Serious Question......What do women really want in a serious relationship?

[SILVERWOLFNC]

Hi Just out of curiosity. What do women really want in a relationship. I've been single for 32 years now and have never figured out what a woman wants or how to give it to her. My standards where never that high. I just look for a good woman that will treat me with respect and won't try to steal from me or screw me over.

[Perry Winkle]

Speaking from lack of experience I would assume that what a woman wants from a relationship varies from woman to woman...

[SILVERWOLFNC]

I would tend to agree but there seems to be some sense of what women really want deep down inside in a man...lol the womens magazine never cover it...lol

[SILVERWOLFNC]

I just keep looking for the right woman I every time I think I've met her she turns out to be the wrong one. I'm the perfect example of nice guys finish last.

[Clodfobble]

I'll tell you what I want out of our relationship: I'd like your sig to not include so many damn smileys. But I'm sure there are other women out there who will love you for who you are, instead of trying to change you.

[wolf]

Whatever we might want, we change the rules. Sometimes moving the bar upward, other times lowering it a smidge to make someone who nearly fits fit.

For the most part, wash reasonably often, and be willing to commit pretty much does it.

The ability to present the male in public is also useful.

Understand that for 6 days out of every 28 we range somewhere between somewhat irritated and psychotic. It is not always the same six days. No, you do not get to choose.

There's a reason we don't have avatars here. Clod's totally right on the smiley thing, although I think it's more the animated ones than the static ones. Nobody's complained about mine, but that could be because I intimidate people.

[BrianR]

Wolf, I have to disagree. Except the bit about changing the rules.

I wash at least daily, groom myself fairly well, dress decently (usually) and am willing to commit to a LTR. I like to think I'm socially presentable. I can deal with the hormone thing for the most part. True, I am a prevert. But I'm a *nice* prevert.

That said, My relationships never seem to last very long, six months is average. One year is a record. And it's always "my fault". I normally fail to see what I might have done wrong. Sometimes I do see it and strive to not do that thing ever again. I look at this as a positive thing. Women seem to disagree.

There HAS to be more to it than simple grooming and staying faithful. What aren't you telling us?

[Clodfobble]

Well, you've also gotta pick the right women to begin with. There are women who are going to abuse every man they're with, just like there are men that way. If all your women seem to act a certain way, it's time to break into an entirely new environment. Do something you would never normally do, be it sitting in a coffeeshop reading, or going to the gym, or attending a small concert of a musician you think you might like but don't normally listen to.

You might discover you have an innate talent for kayaking, and you might meet a woman who's been wondering what happened to all the nice guys.

[OnyxCougar]

Because generally, younger women (18 - 30) don't want nice men to treat them like queens. They think they do, and they will tell you they do, but what they really want is to be treated like crap. (and don't flame me for this, ladies because you know deep down inside that it's true. generally speaking)

Then, in the late 20's, early 30's, they get tired of being treated like crap and start to realize what they really want in a man. *That's* when they want nice. They start to know what they like and dislike in men and relationships and what they are and are not willing to put up with.

One important note: a man who's never been married and is desperately seeking a woman can be sniffed out a mile away, and will turn most women off. "You're how old? And never been married? So what's wrong with you?"

You're damaged goods by proxy. You're not used, so something must be wrong with you.

NO, it's not right or fair. But there it is.

Stop looking, get your own self together, be happy with yourself, and she will stroll into your life without warning and it's a done deal. I know it sounds cliche. But when I was at my lowest point, and had really given up, Husband strolled (literally) into my life.

Make them chase you. Don't chase them. As soon as you chase, you're hooked and then you're fodder.

[mrnoodle]

OC is a wise woman. Not too sure about the "you're how old and not married?" thing. It can be used to your advantage.

How? Pretend you're gay. Hot chicks all want gay male friends, and they'll take bubble baths with you occasionally. Then one night when you're deep into your cups, say that you've always been curious what it would be like to make out with a girl. WHAM! you're cured! Oh thank you, bestest platonic opposite-sex friend of mine! Can we do it again tomorrow?

This approach will get you the hottest girls, but it's fraught with peril. She might try to set you up with another gay friend. This person's gay IFF (also known as gaydar) will spot you as a fraud immediately, and your cover will be blown. Alternately, the gaydar will give no warning signs whatsoever. If this is the case, you're gay. Stop chasing women and find a jar of petroleum jelly and some Ambercrombie polo shirts.


I'm just kidding. But I do think that OC is right.

[lookout123]

hey, uh, how do i phrase this delicately? here goes...mrnoodle - do you have to play a show in less than an hour?

[kerosene]

I agree with most of what OC said. The part about wanting to be treated like crap is sort of subjective. I think there are those women out there...most women are probably like that. The other portion of women are those who want to be able to control every aspect of you. I do think, though, that as a woman gets older, she starts to understand herself a little better thus, having a better idea about what they want/need in a relationship, beyond all the relationship "games" that plague those in their early to mid twenties, or longer.

Silver, I think what you need to figure out is what YOU want/need in a relationship. Know who you are. Know what your passions are. Once you know what you want, you can have a clearer picture of what a relationship might be like in another 6 months, 6 years, whatever. Be upfront with the women you date. It may be scarey to do that, but trust me, many women will appreciate direct honesty. If you don't want to change who you are, if you want to seek a deeper relationship, if you feel like there are things that might be problematic in the relationship, talk about it directly. One of the things that turns me off in men is the inability to speak directly. When a man hedges around subjects, uses protection mechanisms to keep from talking about something, hides or feels afraid to trust me after a few months, I take that as a red flag. Learn to be open. It is scarey, but gains respect with many of us.

If you can see yourself changing with your mate, if you don't have any little things you hope will change about them, when you feel like your mate is you best friend, but you just can't stop getting turned on by them, that might be when you know you have found the right one (IMO, anyway).

[Silly]

I am in the same boat as Silver. I've been searching for 'Mr. Right' for years. I'd like to hear what he has to say about men and what they really want! ;p

My question is, what if he knows what he wants in a relationship? What if he knows who he is or doesn't see the need for change? Does he still have a problem or hasn't he met his match?

Personally, I think he just hasn't found his match. Sure everyone has their problems, insecurities and/or oddities about themselves. There is someone out there that would like them or atleast most of those things in a person.

I know what I want in a relationship. It's just a matter of finding that one person who wants the samethings.

And as for OC's 'women want to be treated like crap between certain ages'. I don't think thats true either. Since I was in my early 20's I wanted the samethings I do now, and I am in my early 30s. Alot of other women I know feel the same way I do. Yes, there are exceptions to every rule, but I do think the majority do not want to be treated badly, they just don't know what they want to begin with.

[mrnoodle]

Originally Posted by lookout123

hey, uh, how do i phrase this delicately? here goes...mrnoodle - do you have to play a show in less than an hour?

nah I'm not high. I'm at work. I was just being silly because I got done editing a long article and had that ton-of-bricks-off-the-shoulders feeling.

[smoothmoniker]

I'm happily married, so I sort of get to watch this conversation unfold with no skin in the game, but if I were a single guy looking, here's my $.02

Guys who are looking to find out "what a woman wants" are already missing the point. Same for women. The worst kind of relationships are those that are built on finding someone to fulfill your needs, or finding someone whose needs you can fulfill. That kind of codependant relationship can only end in disaster.

Start by knowing yourself. Know your strengths and weaknesses, your goals and the steps to get to them. Then let that knowledge undergird your confidence in yourself, and in life. Not arrogance, just confidence that you know and are comfortable with who you are. Let that confidence develop into joy and expectation for the life ahead. Let that sort of joy prompt you to invest selflessly in relationships with other people, and enrich their lives.

Confidence, self-knowledge, selflessness, and joyful expectation are contagious and attractive. The describe the sort of people we all like to be around, and that includes both friends and lovers.

Stop trying to find the right person, and start being the right kind of person, and the right partner will come when the time is right.

But if she comes and her name is Gretchen and she's damn hot and from Los Angeles, back off, chump! That one's mine ...

-ml