Where do you draw the line......

Dagney · 02-28-2005, 07:16 PM

In response to Cowhead's thread, I thought it may be interesting to discuss a different topic. The opposite of how far will you go...exactly how much will you 'take'?

Where do you draw the line - the deal breaking, relationship ending, cataclysmic end of a 'romance' moment?

For me, it's dishonesty - pure and simple - of any flavor - any 'reason'. You lie, you're gone. I even THINK you lie, and you're put on notice and extremely thin ice (basically it's a one foot out the door and I'm just getting ready to kick you the rest of the way out).

And there's no second chance.

Harsh? Perhaps, but definitely justified.

gingerstar61 · 02-28-2005, 07:18 PM

I'm with you on that one, I think once you break someones trust, you can never fully get it back.

Dagney · 02-28-2005, 07:22 PM

Nor do you deserve it.

Nightsong · 02-28-2005, 07:27 PM

I have to agree. I dont care what else you do just let me know what the hell your doing. Also make sure that my underwear and socks are washed. everything else I can handle. Just make sure you do the things your are supposed to do and let me know what your doing, or who for that matter
.

breakingnews · 02-28-2005, 07:50 PM

Now would you rather know these things outright, or are there things you'd prefer were "omitted" from general knowledge?

Okay, that's not worded very well. Here's a living, breathing example.

My last serious girlfriend was not thrilled that I occasionally sought out and thoroughly enjoyed smoking the pot. (She had done it before but didn't like it all that much.) She knew I very rarely do some other substances too, and really didn't appreciate that. But as long as it did not "control my life or our relationship," she didn't care. Eventually she said if, say, I was out taking bong rips and was not a) cheating on her, b) doing something stupid to risk death or c) calling her and saying stupid shit I might regret the next day, she didn't need (nor preferred) to know. It was the trust we afforded each other, and it was very comforting to have that buffer.

There were things I knew she was doing but opted not to know. My justification was that all those nights of worrying and fretting were better reserved for times when they really mattered, and the lack of stress was refreshing. We agreed that if the situation was really awful, we'd disclose and discuss. I equivocated my less-than-occasional gambling excursions with those nights she spent at the strip joints blowing money with her girlfriends. Harmless fun that only stresses those on the other end.

Of course, you must have this trust to begin with, and either of us could very easily have cheated or done whatever, really. But it wasn't necessary. There was no need to avoid each other, no reason to be ashamed. Liberating, in a way.

I dunno if this makes any sense. It's simple in my head, but I know you womenfolk will figure out ways to manipulate it into a man-shredding chainsaw of hate.

Dagney · 02-28-2005, 08:14 PM

Actually, I don't fire up the chainsaw over intelligent discussion

Just push a button.....it fires right up

No, actually, it makes a lot of sense. I think things that happen when you're out with the girls/guys should stay there - within already established bounds of the relationship. Sort of the "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" kind of rule of life. I don't expect to know every little tidbit of information about my significant other, but there are important things I think are important to know.

For me, the pot would be a deal breaker....but I have my reasons for that - an ex had it delivered to my house - in my name, via US Mail....while I was away at work. Yeah, I'm not THAT into handcuffs to trust that it won't happen again.

However, if you're out and about and you're in a committed relationship, you swap spit or any other fluid with a person (and no, not via the bong), you're cheating, cheating is a form of lying (to me), and is a punishable offense. And no, no three strikes and yer out either.

Maybe I should have elaborated...out and out lies, white lies, black lies, and lies of omission - those are the killers.....Not telling you every little thing that happened when I went out with the girls....as long as I was truthful to the relationship I established with my significant other...(and not hiding things if you asked me outright....) no, that's not a lie.

breakingnews · 02-28-2005, 09:52 PM

So tell me, when you enter a freshly minted relationship, whose trust must be earned first? Yours or his/hers? Or is it a male/female thing (god forbid)?

With me, you the female must impress the hell out of me before I will instill in you the kind of trust one puts forth in a quasi-serious relationship. That might just speak about the kind of person I am: a venerable boy scout with more integrity and sensibility then most people I know. I come off as an extremely honest and loyal person; I don't get that feeling from many of the women I meet, at least not until I get a true sample of her character. If trust is called into question from the get-go, I will often send a girl packing, even after just a few dates. I just won't stand for it. Well, not before a good night's romp, at least.

Dagney · 02-28-2005, 10:05 PM

Well, I trust my gut instinct.

They need to earn my trust. I'm not as blindly trusting as I used to be - the whole once bitten, twice shy thing. If things 'feel' right, I may have a second date....if they don't, he gets the 'we'll just be friends' statement.

And well, he's gotta be pretty darn special (and not just THINK he's special) to earn the romp *G*

Catwoman · 03-01-2005, 03:41 AM

Pah, romping doesn't mean anything. You don't need to be 'special' for that. Just incredibly attractive and generously endowed.

Relationships, however, are a different kettle of doughnuts. By the way, you should never trust anyone, not because 'I'm really pessimistic and have been hurt in the past waa waa waa' but because PEOPLE CHANGE, something most couples don't seem to realise. How can you say to someone that you'll love them forever? You will change! You might not even like them two years down the line! You might do, but you can't possibly know that at the time. Think of all the times you have been wrong.

The only way to have a happy, successful relationship is to make sure you enjoy each others company now. So when you go home and your partner's there and you feel all warm and comfortable just to be there with him/her, you know it's right (but only for now). If you get home and spit out the usual 'hi honey how was your day' shit without really caring maybe you should set him/her free.

xoxoxoBruce · 03-01-2005, 09:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Catwoman

Relationships, however, are a different kettle of doughnuts. By the way, you should never trust anyone, not because 'I'm really pessimistic and have been hurt in the past waa waa waa' but because PEOPLE CHANGE, something most couples don't seem to realise. How can you say to someone that you'll love them forever? You will change! You might not even like them two years down the line! You might do, but you can't possibly know that at the time. Think of all the times you have been wrong.

Yes! You will change, they will change, circumstances will change and the world will change.
In order for a relationship to survive the whitewater of life it has to be strong. Strength comes from honesty and the trust it creates. Honesty and trust allow the flexibility, elasticity and fluidity that a relationship needs to survive.
Today I’m totally engrossed in you. Tomorrow afternoon I’m totally engrossed in a hobby. That doesn’t mean I love you any less tomorrow afternoon. You know where I am, what I’m doing and I’ll be back tomorrow night, ok?

I read this on kisrael.com
"Why won't you love me?" he asked.
She reached out and wrapped him in her arms.
How could she tell him that in his eyes she could see him preparing to consume her out of love?
He would begin with the eyes, then move on to her hands, her mouth, taking special care for the delicate lips.
The feast would continue with her breasts, and sex, then finish with her vitals, and her heart.
"Oh baby," she murmured, "baby baby baby."
They rocked together in the dim afternoon light.
We have to feed each other, not feed off each other.

Beestie · 03-01-2005, 09:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bruce

We have to feed each other...

When you feed the other person and become full that's when you know you have something.

glatt · 03-01-2005, 09:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beestie

When you feed the other person and become full that's when you know you have something.

I like that. It's true.

Catwoman · 03-01-2005, 10:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

Today I’m totally engrossed in you. Tomorrow afternoon I’m totally engrossed in a hobby. That doesn’t mean I love you any less tomorrow afternoon.

Today I love you. Tomorrow I don't. This may mean our relationship will change every day. Can you handle that? If so, I think we'll last a long, long time.

lookout123 · 03-01-2005, 10:29 AM

cat - then you are defining love as the "warm fuzzy feeling" not the act of placing another person's concerns and wellbeing ahead of your own.

Catwoman · 03-01-2005, 10:58 AM

Nope. Doesn't matter how you define the feeling - it is still subject to change. Wanting to put another person's concerns ahead of your own is still a feeling.

02-28-2005, 07:16 PM	#1
Dagney The Prodigal Brat Returneth Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: North Cackalacky Posts: 1,107	Where do you draw the line...... In response to Cowhead's thread, I thought it may be interesting to discuss a different topic. The opposite of how far will you go...exactly how much will you 'take'? Where do you draw the line - the deal breaking, relationship ending, cataclysmic end of a 'romance' moment? For me, it's dishonesty - pure and simple - of any flavor - any 'reason'. You lie, you're gone. I even THINK you lie, and you're put on notice and extremely thin ice (basically it's a one foot out the door and I'm just getting ready to kick you the rest of the way out). And there's no second chance. Harsh? Perhaps, but definitely justified. __________________ The Constitution gives every American the right to make a total fool out of himself. But that doesn't mean you need to.

02-28-2005, 07:18 PM	#2
gingerstar61 Eavesdropper Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: England Posts: 24	I'm with you on that one, I think once you break someones trust, you can never fully get it back. __________________ You're only young once, but you can be immature forever.

02-28-2005, 07:22 PM	#3
Dagney The Prodigal Brat Returneth Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: North Cackalacky Posts: 1,107	Nor do you deserve it. __________________ The Constitution gives every American the right to make a total fool out of himself. But that doesn't mean you need to.

02-28-2005, 07:50 PM	#5
breakingnews Q_Q Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: somewhere in between Posts: 995	Now would you rather know these things outright, or are there things you'd prefer were "omitted" from general knowledge? Okay, that's not worded very well. Here's a living, breathing example. My last serious girlfriend was not thrilled that I occasionally sought out and thoroughly enjoyed smoking the pot. (She had done it before but didn't like it all that much.) She knew I very rarely do some other substances too, and really didn't appreciate that. But as long as it did not "control my life or our relationship," she didn't care. Eventually she said if, say, I was out taking bong rips and was not a) cheating on her, b) doing something stupid to risk death or c) calling her and saying stupid shit I might regret the next day, she didn't need (nor preferred) to know. It was the trust we afforded each other, and it was very comforting to have that buffer. There were things I knew she was doing but opted not to know. My justification was that all those nights of worrying and fretting were better reserved for times when they really mattered, and the lack of stress was refreshing. We agreed that if the situation was really awful, we'd disclose and discuss. I equivocated my less-than-occasional gambling excursions with those nights she spent at the strip joints blowing money with her girlfriends. Harmless fun that only stresses those on the other end. Of course, you must have this trust to begin with, and either of us could very easily have cheated or done whatever, really. But it wasn't necessary. There was no need to avoid each other, no reason to be ashamed. Liberating, in a way. I dunno if this makes any sense. It's simple in my head, but I know you womenfolk will figure out ways to manipulate it into a man-shredding chainsaw of hate. __________________ Gone crazy, be back never.

02-28-2005, 08:14 PM	#6
Dagney The Prodigal Brat Returneth Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: North Cackalacky Posts: 1,107	Actually, I don't fire up the chainsaw over intelligent discussion Just push a button.....it fires right up No, actually, it makes a lot of sense. I think things that happen when you're out with the girls/guys should stay there - within already established bounds of the relationship. Sort of the "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" kind of rule of life. I don't expect to know every little tidbit of information about my significant other, but there are important things I think are important to know. For me, the pot would be a deal breaker....but I have my reasons for that - an ex had it delivered to my house - in my name, via US Mail....while I was away at work. Yeah, I'm not THAT into handcuffs to trust that it won't happen again. However, if you're out and about and you're in a committed relationship, you swap spit or any other fluid with a person (and no, not via the bong), you're cheating, cheating is a form of lying (to me), and is a punishable offense. And no, no three strikes and yer out either. Maybe I should have elaborated...out and out lies, white lies, black lies, and lies of omission - those are the killers.....Not telling you every little thing that happened when I went out with the girls....as long as I was truthful to the relationship I established with my significant other...(and not hiding things if you asked me outright....) no, that's not a lie. __________________ The Constitution gives every American the right to make a total fool out of himself. But that doesn't mean you need to.

02-28-2005, 07:27 PM	#4
Nightsong Wang Dude Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: South Carolina Posts: 177	I have to agree. I dont care what else you do just let me know what the hell your doing. Also make sure that my underwear and socks are washed. everything else I can handle. Just make sure you do the things your are supposed to do and let me know what your doing, or who for that matter .

02-28-2005, 09:52 PM	#7
breakingnews Q_Q Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: somewhere in between Posts: 995	So tell me, when you enter a freshly minted relationship, whose trust must be earned first? Yours or his/hers? Or is it a male/female thing (god forbid)? With me, you the female must impress the hell out of me before I will instill in you the kind of trust one puts forth in a quasi-serious relationship. That might just speak about the kind of person I am: a venerable boy scout with more integrity and sensibility then most people I know. I come off as an extremely honest and loyal person; I don't get that feeling from many of the women I meet, at least not until I get a true sample of her character. If trust is called into question from the get-go, I will often send a girl packing, even after just a few dates. I just won't stand for it. Well, not before a good night's romp, at least. __________________ Gone crazy, be back never.

02-28-2005, 10:05 PM	#8
Dagney The Prodigal Brat Returneth Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: North Cackalacky Posts: 1,107	Well, I trust my gut instinct. They need to earn my trust. I'm not as blindly trusting as I used to be - the whole once bitten, twice shy thing. If things 'feel' right, I may have a second date....if they don't, he gets the 'we'll just be friends' statement. And well, he's gotta be pretty darn special (and not just THINK he's special) to earn the romp G __________________ The Constitution gives every American the right to make a total fool out of himself. But that doesn't mean you need to.

03-01-2005, 03:41 AM	#9
Catwoman stalking a Tom Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: on the edge of the english channel Posts: 1,000	Pah, romping doesn't mean anything. You don't need to be 'special' for that. Just incredibly attractive and generously endowed. Relationships, however, are a different kettle of doughnuts. By the way, you should never trust anyone, not because 'I'm really pessimistic and have been hurt in the past waa waa waa' but because PEOPLE CHANGE, something most couples don't seem to realise. How can you say to someone that you'll love them forever? You will change! You might not even like them two years down the line! You might do, but you can't possibly know that at the time. Think of all the times you have been wrong. The only way to have a happy, successful relationship is to make sure you enjoy each others company now. So when you go home and your partner's there and you feel all warm and comfortable just to be there with him/her, you know it's right (but only for now). If you get home and spit out the usual 'hi honey how was your day' shit without really caring maybe you should set him/her free. __________________ I've decided I'm not going to have a signature anymore.

03-01-2005, 10:29 AM	#14
lookout123 changed his status to single Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Right behind you. No, the other side. Posts: 10,308	cat - then you are defining love as the "warm fuzzy feeling" not the act of placing another person's concerns and wellbeing ahead of your own. __________________ Getting knocked down is no sin, it's not getting back up that's the sin

03-01-2005, 10:58 AM	#15
Catwoman stalking a Tom Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: on the edge of the english channel Posts: 1,000	Nope. Doesn't matter how you define the feeling - it is still subject to change. Wanting to put another person's concerns ahead of your own is still a feeling. __________________ I've decided I'm not going to have a signature anymore.

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