Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 276

infinite monkey · 09-06-2011, 07:49 AM

Ohhhhhhhhhhh, see, at first I was like "huh WHAAAAA?" then when it was all explained to me I was like "HAHAHAHAAAAHAAHAAHHAAHAHAAAAAAA!" Not exactly like that but almost like that. Maybe minus a 'ha'.

GunMaster357 · 09-07-2011, 05:29 AM

Q. What is the cheapest meat?

A. Deer balls, there under a buck.

Gravdigr · 09-07-2011, 04:47 PM

Oh, that's ƒucking ƒunny!!!

footfootfoot · 09-07-2011, 05:45 PM

variant: What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?

Deer nuts are under a buck.

For our foreign readers:

Gravdigr · 09-08-2011, 03:17 PM

A guy and a girl meet at a bar.They get along so well that they decide to go
to the girl's place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then
washes his hands.He then takes off his trousers and again washes his
hands.The girl has been watching him and says:"You must be a dentist."The
guy, surprised, says:"Yes .... How did you figure that out?""Easy.." she
replies, "you keep washing your hands". One thing leads to another and they
make love. After it's over the girl says: "You must be a good dentist."The
guy, now with an inflated ego, says:"Sure - I'm a good dentist. How did you
figure that out?"

The girl replies:....."Didn't feel a thing."

classicman · 09-08-2011, 10:07 PM

An old woman is riding an elevator in a lavish store when a beautiful woman gets in the
elevator, smelling of perfume. She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly,
"Romance" by Ralph Lauren, $150 an ounce!" Another beautiful woman gets on the
elevator, and turns to her and says, "Chanel No. 5, $200 an ounce!"The old woman is
about to get off the elevator but before she leaves, she looks both women in the eye,
farts and as the door closes behind her says, "Broccoli - 49 cents a pound"

TheMercenary · 09-08-2011, 10:09 PM

GunMaster357 · 09-09-2011, 07:05 AM

Pfizer Corp. (PFE) is making the announcement today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as-is or as a mixer, under the name "Mount and Do." Pepsi's proposed ad campaign suggests: "It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one."

Recommendation: BUY

Gravdigr · 09-14-2011, 05:13 PM

Mmmm...Hedberg.

Lola Bunny · 09-15-2011, 10:40 PM

Not sure where this belongs but I found it funny.

TO ALL GIRLS . . . who are in a hurry to have a boyfriend or get married, a piece of Biblical advice - " Ruth patiently waited for her mate Boaz." While you are waiting on YOUR Boaz, don't settle for any of his relatives; Broke-az, Po-az, Lyin-az, Cheating-az, Dumb-az, Drunk-az, Cheap-az, Lockedup-a…z, Goodfornothing-az, Lazy-az & especially his third cousin Beatinyo-az. Wait on your Boaz and make sure he respects Yoaz

infinite monkey · 09-16-2011, 07:25 AM

I like that one, Lola.

morethanpretty · 09-16-2011, 06:48 PM

Stole this from someone just now:

A soldier comes home on leave. His wife asks him to have "the talk" with their son. The soldier says OK, and tells his son: "Listen up, kid. It's time you knew the facts. When a man and a woman want a baby, they F**K. Just like the birds and the bees."

ZenGum · 09-17-2011, 05:24 AM

Although, did anyone else ever notice that most bees never actually f**k, but go through their lives as sexless workers. Only the queen and a bunch of randy bee dudes get any action.

Makes it a pretty stupid metaphor.

Clodfobble · 09-17-2011, 09:02 AM

No, that talk is the "bees and the flowers," Zen. The birds and the bees is all about how the birds eat the bees. Especially the swallows.

jimhelm · 09-17-2011, 10:01 AM

swallows eat unborn babies, i thought.

...well, i guess that's only half true.

ba dum dum

09-07-2011, 05:29 AM	#4127
GunMaster357 Professor Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Brest (FRANCE) Posts: 1,837	Q. What is the cheapest meat? A. Deer balls, there under a buck. __________________ "War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." - Ambrose Bierce

09-07-2011, 04:47 PM	#4128
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	Oh, that's ƒucking ƒunny!!! __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

09-07-2011, 05:45 PM	#4129
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	variant: What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts? Deer nuts are under a buck. For our foreign readers: Attached Images __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

09-08-2011, 03:17 PM	#4130
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	A guy and a girl meet at a bar.They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.He then takes off his trousers and again washes his hands.The girl has been watching him and says:"You must be a dentist."The guy, surprised, says:"Yes .... How did you figure that out?""Easy.." she replies, "you keep washing your hands". One thing leads to another and they make love. After it's over the girl says: "You must be a good dentist."The guy, now with an inflated ego, says:"Sure - I'm a good dentist. How did you figure that out?" The girl replies:....."Didn't feel a thing." __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

09-08-2011, 10:07 PM	#4131
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	An old woman is riding an elevator in a lavish store when a beautiful woman gets in the elevator, smelling of perfume. She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly, "Romance" by Ralph Lauren, $150 an ounce!" Another beautiful woman gets on the elevator, and turns to her and says, "Chanel No. 5, $200 an ounce!"The old woman is about to get off the elevator but before she leaves, she looks both women in the eye, farts and as the door closes behind her says, "Broccoli - 49 cents a pound" __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

09-06-2011, 07:49 AM	#4126
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	Ohhhhhhhhhhh, see, at first I was like "huh WHAAAAA?" then when it was all explained to me I was like "HAHAHAHAAAAHAAHAAHHAAHAHAAAAAAA!" Not exactly like that but almost like that. Maybe minus a 'ha'.

09-08-2011, 10:09 PM	#4132
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	__________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!

09-09-2011, 07:05 AM	#4133
GunMaster357 Professor Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Brest (FRANCE) Posts: 1,837	Pfizer Corp. (PFE) is making the announcement today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as-is or as a mixer, under the name "Mount and Do." Pepsi's proposed ad campaign suggests: "It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one." Recommendation: BUY __________________ "War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." - Ambrose Bierce

09-14-2011, 05:13 PM	#4134
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	Mmmm...Hedberg. Attached Images __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

09-15-2011, 10:40 PM	#4135
Lola Bunny Junior Master Dwellar Join Date: May 2011 Posts: 2,728	Not sure where this belongs but I found it funny. TO ALL GIRLS . . . who are in a hurry to have a boyfriend or get married, a piece of Biblical advice - " Ruth patiently waited for her mate Boaz." While you are waiting on YOUR Boaz, don't settle for any of his relatives; Broke-az, Po-az, Lyin-az, Cheating-az, Dumb-az, Drunk-az, Cheap-az, Lockedup-a…z, Goodfornothing-az, Lazy-az & especially his third cousin Beatinyo-az. Wait on your Boaz and make sure he respects Yoaz

09-16-2011, 07:25 AM	#4136
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	I like that one, Lola.

09-16-2011, 06:48 PM	#4137
morethanpretty Thats "Miss Zipper Neck" to you. Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: little town (but not the littlest) in texas Posts: 2,957	Stole this from someone just now: A soldier comes home on leave. His wife asks him to have "the talk" with their son. The soldier says OK, and tells his son: "Listen up, kid. It's time you knew the facts. When a man and a woman want a baby, they F**K. Just like the birds and the bees." __________________ Addicts may suck dick for coke, but love came up with the idea to put a dick in there to begin with. -Jack O'Brien

09-17-2011, 05:24 AM	#4138
ZenGum Doctor Wtf Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Badelaide, Baustralia Posts: 12,861	Although, did anyone else ever notice that most bees never actually f**k, but go through their lives as sexless workers. Only the queen and a bunch of randy bee dudes get any action. Makes it a pretty stupid metaphor. __________________ Shut up and hug. MoreThanPretty, Nov 5, 2008. Just because I'm nominally polite, does not make me a pussy. Sundae Girl.

09-17-2011, 09:02 AM	#4139
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	No, that talk is the "bees and the flowers," Zen. The birds and the bees is all about how the birds eat the bees. Especially the swallows. __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

09-17-2011, 10:01 AM	#4140
jimhelm a beautiful fool Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: 39.939705 Posts: 4,504	swallows eat unborn babies, i thought. ...well, i guess that's only half true. ba dum dum __________________ There's a Shadow just behind me. Shrouding every step I take. Making every promise empty, pointing every finger at me. _tool

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