What's mildly irritating you today? - Page 260

footfootfoot · 09-19-2011, 11:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Griff

Film containers rule for all kinds of stuff. We gots to stockpile them.

Too late

classicman · 09-19-2011, 01:05 PM

Yeh really. I only have about a dozen left. Wasn't thinking and gave too any away.

Undertoad · 09-19-2011, 01:56 PM

Google is your friend

Spexxvet · 09-20-2011, 09:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

Or just buy an "eyeglasses repair kit." They come with a tiny screwdriver and half a dozen different standard glasses screws.

Probably 90% of all screws used in eyeglasses are 1.4mm diameter. My experience is that those screw kits don't include 1.4 mm screws.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Griff

Film containers rule for all kinds of stuff. We gots to stockpile them.

Film containers? What are film containers? What's film?

Clodfobble · 09-22-2011, 08:11 AM

My brain is being stereotypically womanly this morning, and I can't see above it to decide if I'm being remotely rational or not.

About 8 years ago, I sent a kind of ranty email to my mom. We don't ever fight, but this is the closest I ever came to telling her off. It wasn't an insignificant gripe--had to do with my views on my asshole stepfather--but there was really no fallout from it at the time, at least I thought. Things moved on.

Yesterday, I was talking with my dad, who revealed that she had told him about the email at the time (which is weird to begin with, because the way I imagine it they don't ever communicate,) and that she had a completely wrong interpretation of what I was upset about. Wrong enough that I'm inclined to talk to her about it and make sure she doesn't still think that's the way things went down, because it is completely and totally wrong, and I would never want her to think that about me.

But if I bring it up, that means we have to revisit the whole episode to begin with. And my dad has a history of misinterpreting and/or mentally revising a whole host of things, especially those to do with my mother, so it could be digging into a wound that has no reason to be dug into in the first place. And even if she did feel that way at the time, we're talking about a thing that happened almost a decade ago.

But I feel really compelled to bring it up. But I should probably just let sleeping dogs lie. But if I remember the incident so clearly even now, surely she does too, and would appreciate knowing that I haven't blamed her for things all these years? But maybe she'll still blame herself anyway, and reminding her of the whole thing will only make her feel bad. Goddammit.

glatt · 09-22-2011, 08:26 AM

Talk to her.

It's not you bringing it up again after all these years, it was your dad who did that. Now it's natural to address it since he brought it up. If you don't, it's probably going to bug you for a while and then you'll eventually bring it up later. And then it will be kind of random that you are bringing it up out of the blue.

BigV · 09-22-2011, 09:56 AM

Talk to her.

It's true that bringing up difficult subjects is a common way for uncomfortable conversations to begin. That's kind of the point. I'm not urging you to start a fight of course. Think of it this way. We heal from the inside out. If you get a cut, the flesh knits together from the bottom first and grows toward the surface. When it gets to the top, it's strong under the scar, but whole again. If that's not how it heals, if it skins over the top before all the crap is gone from the deeper parts of the wound, there will always be an irritant inside. That might just be uncomfortable, but it might cause bigger problems. It could develop into an abscess. It could look ok on the surface, but filled with infection, causing trouble for your whole body.

It's just an analogy. But our spiritual, emotional, mental selves are made of similar substance and subject to similar forces. You have to use your judgment, which is good. You have to use your words, which are many. You have to use your compassion, which is abundant. You have to use your strength and your courage, which are well documented and steadfast. You have to use your trust that they'll be grown ups, which might be a toss up, but you are responsible only for giving them the chance to understand. Just for giving them, and you, a chance for understanding.

Get it out. Even if you don't succeed the first time, you've made a beginning, try again, get the rest of the misunderstanding that is irritating your mind out of your mind. You may succeed, but only if you try. You may fail, but you will have done your best, instead of worrying and wishing.

footfootfoot · 09-22-2011, 12:07 PM

Your womanly brain...

umm where were we? OH yeah, don't listen to those knuckle heads, let sleeping dogs lie, especially if things are ok with you and your mom. you don't need the extra agita of revisiting that stuff.

Here's the deal: if in fouteen or so days you still feel the need to get this off your *cough*womanly brain*cough* then you can talk to her.

classicman · 09-22-2011, 02:14 PM

FWIW - I agree with foot3

glatt · 09-22-2011, 03:18 PM

In general, I think that talking about things is a good idea, especially if there is a high chance of resolution afterwards. If it's a topic where there will be no joint resolution, then it may be worth sweeping it under the carpet/bottling it up deep inside/insert metaphor here/ since it will just cause pain to talk about it without the benefit of fixing the situation.

Clodfobble · 09-22-2011, 03:29 PM

It has the potential to do that, since the underlying issue is that I am mostly like my father and not her, and that isn't really going to change. It doesn't bother me, because it's just a fact, and I can still love people who are different than I am. (I'm also cool with the fact that my daughter is, even at this age, so clearly more like my husband, for example. Then again, I haven't gone through a painful divorce like she did, either.) I know it bothers her that I'm a daddy's girl. And while this conversation I might have with her would prove me less of a daddy's girl on this one particular issue, it would also force her to talk about and acknowledge the fact that, at the base of it, I still very much am one.

footfootfoot · 09-22-2011, 05:32 PM

In light of your recent clarifications I'm going to have to change my original opinion to add, if it's been ten years already another month or two to see if it is still gnawing at you won't make much of a difference.

And I mean this in the most kind way, but mightn't this be a great distraction/avoidance from something else that is currently demanding the lion's share of your emotional energy?

Hmm?

Clodfobble · 09-22-2011, 06:59 PM

Nah, things are much, much better on the kid/life front the last couple of weeks. Tweaked the antiseizure meds, added a couple vitamins that I realized my diet was completely lacking, and dropped one of my classes so I now have 3 whole days to myself every week while the kids are in school. My house is actually clean, which is both an indicator and a contributor to my state of mind.

If anything, I am bothering to think about the situation with my mom because I do have the mental energy for it. Previously, I probably would have shoved it off the table and forgotten about it. WHICH is another reason I feel like I should talk to her about it, because I'm afraid I may have been oblivious to any signals I may have been giving her.

footfootfoot · 09-22-2011, 07:23 PM

OK Grasshopper, take a shot at walking across the rice paper.

ZenGum · 09-23-2011, 01:32 AM

You think she should have to snatch a pebble from her mum's hand first?

09-19-2011, 01:05 PM	#3887
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	Yeh really. I only have about a dozen left. Wasn't thinking and gave too any away. __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

09-22-2011, 08:11 AM	#3890
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	My brain is being stereotypically womanly this morning, and I can't see above it to decide if I'm being remotely rational or not. About 8 years ago, I sent a kind of ranty email to my mom. We don't ever fight, but this is the closest I ever came to telling her off. It wasn't an insignificant gripe--had to do with my views on my asshole stepfather--but there was really no fallout from it at the time, at least I thought. Things moved on. Yesterday, I was talking with my dad, who revealed that she had told him about the email at the time (which is weird to begin with, because the way I imagine it they don't ever communicate,) and that she had a completely wrong interpretation of what I was upset about. Wrong enough that I'm inclined to talk to her about it and make sure she doesn't still think that's the way things went down, because it is completely and totally wrong, and I would never want her to think that about me. But if I bring it up, that means we have to revisit the whole episode to begin with. And my dad has a history of misinterpreting and/or mentally revising a whole host of things, especially those to do with my mother, so it could be digging into a wound that has no reason to be dug into in the first place. And even if she did feel that way at the time, we're talking about a thing that happened almost a decade ago. But I feel really compelled to bring it up. But I should probably just let sleeping dogs lie. But if I remember the incident so clearly even now, surely she does too, and would appreciate knowing that I haven't blamed her for things all these years? But maybe she'll still blame herself anyway, and reminding her of the whole thing will only make her feel bad. Goddammit. __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

09-22-2011, 09:56 AM	#3892
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	Talk to her. It's true that bringing up difficult subjects is a common way for uncomfortable conversations to begin. That's kind of the point. I'm not urging you to start a fight of course. Think of it this way. We heal from the inside out. If you get a cut, the flesh knits together from the bottom first and grows toward the surface. When it gets to the top, it's strong under the scar, but whole again. If that's not how it heals, if it skins over the top before all the crap is gone from the deeper parts of the wound, there will always be an irritant inside. That might just be uncomfortable, but it might cause bigger problems. It could develop into an abscess. It could look ok on the surface, but filled with infection, causing trouble for your whole body. It's just an analogy. But our spiritual, emotional, mental selves are made of similar substance and subject to similar forces. You have to use your judgment, which is good. You have to use your words, which are many. You have to use your compassion, which is abundant. You have to use your strength and your courage, which are well documented and steadfast. You have to use your trust that they'll be grown ups, which might be a toss up, but you are responsible only for giving them the chance to understand. Just for giving them, and you, a chance for understanding. Get it out. Even if you don't succeed the first time, you've made a beginning, try again, get the rest of the misunderstanding that is irritating your mind out of your mind. You may succeed, but only if you try. You may fail, but you will have done your best, instead of worrying and wishing. __________________ Be Just and Fear Not. Last edited by BigV; 09-22-2011 at 11:02 AM. Reason: effin spelling error. see protip thread

09-22-2011, 12:07 PM	#3893
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	Your womanly brain... umm where were we? OH yeah, don't listen to those knuckle heads, let sleeping dogs lie, especially if things are ok with you and your mom. you don't need the extra agita of revisiting that stuff. Here's the deal: if in fouteen or so days you still feel the need to get this off your coughwomanly braincough then you can talk to her. __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

09-22-2011, 02:14 PM	#3894
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	FWIW - I agree with foot3 __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

09-19-2011, 01:56 PM	#3888
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	Google is your friend

09-22-2011, 08:26 AM	#3891
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	Talk to her. It's not you bringing it up again after all these years, it was your dad who did that. Now it's natural to address it since he brought it up. If you don't, it's probably going to bug you for a while and then you'll eventually bring it up later. And then it will be kind of random that you are bringing it up out of the blue.

09-22-2011, 03:18 PM	#3895
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	In general, I think that talking about things is a good idea, especially if there is a high chance of resolution afterwards. If it's a topic where there will be no joint resolution, then it may be worth sweeping it under the carpet/bottling it up deep inside/insert metaphor here/ since it will just cause pain to talk about it without the benefit of fixing the situation.

09-22-2011, 03:29 PM	#3896
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	It has the potential to do that, since the underlying issue is that I am mostly like my father and not her, and that isn't really going to change. It doesn't bother me, because it's just a fact, and I can still love people who are different than I am. (I'm also cool with the fact that my daughter is, even at this age, so clearly more like my husband, for example. Then again, I haven't gone through a painful divorce like she did, either.) I know it bothers her that I'm a daddy's girl. And while this conversation I might have with her would prove me less of a daddy's girl on this one particular issue, it would also force her to talk about and acknowledge the fact that, at the base of it, I still very much am one. __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

09-22-2011, 05:32 PM	#3897
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	In light of your recent clarifications I'm going to have to change my original opinion to add, if it's been ten years already another month or two to see if it is still gnawing at you won't make much of a difference. And I mean this in the most kind way, but mightn't this be a great distraction/avoidance from something else that is currently demanding the lion's share of your emotional energy? Hmm? __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

09-22-2011, 06:59 PM	#3898
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	Nah, things are much, much better on the kid/life front the last couple of weeks. Tweaked the antiseizure meds, added a couple vitamins that I realized my diet was completely lacking, and dropped one of my classes so I now have 3 whole days to myself every week while the kids are in school. My house is actually clean, which is both an indicator and a contributor to my state of mind. If anything, I am bothering to think about the situation with my mom because I do have the mental energy for it. Previously, I probably would have shoved it off the table and forgotten about it. WHICH is another reason I feel like I should talk to her about it, because I'm afraid I may have been oblivious to any signals I may have been giving her. __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

09-22-2011, 07:23 PM	#3899
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	OK Grasshopper, take a shot at walking across the rice paper. __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

09-23-2011, 01:32 AM	#3900
ZenGum Doctor Wtf Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Badelaide, Baustralia Posts: 12,861	You think she should have to snatch a pebble from her mum's hand first? __________________ Shut up and hug. MoreThanPretty, Nov 5, 2008. Just because I'm nominally polite, does not make me a pussy. Sundae Girl.

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