Fear of Loss

Flint · 07-31-2006, 08:53 AM

I don't mean like you might leave me, I mean like you might die. Not in an abstract sense, but in a very immediate sense. You might die today. Or some other terrible thing, beyond our ability to predict or control, may happen. This has always bothered me. Like a persistant movie reel in the back of my thoughts, reminding me of the dangers of the world. The closer I get to someone, the worse it gets. I don't let it run my life, but there it is, always there.

What does this say about me? Why am I like this?

Trilby · 07-31-2006, 09:04 AM

Could be dysthymia--chronic, low-level depression.

Ibby · 07-31-2006, 10:12 AM

For me it's fear of change. I'm scared she'll be a completely different person tomorrow... or, more realistically, a completely different person three years from now when we're old enough to get married. Or just as bad, I'll be completely different and she'll dump me anyway.

skysidhe · 07-31-2006, 10:51 AM

I don't know. It would depend upon who you are worried about or just worried in general. There is alot of info on the web about conquering fear. Meditaion or mind control ( self ) can quiet run amok thoughts. Something to focus on like a tailsman. Well you know we are biologically set up to believe in something. There may or may not be any power in an object or symbol but it helps focus the mind. ie: a special rock in the pocket , a cross or a pentagram ect.

[spelling edit]

Kitsune · 07-31-2006, 10:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brianna

Could be dysthymia--chronic, low-level depression.

Yeah. Tends to cause fear of death of the other or fear that they'll change/leave. The nightmares those fears cause often start a bad cycle.

Flint · 07-31-2006, 11:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitsune

fear of death of the other or fear that they'll change/leave

I don't want this subeject to get blurred and mischaracterized. I am not fearful of being abandoned, I am not fearful of being betrayed, I am not fearful of any kind of behavior.

What I would say is that I am accutely aware that "bad things" such as fatal traffic accidents could likely occur at any given moment. I don't dwell on it, and I don't need help dealing with it. I'm just curious about the origin of this persistent thought pattern.

skysidhe · 07-31-2006, 11:05 AM

O.C.D

you see brilliant minds sometimes are quirky like that. I am a dullard so I don't have any OVER thinking problems so I really can't relate.

Clodfobble · 07-31-2006, 11:58 AM

I was just about to say OCD too. I used to be completely unable to go down a flight of stairs without picturing myself tumbling down it in the back of my mind, or drive a car without seeing myself veering off the road at every turn. Over the last few years, I have gotten over many of my compulsive symptoms (lining shit up for no reason, folding the laundry precisely the right way...) and the constant awareness of terrible posibilities has diminished as well.

Flint · 07-31-2006, 12:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

(lining shit up for no reason, folding the laundry precisely the right way...)

I accept these tendencies, as positives. I am a drummer. Okay, obsessive attention to detail and organization is useful there. What else? I work with computers. Okay, pretty rigid logic is required there as well. I make it work for me. I don't often make mistakes. But, it is very exhaustive, literally.

Clodfobble · 07-31-2006, 12:13 PM

Sure, I like the way I am, too. I wasn't actively trying to get over the symptoms, I've just noticed they've faded over a period of about 4-5 years.

Ibby · 07-31-2006, 12:20 PM

I sometimes think I have a touch of OCD too, I fixate on things and cant stop thinking/cant shut up about them for long periods of time... and I have a thing about symmetry, I always have to have anything that is at all organized to be symmetrical.

And since no-one else made the comment on my post, I must...
"Wefearchange"

BlueSky_TheMan · 07-31-2006, 01:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flint

~snip~What I would say is that I am accutely aware that "bad things" such as fatal traffic accidents could likely occur at any given moment. I don't dwell on it, and I don't need help dealing with it. I'm just curious about the origin of this persistent thought pattern.

I've found that some of my repetitive thoughts seem to have the quality of being disconnected from me. Disconnected in the sense that someone else is pushing the play button in my head. Finding how the thought is connected to me and releasing it are sometimes easy, sometimes hard, and some I still have. In the past I tried avoiding the thought, reprimanding the thought, adding more thoughts, taking away different thoughts, etc, etc. Those tactics never really had any lasting success for me. I have found a path that works for me now. I believe if you find the path/process/introspection that works for you , you will find a belief you hold (consciously/subconsciously) that cannot survive without the repetitive nature of your specific thought. Each person then has to develop there own philosophy or theology that opens those doors of release.

Trilby · 07-31-2006, 01:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlueSky_TheMan

In the past I tried avoiding the thought, reprimanding the thought, adding more thoughts, taking away different thoughts, etc, etc. Those tactics never really had any lasting success for me. I have found a path that works for me now. I believe if you find the path/process/introspection that works for you , you will find a belief you hold (consciously/subconsciously) that cannot survive without the repetitive nature of your specific thought. Each person then has to develop there own philosophy or theology that opens those doors of release.

Rumination, or negative cyclic thinking, is also a sign of depression, dysthymia and OCD.

Flint · 07-31-2006, 01:37 PM

There was a time in my life that I would negatively ruminate. That is not what I am describing here. I am describing the frequent occurance of a particular theme in my thoughts, which is an unpleasant one, but also realistic. And, I have my own perfectly effective methods for dealing with this situation. I guess my only queston is: does anyone have any suggestions as to the origin of this theme? I have my own theories, but I am curious.

skysidhe · 07-31-2006, 01:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ibram

For me it's fear of change. I'm scared she'll be a completely different person tomorrow... or, more realistically, a completely different person three years from now when we're old enough to get married. Or just as bad, I'll be completely different and she'll dump me anyway.

That's normal stuff I think. Young people have to change to become the person they are suppose to become.

I think I would strive to have the love continue in whatever form it takes. Maybe it will or will not be in the way you imagine but to be open for whatever course it takes means you get to keep the love. The love remains whatever it becomes.

I have to 'kapish' that alot myself.

07-31-2006, 08:53 AM	#1
Flint Snowflake Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Dystopia Posts: 13,136	Fear of Loss I don't mean like you might leave me, I mean like you might die. Not in an abstract sense, but in a very immediate sense. You might die today. Or some other terrible thing, beyond our ability to predict or control, may happen. This has always bothered me. Like a persistant movie reel in the back of my thoughts, reminding me of the dangers of the world. The closer I get to someone, the worse it gets. I don't let it run my life, but there it is, always there. What does this say about me? Why am I like this? __________________ **************** There's a level of facility that everyone needs to accomplish, and from there it's a matter of deciding for yourself how important ultra-facility is to your expression. ... I found, like Joseph Campbell said, if you just follow whatever gives you a little joy or excitement or awe, then you're on the right track. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Bozzio**

07-31-2006, 09:04 AM	#2
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	Could be dysthymia--chronic, low-level depression. __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

07-31-2006, 10:12 AM	#3
Ibby erika Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: "the high up north" Posts: 6,127	For me it's fear of change. I'm scared she'll be a completely different person tomorrow... or, more realistically, a completely different person three years from now when we're old enough to get married. Or just as bad, I'll be completely different and she'll dump me anyway. __________________ not really back, you didn't see me, i was never here shhhhhh

07-31-2006, 12:20 PM	#11
Ibby erika Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: "the high up north" Posts: 6,127	I sometimes think I have a touch of OCD too, I fixate on things and cant stop thinking/cant shut up about them for long periods of time... and I have a thing about symmetry, I always have to have anything that is at all organized to be symmetrical. And since no-one else made the comment on my post, I must... "Wefearchange" __________________ not really back, you didn't see me, i was never here shhhhhh

07-31-2006, 01:37 PM	#14
Flint Snowflake Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Dystopia Posts: 13,136	There was a time in my life that I would negatively ruminate. That is not what I am describing here. I am describing the frequent occurance of a particular theme in my thoughts, which is an unpleasant one, but also realistic. And, I have my own perfectly effective methods for dealing with this situation. I guess my only queston is: does anyone have any suggestions as to the origin of this theme? I have my own theories, but I am curious. __________________ **************** There's a level of facility that everyone needs to accomplish, and from there it's a matter of deciding for yourself how important ultra-facility is to your expression. ... I found, like Joseph Campbell said, if you just follow whatever gives you a little joy or excitement or awe, then you're on the right track. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Bozzio**

07-31-2006, 10:51 AM	#4
skysidhe ~~Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.~~ Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 6,828	I don't know. It would depend upon who you are worried about or just worried in general. There is alot of info on the web about conquering fear. Meditaion or mind control ( self ) can quiet run amok thoughts. Something to focus on like a tailsman. Well you know we are biologically set up to believe in something. There may or may not be any power in an object or symbol but it helps focus the mind. ie: a special rock in the pocket , a cross or a pentagram ect. [spelling edit]

07-31-2006, 11:05 AM	#7
skysidhe ~~Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.~~ Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 6,828	O.C.D you see brilliant minds sometimes are quirky like that. I am a dullard so I don't have any OVER thinking problems so I really can't relate.

07-31-2006, 11:58 AM	#8
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	I was just about to say OCD too. I used to be completely unable to go down a flight of stairs without picturing myself tumbling down it in the back of my mind, or drive a car without seeing myself veering off the road at every turn. Over the last few years, I have gotten over many of my compulsive symptoms (lining shit up for no reason, folding the laundry precisely the right way...) and the constant awareness of terrible posibilities has diminished as well.

07-31-2006, 12:13 PM	#10
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	Sure, I like the way I am, too. I wasn't actively trying to get over the symptoms, I've just noticed they've faded over a period of about 4-5 years.

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