What's upsetting you today? - Page 415

morethanpretty · 02-09-2011, 10:34 PM

I told him I would be lonely and that I was not happy about it. I can't just say "no" though. That puts all the guilt on me and that is just as bad.

plthijinx · 02-09-2011, 10:39 PM

alright yeah....you did give him the hint. ball's in his court with your wrath for a counter serve if you so choose!

morethanpretty · 02-09-2011, 10:44 PM

I'm getting drunk in the bedroom, have already locked the door. He wanted a female free evening? Well he can have a whole female free night, on the couch.

plthijinx · 02-09-2011, 11:01 PM

ouch but can't say he didn't ask for it.

Pete Zicato · 02-10-2011, 09:20 AM

Lust and sex are great and all. But, to me, the thing that keeps two people together over the years is how well they take care of each other. Your boyfriend seems to be pretty blatant in not caring.

Spexxvet · 02-10-2011, 09:53 AM

All the best MTP. I hope everything works out well for you.

Clodfobble · 02-10-2011, 03:35 PM

If it were me, I would suspect that the "guys' night out" was a deliberate decision he made only after being told that grocery shopping was more important than immediate sex. I had a boyfriend like that once. Wanted it when he wanted it, didn't care when I wanted it, and hated being denied. That shit ended pretty quickly.

morethanpretty · 02-11-2011, 07:23 AM

He argued that I had turned him down, not just postponed the action. And apparently telling him I would be lonely was not clear enough that I wanted to be with him. After an hour on the couch he came back and apologized and said he was wrong and stupid. I went ahead and forgave him, because I'm too nice and don't like to hold grudges. He seemed to really mean it. I guess that is one of many cons of dating a younger guy with little relationship experience. He has a lot to learn, and I have to be more patient. I am not very good with patience.

glatt · 02-11-2011, 07:50 AM

Some (most) guys are dumb. You've got to spell it out for us. Hints usually don't work so well. You just need to come right out and say it, or we will miss it entirely.

Perry Winkle · 02-11-2011, 08:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by morethanpretty

He argued that I had turned him down, not just postponed the action. And apparently telling him I would be lonely was not clear enough that I wanted to be with him. After an hour on the couch he came back and apologized and said he was wrong and stupid. I went ahead and forgave him, because I'm too nice and don't like to hold grudges. He seemed to really mean it. I guess that is one of many cons of dating a younger guy with little relationship experience. He has a lot to learn, and I have to be more patient. I am not very good with patience.

I don't mean this in a derogatory way, but I think you have a lot to learn too.

You can't expect anyone to read your mind. Saying you'll be lonely just sounds like you want attention for your own sake. If you explain your feelings, that you want to spend time with him because of your rough day, then a caring person will be there for you.

Shutting yourself away and getting drunk is a very immature response, especially to an imagined slight. In my mind, you should apologize for your reaction and work on communicating better.

My wife and I used to struggle greatly with communication. We are much better at it now. And one of the simplest things is to be up front about what we need from each other and why. Also, we never go to sleep with unfinished relationship business.

morethanpretty · 02-11-2011, 09:11 AM

It is REALLY difficult to be more clear than "I will be lonely tonight...[can I come along]" a bit of the shortened version, but I said all of that. I was not giving a hint and I was not trying to be coy. I told him I was disappointed that he would be all over me, and then tell me a short time later that he was leaving for the evening. The only way to have been more clear would have been to tell him he was not allowed to go. That makes me a bitch and is unfair for me to tell him what to do.

Shawnee123 · 02-11-2011, 09:22 AM

It's not just 'unfair' to tell someone what to do, it's unrealistic. They'll resent you, may take 2 weeks, may take 20 years. My sage old self says that people are going to do what they want to do, and you decide if a continued behavior pattern is going to work for you. You can't change anyone, you can't possibly want someone to be around you just because you said so and they fear your wrath.

I would have been pissed off if someone in my life initiated sex only to be all like "Well, gotta go!" with no forewarning. I wouldn't mind the going part: go, I say...I can watch you leave. However, I might start thinking twice about letting you come back, into my house or into my heart, as convenience dictates.

People need freedom to "do" whatever they're going to do. You can suggest otherwise, and they can acquiesce or not. I think his trying to get sex before he left you in the lurch COULD be chalked up to the "a lot to learn" part, but certainly it is up to YOU to decide, if this behavior continues, if he is really the one for you.

limey · 02-11-2011, 11:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Perry Winkle

...

My wife and I used to struggle greatly with communication. We are much better at it now. And one of the simplest things is to be up front about what we need from each other and why. Also, we never go to sleep with unfinished relationship business.

This.
Put the word "husband" in there and that could be me talking.

anonymous · 02-14-2011, 03:33 PM

i'm sad as hell.

monster · 02-14-2011, 04:40 PM

Can you tell us what's making you sad?

02-09-2011, 10:34 PM	#6211
morethanpretty Thats "Miss Zipper Neck" to you. Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: little town (but not the littlest) in texas Posts: 2,957	I told him I would be lonely and that I was not happy about it. I can't just say "no" though. That puts all the guilt on me and that is just as bad. __________________ Addicts may suck dick for coke, but love came up with the idea to put a dick in there to begin with. -Jack O'Brien

02-09-2011, 10:39 PM	#6212
plthijinx Master Dwellar Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 4,197	alright yeah....you did give him the hint. ball's in his court with your wrath for a counter serve if you so choose! __________________ For your dreams to come true, you must first have a dream.

02-09-2011, 10:44 PM	#6213
morethanpretty Thats "Miss Zipper Neck" to you. Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: little town (but not the littlest) in texas Posts: 2,957	I'm getting drunk in the bedroom, have already locked the door. He wanted a female free evening? Well he can have a whole female free night, on the couch. __________________ Addicts may suck dick for coke, but love came up with the idea to put a dick in there to begin with. -Jack O'Brien

02-09-2011, 11:01 PM	#6214
plthijinx Master Dwellar Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 4,197	ouch but can't say he didn't ask for it. __________________ For your dreams to come true, you must first have a dream.

02-10-2011, 09:20 AM	#6215
Pete Zicato Turns out my CRS is a symptom of TMB. Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Chicago suburbs Posts: 2,916	Lust and sex are great and all. But, to me, the thing that keeps two people together over the years is how well they take care of each other. Your boyfriend seems to be pretty blatant in not caring. __________________ Talk nerdy to me.

02-10-2011, 09:53 AM	#6216
Spexxvet Makes some feel uncomfortable Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 10,346	All the best MTP. I hope everything works out well for you. __________________ "I'm certainly free, nay compelled, to spread the gospel of Spex. " - xoxoxoBruce

02-10-2011, 03:35 PM	#6217
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	If it were me, I would suspect that the "guys' night out" was a deliberate decision he made only after being told that grocery shopping was more important than immediate sex. I had a boyfriend like that once. Wanted it when he wanted it, didn't care when I wanted it, and hated being denied. That shit ended pretty quickly. __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

02-11-2011, 07:23 AM	#6218
morethanpretty Thats "Miss Zipper Neck" to you. Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: little town (but not the littlest) in texas Posts: 2,957	He argued that I had turned him down, not just postponed the action. And apparently telling him I would be lonely was not clear enough that I wanted to be with him. After an hour on the couch he came back and apologized and said he was wrong and stupid. I went ahead and forgave him, because I'm too nice and don't like to hold grudges. He seemed to really mean it. I guess that is one of many cons of dating a younger guy with little relationship experience. He has a lot to learn, and I have to be more patient. I am not very good with patience. __________________ Addicts may suck dick for coke, but love came up with the idea to put a dick in there to begin with. -Jack O'Brien

02-11-2011, 07:50 AM	#6219
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	Some (most) guys are dumb. You've got to spell it out for us. Hints usually don't work so well. You just need to come right out and say it, or we will miss it entirely.

02-11-2011, 09:11 AM	#6221
morethanpretty Thats "Miss Zipper Neck" to you. Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: little town (but not the littlest) in texas Posts: 2,957	It is REALLY difficult to be more clear than "I will be lonely tonight...[can I come along]" a bit of the shortened version, but I said all of that. I was not giving a hint and I was not trying to be coy. I told him I was disappointed that he would be all over me, and then tell me a short time later that he was leaving for the evening. The only way to have been more clear would have been to tell him he was not allowed to go. That makes me a bitch and is unfair for me to tell him what to do. __________________ Addicts may suck dick for coke, but love came up with the idea to put a dick in there to begin with. -Jack O'Brien

02-11-2011, 09:22 AM	#6222
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	It's not just 'unfair' to tell someone what to do, it's unrealistic. They'll resent you, may take 2 weeks, may take 20 years. My sage old self says that people are going to do what they want to do, and you decide if a continued behavior pattern is going to work for you. You can't change anyone, you can't possibly want someone to be around you just because you said so and they fear your wrath. I would have been pissed off if someone in my life initiated sex only to be all like "Well, gotta go!" with no forewarning. I wouldn't mind the going part: go, I say...I can watch you leave. However, I might start thinking twice about letting you come back, into my house or into my heart, as convenience dictates. People need freedom to "do" whatever they're going to do. You can suggest otherwise, and they can acquiesce or not. I think his trying to get sex before he left you in the lurch COULD be chalked up to the "a lot to learn" part, but certainly it is up to YOU to decide, if this behavior continues, if he is really the one for you.

02-14-2011, 03:33 PM	#6224
anonymous Operations Operative Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: in hiding Posts: 578	i'm sad as hell.

02-14-2011, 04:40 PM	#6225
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	Can you tell us what's making you sad? __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

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