What is Love?

[squirell nutkin]

love is never having to say you're sorry for putting it in the bad place without a warning.

[spudcon]

I read the Peck book years ago. It was a little to new age for me back then, but he had a few good points. I agree more with what the Cellarites have to say about love than I agree with Peck. Of course, I've been divorced for many years, but that's because my cupcake got transformed into a murderous dragon.

[Shawnee123]

Originally Posted by LJ

Or that the person that is loved more is more loveable for some reason. And thus holds more 'power'.
And all the shades of grey between.

Being conscious of your power and respecting it is a sort of 'Grace' I agree.

That would mean one of the two is "less" loveable, or perceives themself to be less loveable, which speaks volumes about that person...or where they need to be to not feel "less."

I don't know if that even makes sense. Been thinking a lot about this thread...it's a worthy discussion.

[lumberjim]

Originally Posted by Undertoad

not really addressing the thread, I was thinking about this, and it seems like something we learn in life is the person who loves more has less power in the relationship

and it is up to the person with more power to never take advantage of that.

thinking more about this post...


I don't really see the connection between your statement and the quote. I included that quote because it reinforces the message that love is an act, not an intent. Nothing to do with who has more 'power' or who is taking advantage of it...

She was addressing the way I have tried to substitute my intentions for my actions. I say I want us to be together forever, but I did unconscious things that belied that desire. I want to be thin, but I did still eat at Burger King. She sees very clearly (because I've done so repeatedly) that I am capable of making very grandiose and poignant statements of love and commitment. She has also seen me behave in a way that contradict those statements enough times to realize that I tend to forget those promises eventually.

If I would Kill a Dragon for her, why the hell wouldn't I do something as mundane as sticking to a diet?

At this point, i think it was because I unconsciously wanted to feed my addictions more than I consciously wanted to be loving, attentive, desirable and lovable. That may or may not be at the root of what needs to be changed inside me.... but it definitely needs to be changed. My intent and my actions have been at odds. This had the added impact of causing my wife to wonder WHY. WHY would I NOT want to be loving more than i want to (eat/drink/sneak)? All i can say is that it is my damage, not hers, and I am very ashamed that my actions caused her that kind of pain and self doubt.

My inner view and self discipline had become nearly nonexistent. I have always struggled with discipline. Hopefully this experience and shock will help me to make a lasting change to the way I prioritize my life and how clearly I see myself. To be capable of demonstrating my love, I must be aware of the things I do, and consistent in what I say about the way I feel. I need to be accountable in my actions for the words I use.

Sorry to be such a one trick pony lately, but this is pretty much all that's on my mind. I think it helps me to organize my thoughts when I write things like this out.

[ZenGum]

I, for one, very much like this new introspective, thoughtful Lumberjim.

So much that I even held back making wisecracks about Love is saying no to a big mac, and stuff. Also, it wasn't very funny.

[Undertoad]

J helps me to notice that my previous relationship was all about power and it doesn't apply to everyone's relationship so deeply. Also I don't know your situation well enough to comment, so it was not necessarily addressing you.

You have more discipline than me. When I was faced with a two hour commute it drove me completely fuckin' insane and I quit after six months for a job that paid 40% less. To me, the modern-day equivalent to dragon killing is commuting... maybe it's even worse. You slay the dragon, good, it's over and done with -- but with commuting, you've just got to wake up the next day and do it again. Fuuuuuuhh.....

You say your intent and your actions have been at odds. J points out "that's everybody's struggle".

[thechattyhunter]

Sorry to butt in but ive just found this site while i was googling what a tim tam was, i thought it was something exciting
Anyways interesting topic, so what its kind of led up to is that every relationship has a modern day "slaying the dragon" when it comes to true love, and does that mean that it isnt true love if we found out we had to slay a dragon every day for the rest of our lives? or do we just agree to the terms of slaying this dragon as unconsiously we know we would never have to do it? its all confusing to me as i believe there are no such things as wrong answers as it something makes sense to someone isnt it real? there are many truths as they say.

[Undertoad]

What's a tim tam?

[classicman]

I don't know enough about your relationship to have any real insight so I'll just throw some thoughts out for discussion/reflection.

Originally Posted by lumberjim

]I included that quote because it reinforces the message that love is an act, not an intent.

As UT eluded to, it is a repeated act. Not just a one time deal. The act itself may also change over time.

I say I want us to be together forever, but I did unconscious things that belied that desire.

Perhaps the question here is why? Do/did you not feel that you are worthy or do you think perhaps that you did these things for some other reason?

She sees very clearly (because I've done so repeatedly) that I am capable of making very grandiose and poignant statements of love and commitment. She has also seen me behave in a way that contradict those statements enough times to realize that I tend to forget those promises eventually.

Sounds like you are in tune with the overall plan and the desired END result, but those tiny everyday individual tasks to achieve said plan may be getting overlooked.

My intent and my actions have been at odds. This had the added impact of causing my wife to wonder WHY. WHY would I NOT want to be loving more than i want to (eat/drink/sneak)? All I can say is that it is my damage, not hers, and I am very ashamed that my actions caused her that kind of pain and self doubt.

BOLD MINE - Perhaps admitting and accepting that which you are responsible for coupled with the realization of the ramifications of your actions may lead to the desire and ability to counter past negative behaviors and lead to more positive ones.

I must be aware of the things I do, and consistent in what I say about the way I feel. I need to be accountable in my actions for the words I use.

Originally Posted by Undertoad

What's a tim tam?

Who is Tim?

[jinx]

Originally Posted by Undertoad

"that's everybody's struggle".

Everybody has struggles with lots of different things. When those struggles are associated with considerable personal or social disruptions they can be classified as disorders - they cause dis-order in a person's life.
How to fix these disorders is the key/question.

[Trilby]

Originally Posted by Undertoad

What's a tim tam?

some kind of Aussie cookie, I believe.

As for love - I know nothing.

cookies - I know.

[jinx]

Yes, it's a cookie. Ducks sent us some real aussie ones, way better than the Pepridge Farm rip-offs.

[Undertoad]

^^^ That makes sense. It's like, shyness is a struggle many people have (40%), but social anxiety disorder is a disorder.

[Clodfobble]

There's also the added aspect of knowing that is one's struggle in the first place, versus believing (consciously or subconsciously) that one's intentions are sufficient.

[thechattyhunter]

lol yes a tim tams a biscuit, over here in the uk we have penguin biscuits looks like them but thicker.