The 24 hour engagement. - Page 14

disenchanted · 05-29-2009, 02:28 AM

So I sent her a text at lunch saying "Do you have some free time this weekend so we can meet somewhere to talk?"

Her response was that she was busy, with the added "You need to give me more time and have a little patience."

I don't know what to make of that in the grand scheme of how I'm supposed to live my life, other than "Air traffic control to airplane such-and-such. We're going to need you to stay in a holding pattern for a while." Fuel be damned, right?

I figure the answer is something like "Just try to live normal, if she calls, she calls, deal with that as it happens."

If it's well and truly over, then, I know I'm going to go into a period (of ill-defined length) where dating isn't part of the equation. Granted, I thought this was the one, so ratios with past relationship lengths might not apply, but I'm sticking with my concept of "it'd be ridiculously unfair to drag this shit into a new relationship"

So if she gets back in contact, I'll have to assess that as it is.

Beestie · 05-29-2009, 06:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by disenchanted

If it's well and truly over...

I can help you with that: it is.

You gave it your best shot and she didn't bite. She obviously likes something about you but its not nearly enough for her to commit without reservation. You do not have the strength or the will to break it off and she doesn't have the guts or the decency to cut you loose to recover and move on. So that leaves you in an indefinite emotional holding pattern. You cannot live your life like that.

When a girl won't see you but asks you to be patient, you are dead in the water.

I wish the news were better and I do sympathise - we've all been in that spot and it sucks mastadon balls but there's no escaping the reality of it.

Take the keys away from your heart and give them back to your brain and ignore the pleas coming from the trunk. Make a U-Turn and get the heck outta there.

You will look back on this when you end up with the right girl and say "dayum that would have been a disaster." Trust me on that.

capnhowdy · 05-29-2009, 07:11 AM

Quote:

"You need to give me more time and have a little patience."

Translation: "Stand by for me for a while and if things don't work out between me and this other guy, I may use you for fill in again. And stop trying to figure out if it's over or not. I will tell you that when I'm through with you."

Pico and ME · 05-29-2009, 08:39 AM

What Cap and Beestie said.

classicman · 05-29-2009, 09:06 AM

I'm sorry to say that I agree with the Cap'n on this one. After reading your last post, all I saw was I'm seeing this other guy and if it doesn't work out maybe I'll give you another shot. Eff that! As Beestie said grab the keys to your life and get away from this "woman" ASAP.

Undertoad · 05-29-2009, 09:22 AM

You owe it to her to wait for HER text message welcoming you back into her life...

...at which point you can text back, sorry I'm seeing someone else.

Maybe that woman at work? The one with that sun dress?

ETA: you're being victimized. Text her saying that if she doesn't want to meet with you, you will go ahead with that woman in the sun dress.

limey · 05-29-2009, 09:41 AM

Another vote for the "Turn around and run, RUN, run like the wind" treatment here.
"Hang on while I figure this out" always seems to me to mean "Hang on while I justify this to myself and get to feel a little better about dropping you, then I can drop you more comfortably [for me]", even if there isn't anyone else in the wings.
Sorry, disenchanted.
Do other stuff for a while. Be self indulgent in whichever way works for you.

dar512 · 05-29-2009, 09:48 AM

You've seen the movie War Games right? Sometimes the only way to win is not to play the game. I think this is one of those cases. Back away now and save yourself.

Also, try to learn something from this experience. If you didn't see this coming, you didn't know the girl well enough to propose to anyway.

"Till death do us part" is a long time. You want to make sure you're compatible in addition to being in love.

kerosene · 05-29-2009, 09:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by capnhowdy

Translation: "Stand by for me for a while and if things don't work out between me and this other guy, I may use you for fill in again. And stop trying to figure out if it's over or not. I will tell you that when I'm through with you."

This was my first thought, too. She is testing out the waters with someone else, I am sure.

I know it is hard to move on, but for your own sanity, you need to. Be done with her.

glatt · 05-29-2009, 09:56 AM

Her request for more time is a very bad sign for the relationship. It means she's done. If she wanted to marry you, she would have said yes, and been happy and enthusiastic about it and not changed her mind.

She's already given you her answer with this whole crazy affair. Time for you to move on. Don't wait for her any more. In the unlikely event that she comes crawling back to you in a couple months, you can deal deal with it then. But don't wait for it to happen, and don't expect it to happen. It almost certainly will not.

Beestie · 05-29-2009, 09:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dar512

If you didn't see this coming, you didn't know the girl well enough to propose to anyway.

Alternatively, he did see it coming and rushed the proposal to 'lock her in'. That's what it sounds like to me, anyway.

dar512 · 05-29-2009, 09:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beestie

Alternatively, he did see it coming and rushed the proposal to 'lock her in'. That's what it sounds like to me, anyway.

If so, bad idea. Bad, bad, bad.

kerosene · 05-29-2009, 10:05 AM

If that is the case, at least it didn't work. If it had, they would both be miserable in a matter of months.

xoxoxoBruce · 05-29-2009, 10:05 AM

Not necessarily another man, could be another woman... or group of women, girlfriends saying, "You can do better than him".

kerosene · 05-29-2009, 10:06 AM

It's possible, but I imagine if that were the case, she would not still be stringing him along.

05-29-2009, 09:06 AM	#200
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	I'm sorry to say that I agree with the Cap'n on this one. After reading your last post, all I saw was I'm seeing this other guy and if it doesn't work out maybe I'll give you another shot. Eff that! As Beestie said grab the keys to your life and get away from this "woman" ASAP. __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

05-29-2009, 09:41 AM	#202
limey Encroaching on your decrees Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: An island within the south-west coast of Scotland Posts: 7,016	Another vote for the "Turn around and run, RUN, run like the wind" treatment here. "Hang on while I figure this out" always seems to me to mean "Hang on while I justify this to myself and get to feel a little better about dropping you, then I can drop you more comfortably [for me]", even if there isn't anyone else in the wings. Sorry, disenchanted. Do other stuff for a while. Be self indulgent in whichever way works for you. __________________ Living it up on the edge ... of civilisation, within the southwest coast of

05-29-2009, 09:48 AM	#203
dar512 dar512 is now Pete Zicato Join Date: May 2003 Location: Chicago suburb Posts: 4,968	You've seen the movie War Games right? Sometimes the only way to win is not to play the game. I think this is one of those cases. Back away now and save yourself. Also, try to learn something from this experience. If you didn't see this coming, you didn't know the girl well enough to propose to anyway. "Till death do us part" is a long time. You want to make sure you're compatible in addition to being in love. __________________ "Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain." -- Friedrich Schiller

05-29-2009, 10:05 AM	#209
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Not necessarily another man, could be another woman... or group of women, girlfriends saying, "You can do better than him". __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

05-29-2009, 02:28 AM	#196
disenchanted Resident President Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 81	So I sent her a text at lunch saying "Do you have some free time this weekend so we can meet somewhere to talk?" Her response was that she was busy, with the added "You need to give me more time and have a little patience." I don't know what to make of that in the grand scheme of how I'm supposed to live my life, other than "Air traffic control to airplane such-and-such. We're going to need you to stay in a holding pattern for a while." Fuel be damned, right? I figure the answer is something like "Just try to live normal, if she calls, she calls, deal with that as it happens." If it's well and truly over, then, I know I'm going to go into a period (of ill-defined length) where dating isn't part of the equation. Granted, I thought this was the one, so ratios with past relationship lengths might not apply, but I'm sticking with my concept of "it'd be ridiculously unfair to drag this shit into a new relationship" So if she gets back in contact, I'll have to assess that as it is.

05-29-2009, 08:39 AM	#199
Pico and ME Are you knock-kneed? Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Middle Hoosierland Posts: 3,549	What Cap and Beestie said.

05-29-2009, 09:22 AM	#201
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	You owe it to her to wait for HER text message welcoming you back into her life... ...at which point you can text back, sorry I'm seeing someone else. Maybe that woman at work? The one with that sun dress? ETA: you're being victimized. Text her saying that if she doesn't want to meet with you, you will go ahead with that woman in the sun dress.

05-29-2009, 09:56 AM	#205
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	Her request for more time is a very bad sign for the relationship. It means she's done. If she wanted to marry you, she would have said yes, and been happy and enthusiastic about it and not changed her mind. She's already given you her answer with this whole crazy affair. Time for you to move on. Don't wait for her any more. In the unlikely event that she comes crawling back to you in a couple months, you can deal deal with it then. But don't wait for it to happen, and don't expect it to happen. It almost certainly will not.

05-29-2009, 10:05 AM	#208
kerosene Touring the facilities Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: The plains of Colorado Posts: 3,476	If that is the case, at least it didn't work. If it had, they would both be miserable in a matter of months.

05-29-2009, 10:06 AM	#210
kerosene Touring the facilities Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: The plains of Colorado Posts: 3,476	It's possible, but I imagine if that were the case, she would not still be stringing him along.

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