Ask the Transperson

[Pamela]

I do a support/information/outreach thing on IRC. It's been pretty successful overall. I have read practically everything written by/about transpeople. I am going through my own (difficult) transition.

I've been through the wringer and have survived (so far).

A lot of beginning transfolk have told me that they look up to me as a mentor (!)

I would like to know, would anyone here be interested in asking the tranny a question? It can be about almost anything. Please don't turn it into Embarrass the Tranny though. There ARE limits!

I will answer any question you ask, even anonymously. I will try to do so honestly and correctly, and will include references or footnotes if necessary.

I know that a lot of cisfolk (that's YOU) are just not informed or educated on our plight. Most will never even MEET one of us. We tend to be a shy and reclusive lot. So, any takers?

[sexobon]

Why do you suppose that is?

[Pamela]

Originally Posted by sexobon

Why do you suppose that is?

I have no idea. Perhaps there are Ls aboard that we don't know about and they have chosen not to tell everyone.

After all, I don't recall you announcing YOUR personal taste in partners!

It's just a preference. Being gay (or straight or whatever) isn't very important, especially here in a forum. I prefer knowing someone's mind. Are they intellectually stimulating? Yep. That's what *I* look for first.

[BigV]

Pronouns confuse me in this context. Can you give me any widely acceptable terms to use? "Transperson" does not fall trippingly from the tongue.

[Pamela]

Originally Posted by BigV

Pronouns confuse me in this context. Can you give me any widely acceptable terms to use? "Transperson" does not fall trippingly from the tongue.

Certainly. Please use the pronouns that correspond to the gender that the person in question is presenting to you, even if you aren't "fooled". If still in doubt, it is not offensive to simply ask "What pronouns do you prefer?"

Great question.

[BigV]

Originally Posted by BigV

Pronouns confuse me in this context. Can you give me any widely acceptable terms to use? "Transperson" does not fall trippingly from the tongue.

Originally Posted by Pamela

Certainly. Please use the pronouns that correspond to the gender that the person in question is presenting to you, even if you aren't "fooled". If still in doubt, it is not offensive to simply ask "What pronouns do you prefer?"

Great question.

Hi Pam

Thanks for answering my question so directly. That's a good, easy to follow suggestion. However, like all rules, there's an exception that makes it impossible to follow.

Look at this story here.

Dan Savage, a gay man, articulate, involved, knowledgeable and native English speaker tripped on this very problem: how to us third person pronouns.

In addition to having a singular and a plural case, you may have already noticed that the third person has genders and a neuter category.

Third Person

(singular)


Subjective Case
he (masculine)
she (feminine)
it (neuter)

Objective Case
him (masculine)
her (feminine)
it (neuter)

Possessive Case
his/his (masculine)
her/hers (feminine)
its/its (neuter)
- See more at: http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/edu....KJRP2HRw.dpuf

When I asked you my question, I was trying to clarify which gender to use. I would *never* have thought to use the neuter category "it". To me, that would be intentionally derogatory. Read the story and and read the comments. The range of points of view is vast. The comments are especially interesting. It's impossible to say anything of substance without running the risk of offending someone, somewhere (Redskins anyone?). While I may offend someone, it's probably due to ignorance than to malice. What a minefield...

[Undertoad]

I am not the appropriate person to ask in this thread.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Do you think the extra cost of a six speed trans, over a four, is worth the expense?

Just kidding you.
Wouldn't most people going to all the trouble and expense of a procedure you don't see every day... well you do, but most of the great unwashed don't... almost automatically get thrust into the teacher/mentor role?

Seems that role would be a natural for you because being a little older you've been out there dealing with life and the world...

[sexobon]

I'm directing my question to Pamela, if that's what you were referring to UT, since she's offering insights.

[slang]

Originally Posted by Pamela

I am going through my own (difficult) transition.

Is there one thing that comes to mind that would make your transition easier?

What might someone do or not do to support your transition? What do you wish people in general would do differently in regards to the new you?

I can surely relate to your transition in a way. Not transgender but my own transition is OUT of the US.

Americans ( or westerners ) don't understand it, don't agree with it, and don't support it but this is the new me. The first time that I left North America I felt different. Better. Freer. Since then I've been working at getting out for good. Despite the majority of the world's population trying to get IN to the US, I'm getting out. For good.

That's not as drastic of a change as you've made but in that way I can sympathize with the challenges of your journey.

[sexobon]

Originally Posted by slang

... but my own transition is OUT of the US.

Americans ( or westerners ) don't understand it, don't agree with it, and don't support it but this is the new me. ...

We understand just fine, you've gone native. We don't have any problem with that. You've simply failed to understand that charity begins at home. You've made your choices, now live with them, we have.

[slang]

Originally Posted by sexobon

We understand just fine, you've gone native. We don't have any problem with that. You've simply failed to understand that charity begins at home. You've made your choices, now live with them, we have.

Thank you for your brilliant comment, but...

[Pamela]

Originally Posted by slang

Is there one thing that comes to mind that would make your transition easier?

What might someone do or not do to support your transition? What do you wish people in general would do differently in regards to the new you?

I can surely relate to your transition in a way. Not transgender but my own transition is OUT of the US.

Americans ( or westerners ) don't understand it, don't agree with it, and don't support it but this is the new me. The first time that I left North America I felt different. Better. Freer. Since then I've been working at getting out for good. Despite the majority of the world's population trying to get IN to the US, I'm getting out. For good.

That's not as drastic of a change as you've made but in that way I can sympathize with the challenges of your journey.

I am not familiar with your situation (I've been away for a long time) but I can sympathize and I have even considered moving out myself.

The best thing people can do to make this easier on me is to simply use my new name and gender pronouns. I still get a lot of people who use the OLD ones. I can understand that you knew me for many years as Brian, but please, try to make the effort. We will really appreiate it and every time we hear our new name, it is enpowering and affirming in ways that defy articulation.

Love

Pam

[slang]

Originally Posted by Pamela

The best thing people can do to make this easier on me is to simply use my new name and gender pronouns. I still get a lot of people who use the OLD ones. I can understand that you knew me for many years as Brian, but please, try to make the effort. We will really appreiate it and every time we hear our new name, it is enpowering and affirming in ways that defy articulation.

Love

Pam

That makes sense and I'll surely remember that.

I am honestly uncomfortable with some transpersons and catch myself staring at them. If they are older or self confident they might smile to break my stare to which I'll smile back and make a little friendly small talk as if to say "oops, sorry about that".

[tw]

Originally Posted by slang

I am honestly uncomfortable with some transpersons and catch myself staring at them.

Can you really identify a transgender person from others? Or only see the fewer that are in transition?