Well Behaved Children.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Being a recluse curmudgeon (get off my lawn), I have limited patience with annoying ankle biters. Yeah, yeah, children are music to the ear. OK, kids babbling in the background, or doing the sing song thing, is OK. But the fucking screams, like giant claws on a chalkboard, drive me crazy.

We were headed to one of my favorite restaurants, down the sidewalk, make a left to the front door, when I spot them coming at us. Like they just crossed the Yalu River bent on subjugating the free world. Mom is in the lead, walking like one of those health nuts... you know, the "permissive parents" Arggghhh! Mom has one ankle biter pacing her while Dad in a bit behind with two more of the little vermin.

Oh no, oh no, they can't be, oh shit they are, they're going to my goddamn restaurant! I pick up the pace slightly, not wanting to desert my companion, but Mom in her damn fancy sneakers beats me to the turn, along with her mini-pestilence. When she stopped at the front door to let Dad catch up so they could invade as a hoard, I bolted past her, maybe slightly rudely. OK, very rudely.

The method to my madness is when we eat here it's always in a small back room with only a couple of booths, and they are often full. Maybe if we can shunt the invaders to another room, please, please, please. The Lady shows us to the room and there are two empty booths. Oh no... no, no, no this can't be happening. Oh yes it can... and does.. the Mongols are not at the gate, they're in the next booth.

Well we could move to another room. Fuck that, this is my restaurant, my dining room, they are the trespassers... Oh well, make the best of it, turn off the hearing aids. Just watch one of the four ball games on the four big screens. Sulk at the injustice. Chew my Bay Scallop Quesadillas, (that aren't on the menu but they make special for me), with great vigor.

After awhile I notice something strange... quiet, very quiet, too quiet. Ah, the staff must have repelled the invaders, cast them out into the street. Have to tip generously. But when we get up to leave, the little blighters were still there, lying in wait to ambush some unsuspecting soul. I must have scared them into waiting for easier pickings... yeah, that's it, growl and mentally beat my chest. Grunt, grunt, grunt.

Mom is sitting on one side of the booth quietly enjoying her meal with one of the kids beside her doing the same. Dad's on the other side with the youngest (think Cindy Lou Who) sharing a picture book while they both happily chew their own respective dinners. Next to them, the third child looked like he was daydreaming, a million miles away, while he ate. Could be a trap though, better not take a chance, and back out of the room like the Serbian Electrician told me they all leave family reunions.

But alas, they tricked me. Yeah, they fooled me good. I stopped at their booth and commented how well behaved the children were and what good parents they appeared to be. Mom smiled a little, Dad said, "Thank you", but gave me a look like 'what you talking about, Willis', we're like the normal family, nothing to see here.

Son of a bitch, that did it, the coupe de grace... I paid their bill on the way out.

[Griff]

Well played.

[Clodfobble]

Wow, that was really nice of you!

[Gravdigr]

You magnificent bastard.

[Lola Bunny]

Originally Posted by Gravdigr

You magnificent bastard.

yeah...yes, you are.

[limey]

Yes. Yes he is.

[xoxoxoBruce]

No, no, no, I'm a dick who got a comeuppance.
The good news is there are still parents who teach their children proper behavior.
Of course the caveat, what I think is proper behavior, and there's evidently a lot of parents who disagree.

[Griff]

It is a national affliction, so much so that Olympic Silver Medalist Tim Morehouse felt the need to address it.


It is Time for a Values Revolution in Youth Sports
December 23, 2014

It is time for a revolution in the way we evaluate our youth athletes. After seeing firsthand the poor behavior being demonstrated by some of our young fencers and their parents and coaches at our youth fencing tournaments, I felt compelled to share my thoughts on how we can change the sometimes hostile culture that has developed.

I know this topic goes beyond just the sport of fencing, but since I'm a fencer, I'm going to address the actions I think my own sport needs to take. I also want give the caveat that the vast majority of our young athletes, coaches and parents demonstrate great behavior but there is still too many bad incidents happening and not a sufficient system in place to deal with it. We need to do a better job handling bad sportsmanship, preventing repeats of bad behavior by individuals in addition to heading off incidents before they even escalate.

This is not just about punishing bad behavior, this is about teaching and rewarding good behavior. We need to start building new reward systems that value sportsmanship and that also emphasize mastery of the basic techniques and core principle of the sport. We can no longer solely rely on the amount of points they score and the matches they win or lose if we want to maximize the power of sport for our young athletes. Values need to play a prominent role.

In order to be leader in the youth sports community amongst all sports, I think fencing should create "Sportsmanship and Fair Play Commandments" for parents, coaches and students in addition to creating a new type of principle and skills based ranking system that is more focused on mastering basic principles than just wins and losses. Within these new systems, the referees of young fencers should be positioned as teachers as much as arbitrators of points and penalties.

In regards to the sportsmanship commandements, students, parents and coaches should have to know the list and sign it before every tournament. The new principle and skills based ranking system I'm also suggesting should include checklists of skills to master at different levels so our young fencers, and their parents, can better understand the core techniques and philosophies they should be working towards mastering in regards to form, strategy and basic fencing principles like distance and balance. By the way, these are also ultimately precursors to long-term winning on and off the fencing strip.

In addressing bad sportsmanship by parents, coaches and fencers, referees would have a system where they wouldn't necessarily have to give a black card during a bout for their to be some sort addressing of bad behavior or consequence. Referees after bouts could do a quick ranking of behavior, with notes if necessary, of the conduct of those groups and if multiple reports have been received then the athletes, parents and/or coaches, perhaps even a club with a trend of bad behavior(!) by students, coaches or parents, could be addressed for systematic bad behavior by the governing body or some sort of appoint commisioner.

Coaches, students and parents who continually violate the sportsmanship commandments should be unable to attend competitions for a certain period of time and should be given activities to earn their way back that demonstrate they now understand what behavior is expected. Imagine the dynamic that might shift at clubs to emphasizing good behavior on the strip if a whole club was at-risk for suspension for repeated bad behavior?

On the opposite end, we should reward good sportsmanship and create a system by which our athletes earn sportsmanship rankings in the youth tournaments. We could create a fun system and highlight good behavior with patches and public recognition. etc.

We need to be teaching more than the sport itself if we want to maximize what youth sports can be in the life of our child. We need to be teaching values. At the youth levels, it is less important that students win or lose and more important that they are mastering the basics of technique, tactics and sportsmanship.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not against keeping score or an advocate for removing the idea of winners or losers. I believe winning and losing is an essential and powerful teaching element of sports we don't want to lose. We want winning and losing in sports so we can teach our children how to handle it.

The referee element is hugely critical and refereeing is one of the most important, difficult and thankless jobs in sports. I would love to see our referees be able evaluate and give "scores" for technique, tactics and strategy for the competing fencers so that the referees can be included as "teachers" for our young fencers. Short written feedback from referees that could be given to young fencers and their parents at the end of the tournament might go a long way to changing how that relationship is viewed and make the learning experience of a tournament that much more powerful.

Let's make this happen! I look forward to piloting some of these ideas in the near future through my foundation Fencing In The Schools and to hearing your thoughts on these issues.

Yours,

Tim Morehouse
Founder of Fencing In The Schools
US Olympic Silver Medalist
www.morehouseusa.com

[xoxoxoBruce]

Warning - non parent opinion follows. Yes, it does change perspective.

That sounds like a good attitude, Griff, but I worry in turning the theory into practice there's a pitfall. Like the well intentioned legislation, interpreted by the school board, forming a zero tolerance policy, which plays out in bizarre scenarios. Either because the first line troops(teachers) have the discretion taken away or are hiding behind policy.

Some kids have shunned scouts, little league, and other organized activities, in favor of pick up games and activities with ad hoc rules, to avoid the preaching and bullshit. Also shit like monster's goalie suffered, I believe because it's too organized and competitive to worry about the kids.

It seems the kids who thrive in the organized stuff have involved parents who sometimes help out, are supportive and involved. So do the kids want it, or want to please their folks? Do they absorb the preaching, or tune out until the fun starts?

OK, the idea of striving to win, but losing gracefully, is in the eye of the beholder.

Is this acceptable or is it not?


Train, practice, sacrifice, do your very best, then lose. You'll be disappointed, angry, sad, a range of emotions well up. Now this is when you are expected to make a socially acceptable decision about what emotions to show and how much? WTF? That's an awful burden to put on any competitor, especially kids.
When Johnny strikes out and beats the pitcher or umpire with the bat, I think we can agree that's unacceptable behavior.
However when Johnny strikes out and stomps off the field furiously chewing his gum and muttering, is that bad sportsmanship? Should he have thanked the pitcher and catcher for their participation? Fuck no, Johnny's pissed, probably mostly at himself. It's a way to show everyone he's unhappy with striking out, in my opinion.

But whether you agree or not, you can see the danger of trying to promote truthjusticeamericanway with strict rules of conduct. Guess the crowd will have to thumbs up or down, to guide the Emperor in his decision.

[xoxoxoBruce]

By the way, I feel partially vindicated in having a jaundice eye when seeing small children. I've seen kids sneakers with colored lights that light up when they walk, many times. But yesterday, at the movie theater, in the row in front of us, sat(loosely applied term) a girl who had sneakers with the brightest white strobes this side of a State Police Cruiser.

It was somewhat her mother's fault, however. About 1:15 into the movie the girl got fidgety, so very large Mom perches the girl on her knees. But Mom's so tall this puts the girl up against the seatback in front. When the girl sat on the seat her feet were in the air, but on Mom she could kick the seatback. flash, flash, flash.

Bitch couldn't even keep the beat, grumble, mutter, growl...

[Griff]

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

It seems the kids who thrive in the organized stuff have involved parents who sometimes help out, are supportive and involved. So do the kids want it, or want to please their folks? Do they absorb the preaching, or tune out until the fun starts?

It is so easy for parents to lose their way. You have to ask yourself are you pushing your kid for your ego or is the drive coming from your kid? Fortunately my kids have moved to higher education so I can serve my own ego. Is the child getting anything of value from the experience? I feel like if I were in monster's shoes I would have been good with my kid walking away, since to me staying is supporting a broken system. Obviously monster sees it differently, probably as a perseverance lesson. I persevered in wrestling as a kid and know I gained little from the experience. I have a natural tendency to stick with broken things so my sports lesson was sorta backwards.

[footfootfoot]

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

By the way, I feel partially vindicated in having a jaundice eye when seeing small children. I've seen kids sneakers with colored lights that light up when they walk, many times. But yesterday, at the movie theater, in the row in front of us, sat(loosely applied term) a girl who had sneakers with the brightest white strobes this side of a State Police Cruiser.

It was somewhat her mother's fault, however. About 1:15 into the movie the girl got fidgety, so very large Mom perches the girl on her knees. But Mom's so tall this puts the girl up against the seatback in front. When the girl sat on the seat her feet were in the air, but on Mom she could kick the seatback. flash, flash, flash.

Bitch couldn't even keep the beat, grumble, mutter, growl...

Oh my god, that is some annoying shit. I don't know what I would have done. My dad was always VERY vocal about that stuff and had no problem shouting at the top of his lungs in a theater or church or anywhere "Stuff a sock in it!" when some kids was bawling. It was mortifying to say the least. He felt it was natural.

Inspiring story about the quiet diners. I try to minimize the frequency of saying NO to the tiny people so that when I do say it, they know I mean it. It's worked out pretty well.

[Clodfobble]

Originally Posted by footfootfoot

My dad was always VERY vocal about that stuff and had no problem shouting at the top of his lungs in a theater or church or anywhere "Stuff a sock in it!" when some kids was bawling. It was mortifying to say the least. He felt it was natural.

My mom does the same thing, except the words are passive-aggressive even if the tone isn't. Just the other night we went to a little theater show for kids, and season ticket holders got to enter and choose a seat before people who only bothered to buy a ticket for a show they actually wanted to see. This theater normally hosts non-child-centered plays, so all the people getting in early were adults, and my mother very loudly declared, staring right at them as they filed past us, "I certainly hope all these big people aren't going to be sitting in the front."

[xoxoxoBruce]

Originally Posted by Griff

Obviously monster sees it differently, probably as a perseverance lesson.

Maybe, but I'm thinking if the boy stays she has a perfectly credible alibi... Uh, I mean reason, yeah reason, for staying near the coach.
Lurking... watching... looking for that flash of bare throat... Then leap


to ask about the new programs... yeah that's it, programs.

[xoxoxoBruce]

If you want to beat your kid hope you live in Okeechobee County Florida where the sheriff will send a deputy to make sure you don't break any laws.
I shit you not.