Best of The Onion

monster · 04-30-2011, 09:02 PM

Today: Afterbirthers Demand To See Obama's Placenta

infinite monkey · 05-03-2011, 08:47 AM

Osama bin Laden slideshow: Death of a Motherfucker

http://www.theonion.com/articles/osa...20293/?slide=1

infinite monkey · 05-03-2011, 09:35 AM

http://www.theonion.com/articles/us-...saka-bi,17209/

monster · 05-11-2011, 09:20 AM

Hostages Trapped Inside Walmart Insisting They Never Shop At Walmart

infinite monkey · 05-12-2011, 12:26 PM

monster, I sent that hostage clip to my mom and brothers. My mom hates the walmart, but we've had occasion to tease her about going there.

infinite monkey · 05-12-2011, 01:09 PM

U.S. Mortality Rate At All-Time Low

In 2009, the mortality rate in the United States fell 2.3 percent to 741 deaths per 100,000. Here are some of the factors behind the nation's lowest-ever death rate:

Ignoring that one week when everyone in Minneapolis died
Loading up boats with really sick people and sending them out to die in international waters
The so-called "741-per-100,000 Murderer" was captured and incarcerated
Dr. Christopher Walsh of Youngstown, OH started washing his hands
Horace Mann Middle School's 1971 removal of asbestos finally started to pay off
Good chunk of population now getting three nutritious meals a day via correctional facilities
Shorter bridges that make it easier for people to hold their breath all the way across
National Rounded-Scissors Act of 2008

http://www.theonion.com/articles/us-...ime-low,19787/

DanaC · 05-13-2011, 06:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by infinite monkey

U.S. Mortality Rate At All-Time Low

Ignoring that one week when everyone in Minneapolis died

That made me chortle.

infinite monkey · 05-13-2011, 07:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DanaC

That made me chortle.

Me too. I did also like # 3 and # 8.

Some of them just really weren't funny. We could improve that one.

Pico and ME · 05-13-2011, 07:08 AM

How many Horace Mann schools are out there? I thought the one in Gary, Indiana was the one and only. Ha. They are all over the place.

infinite monkey · 05-13-2011, 07:10 AM

I didn't get that one. Isn't that the school in School of Rock?

*scurries off to google*

infinite monkey · 05-13-2011, 07:16 AM

Ahhh, it was Horace Green Elementary.

Griff · 05-13-2011, 09:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pico and ME

How many Horace Mann schools are out there? I thought the one in Gary, Indiana was the one and only. Ha. They are all over the place.

Binghamton, NY has one.

classicman · 12-01-2011, 01:48 PM

OMG... I am still tearing up with laughter at this one.

I know its old, but dayumm that's a funny scenario to picture.

Kids, Your Mother Is Ready To Start F*cking Again

classicman · 12-01-2011, 01:48 PM

Now who wants a grilled cheese?
Bwahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa

footfootfoot · 12-01-2011, 03:35 PM

#7 #8

04-30-2011, 09:02 PM	#1
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	Best of The Onion Today: Afterbirthers Demand To See Obama's Placenta __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

05-11-2011, 09:20 AM	#4
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	Hostages Trapped Inside Walmart Insisting They Never Shop At Walmart __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

05-12-2011, 01:09 PM	#6
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	*U.S. Mortality Rate At All-Time Low* In 2009, the mortality rate in the United States fell 2.3 percent to 741 deaths per 100,000. Here are some of the factors behind the nation's lowest-ever death rate: Ignoring that one week when everyone in Minneapolis died Loading up boats with really sick people and sending them out to die in international waters The so-called "741-per-100,000 Murderer" was captured and incarcerated Dr. Christopher Walsh of Youngstown, OH started washing his hands Horace Mann Middle School's 1971 removal of asbestos finally started to pay off Good chunk of population now getting three nutritious meals a day via correctional facilities Shorter bridges that make it easier for people to hold their breath all the way across National Rounded-Scissors Act of 2008 http://www.theonion.com/articles/us-...ime-low,19787/

12-01-2011, 01:48 PM	#13
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	NSFW content & wording OMG... I am still tearing up with laughter at this one. I know its old, but dayumm that's a funny scenario to picture. Kids, Your Mother Is Ready To Start F*cking Again __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

12-01-2011, 01:48 PM	#14
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	Now who wants a grilled cheese? Bwahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

05-03-2011, 08:47 AM	#2
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	Osama bin Laden slideshow: Death of a Motherfucker http://www.theonion.com/articles/osa...20293/?slide=1

05-03-2011, 09:35 AM	#3
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	http://www.theonion.com/articles/us-...saka-bi,17209/

05-12-2011, 12:26 PM	#5
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	monster, I sent that hostage clip to my mom and brothers. My mom hates the walmart, but we've had occasion to tease her about going there.

05-13-2011, 07:08 AM	#9
Pico and ME Are you knock-kneed? Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Middle Hoosierland Posts: 3,549	How many Horace Mann schools are out there? I thought the one in Gary, Indiana was the one and only. Ha. They are all over the place.

05-13-2011, 07:10 AM	#10
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	I didn't get that one. Isn't that the school in School of Rock? scurries off to google

05-13-2011, 07:16 AM	#11
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	Ahhh, it was Horace Green Elementary.

12-01-2011, 03:35 PM	#15
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	#7 #8 __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

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