Why Can't Men Say the Things We Women Need to Hear?

Originally Posted by yesman065

...
To me its more like we speak different languages at times and cannot seem to find the common ground to actually LISTEN to what we each are saying. Men tend to be rather blunt and more direct than women - very literal in their communication. Women, on the other hand, tend to be very VERY vague and hint around as to what they mean assuming their man is going to pick up on what they really mean without the woman actually saying it. This difference in communication is, to me, the root cause of more fights, arguments, frustrations and eventually break-ups than anything else. It always comes out to "He doesn't understand me" or "He doesn't listen to me." I think the best advice I was ever given was for all of us to actually say what you are thinking and don't assume your partner is a mind reader.
Men are typically very simple beings. Much more like dogs than cats - in that we are loyal to a fault, yet when harassed - - - -bite deep.

Man! You hit it right there... I can't "listen" to something she never said!!!

[yesman065]

Somehow I lost this thread. I'm an admitted idiot. Then again i'm only a guy. o me it seems that the longer you know a woman the more the expect you to "hear things that weren't said". I have a very good memory and we "discuss" this often. We both end up laughing about it, but its still something to watch. I love her very much and listen to her every word - intently. She knows that and sometimes treies to sli an "oh I forgot by me" BUZZZZZZZ Wrong answer!! that bird won't fly. I think its cause her men in the past were insensitive and didn't hear her. She's learning thats not the case with me. Its an evolving thing.

[MsSparkie]

Listen, but also comprehend....

[xoxoxoBruce]

Comprehension isn't a problem if you don't beat around the bush.

[yesman065]

Men don't have the bush to beat around - maybe thats why we are so much more direct than our female counterparts.

[MsSparkie]

You guys tend to beat around our bush.....

I like how none of the ladies chimed in on the "can't listen to something never said" theme that was running there for a bit... ironic that.

Just got in the doghouse for a bit by saying "is this one of those things I was supposed to just know?" the other day... later she joked that I was correct.

[yesman065]

Ain't that the truth! I called my girl on a couple over the weekend and she finally admitted that she hadn't "really said" what she meant and the argument just died. We are being almost anal about making sure there are no unspoken issues that could cause problems later on and it seems to working magnificently.

[Ibby]

Mah girl knows better than to try to play that game with me, cause I'm as good as if not better than her at it. I can practically read her mind, I know her so well, and I'm good enough with words to make sure I say enough to get her with it later but not enough to be blunt. In other words, when she tries to play that game with me... I get her back and totally pwn her at it.

I just shut down until the game is over.
There is what Is and there is not what is Not, tell me what you mean or want... if you don't know, then say "I don't know". It's simple. Ego has nothing to do with it.
It is what she asks of me, it is only appropriate.

[9th Engineer]

As soon as any woman starts playing mind games where they're angery at you about something they haven't said, leave. Just-don't-go-there. There is not more reason for a woman to pull that crap than a guy, and anyone who does has some serious maturing to do. Sorry, this is a bit of a touchy subject. My best friend was burned badly by this kind of chic so I'm on a permanent no-tollerance streak for flighty bullshit.

Like this or This?

[romuh doog]

After dating for several months my boyfriend walked to the front door to leave and work on his motorcycle. He looked up at the clock and said "I'll be back at 11:30 or so." I said "I'll see you, when I see you."

At 11:29 he walked in and said he came home merely due to curiosity for the definition of "I'll see you, when I see you." and I said this:

Don't leave and tell me you'll be back at X time, because if you aren't home by X time, then I may worry, get upset and my mind wanders. If you said "I'm leaving," I will always say my see you when I see you because you'll get home, I'll see you, you'll see me and no one ever gets pissed.

This to him, was great! Then he said "But what if YOU get tired of waiting for me or I don't come home?" and I said...."Then You'll see me when you see me."

We've been engaged seven years and have yet to miscommunicate where we are out of respect.

As far as the rest of the goobly gook? Say what you mean or tick a lock.

[BlacKat1980]

Originally Posted by goldencomfort1968

They can't express their true emotions." That's a bunch of bull...because they sure know how to say and do all the right things when they are trying to get us to date them, marry them, have sex with them, etc.

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

That's not expressing true emotions, that's using what you want, as a tool to get what we want.

I believe that people say what you want to HEAR if they want something in return - eg. to tell you that you're beautiful to get you in bed. But they will tell you what they want to SAY or DO something nice because they like/love you and MEAN it. You can usually tell the difference.

In my experience men don't often think about love or relationships they are in or not express their feelings to you not because they don't love you but because they think you already know and don't feel the need to tell you all the time. Maybe a reminder to his face that you feel more secure in the relationship if he tells you everyday that he loves you or that you're appreciated. People can't read our minds whomever they are, tell them how you feel in your situation and what they can do to be more appreciative of you. Ask them to pay more attention to the way they address you. And show him that you and appreciate him, maybe by doing something special other than cooking his dinner or making his sandwiches.

[BlacKat1980]

Originally Posted by goldencomfort1968

..... and he yelled at me (his wife...a few days into recovering from surgery) and said "I've had chicken ALL WEEK!!" Even though I had put the effort out to make it into something different when I didn't feel well.
....And NO this incident I just described isn't the only one...It's just an example of many that have occured lately.

I don't know of exact conversations you and your husband have had on any subject from what I've read so far, I would think that maybe he's unhappy for whatever reason - relationship, work etc. - and doesn't know how to tell you or may not think you need/want to know. Might be worth encouraging him to talk, and only talk about the issues at hand, don't get off track with the conversation or let it turn into argueing or yelling. If it does then walk away and both calm down then return later to continue. Set some "serious conversation" rules before you talk to make sure you know where each stands in the way of fighting.