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12-17-2003, 01:51 PM | #1 |
Operations Operative
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Northern WI
Posts: 739
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What would you do?
OK, so I have ANOTHER FUCKING MEETING in about 10 minutes. This is scheduled for an hour, but I'm sure we'll be talking about ABSOLUTELY NON RELEVANT BULLSHIT for 2 hours or more. You may sense how THRILLED I am about this. This will bring to about 7 hours already the meetings I've had to attend already this week. And I'm technically management, but in reality I'm the only IT worker bee here, so NOTHING gets done when I sit in these DAMN THINGS!
So...anyway, it's about a new purchasing system, so to stay awake how would you (aside from wanking off or reading the Cellar, etc) kill the time??
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If you spot a tornado, always remember to point at it, yell "tornado!", and run like hell. |
12-17-2003, 01:55 PM | #2 | |
still eats dirt
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Tampa, FL
Posts: 3,031
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Re: What would you do?
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12-17-2003, 01:55 PM | #3 |
Touring the facilities
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: The plains of Colorado
Posts: 3,476
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Count how many times the facilitator says "um." Mark it on a piece of paper, then track it through other meetings in the next month. At the end of the month, create a graph which shows variating "um" usage.
I have never done this, myself, but it could me mildly entertaining. Or you could play buzzword bingo. Make a bingo sheet with all the commonly used buzzwords ("Leverage", "empowerment", etc.) Just be careful not to holler out "BINGO!" too loudly. They will look at you funny. I feel your pain...really. |
12-17-2003, 01:57 PM | #4 |
Operations Operative
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Northern WI
Posts: 739
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Oops, forgot to mention I'll be teleconferenced in to another facility, alone in my office, so I'll have a bit more freedom to screw around than your typical meeting.
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If you spot a tornado, always remember to point at it, yell "tornado!", and run like hell. |
12-17-2003, 01:59 PM | #5 |
lobber of scimitars
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Phila Burbs
Posts: 20,774
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Work on "THE LIST".
Just have it headlined that. Put various coworkers names on it. Scratch your head a lot (not so much they think you have lice, but a lot). Mumble from time to time. Redo the list, with people's names in different orders. Cross things out a lot. Write some names very heavily. Going over and over and over the name with your pencil (yes, do this in pencil, but cross out instead of erasing.) 10 or so names down, you're going to want to have a subheading. It should say "reload." You might want to have something like a Pez or other refillable novelty candy dispenser handy in your pocket, so just in case someone gets really freaked out over this, you can offer the explanation that you were merely deciding with whom and in what order to share your candy ...
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wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis |
12-17-2003, 02:02 PM | #6 |
lobber of scimitars
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Phila Burbs
Posts: 20,774
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If you are video conferenced as well ...
Get a ping pong ball. Cut it in half. Use a marker to draw black dots on the center of each half. You now have a set of Three Stooges pretending to be awake eyeballs. Stick them in your eyes. Make sure you are always directly facing your cam. Slump back slightly in your chair. This also works in live meetings.
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wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis |
12-17-2003, 02:25 PM | #7 |
Operations Operative
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Northern WI
Posts: 739
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Cripes, let's spend the first half hour discussing the old way....WHY??!?!
And I've already been mentioned by name, fuck! On the plus side however, I have discovered the Cellar's View NEW messages feature! SWEET.
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If you spot a tornado, always remember to point at it, yell "tornado!", and run like hell. |
12-17-2003, 05:03 PM | #8 |
2nd Covenant, yo
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Pugetropolis
Posts: 583
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A videoconference requires the use of a sock puppet. If anyone asks about it, have the puppet ask them "What sock puppet?" I had a simple sock puppet all ready for my last job, but we got laid off before I could use it, and no real opportunity to use it.
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The party's over ... the drink ... and the luck ... ran out. |
12-17-2003, 05:17 PM | #9 |
dar512 is now Pete Zicato
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Chicago suburb
Posts: 4,968
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Do you play guitar? I've been memorizing the position of the notes on the fretboard this way.
I draw the fretboard and start filling in the notes. Pay attention to the dotted frets and, if you have enough meetings, you'll be playing riffs in no time. |
12-17-2003, 06:03 PM | #10 |
Radical Centrist
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Cottage of Prussia
Posts: 31,423
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Or just pick a song that you know the key of, and look at the fretboard, and figure out how to play it in your head without the lettered notes.
Lesson for today: the main riff of "Day Tripper" - The Beatles. It starts with an open E string. Take it from there. If you get stuck use the tabulature archive here. If you can imagine playing it, you can probably play it! I swear this works! |
12-17-2003, 09:46 PM | #11 |
The future is unwritten
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 71,105
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Spitballs
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12-17-2003, 11:50 PM | #12 |
When Do I Get Virtual Unreality?
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Raytown, Missouri
Posts: 12,719
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My new job features a regular Monday AM staff meeting. Everyone brings a pad and a pen. As far as I can tell, I'm the only one who actually takes NOTES! The first one I went to, the salesman I was sitting by was doodling through the whole meeting, drawing palm trees and shit...apparently, he was bummed with the cold snap we'd just undergone.
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"To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog |
12-18-2003, 01:58 AM | #13 |
a real smartass
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Kirkland, WA
Posts: 1,121
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Yes, Spode! DRAW!
Specifically, if the meeting is going nowhere, then draw studies of the other people at the meeting. You may as well practice something. |
12-18-2003, 08:55 AM | #14 | |
dar512 is now Pete Zicato
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Chicago suburb
Posts: 4,968
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