helpppp wanted

[noodles]

noodles is a nuisance, but he does need yr help.


Following is my tentative translation of instruction for mosquito coils. i'd like to use it next week for classroom discussion on chinese-english translation. pls read it, and if u find problems, help me improve it. thanks.


LianHe Home Chemicals
Eco-Friendly (Smokeless) Mosquito Coils
LeeSharTM Eco-Friendly Mosquito Coils (Smokeless)
LeeShar is scientifically formulated with active pyrethroid, special granular carbon, and other necessary additives, whose unique technological features enable it to reduce the emitted smoke almost to nil. The low odor formula also makes its use safe for you and your family.
HOW TO USE:
Starting from the center, gently separate the Coils.
Light the outer end of Coil, and place it on the stand.
For best results, place it in the windward side.
Fit the broken coil into the groove of the stand.
CAUTION:
Keep away from flammables to avoid fire hazards.
Keep away from draughty places to ensure best results.
Avoid direct sunlight. Store in a cool, dry place out of reach of children.
If wet, allow to dry in ventilated area. Do not dry by the fire.
Active Ingredients: Rich-D-Trans Allethrin¡Ý0.23%
Registration No.:
Manufacture Standard:
Pesticide License:
Shelf Life: 2 yrs
Net Wt: 33gm¡Á5
Inner Packing: 5 Double Coils
Best Before Date:
LianHe Home Chemicals
Add:
Hotline Telephone:
Post Code:

[limey]

I'll give this a go, since translation is my business ... I will add that I have cheerfully removed redundant repetition, rearranged sentences etc with the aim of producing a translation that reads like it was written in the target language. It all depends what your aim is in doing the translation, of course, but with mosquito coil instructions I'd say you just want clear, easy to understand text, rather than to show the thought processes of the original Chinese author. In square brackets I have given two possible options, reference back to the original text (or indeed, experimentation with the actual product) is needed to establish which, if either, is correct.

LianHe Home Chemicals
LeeSharTM Eco-Friendly Smokeless Mosquito Coils
LeeShar is scientifically formulated with active pyrethroid, special granulated carbon,and other additives. LeeShar has been specifically developed to reduce smoke emissions to virtually nothing. The low odor formula also makes it safe for use in the home environment.
HOW TO USE:
Starting from the center, gently separate the Coils.
Fit the [inner, outer?] end of the coil into the groove of the stand.
Light the outer end of Coil.
For best results, place it upwind of the area to be protected.
CAUTION:
Keep away from flammables to avoid fire hazards.
To ensure best results, keep out of draughts.
Avoid direct sunlight. Store in a cool, dry place out of reach of children.
If wet, allow to dry in a well-ventilated area. Do not dry by the fire.
Active Ingredients: Rich-D-Trans Allethrin¡Ý0.23%
Registration No.:
Manufacture Standard:
Pesticide License:
Shelf Life: 2 yrs
Net Wt: 33gm¡Á5
Inner Packing: 5 Double Coils
Best Before Date:
LianHe Home Chemicals
Add:
Hotline Telephone:
Post Code

[Undertoad]

"draughty" is "drafty" in the American market.

[BrianR]

Don't forget the inevitable page of legalese in tiny print that is required of almost any American product these days.

Brian

[xoxoxoBruce]

English speaking or American market?

[noodles]

Thank u BrainR, Bruce, and UD, for yr replies.

My special thanks go to Limey. Your revised draft once again pro ved the assumption that translation is best done into, not out of, one's own language. Limey, you are a pro. translator, or what?