Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 149

Pie · 10-29-2008, 02:26 PM

A guy is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctor that he's worry about getting seasick. The doctor suggests, ''Eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock.''
The guy replies, ''Would that keep me from getting sick, Doc?''
The doctor says, ''No, but it'll look real pretty in the water.''

jester · 10-29-2008, 02:56 PM

Little Red Riding Hood was getting ready to go and deliver a basket of goodies to Grandmother when her mother stopped her, saying "Little Red, you had better be careful in the woods because the Big Bad Wolf is out today. If he catches you, he is going to lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and fuck your little red socks off."
"Oh I'll be all right," Little Red answered as she pulled out a rather large shotgun from the basket she was carrying. Assured that her daughter would be safe, she allowed Little Red to leave the house and begin the journey to Grandmother's house.
Along the trail in the woods Little Red came across her friends the three little pigs (don't ask what they are doing in the woods, after all it is just a joke)
"Little Red, Little Red," they called to her, "you had better be careful because the Big Bad Wolf is in the woods today. He said that if he catches you, he is going to lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and fuck your little red socks off."
After showing them the shotgun and assuring her friends that she would be all right, Little Red continued her journey to Grandmother's.
Just then the Big Bad Wolf appeared and he said, "Little Red at last I found you. You know what's going to happen now, right? I am going to lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and fuck your little red socks off."
"I don't think so..." Little Red replied as she leveled the shotgun at the wolf. She then lifted up her little red dress, and pulled down her little red panties and said, "you're going to eat me just like the book says...."

morethanpretty · 10-29-2008, 09:04 PM

Do the math!

lumberjim · 10-29-2008, 09:33 PM

Crimson Ghost · 10-30-2008, 01:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by classicman

A guy sits down in a Cafe and asks for the hot chile. The waitress says, "The guy next to you got the last bowl."
He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the chili bowl is still full. He says, "Are you going to eat that?"
The other guy says, "No. Help yourself."
He takes it and starts to eat it. When he gets about half way down, his fork hits something. He looks down sees a dead mouse in it, and he pukes! the chili back into the bowl.
The other guy says, "That's about as far as I got, too."

Great.
Now I'm hungry...

classicman · 10-30-2008, 09:29 AM

Thats the Chili Diet - Its all the rave out west.

TheMercenary · 10-30-2008, 04:43 PM

These are pretty funny, from the UK

http://www.dustville.co.uk/cartoons.htm

TheMercenary · 10-31-2008, 10:01 AM

TheMercenary · 10-31-2008, 10:02 AM

Sundae · 10-31-2008, 10:55 AM

Re 2228 - wow. Dana might have to correct me re students, but certainly every single adult I know has a Windows, not Mac laptop, which makes me question whether it's an untampered with photo.

Shame that either way, students no longer take note by hand.

TheMercenary · 10-31-2008, 11:05 AM

I think it is real, pbly a classroom prank.

glatt · 10-31-2008, 11:51 AM

The kid with the pen and paper is the only one taking notes. The rest are posting in the Cellar.

TheMercenary · 10-31-2008, 11:55 AM

good one.

classicman · 10-31-2008, 03:29 PM

THE ITALIAN ELBOW

An Italian grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.
"You comma to de front door of the apartmenta. I am inna apartmenta 301."

There issa bigga panel at the front door. With you elbow, pusha button 301.
I will buzza you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with you elbow, pusha 3.

When you get out, I'mma on the left. With you elbow, hit my doorbell."
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?

"What . . . . . .. .. You comma empty handed?

DanaC · 10-31-2008, 07:20 PM

Pretty muh nobody I know takes a laptop into lectures. It's all pen and paper. Though you don't have to take much in the way of detailed notes, because the lecture slides are online afterwards.

Pretty much a mix on Macs and Windows I've found. Leaning probably towards Windows mostly.

10-29-2008, 02:26 PM	#2221
Pie Gone and done Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 4,808	A guy is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctor that he's worry about getting seasick. The doctor suggests, ''Eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock.'' The guy replies, ''Would that keep me from getting sick, Doc?'' The doctor says, ''No, but it'll look real pretty in the water.'' __________________ per·son \ˈpər-sən\ (noun) - an ephemeral collection of small, irrational decisions The fun thing about evolution (and science in general) is that it happens whether you believe in it or not.

10-29-2008, 09:04 PM	#2223
morethanpretty Thats "Miss Zipper Neck" to you. Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: little town (but not the littlest) in texas Posts: 2,957	Do the math! Attached Images __________________ Addicts may suck dick for coke, but love came up with the idea to put a dick in there to begin with. -Jack O'Brien

10-29-2008, 09:33 PM	#2224
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	__________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

10-30-2008, 09:29 AM	#2226
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	Thats the Chili Diet - Its all the rave out west. __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

10-30-2008, 04:43 PM	#2227
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	These are pretty funny, from the UK http://www.dustville.co.uk/cartoons.htm __________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!

10-29-2008, 02:56 PM	#2222
jester why so serious Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 1,712	Little Red Riding Hood was getting ready to go and deliver a basket of goodies to Grandmother when her mother stopped her, saying "Little Red, you had better be careful in the woods because the Big Bad Wolf is out today. If he catches you, he is going to lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and fuck your little red socks off." "Oh I'll be all right," Little Red answered as she pulled out a rather large shotgun from the basket she was carrying. Assured that her daughter would be safe, she allowed Little Red to leave the house and begin the journey to Grandmother's house. Along the trail in the woods Little Red came across her friends the three little pigs (don't ask what they are doing in the woods, after all it is just a joke) "Little Red, Little Red," they called to her, "you had better be careful because the Big Bad Wolf is in the woods today. He said that if he catches you, he is going to lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and fuck your little red socks off." After showing them the shotgun and assuring her friends that she would be all right, Little Red continued her journey to Grandmother's. Just then the Big Bad Wolf appeared and he said, "Little Red at last I found you. You know what's going to happen now, right? I am going to lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and fuck your little red socks off." "I don't think so..." Little Red replied as she leveled the shotgun at the wolf. She then lifted up her little red dress, and pulled down her little red panties and said, "you're going to eat me just like the book says...."

10-31-2008, 10:01 AM	#2228
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	__________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!

10-31-2008, 10:02 AM	#2229
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	__________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!

10-31-2008, 10:55 AM	#2230
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	Re 2228 - wow. Dana might have to correct me re students, but certainly every single adult I know has a Windows, not Mac laptop, which makes me question whether it's an untampered with photo. Shame that either way, students no longer take note by hand. __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac Last edited by Sundae; 10-31-2008 at 12:19 PM. Reason: Changed tense is all

10-31-2008, 11:05 AM	#2231
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	I think it is real, pbly a classroom prank. __________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!

10-31-2008, 11:51 AM	#2232
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	The kid with the pen and paper is the only one taking notes. The rest are posting in the Cellar.

10-31-2008, 11:55 AM	#2233
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	good one. __________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!

10-31-2008, 03:29 PM	#2234
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	THE ITALIAN ELBOW An Italian grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife. "You comma to de front door of the apartmenta. I am inna apartmenta 301." There issa bigga panel at the front door. With you elbow, pusha button 301. I will buzza you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with you elbow, pusha 3. When you get out, I'mma on the left. With you elbow, hit my doorbell." "Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? "What . . . . . .. .. You comma empty handed? __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

10-31-2008, 07:20 PM	#2235
DanaC We have to go back, Kate! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Yorkshire Posts: 25,964	Pretty muh nobody I know takes a laptop into lectures. It's all pen and paper. Though you don't have to take much in the way of detailed notes, because the lecture slides are online afterwards. Pretty much a mix on Macs and Windows I've found. Leaning probably towards Windows mostly.

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