Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 337

lumberjim · 03-22-2014, 01:53 PM

I have probably told this one before. Possibly in this thread, even. But since I just did paperwork for a gastroenterologist, I was reminded of the time I did a deal with a proctologist.

The proctologist sat down to sign his paperwork, and when I offered him a pen he reached into his shirt pocket and said "Oh I have one already" , but then he looked down in surprise to find a rectal thermometer in his hand.

"Damnit, " he said." Some asshole has my pen! "

Griff · 03-22-2014, 01:58 PM

Ha!

fargon · 03-22-2014, 03:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lumberjim

." Some asshole has my pen! "

Assholes gotta ass.

Gravdigr · 03-23-2014, 02:31 PM

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Gravdigr · 03-25-2014, 03:21 PM

This may take on more meaning for me in the coming weeks...

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BigV · 03-26-2014, 05:25 PM

ruh-roh....

Gravdigr · 04-02-2014, 04:24 PM

The best joke you'll hear today.

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Sundae · 04-03-2014, 02:01 PM

Most excellent, Grav.

Eta, where's Baby gone?

monster · 04-03-2014, 03:24 PM

became a toddler?

Gravdigr · 04-05-2014, 03:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sundae

Eta, where's Baby gone?

Oh, she's around, still. For the moment...

Clodfobble · 04-10-2014, 08:10 PM

Why do teen girls always group themselves in odd numbers?

Because what is this they can't even.

monster · 04-15-2014, 07:14 PM

Watch this!

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2014...n_5151165.html

footfootfoot · 04-15-2014, 09:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

Why do teen girls always group themselves in odd numbers?

Because what is this they can't even.

Are you single yet?

BardoXV · 04-19-2014, 09:12 AM

Many years ago I owned a hobby shop and one of the lines I sold was astronomical telescopes. Along with them I carried books and magazines about astronomy. One day my son stopped in to visit and we were looking at one of the sky charts of the night sky. We were finding some of the stars and the planets that would be visible. Then he asked "where is the Earth on this chart?" I pointed to the skyline on the edge of the chart and said, "You would be standing on it."

BardoXV · 04-19-2014, 09:22 AM

Just before I married my wife (the 2nd one, the current one, the one that worked out,) We were living in an apartment, getting ready to go to a family get together at her father's. His wife had 4 daughters with several children each so there was usually a lot of people there. My wife was looking for something to wear, so I threw her a pair of my pants, she put them on and they fit, so she wore them. When we got there we went into the kitchen (a rather large one) where almost everyone had gathered, my wife walked in and said to her mom, "Guess what I did today? I got into Warren's pants." Everyone gasped and several commented that she shouldn't say things like that. Then she stepped back, grabbed the belt loops and said, "And look, I'm still in them".

03-22-2014, 01:53 PM	#5041
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	I have probably told this one before. Possibly in this thread, even. But since I just did paperwork for a gastroenterologist, I was reminded of the time I did a deal with a proctologist. The proctologist sat down to sign his paperwork, and when I offered him a pen he reached into his shirt pocket and said "Oh I have one already" , but then he looked down in surprise to find a rectal thermometer in his hand. "Damnit, " he said." Some asshole has my pen! " __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

03-22-2014, 01:58 PM	#5042
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	Ha! __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

03-23-2014, 02:31 PM	#5044
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	__________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

03-25-2014, 03:21 PM	#5045
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	This may take on more meaning for me in the coming weeks... __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

03-26-2014, 05:25 PM	#5046
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	ruh-roh.... __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

04-02-2014, 04:24 PM	#5047
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	The best joke you'll hear today. __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

04-03-2014, 02:01 PM	#5048
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	Most excellent, Grav. Eta, where's Baby gone? __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

04-03-2014, 03:24 PM	#5049
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	became a toddler? __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

04-10-2014, 08:10 PM	#5051
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	Why do teen girls always group themselves in odd numbers? Because what is this they can't even. __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

04-15-2014, 07:14 PM	#5052
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	Watch this! http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2014...n_5151165.html __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

04-19-2014, 09:12 AM	#5054
BardoXV B.O.F. Join Date: Apr 2014 Location: Pa. Posts: 79	Many years ago I owned a hobby shop and one of the lines I sold was astronomical telescopes. Along with them I carried books and magazines about astronomy. One day my son stopped in to visit and we were looking at one of the sky charts of the night sky. We were finding some of the stars and the planets that would be visible. Then he asked "where is the Earth on this chart?" I pointed to the skyline on the edge of the chart and said, "You would be standing on it."

04-19-2014, 09:22 AM	#5055
BardoXV B.O.F. Join Date: Apr 2014 Location: Pa. Posts: 79	Just before I married my wife (the 2nd one, the current one, the one that worked out,) We were living in an apartment, getting ready to go to a family get together at her father's. His wife had 4 daughters with several children each so there was usually a lot of people there. My wife was looking for something to wear, so I threw her a pair of my pants, she put them on and they fit, so she wore them. When we got there we went into the kitchen (a rather large one) where almost everyone had gathered, my wife walked in and said to her mom, "Guess what I did today? I got into Warren's pants." Everyone gasped and several commented that she shouldn't say things like that. Then she stepped back, grabbed the belt loops and said, "And look, I'm still in them".

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