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03-03-2006, 07:43 PM
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#736 |
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St Petersburg, Florida
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 3,423
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A funny thing happend to me the other day and I thought this might be the best place to post it. This is way too long but maybe worth the time to read.
As some of you may know, I am in full blown active protest mode over a variety of automobile related costs and hassles and ride my bike most everywhere nowdays. Many of you know me in person and can attest to my strangeness in general and this story will be all that much more real. My temporary "home" is exactly five miles from the office. It just worked out that way by chance at the beggining of this conrtract but has come to be perfect for my routine. I do own a car and it runs although it's not in great shape. I've parked it in one of the larger parking lots near work and check on it once in a while. The situation is that it's unsafe to drive so I just keep it around in it's current condition until it's time to relocate and then some moderate work will make it all better. Most of the time my work day starts at 5 am so leaving home at 4 am with a 5 mile ride is the norm. This is obviously not something that you want to attempt at home and poses some serious inconveniences. It also has some spectacular health and fitness benefits which is about half of the reason that the bike is my transportation tool. The other half is that I havent bought gas since August 05. F-U-C-K um. I dont need their gas. Not now anyway. This routine has been the norm for me for the last 6 months or so, so when things happen like this event....it's a surprise. 4:15am North Cincy slang: (pedalling in the cold but thick early morning air) Thinking to self:....ok now I need this to complete this job for so and so....and so and so owe's me this then I can that.... (passes one empty street.......pedalling, pedalling.....then another...) ( cop car passes me slowly....) (passes one empty street.......pedalling, pedalling.....then another...) (cop pulls a car over in the distance) slang: (sees the lights flashing) Ha! <sarcasm> What the hell are you doing out this early in the morning anyway.....huh!!???.....huh!!?? </sarcasm> (passes one empty street.......pedalling, pedalling.....then another...) (passes the car with all the lights shining brightly right into my fucking eyes...shields eyes from the bright light) (passes one empty street.......pedalling, pedalling.....then another...) (cop car passes me .....slowly.....again....turns around.....comes back around) (drives up to the curb in the opposite direction, stops and hits the lights) slang: (looks behind himself looking in disbelief that he's getting pulled over on a bicycle...and stops ) HUH?? (pulls thinsulate ski mask off) cop: (Gets out of the cruiser) Excuse me sir....can I see some ID? slang: ( points finger at self as if to say....who ME? ) cop: Yes, I'm new on third shift and I've not seen too many people out on bikes at 4:20am when it's 25 degrees out. Can I see your ID please? slang: (starts laughing uncontrollably....holds hands high) I have NEVER been pulled over on a BIKE!! slang: ( gets ID out of wallet ) So.....ya never saw a man cruising on a bike at 4:20 am in 25 degree weather, eh? Well, ya MUST be new cuz I do this 5 days a week ( still laughing....tearing.....shaking from laughter ) I can tell you......it's better at 25 degrees than it is at 0. (hands over ID) cop: ( humors the obviously crazy man and smiles politely as he runs the license ) Sure.....I'm sure it is. cop: So....where ya off to this early in the morning? On a bike.....in 25 degree weather? slang: Ohh....just out enjoying the weather. ( breaks out laughing again ) No, no...really....I'm going to work. ( Pulls the corp secure ID from holder ...shows the cop) cop: (nods affirmative after seeing the corp ID) So yer trying to save a little money....gotcha. slang: I'm out of breath, cold and a bit freaked that I've just been tagged on a bike. To avoid sounding like a complete DUMBASS I'll let you ask the questions instead of trying to explain my routine here. cop radio: Da-de-du-bleep...slang...rural Pa last known address....37, white male.....no warrants, no arrests, no convictions....<not really> eats his veggies and gets regular exercise</not really> cop: No, you dont have to explain a thing Mr Slang....I dont want to keep you from your commute....sorry to have botherd you. slang: No problem ( breaks out laughing again....pulls ski mask on) I'm sure you'll see me again. Have a nice day. ( pedals off down the street again passing a man walking ) man walking: Wad dat cop want wid you, man? Sheeat. Nothin' better to do than hassle us little people. slang: Just us little people biking in the winter man, just the bikers. So later after getting to work..... co-worker: Running a bit late today slang? slang: Yah, I got pulled over....running a bit later than normal. co-worker: ( I thought you ride a bike) confused. |
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03-03-2006, 08:33 PM
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#737 |
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I hear them call the tide
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Perpetual Chaos
Posts: 30,852
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slightly o/t. sorry, but is that legal? I keep hearing this thing about America being the "free-est" country yet that would not be tolerated in "socialist" UK. it's not like cycling in ridiculous temperatures a known terrorist activity, so I don't think the patriot act should cover it......
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The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart |
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03-03-2006, 08:47 PM
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#738 |
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St Petersburg, Florida
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 3,423
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oh, I left out that there was a plasma TV on my back.
just kidding |
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03-03-2006, 10:07 PM
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#739 |
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LONG LIVE KING ZIPPY! per Feetz
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 7,661
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I got stoped on a bike by a cop with a radar gun ,
Cop yelling "PULL OVER !!!!!" Me " can I help you officer ??" Cop " do you know how fast you were going ?? Me " No sir " Cop " you were doing 45 in a 30 mph zone !!" Me " WOW!!! 45 !!!! " Cop " yeh , 45 , now let me see your licence " Me " Sir , I don't have a licence, thats why I'm on a bike " Cop " Well I am going to have to give you a ticket ANY WAY !!! " Me " Uhh , Sir , I don't if that's legal " Cop " I'll be the judge of that !!!!!!" so he writes me a ticket , and I ride off shakeing my head . I get home and show the ticket to me Mother , she laughs and calls the lawyer , He Laughes harder , and askes when the cort apperence is , Mom tells him , he says BE THERE . We show up at the appointed time and place , The judge looks at the ticket and laughes !!! The Cop is there , and the judge asks him to show him just Where in ANY law book it says he has the right to give me a ticket for speeding on a bike !! He then tares up the ticket and says "Case Dismissed !!!!" SLAM !!! SO slang it CAN Happen !!!!
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"Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get. " Brother Dave Gardner |
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03-04-2006, 02:48 AM
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#740 |
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desperate finder
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Luxembourg
Posts: 437
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I can't believe it! You can't get a ticket while riding your bike on a public street? Over here i got two tickets while on the bike, on for driving too fast (67km/h instead of 50km/h) and one for dangerous driving (60km/h instead of 50km/h and bypassing a bus which was driving not that fast). Everybody on a public street has to drive as the law says, whatever he's driving with...
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Complex simplex |
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03-04-2006, 09:46 AM
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#741 | |
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The future is unwritten
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 71,105
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Quote:
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The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump. |
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03-04-2006, 06:20 PM
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#742 |
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Blatantly Homosapien
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 6,200
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bad
 = no  
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Please type slowly. I can't read very fast............... and no holy water, please. |
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03-04-2006, 06:24 PM
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#743 |
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Blatantly Homosapien
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 6,200
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The dog's diary:
7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite! 8 am- Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite! 9 am- Oh boy! The kids! My favorite! Noon- Oh boy! The yard! My favorite! 2 pm- Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite! 3 pm- Oh boy! The kids! My favorite! 4 pm- Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite! 6 pm- Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite! 7 pm- Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite! 8 pm- Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite! 9 pm- Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite! 11 pm- Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favorite! The cat's diary: Day 183 of my captivity... My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded. Maybe I should try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair - must try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little kitty cat I was. This is not working according to plan. There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing something called "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He speaks with them regularly, and I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait. It's only a matter of time.
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Please type slowly. I can't read very fast............... and no holy water, please. |
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03-04-2006, 10:45 PM
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#744 |
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halve your cake and eat it too.
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Georgia.. by way of Lawrence Kansas
Posts: 1,359
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yeah, well back in Kansas I got a couple of speeding tickets on my bike.. although I have never and wil never pay them...
Q.) how many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb A.) two, but how did they get in there? Q.) how many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A.) Fish Q.) what do you call a Bass player that just broke up with his girlfriend? A.) Homeless
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no my child.. this is not my desire..I'm digging for fire. |
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03-05-2006, 07:41 PM
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#745 |
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I hear them call the tide
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Perpetual Chaos
Posts: 30,852
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You can be done for speeding on a bicycle in the UK. Even a lawnmower. But you can't be pulled over just for being a bit unusual. Not any more. Not like in the good old days where we all relied on the local copper to give our kids a clip round the lughole and send them home with a flea in their ear if they got out of order.
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The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart |
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03-05-2006, 08:18 PM
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#746 |
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Your Bartender
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Philly Burbs, PA
Posts: 7,651
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Ah, I knew I had read about people in skates getting tickets but I don't remember where I read it. But I was able to google this.
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03-06-2006, 04:13 PM
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#747 |
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Pump my ride!
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Deep countryside of Surrey , England
Posts: 1,890
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Tony B, the famous English radio DJ, was at the top of his career and enjoying driving his new shiny convertible Jaguar.
As he cruised through a quaint little English village he noticed a rather attractive young girl waiting for a bus. She had a beautiful figure and long blonde hair, and he just couldn’t resist offering her a lift. He pulled alongside and stopped the car: ‘Hi!’ said Tony, removing his sunglasses ‘do you know who I am…?’ ‘Oooh,’ giggled the girl, ‘It’s not, you’re, no, you can’t be, yes you are – you’re Tony B’ The girl screamed and jumped up and down clapping her hands. ‘Oh, Tony, you’re my favourite DJ! I listen to your programme every day. I can’t believe it’s really you!’ ‘Well, it is, and how about me giving such a devoted fan a lift….?’ Before he could finish, the blonde had opened the car and jumped in next to Tony. Tony pulled away. ‘Oooh, Tony,’ said the girl, ‘you really are my favourite – I’d do anything for you, you know, I really would…’ ‘Is that so…. Well I think this may be your lucky day.’ And with that he undid his trouser fly and whipped out his John Thomas. The girl’s eyes bulged and she whimpered slightly: ‘Oooh, Tony, I didn’t expect this. I’m not sure if I can. I mean, I’ve never done anything like this before. I might not do it right.’ ‘Of course you will.’ said Tony. ‘Just do as I tell you. All you have to do is grab it in both hands, get the old mouth down to it and, well, I guess I don’t have to say any more, do I’ ‘Oooh, I’m not sure. Are you sure it will be all right? Only I’m worried I might do something wrong.’ ‘What can go wrong. Go on have a go.’ ‘All right then,’ said the girl and moved her hands around and clasped the object raised in front of her. ‘That’s it.’ said Tony. ‘Now get your mouth down to it.’ ‘OK’ and the girl bent down and put her lips close to his member and in a small but purposeful voice said: ‘Hello mum... Hello dad…!’
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Always sufficient hills - never sufficient gears |
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03-07-2006, 12:24 AM
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#748 |
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lobber of scimitars
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Phila Burbs
Posts: 20,774
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A Message from Osama
After numerous rounds of "We don't know if Osama is still alive", Osama
himself decided to send Ted Kennedy a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game. Kennedy opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line of coded message: 370HSSV-0773H Kennedy was baffled, so he e-mailed it to John Kerry. Kerry and his aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA. With no clue as to its meaning, the FBI finally asked Britain's MI-6 for help. Within a minute MI-6 cabled back with this reply: "Tell the FBI that Kennedy's holding the message upside down."
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  wolf eht htiw og"Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis |
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03-09-2006, 01:57 PM
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#749 |
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Radical Centrist
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Cottage of Prussia
Posts: 31,423
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A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times. When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady why they don't eat the peanuts themselves. "We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied. The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?" The old lady replied, "We just love the chocolate around them!!!" |
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03-09-2006, 02:27 PM
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#750 |
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Makes some feel uncomfortable
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 10,346
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Umm... UT? Check post #732.
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 "I'm certainly free, nay compelled, to spread the gospel of Spex. " - xoxoxoBruce
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