My friend with breast cancer

monster · 05-15-2009, 08:37 PM

So, I figured I'd taken up enough of the what's making you miserable/unhappy/completely fucking mad right now thread.... but I'm not done talking about this, especially as she wants to keep it on the QT until she needs people to know and can only deal with it at little at a time, whereas I'm a head-on gung-ho type person. Like her husband. He's all "ok monday we get the final treatment plan, tuesday you start chemo". I'd be like like too, but she needs me to be "on her side". so that's where I am. (I'm great friends with her hubby too, no conflict there, but It's my job to be supportive of her decisions, unless i think they're totally insane). It's also my job to provide the comedic relief, apparently

so it's confirmed. My best friend has breast cancer. The good news it it's the most common type with many potential treatments. the bad news is that it's fast, invasive and already in the lymph nodes. So it's chemo for sure. we think that makes it stage 3, but that will be confirmed Monday.

So today we went to pick up an information packet from the hospital, and get more stuff from the library there (more about that later)

her Gynie is a good friend and pretty highly placed at the hsopital, and also a breast cancer survivor, so she's been a great source of who to see what to expect, what to ask etc So today's advice was, when you go on Monday, they'll first make you watch a video with all the other newly diagnosed women. You don't want to do this. ask for a private screening or to borrow the tape. So she did, and that's what we did when we got there.

half an hour of a blonde doctor with a terrible squint, many survivors with 80s hair and eyeglasses and boobs without nipples. and one sudden shot of a removed tumor being disected. it was green and looked like a small brain. It's definitely not something you'd want to "share' with a group of random women because our reactions would probably not be the same as everyones -possibly offensive to some, and I think it was a stress reliever to feel free to be bitchy about the presentation and hairstyles/whatever, but she would not have been able to do that in a stranger group setting.

Not terribly comforting that in such a state of the art hospital, the video they show about breast cancer treatment was made in the 80s and played on VHS. They talked about the ports for chemo like they were a rare state-of-the-art treat that you might be lucky enough to get...

anyway, then we visted the library which had a wealth of resources, many free, and we were really quite impressed both by the empathy and knowledge of the librarian. Then she reverently presented my friend with a pale pink box decorated with the pink ribbon logo and the words "Memory Maker". inside was a "Cancer Awareness bracelet" it's a silver colored "charm" bracelet with bling-sized links, with three charms designed to hold 6 photos of people, two heart charms that say 'hope' and 'strength" and a pink ribbon charm. A little sticker tells us that this is intended for sale to raise money for the cause, but come one..... initial reactions....? (1) Congratulations! you now officialy have breast cancer! here's your membership badge! (2) You're gonna die, you'll need something like this to make it all the more poignant (3) Nobody cared enough to buy all of these, so we thought, hey, why not give them to the poor bitches who get it? I'm sure whoever started this meant well, but sometimes, jeeze....

I will post a picture. why do i have it? because, much as we tried to accidentally leave it behind, we failed (didn't really want to hurt the Librarian's feelings by refusing it). so now i'm charged with the task of altering it artistically in some way that will make my friend laugh...

We all know that's the best medicine, and then the bracelet will not have been manufactured for nothing

That's all for today.

monster · 05-15-2009, 08:57 PM

here's the bracelet

classicman · 05-15-2009, 09:01 PM

You're a good friend Monnie.

Oh and let me be the first to add:
Fuck Cancer!

monster · 05-15-2009, 09:50 PM

I want to be a good friend, i try, but she asked me not to talk about it and I am doing, albeit on the internet anonymouslyish

I did tell her that I'd mentioned it here, though, , and she didn't seem overly pissed off, but still....I wish i was strong enough to say nothing at all (but i'm not, so i'm going to keep on going, I think I can help her best if i'm not bottling up....).

Pie · 05-15-2009, 10:55 PM

I say you add enough charms to make it say "Fuck Cancer!" That seems to be the dominant theme here.

Hugs to you. Stay strong.

Clodfobble · 05-15-2009, 11:16 PM

It's good that she has someone to trust. I know you will do a great job of supporting her when she needs it and kicking her in the ass when she needs it.

DanaC · 05-16-2009, 03:52 AM

You are not letting her down by talking here. You are not being anything less than her good friend by seeking emotional/psychic support for your part in this. None of us know her. She knows none of us. We come free. What she doesn't want, clearly, is for anybody she knows, or is connected to her finding out until she is ready to tell them. We don't count.

That bracelet is horrible! I think that's possibly the most morbid thing I've seen in a long time....well-meaning I know but still..:P

I think Pie's idea is stunning. Is there any way you could ....oh....what about using fimo to make the letters and hanging them instead of the charms? Then it would read FUCK CANCER and she could wear it proudly to the clinic.

I don't know what else to say. This must be really hard, Monnie. We're here when you need to vent. Safely and repercussion free. *hugs*

monster · 05-16-2009, 04:46 PM

I've just decided to make her something ceramic tomorrow and use it to create texture

monster · 05-16-2009, 09:21 PM

let me know what you think...

DanaC · 05-17-2009, 02:42 AM

Oh that's lovely Mon!

limey · 05-17-2009, 03:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DanaC

You are not letting her down by talking here. You are not being anything less than her good friend by seeking emotional/psychic support for your part in this. None of us know her. She knows none of us. We come free. What she doesn't want, clearly, is for anybody she knows, or is connected to her finding out until she is ready to tell them. We don't count.

That bracelet is horrible! I think that's possibly the most morbid thing I've seen in a long time....well-meaning I know but still..:P

I think Pie's idea is stunning. Is there any way you could ....oh....what about using fimo to make the letters and hanging them instead of the charms? Then it would read FUCK CANCER and she could wear it proudly to the clinic.

I don't know what else to say. This must be really hard, Monnie. We're here when you need to vent. Safely and repercussion free. *hugs*

What Dana said. Oh, and by the way, FUCK CANCER!

monster · 05-17-2009, 07:30 AM

you guys rock. I think I'm ready to be ready now, thanks

had some horrible nighmares last night, though

Trilby · 05-17-2009, 09:33 AM

cancer: FUCK IT.

monster · 05-17-2009, 02:47 PM

You did that, Bri.

Queen of the Ryche · 05-18-2009, 12:37 PM

Fuck Cancer.
Waaaay too many personal ties here - All I can say is thank you for being a supportive friend. It means a helluva lot.
And you go with your bad self Bri!!!

05-15-2009, 08:37 PM	#1
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	My friend with breast cancer So, I figured I'd taken up enough of the what's making you miserable/unhappy/completely fucking mad right now thread.... but I'm not done talking about this, especially as she wants to keep it on the QT until she needs people to know and can only deal with it at little at a time, whereas I'm a head-on gung-ho type person. Like her husband. He's all "ok monday we get the final treatment plan, tuesday you start chemo". I'd be like like too, but she needs me to be "on her side". so that's where I am. (I'm great friends with her hubby too, no conflict there, but It's my job to be supportive of her decisions, unless i think they're totally insane). It's also my job to provide the comedic relief, apparently so it's confirmed. My best friend has breast cancer. The good news it it's the most common type with many potential treatments. the bad news is that it's fast, invasive and already in the lymph nodes. So it's chemo for sure. we think that makes it stage 3, but that will be confirmed Monday. So today we went to pick up an information packet from the hospital, and get more stuff from the library there (more about that later) her Gynie is a good friend and pretty highly placed at the hsopital, and also a breast cancer survivor, so she's been a great source of who to see what to expect, what to ask etc So today's advice was, when you go on Monday, they'll first make you watch a video with all the other newly diagnosed women. You don't want to do this. ask for a private screening or to borrow the tape. So she did, and that's what we did when we got there. half an hour of a blonde doctor with a terrible squint, many survivors with 80s hair and eyeglasses and boobs without nipples. and one sudden shot of a removed tumor being disected. it was green and looked like a small brain. It's definitely not something you'd want to "share' with a group of random women because our reactions would probably not be the same as everyones -possibly offensive to some, and I think it was a stress reliever to feel free to be bitchy about the presentation and hairstyles/whatever, but she would not have been able to do that in a stranger group setting. Not terribly comforting that in such a state of the art hospital, the video they show about breast cancer treatment was made in the 80s and played on VHS. They talked about the ports for chemo like they were a rare state-of-the-art treat that you might be lucky enough to get... anyway, then we visted the library which had a wealth of resources, many free, and we were really quite impressed both by the empathy and knowledge of the librarian. Then she reverently presented my friend with a pale pink box decorated with the pink ribbon logo and the words "Memory Maker". inside was a "Cancer Awareness bracelet" it's a silver colored "charm" bracelet with bling-sized links, with three charms designed to hold 6 photos of people, two heart charms that say 'hope' and 'strength" and a pink ribbon charm. A little sticker tells us that this is intended for sale to raise money for the cause, but come one..... initial reactions....? (1) Congratulations! you now officialy have breast cancer! here's your membership badge! (2) You're gonna die, you'll need something like this to make it all the more poignant (3) Nobody cared enough to buy all of these, so we thought, hey, why not give them to the poor bitches who get it? I'm sure whoever started this meant well, but sometimes, jeeze.... I will post a picture. why do i have it? because, much as we tried to accidentally leave it behind, we failed (didn't really want to hurt the Librarian's feelings by refusing it). so now i'm charged with the task of altering it artistically in some way that will make my friend laugh... We all know that's the best medicine, and then the bracelet will not have been manufactured for nothing That's all for today. __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

05-15-2009, 08:57 PM	#2
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	here's the bracelet Attached Images __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

05-15-2009, 09:01 PM	#3
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	You're a good friend Monnie. Oh and let me be the first to add: Fuck Cancer! __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

05-15-2009, 09:50 PM	#4
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	I want to be a good friend, i try, but she asked me not to talk about it and I am doing, albeit on the internet anonymouslyish I did tell her that I'd mentioned it here, though, , and she didn't seem overly pissed off, but still....I wish i was strong enough to say nothing at all (but i'm not, so i'm going to keep on going, I think I can help her best if i'm not bottling up....). __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

05-15-2009, 10:55 PM	#5
Pie Gone and done Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 4,808	I say you add enough charms to make it say "Fuck Cancer!" That seems to be the dominant theme here. Hugs to you. Stay strong. __________________ per·son \ˈpər-sən\ (noun) - an ephemeral collection of small, irrational decisions The fun thing about evolution (and science in general) is that it happens whether you believe in it or not.

05-15-2009, 11:16 PM	#6
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	It's good that she has someone to trust. I know you will do a great job of supporting her when she needs it and kicking her in the ass when she needs it. __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

05-16-2009, 04:46 PM	#8
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	I've just decided to make her something ceramic tomorrow and use it to create texture __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

05-16-2009, 09:21 PM	#9
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	The Bracelet: Attempt 1 let me know what you think... Attached Images __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

05-17-2009, 07:30 AM	#12
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	you guys rock. I think I'm ready to be ready now, thanks had some horrible nighmares last night, though __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

05-17-2009, 09:33 AM	#13
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	cancer: FUCK IT. __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

05-17-2009, 02:47 PM	#14
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	You did that, Bri. __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

05-18-2009, 12:37 PM	#15
Queen of the Ryche is fleeing the scene Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Beautiful CO Posts: 1,510	Fuck Cancer. Waaaay too many personal ties here - All I can say is thank you for being a supportive friend. It means a helluva lot. And you go with your bad self Bri!!! __________________ Once, in an interview, Chuck Norris admitted that he was not the most awesome thing ever. He declined to elaborate; but I believe we all know that he was referring to the existence of chocolate covered bacon. I'd rather be judged by twelve than carried by six.

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)