2008, 04:54 PM

i'm thinking that you're probably as annoying in real life as you are on here. so,.... you're doomed.

give up now, save yourself the effort.

DanaC · 08-02-2008, 05:22 PM

So, has Lookout put you in charge of the motivating, half-time speech then?

lumberjim · 08-02-2008, 06:16 PM

I'm using reverse psychology. shh.

Cicero · 08-02-2008, 06:24 PM

Lick your finger. Touch her shirt with it.

(she'll look at you quizically)

Look her straight in the eye and say,

"Let's get you out of those wet clothes".

They love that.

Spectacle · 08-02-2008, 06:25 PM

Build up your confidence. As long as you're not a douche, and are just there to be successful with women, go for it.

Women are all weak for a guy with high confidence. It's how nature works.

Juniper · 08-02-2008, 11:58 PM

Be yourself. And if that isn't good enough, you need to seriously do some thinking about how to make yourself a more interesting person - for real, not for show.

Other than that, I'd have to agree with Spectacle. I married an arrogant SOB.

...he turned out to be a good guy...eventually

DanaC · 08-03-2008, 05:17 AM

But there's a hell of a difference between being confident and merely being brash.

Sundae · 08-03-2008, 05:31 AM

I agree with all the people who have posted re being yourself and being confident. Being "a nice guy" is very rarely the same as being yourself. If you are being yourself - a nice guy - and still saying, "nice guys finish last" then you are calling yourself a loser. BAD place to start, mm-kay?

A little historical information, from back in the 1700s when I was approx your age:
I worked in a town centre pub and I used to see all the pick up artists, week in week out. Quite often they would leave with a woman they'd met that night. Or with a phone number. At the very least they would easily chat up two or three different women, getting positive attention from them, smiles, hair flicking, flirting.

But after a while of being quite in awe of them and thinking they must be quite a catch for being so popular (shhh, I was 19 when I started there) I realised how shallow they were. All their lines were chat up lines. They were practised in the art of flirty small talk. They didn't really know how to take things to the next level because they lacked sincerity. They were all about the chase, so they chased every weekend.

I ended up with massive crushes on a couple of different guys over the years I worked there. Men who were worlds apart from The Players, or whatever you want to call them. One I eventually dated just before I met my husband to be - made the wrong choice there sadly - and I still think of him fondly. They engaged me in conversation. When the pub was quiet we talked about things that mutually interested us. I would finish my shift and sit and talk to them (different men at different times I mean) and they would make me laugh. I fancied them rotten because they would say something - some throw away line - that I would turn over in my head for the next couple of days. Something funny or pithy or simply something that made me see things in a different light.

And the thing is, apart from the one guy who I dated (and even that took a while) the others were simply enjoying my company for what it was. They weren't there to try and pull, or to get me into bed. They were confident, intelligent, funny men who liked conversation. They were more relaxed, better fun to be with and enjoyed themselves far more than those chasing the next young thing. They put me off the Flash Harry type for life.

IF you want to be the shallow type for a while, go for it. Not reverse psychology - you're the right age to screw around (safely please!) have fun, get some notches on your bedpost. I did. But do believe us old 'uns and recognise that it's just scratching an itch. Long term, that behaviour carries the seeds of its own downfall.

Good luck chick - let us know how you get on - I could do with some vicarious rumpy pumpy!

DanaC · 08-03-2008, 05:34 AM

Quote:

I could do with some vicarious rumpy pumpy!

You really aught to avoid men of the cloth SG.....

Cicero · 08-03-2008, 08:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sundae Girl

Being "a nice guy" is very rarely the same as being yourself.

Here! Here! And Amen. Very good point I think.

In fresh's case however:
I would propose that fresh actually not be himself. I remember the last fiasco where he started calling his ex a slut because he had a mutual break up and she got over it. I propose that fresh deal with his female issues before he continues to treat women even more like trash with one nighters (all 2 seconds of it):p
(Just a joke fresh).

I think this thread is a sign that he's still not over it and his problems have grown.

I know people told him to not take relationships too seriously at his age, but I don't think this is what anyone had in mind......

Elspode · 08-03-2008, 09:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sundae Girl

I could do with some vicarious rumpy pumpy!

Vicarious? What about the real thing?

skysidhe · 08-03-2008, 09:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DanaC

But there's a hell of a difference between being confident and merely being brash.

This I know. I went with brash recently and afterward I regret it so much I continually feel grossed out months later.

There is something to be said for a 'nice guy' although a flaw in my character prevents me from feeling intrigued by one.

edit- Perhaps this isn't true. Maybe there just arn't any nice guys my age. I see plenty that are quite younger but I don't do young-ins.

08-02-2008, 12:05 PM	#1
freshnesschronic Professor Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 1,555	Pick Up Artist So I want to enjoy college. I shoulda broke up with my X at the beginning of freshman year, a really shoulda (yes I'm hearing it from everyone). I'm trying to get back in the game, trying to have great interactions with ladies, because frankly, being in that 3 year relationship---when I first came out of it I was like damn I am terrible with girls, been tied down and not getting any better on flirting and the whole sha-bang-a-bang. I've been looking through online material about being a pick-up artist. And I'm wondering what you guys think of it. I'm definitely not a player, but is it wrong to try to aspire to be better with women? I've been making some big leaps in my game I feel recently. And I cannot wait for the school year to start! I'm just so tired of trying to be the nice guy, because now that I'm out those nice dudes just don't have fun--they don't have the social and romantic interactions that I want to have. Trying to model myself after successful studs, is that so wrong? Or is it womanizing? What's the distinction between a guy who wants short term relationships (me) and a guy who preys on women? I'm trying to see the line.

08-02-2008, 12:23 PM	#2
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	It's not wrong... just don't start whining when you discover the caliber of women that are attracted to that type of attitude. __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

08-02-2008, 04:54 PM	#4
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	i'm thinking that you're probably as annoying in real life as you are on here. so,.... you're doomed. give up now, save yourself the effort. __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

08-02-2008, 06:16 PM	#6
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	I'm using reverse psychology. shh. __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

08-02-2008, 06:24 PM	#7
Cicero Looking forward to open mic night. Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: New Mexico Posts: 5,148	Lick your finger. Touch her shirt with it. (she'll look at you quizically) Look her straight in the eye and say, "Let's get you out of those wet clothes". They love that. __________________ Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.- Carl Jung

08-02-2008, 05:22 PM	#5
DanaC We have to go back, Kate! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Yorkshire Posts: 25,964	So, has Lookout put you in charge of the motivating, half-time speech then?

08-02-2008, 06:25 PM	#8
Spectacle Observing the Wine Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 85	Build up your confidence. As long as you're not a douche, and are just there to be successful with women, go for it. Women are all weak for a guy with high confidence. It's how nature works. __________________ I see.

08-02-2008, 11:58 PM	#9
Juniper I know, right? Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 1,539	Be yourself. And if that isn't good enough, you need to seriously do some thinking about how to make yourself a more interesting person - for real, not for show. Other than that, I'd have to agree with Spectacle. I married an arrogant SOB. ...he turned out to be a good guy...eventually

08-03-2008, 05:17 AM	#10
DanaC We have to go back, Kate! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Yorkshire Posts: 25,964	But there's a hell of a difference between being confident and merely being brash.

08-03-2008, 05:31 AM	#11
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	I agree with all the people who have posted re being yourself and being confident. Being "a nice guy" is very rarely the same as being yourself. If you are being yourself - a nice guy - and still saying, "nice guys finish last" then you are calling yourself a loser. BAD place to start, mm-kay? A little historical information, from back in the 1700s when I was approx your age: I worked in a town centre pub and I used to see all the pick up artists, week in week out. Quite often they would leave with a woman they'd met that night. Or with a phone number. At the very least they would easily chat up two or three different women, getting positive attention from them, smiles, hair flicking, flirting. But after a while of being quite in awe of them and thinking they must be quite a catch for being so popular (shhh, I was 19 when I started there) I realised how shallow they were. All their lines were chat up lines. They were practised in the art of flirty small talk. They didn't really know how to take things to the next level because they lacked sincerity. They were all about the chase, so they chased every weekend. I ended up with massive crushes on a couple of different guys over the years I worked there. Men who were worlds apart from The Players, or whatever you want to call them. One I eventually dated just before I met my husband to be - made the wrong choice there sadly - and I still think of him fondly. They engaged me in conversation. When the pub was quiet we talked about things that mutually interested us. I would finish my shift and sit and talk to them (different men at different times I mean) and they would make me laugh. I fancied them rotten because they would say something - some throw away line - that I would turn over in my head for the next couple of days. Something funny or pithy or simply something that made me see things in a different light. And the thing is, apart from the one guy who I dated (and even that took a while) the others were simply enjoying my company for what it was. They weren't there to try and pull, or to get me into bed. They were confident, intelligent, funny men who liked conversation. They were more relaxed, better fun to be with and enjoyed themselves far more than those chasing the next young thing. They put me off the Flash Harry type for life. IF you want to be the shallow type for a while, go for it. Not reverse psychology - you're the right age to screw around (safely please!) have fun, get some notches on your bedpost. I did. But do believe us old 'uns and recognise that it's just scratching an itch. Long term, that behaviour carries the seeds of its own downfall. Good luck chick - let us know how you get on - I could do with some vicarious rumpy pumpy!

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