Unpleasant Memories

Elspode · 12-12-2003, 10:47 PM

I've been fairly quiet here the past few days. It seems that my 22 year old son, who has already not had the most auspicious year on record, was suddenly stricken by the failure of his 12-year-old ventriculo-peritoneal shunt, which prevents the benign brain tumor deep inside one of his ventricles from causing him to develop hydrocephalus.

He was complaining of headaches on Tuesday all day, and so I took him to the ER Tuesday night at about 8:30. We were there until 1:30 AM Wednesday, and left for home in a blinding snowstorm, our first really nasty winter weather this season. He was CAT scanned at that time, and given some pain medication.

Wednesday was spent with me back at work on 3 hours of sleep for a nine hour desk shift, while my ex (his mother) ran down past images from three different sources so that comparisons with the ER scans could be made. We met at the neurosurgeon's office, where the doctor quickly noted enlargement in his ventricles as compared to an MRI done in July. This could only mean one thing, and so Steve was scheduled for evening surgery on Thursday to do a shunt revision.

The surgery didn't actually start until 12:00 AM this morning, Friday, and I didn't hit bed (or rather, couch, as I didn't want to get in my comfy bed...I'd have never been able to get out of it) until 3:30 AM, again going to work at my usual 8:00 AM time. At 1:00, I got a phone call from my wife, who had gone to visit him, telling me that he had experienced a grand mal seizure, and he was uncommunicative. I zipped to the hospital, and found him somewhat improved, although still not terribly whippy. At this writing, he is badly nauseated, and cannot keep anything down. His head hurts (to be expected), and the pain meds and anti-nausea drugs are keeping him rather whacked. Prognosis at present is unknown, although he was able to speak in complete sentences before I left to come home, leaving his mother to spend the night with him in his room. I take the shift tomorrow afternoon and will stay on into Sunday AM.

Although I can only begin to imagine the fear my son must be experiencing, all of this is also terribly difficult for me. 12 years ago, I almost lost my then ten-year-old son due to complications from his original shunt installation. The closed head brain injury he suffered robbed him of his short term memory, his high IQ, much of his verbal skill and vocal control, leaving him today, at age 22, a marginally employed busboy with a seizure disorder whose major source of income is Social Security Disability. He is in hosptial only thanks to Missouri Medicaid.

The experiences of 1991/1992 are still very fresh in my mind. It was the most horrific period of my entire life, wherein my whole life came unravelled. My son nearly died, and was hospitalized in largely paralyzed condition for a total of 10 months. During that time, my wife left me, my finances were shattered, and I spent the biggest part of a year either working or sitting by my child's bedside in one of four different hospitals (one of which was a four hour drive from our home). It was a time when I seriously considered suicide, but chose abject alcoholism instead. It was a time of panic attacks, severe self doubt, and alternating pejorations of the deities with earnest prayer and sincere offers to the Fates to allow me to trade places with my child. I literally offered up my soul to any entity that would accept it in exchange for his survival and recovery.

The events of the past few days are dredging up old memories, old feelings, old fears. I can only hope that the supportive wife I am now fortunate to have, and the lessons learned over a decade ago, will carry me through this. I can only hope that my son walks from the hospital with at least the major part of what he walked in with still accessible and functional in his brain and personality. I hope I still have the strength to be there for him, to make sure the doctors and nurses communicate effectively, and that they don't try to give him the wrong drugs at the wrong times, etc, etc, as they tried to do many times during his original episode. I can only hope, and ask my gods and goddesses to smile down upon him.

It is going to snow again tonight, silence falling from above, hushing the world, covering that which is brown and dead with a glorious mantle of shining white.

May blessings and strength fall this night upon my son and my family in equal abundance.

Here's a picture of my son...please send good vibes.

Dagney · 12-12-2003, 10:51 PM

I'll light a candle and say a prayer Elspode.

Dagney

warch · 12-12-2003, 11:53 PM

Aw man. good thoughts sailing south to you all.

wolf · 12-12-2003, 11:57 PM

My thoughts and prayers are with you all, El.

xoxoxoBruce · 12-13-2003, 12:18 AM

Of course, Els. We are family.

zippyt · 12-13-2003, 12:41 AM

We wish you and your the best .

insoluble · 12-13-2003, 02:11 AM

I commend you one the trmendous inner strength evident in your post. Good thoughts and energy are on their way from the north.

Undertoad · 12-13-2003, 03:03 AM

Every last good vibe I can find is headed your way now...

LUVBUGZ · 12-13-2003, 03:30 AM

Els, I am moved greatly by your strength and unconditional love for your son. I pray for you continued strength and for your son a peaceful recovery.

SteveDallas · 12-13-2003, 06:06 AM

We'll pray for all of you, Elspode.

BrianR · 12-13-2003, 10:17 AM

Good vibes are coming from me, too, man.

I pray to the Gods that your son recovers and continues to delight you for many years to come.

Brian
-

Elspode · 12-13-2003, 11:11 AM

Thanks to all...I'm off to hospital shortly. Another seizure this morning, and he should be in a followup CAT scan very soon.

Six inches of snow on the ground and still falling...

Gwennie! · 12-13-2003, 11:21 AM

Sending good vibes your way. (no, I don't know you; but it is a compelling story.) It's sad that you and your wife couldn't stay together and handle this as a team.

Our son has a high-functioning form of Autism. It is a challenge. But, my husband and I deal with it as a team. It helps.

May the force be with you.

Griff · 12-13-2003, 11:26 AM

My prayers are with you guys.

elSicomoro · 12-13-2003, 11:35 AM

Ep, I know it's been a rough year for you. Be strong, stay positive and use your past to guide you along the "right" path in the present.

Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

12-12-2003, 10:47 PM	#1
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	Unpleasant Memories I've been fairly quiet here the past few days. It seems that my 22 year old son, who has already not had the most auspicious year on record, was suddenly stricken by the failure of his 12-year-old ventriculo-peritoneal shunt, which prevents the benign brain tumor deep inside one of his ventricles from causing him to develop hydrocephalus. He was complaining of headaches on Tuesday all day, and so I took him to the ER Tuesday night at about 8:30. We were there until 1:30 AM Wednesday, and left for home in a blinding snowstorm, our first really nasty winter weather this season. He was CAT scanned at that time, and given some pain medication. Wednesday was spent with me back at work on 3 hours of sleep for a nine hour desk shift, while my ex (his mother) ran down past images from three different sources so that comparisons with the ER scans could be made. We met at the neurosurgeon's office, where the doctor quickly noted enlargement in his ventricles as compared to an MRI done in July. This could only mean one thing, and so Steve was scheduled for evening surgery on Thursday to do a shunt revision. The surgery didn't actually start until 12:00 AM this morning, Friday, and I didn't hit bed (or rather, couch, as I didn't want to get in my comfy bed...I'd have never been able to get out of it) until 3:30 AM, again going to work at my usual 8:00 AM time. At 1:00, I got a phone call from my wife, who had gone to visit him, telling me that he had experienced a grand mal seizure, and he was uncommunicative. I zipped to the hospital, and found him somewhat improved, although still not terribly whippy. At this writing, he is badly nauseated, and cannot keep anything down. His head hurts (to be expected), and the pain meds and anti-nausea drugs are keeping him rather whacked. Prognosis at present is unknown, although he was able to speak in complete sentences before I left to come home, leaving his mother to spend the night with him in his room. I take the shift tomorrow afternoon and will stay on into Sunday AM. Although I can only begin to imagine the fear my son must be experiencing, all of this is also terribly difficult for me. 12 years ago, I almost lost my then ten-year-old son due to complications from his original shunt installation. The closed head brain injury he suffered robbed him of his short term memory, his high IQ, much of his verbal skill and vocal control, leaving him today, at age 22, a marginally employed busboy with a seizure disorder whose major source of income is Social Security Disability. He is in hosptial only thanks to Missouri Medicaid. The experiences of 1991/1992 are still very fresh in my mind. It was the most horrific period of my entire life, wherein my whole life came unravelled. My son nearly died, and was hospitalized in largely paralyzed condition for a total of 10 months. During that time, my wife left me, my finances were shattered, and I spent the biggest part of a year either working or sitting by my child's bedside in one of four different hospitals (one of which was a four hour drive from our home). It was a time when I seriously considered suicide, but chose abject alcoholism instead. It was a time of panic attacks, severe self doubt, and alternating pejorations of the deities with earnest prayer and sincere offers to the Fates to allow me to trade places with my child. I literally offered up my soul to any entity that would accept it in exchange for his survival and recovery. The events of the past few days are dredging up old memories, old feelings, old fears. I can only hope that the supportive wife I am now fortunate to have, and the lessons learned over a decade ago, will carry me through this. I can only hope that my son walks from the hospital with at least the major part of what he walked in with still accessible and functional in his brain and personality. I hope I still have the strength to be there for him, to make sure the doctors and nurses communicate effectively, and that they don't try to give him the wrong drugs at the wrong times, etc, etc, as they tried to do many times during his original episode. I can only hope, and ask my gods and goddesses to smile down upon him. It is going to snow again tonight, silence falling from above, hushing the world, covering that which is brown and dead with a glorious mantle of shining white. May blessings and strength fall this night upon my son and my family in equal abundance. Here's a picture of my son...please send good vibes. Attached Images __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog

12-12-2003, 10:51 PM	#2
Dagney The Prodigal Brat Returneth Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: North Cackalacky Posts: 1,107	I'll light a candle and say a prayer Elspode. Dagney __________________ The Constitution gives every American the right to make a total fool out of himself. But that doesn't mean you need to.

12-12-2003, 11:57 PM	#4
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	My thoughts and prayers are with you all, El. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

12-13-2003, 12:18 AM	#5
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Of course, Els. We are family. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

12-13-2003, 12:41 AM	#6
zippyt LONG LIVE KING ZIPPY! per Feetz Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Arkansas Posts: 7,661	We wish you and your the best . __________________ "Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get. " Brother Dave Gardner

12-12-2003, 11:53 PM	#3
warch lurkin old school Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Minnesota Posts: 2,796	Aw man. good thoughts sailing south to you all.

12-13-2003, 02:11 AM	#7
insoluble developmentally disabled rear end headwear Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: syracuse, ny Posts: 207	I commend you one the trmendous inner strength evident in your post. Good thoughts and energy are on their way from the north.

12-13-2003, 03:03 AM	#8
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	Every last good vibe I can find is headed your way now...

12-13-2003, 03:30 AM	#9
LUVBUGZ Not aging gracefully. Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 530	Els, I am moved greatly by your strength and unconditional love for your son. I pray for you continued strength and for your son a peaceful recovery. __________________ You can't catch me...don't even try...go do something else...see ya next year. Mama Loves You Baby Girl ~ May You Rest In Peace

12-13-2003, 06:06 AM	#10
SteveDallas Your Bartender Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Philly Burbs, PA Posts: 7,651	We'll pray for all of you, Elspode.

12-13-2003, 10:17 AM	#11
BrianR Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 3,338	Good vibes are coming from me, too, man. I pray to the Gods that your son recovers and continues to delight you for many years to come. Brian - __________________ Never be afraid to tell the world who you are. -- Anonymous

12-13-2003, 11:11 AM	#12
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	Thanks to all...I'm off to hospital shortly. Another seizure this morning, and he should be in a followup CAT scan very soon. Six inches of snow on the ground and still falling... __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog

12-13-2003, 11:21 AM	#13
Gwennie! Not Female at Birth Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Anaheim Posts: 166	Sending good vibes your way. (no, I don't know you; but it is a compelling story.) It's sad that you and your wife couldn't stay together and handle this as a team. Our son has a high-functioning form of Autism. It is a challenge. But, my husband and I deal with it as a team. It helps. May the force be with you.

12-13-2003, 11:26 AM	#14
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	My prayers are with you guys.

12-13-2003, 11:35 AM	#15
elSicomoro Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 12,486	Ep, I know it's been a rough year for you. Be strong, stay positive and use your past to guide you along the "right" path in the present. Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

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