How to Tell If You've Been Kidnapped by a Space Alien

wolf · 02-13-2003, 12:41 AM

I was throwing out some stuff and found a rolodex from a company that I had worked for eleven years ago. (yes, the aforementioned company that went belly up and forced me into the fascinating world of mental health).

I went through it, just in case there was some useful information in there. When I was done I had a six inch high pile of cards for companies that no longer exist (including NCR tech support, of all things) and people I no longer know.

There were three card containing valid information ... and that was my friend's PARENTS phone numbers.

What does all this have to do with the title of this post, you wonder?

I found a yellowed piece of newsprint tucked in between two of the cards.

Mind you, this Rolodex has been in an assortment of boxes, and was most recently recovered upside-down from a closet floor.

It's a clipping from that most educational of publications, The Weekly World News. You will likely remember them for their insightful, sensitive, ongoing series on "The Bat Boy" and their amazing cover photos "Satan's Face Seen In Smoke from WTC" and "Clinton Shakes Hands with Space Alien."

The piece is dated June 23, 1992.

Since I considered it important enough to save in my rolodex as the company was going down the tubes, I reproduce the article without permission here.

"It is possible you have been abducted by space aliens and don't know it!

An incredible new survey by the Rober Organization suggests that 3.6 million Americans — or one in 50 — may have been involved in a UFO abduction. All have experienced one or more of the following clues:

Awakening paralyzed, sensing a strange presence.
Discovering an hour or more of "missing time."
Seeing unusual lights or balls of light in a room.
Discovering scars on your body without remembering how they got there."

Elspode · 02-13-2003, 09:54 AM

This article could have just as easily been entitled "How To Discover That You Are A Hopeless Alcoholic".

I mean, when I was a drunk, these things happened to me all the time. The 'strange presence' was usually some barfly I woke up next to before chewing off my arm in order to escape.

Someone slap me next time I start talking about the good old days, okay?

SteveDallas · 02-13-2003, 10:02 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by wolf
Seeing unusual lights or balls of light in a room.

Last time this happened to me it turned out I had a retinal hemorrhage!

I love the UFO abductionists. There was a special about UFO abduction on TV some time back that I watched by default (it was a 3:00AM feeding of my son, and everything else was infomercials) and they had this big-name Harvard psychologist on. He basically said, "Yes, I was skeptical at first, but if so many people are saying the same thing it must be true."

I don't consider the movie "Independence Day" a great work of the cinema, but I really enjoyed the part where Jeff Goldblum's dad started going off about Area 51, and the president tried to calm him down and tell him that was all bogus, and then the president's asshole chief-of-staff said, "Umm... actually, Sir..."

wolf · 02-13-2003, 10:58 AM

I read John Mack, M.D.'s book Abduction when it came out. (He's the Harvard doctor that you mention).

That man is crazier than many of his patients.

He gives pretty good clinical case studies of many of his abduction patients.

There are a few people who are just outright crazy ... several schizophrenics. It's really obvious from the text descriptions.

The rest of them are unfortunate victims of psychiatry ... their symptoms are, damn, what's the term ... ideopathic ... (that's the one ... means "caused by their doctor")

False Memory Syndrome is not confined solely to memories of childhood ritual satanic sexual abuse. (It's the psychiatric equivalent of "when all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.")

Dr. Mack should have noticed something was up when EVERY patient he was treating turned out to have been abducted by aliens ... and forgot ALL about it. Until they started working with him ... then he published, and every alien abductee nutjob in the country headed for Hahvahd Yahd.

juju · 02-13-2003, 11:34 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by wolf
Awakening paralyzed, sensing a strange presence.

This actually does happen. When you go to sleep, your body paralyzes itself so you don't flail all about and hurt yourself while you're dreaming. But sometimes people will wake up and still be paralzed. They're fully concious, and either sene that there's someone else in the room, of feel a heavy weight pressing down on their chest.

A long time ago, people thought it was some sort of demon, and a whole myth was made up to explain it. But it turns out it's just chemistry!

juju · 02-13-2003, 11:39 AM

Well hell. My description sucks compared to this one:
<blockquote>The <b>Common Sleep Paralysis</b> happens, for most people, during R.E.M. state, when the body releases hormones that paralyze to keep it from acting out dreams, thereby reducing any chances of physical harm during sleep. It is a safety net. These hormones usually wear off before the dream ends and the person will then wake up with full use of all body functions. The Common Sleep Paralysis usually only lasts from seconds to 1 minute in total, though sometimes it can go a little longer.

The <b>Hallucinatory/'Hag' Sleep Paralysis</b> is experienced when 'hypnologic' (inability to perform voluntary movements during sleep) hallucinations are present after the person has awakened from sleep to find their body paralyzed. During these times, a person will feel a presence in the room with them (the 'Hag') - usually an evil or fearful presence. Some go further and feel as though someone or something is actually sitting on them and they feel as though they are suffocating or dying. Experiencing this can cause a person much anxiety and fear, but, again, there is no physical harm involved.

The Hallucinatory Sleep Paralysis is different from Common Sleep Paralysis because it can last up to 8 minutes long (sometimes longer) and, due to nightmarish hallucinations, is usually an extremely frightening experience. To the person caught in this state, it is extremely realistic and very intense.</blockquote>

Uryoces · 02-13-2003, 12:26 PM

Quote:

Dr. Mack should have noticed something was up when EVERY patient he was treating turned out to have been abducted by aliens ... and forgot ALL about it. Until they started working with him ... then he published, and every alien abductee nutjob in the country headed for Hahvahd Yahd.

Hypnotised nutjob: "... I see lights ..."
Investigator: "Describe the UFO for me..."

wolf · 02-13-2003, 03:29 PM

That's exactly how it works.

Interview expectations directly effect subject responses. This is particularly problematic when the subject is under hypnosis ... because s/he is extremely suggestible, the person becomes more convinced of the truth of the memories.

(I've seen video of hypnotic interviews of people who are "recovering" (i.e., making up) memories of Satanic Ritual Abuse. They are very similar.)

juju · 02-13-2003, 03:52 PM

Don't you mean affect?

That Guy · 02-13-2003, 06:09 PM

juju strikes again!!

wolf · 02-13-2003, 06:37 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by juju
Don't you mean affect?

I suppose an observation of the patient's expression of his/her emotional state comes into play at some point, but ...

juju · 02-13-2003, 06:45 PM

It's okay, Wolf. I'll letcha off with a warning this time.

russotto · 02-14-2003, 02:14 PM

Sorry juju:

(2) effect
Transitive verb

1 : to cause to come into being

juju · 02-14-2003, 04:46 PM

Dammit!

Griff · 02-14-2003, 06:23 PM

I heard losing basic language skills was also indicative of abduction...or was that of living in Arkansas.

Personally, my third nipple gets a little swollen after being nabbed. I think thats where they jack in for downloads.

02-13-2003, 12:41 AM	#1
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	How to Tell If You've Been Kidnapped by a Space Alien I was throwing out some stuff and found a rolodex from a company that I had worked for eleven years ago. (yes, the aforementioned company that went belly up and forced me into the fascinating world of mental health). I went through it, just in case there was some useful information in there. When I was done I had a six inch high pile of cards for companies that no longer exist (including NCR tech support, of all things) and people I no longer know. There were three card containing valid information ... and that was my friend's PARENTS phone numbers. What does all this have to do with the title of this post, you wonder? I found a yellowed piece of newsprint tucked in between two of the cards. Mind you, this Rolodex has been in an assortment of boxes, and was most recently recovered upside-down from a closet floor. It's a clipping from that most educational of publications, The Weekly World News. You will likely remember them for their insightful, sensitive, ongoing series on "The Bat Boy" and their amazing cover photos "Satan's Face Seen In Smoke from WTC" and "Clinton Shakes Hands with Space Alien." The piece is dated June 23, 1992. Since I considered it important enough to save in my rolodex as the company was going down the tubes, I reproduce the article without permission here. "It is possible you have been abducted by space aliens and don't know it! An incredible new survey by the Rober Organization suggests that 3.6 million Americans — or one in 50 — may have been involved in a UFO abduction. All have experienced one or more of the following clues: Awakening paralyzed, sensing a strange presence. Discovering an hour or more of "missing time." Seeing unusual lights or balls of light in a room. Discovering scars on your body without remembering how they got there." __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

02-13-2003, 09:54 AM	#2
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	This article could have just as easily been entitled "How To Discover That You Are A Hopeless Alcoholic". I mean, when I was a drunk, these things happened to me all the time. The 'strange presence' was usually some barfly I woke up next to before chewing off my arm in order to escape. Someone slap me next time I start talking about the good old days, okay? __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog

02-13-2003, 10:58 AM	#4
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	I read John Mack, M.D.'s book Abduction when it came out. (He's the Harvard doctor that you mention). That man is crazier than many of his patients. He gives pretty good clinical case studies of many of his abduction patients. There are a few people who are just outright crazy ... several schizophrenics. It's really obvious from the text descriptions. The rest of them are unfortunate victims of psychiatry ... their symptoms are, damn, what's the term ... ideopathic ... (that's the one ... means "caused by their doctor") False Memory Syndrome is not confined solely to memories of childhood ritual satanic sexual abuse. (It's the psychiatric equivalent of "when all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.") Dr. Mack should have noticed something was up when EVERY patient he was treating turned out to have been abducted by aliens ... and forgot ALL about it. Until they started working with him ... then he published, and every alien abductee nutjob in the country headed for Hahvahd Yahd. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

02-13-2003, 03:29 PM	#8
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	That's exactly how it works. Interview expectations directly effect subject responses. This is particularly problematic when the subject is under hypnosis ... because s/he is extremely suggestible, the person becomes more convinced of the truth of the memories. (I've seen video of hypnotic interviews of people who are "recovering" (i.e., making up) memories of Satanic Ritual Abuse. They are very similar.) __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

02-13-2003, 11:39 AM	#6
juju no one of consequence Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Arkansas Posts: 2,839	Well hell. My description sucks compared to this one: <blockquote>The <b>Common Sleep Paralysis</b> happens, for most people, during R.E.M. state, when the body releases hormones that paralyze to keep it from acting out dreams, thereby reducing any chances of physical harm during sleep. It is a safety net. These hormones usually wear off before the dream ends and the person will then wake up with full use of all body functions. The Common Sleep Paralysis usually only lasts from seconds to 1 minute in total, though sometimes it can go a little longer. The <b>Hallucinatory/'Hag' Sleep Paralysis</b> is experienced when 'hypnologic' (inability to perform voluntary movements during sleep) hallucinations are present after the person has awakened from sleep to find their body paralyzed. During these times, a person will feel a presence in the room with them (the 'Hag') - usually an evil or fearful presence. Some go further and feel as though someone or something is actually sitting on them and they feel as though they are suffocating or dying. Experiencing this can cause a person much anxiety and fear, but, again, there is no physical harm involved. The Hallucinatory Sleep Paralysis is different from Common Sleep Paralysis because it can last up to 8 minutes long (sometimes longer) and, due to nightmarish hallucinations, is usually an extremely frightening experience. To the person caught in this state, it is extremely realistic and very intense.</blockquote>

02-13-2003, 03:52 PM	#9
juju no one of consequence Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Arkansas Posts: 2,839	Don't you mean affect?

02-13-2003, 06:09 PM	#10
That Guy He who reads, sometimes writes. Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: at the keyboard Posts: 791	juju strikes again!!

02-13-2003, 06:45 PM	#12
juju no one of consequence Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Arkansas Posts: 2,839	It's okay, Wolf. I'll letcha off with a warning this time.

02-14-2003, 02:14 PM	#13
russotto Professor Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 1,788	Sorry juju: (2) effect Transitive verb 1 : to cause to come into being

02-14-2003, 04:46 PM	#14
juju no one of consequence Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Arkansas Posts: 2,839	Dammit!

02-14-2003, 06:23 PM	#15
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	I heard losing basic language skills was also indicative of abduction...or was that of living in Arkansas. Personally, my third nipple gets a little swollen after being nabbed. I think thats where they jack in for downloads.

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