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anonymous · 12-03-2012, 10:55 AM

So I moved out of the bedroom and tried to set up a counselor meeting to no avail. I've been seeing a counselor on my own and his help has been invaluable while I create a game plan. I also decided I shouldn't be the one to move.

Today, her email was left open on our shared computer. I've no interest in her email and never read it, but today an email was left open as I sat down and it was between her and her bff and I saw my name.

Turns out she's thinking of moving in the spring.

yay!

glatt · 12-03-2012, 11:02 AM

I have no idea what you are talking about, but you seem pleased, so I'm happy for you.

Undertoad · 12-03-2012, 11:19 AM

Don't make the mistake of being emotionally tied to your house as if that will provide a measure of sanity, or bait for a new relationship. (I still have this big house! Chicks will dig me!)

I didn't move... and that was a huge mistake.

xoxoxoBruce · 12-03-2012, 11:28 AM

I can understand the house attachment with all the blood sweat and tears invested, but UT is right, so be flexible.

Hmm... accidental email open divulging plans...

BigV · 12-03-2012, 02:27 PM

dear anon

ut and xob are both experienced in this ordeal, they're worth paying attention to.

my experience was different regarding the house. I wanted the house, and I kept the house. this had an uncomfortable side effect of being property rich and cash poor--a situation that was exacerbated when I lost my job. but I need to explain my *MAIN* reason for wanting to stay in the house--SonofV was just starting high school when the deal went down and the top of my list of priorities was trying to do the best for him. In this case, maintaining the only house he'd ever lived in and the connection to the schools in the immediate area was huge for me.

additionally, I'd moved out the previous three or four times--look what it got me. also, t*nk *did* want to move, had been wanting to move for a long time. it worked out for both of us. as a community property state, the bulk of our net worth was in the equity in the house. obviously we couldn't divide the house, but we could divide the value of the house, once that value had been converted to cash, and that meant refinancing. the refi itself was another fucking ordeal, worth one or more separate posts later, if you wish.

continued good luck.

glatt · 12-03-2012, 02:32 PM

I'm finally starting to clue in as to what this is about.

And I'm still happy for you. I have no experience in this area, so I'll stay out of it. But I wish you the best and am glad you have wise people giving you advice here.

ZenGum · 12-03-2012, 04:29 PM

Good luck, anon, I just want to say, my instincts went with Bruce's. Just happened to leave an email open on a computer one shares with someone from whom one is separating?

indeed.

Wimminfolk can be tricksy.

Griff · 12-03-2012, 05:05 PM

Might be time to talk it out with her so you can get the house on the market if'n that's the plan.

BigV · 12-03-2012, 05:06 PM

but but but but....

I thought anon was planing on staying?

Griff · 12-03-2012, 05:09 PM

I prolly missed that.

Aliantha · 12-03-2012, 08:25 PM

There is a lot to be said for just making a clean break so everyone can move on with things. Both of you really.

monster · 12-03-2012, 09:25 PM

(if/)when there are kids involved, who stays is not about the house.........

monster · 12-03-2012, 09:25 PM

good for you, anon.

xoxoxoBruce · 12-03-2012, 10:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BigV

my experience was different regarding the house. I wanted the house, and I kept the house.

I did too, but I was aware of what it would cost me, not just money, before I made that decision. That's what I was cautioning, know the costs before making a decision. Changing course always makes things more difficult, but that's always an option too.

orthodoc · 12-03-2012, 11:01 PM

Counting the cost, and all considerations, is good advice. If keeping the house is important for the kids (stability, neighborhood, schools - huge aspects), or for personal reasons, it's worth it.

Glad the counselor is helpful; wishing you the best.

12-03-2012, 10:55 AM	#1
anonymous Operations Operative Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: in hiding Posts: 578	Recent News So I moved out of the bedroom and tried to set up a counselor meeting to no avail. I've been seeing a counselor on my own and his help has been invaluable while I create a game plan. I also decided I shouldn't be the one to move. Today, her email was left open on our shared computer. I've no interest in her email and never read it, but today an email was left open as I sat down and it was between her and her bff and I saw my name. Turns out she's thinking of moving in the spring. yay!

12-03-2012, 11:28 AM	#4
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	I can understand the house attachment with all the blood sweat and tears invested, but UT is right, so be flexible. Hmm... accidental email open divulging plans... Attached Images __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

12-03-2012, 02:27 PM	#5
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	dear anon ut and xob are both experienced in this ordeal, they're worth paying attention to. my experience was different regarding the house. I wanted the house, and I kept the house. this had an uncomfortable side effect of being property rich and cash poor--a situation that was exacerbated when I lost my job. but I need to explain my MAIN reason for wanting to stay in the house--SonofV was just starting high school when the deal went down and the top of my list of priorities was trying to do the best for him. In this case, maintaining the only house he'd ever lived in and the connection to the schools in the immediate area was huge for me. additionally, I'd moved out the previous three or four times--look what it got me. also, tnk did* want to move, had been wanting to move for a long time. it worked out for both of us. as a community property state, the bulk of our net worth was in the equity in the house. obviously we couldn't divide the house, but we could divide the value of the house, once that value had been converted to cash, and that meant refinancing. the refi itself was another fucking ordeal, worth one or more separate posts later, if you wish. continued good luck. __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

12-03-2012, 04:29 PM	#7
ZenGum Doctor Wtf Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Badelaide, Baustralia Posts: 12,861	Good luck, anon, I just want to say, my instincts went with Bruce's. Just happened to leave an email open on a computer one shares with someone from whom one is separating? indeed. Wimminfolk can be tricksy. __________________ Shut up and hug. MoreThanPretty, Nov 5, 2008. Just because I'm nominally polite, does not make me a pussy. Sundae Girl.

12-03-2012, 05:05 PM	#8
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	Might be time to talk it out with her so you can get the house on the market if'n that's the plan. __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

12-03-2012, 11:02 AM	#2
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	I have no idea what you are talking about, but you seem pleased, so I'm happy for you.

12-03-2012, 11:19 AM	#3
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	Don't make the mistake of being emotionally tied to your house as if that will provide a measure of sanity, or bait for a new relationship. (I still have this big house! Chicks will dig me!) I didn't move... and that was a huge mistake.

12-03-2012, 02:32 PM	#6
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	I'm finally starting to clue in as to what this is about. And I'm still happy for you. I have no experience in this area, so I'll stay out of it. But I wish you the best and am glad you have wise people giving you advice here.

12-03-2012, 05:06 PM	#9
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	but but but but.... I thought anon was planing on staying? __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

12-03-2012, 05:09 PM	#10
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	I prolly missed that. __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

12-03-2012, 08:25 PM	#11
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	There is a lot to be said for just making a clean break so everyone can move on with things. Both of you really. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

12-03-2012, 09:25 PM	#12
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	(if/)when there are kids involved, who stays is not about the house......... __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

12-03-2012, 09:25 PM	#13
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	good for you, anon. __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

12-03-2012, 11:01 PM	#15
orthodoc Not Suspicious, Merely Canadian Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 3,774	Counting the cost, and all considerations, is good advice. If keeping the house is important for the kids (stability, neighborhood, schools - huge aspects), or for personal reasons, it's worth it. Glad the counselor is helpful; wishing you the best. __________________ The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. - Ghandi

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