No one's immune.

Madman · 02-12-2010, 12:20 PM

I've know this elderly couple for several years now. Both, in their time, were professionals with PhD's (he still works). They are well off, but live modestly. A little too modestly in my opinon, but I'm not them.

They've been married for just over 40 years. Couple kids and a few grandkids. They only have one son that visits regularly. The others - they rarely ever mention them. The husband, I've spoken to several times over the years in short conversations. When he refered to his wife, he does so in a derogative sense - damn near insulting, definitely demeaning. About a year ago I lost my patience with a remark he made and I told him off in a not so loud manner. To summarize; I told him he should respect his wife and not put her down to other people. After that he pretty much avoided me.

Well, yesterday I get this phone call. It was the wife - she had apparently gone to a lawyer and got an order of protection and filed for divorce. The sheriff had come by and had him vacate the house. The wife, had apparently moved to a motel for a few days while the husband was being served.

Long story short... She asked for me to come over and rehook up her television because she thought her husband had messed with it and broke it. I went over and, man-o-man, what a mess. The house looked like something out of a bad reality TV show. The husband had literally taken every square foot of the house over for his own amusement or purpose. The living room was full of boxes with papers, books, magazines and other junk. These boxes were stack as high as four feet and there were narrow trails weaving in and out of chairs and other miscellaneous furniture. He had a desk with a couple tables in the middle of the living room floor that made a "U" shape. Then two more desks against the opposite wall which the tops weren't even visible. Across the room on the fireplace mantle was a couple 5x7 photo frames with pictures of, what I guessed were their kids and grandkids. It was rather obvious the mantle had, at one time, several frames lined across because of the gaps on the mantle. There was also some nice little things on the walls where she had, maybe once, tried to decorate and make the home look nice.

I followed her to a back room to where the TV was. It was the master bedroom. The closets had bookcases in them and the bookcases were full of junk. There was a large dog cage in the bedroom where they apparently would lock up the dog (when, I have no idea - there was no dog there at that time). There was a pile of lady's pajamas piled up in a heap with a bunch of other junk scattered amongst them. Clothes were hung on a loose clothes rack against the wall. The television problem wasn't a problem. I just turned on the cable box and told her what to do if it happened again.

It was easy to see why this old lady always seemed so unhappy and depressed. Her husband was a creep who treated her poorly. She told me a little bit about what happened. It was pretty sad really. The lady is in her 70's, stayed with this man for 40 years and the last 20 he was emotionally abusive to her. I stayed for a little while and gave her a pep talk. Pretty much told her that she paid her dues with interest in life and that she deserves to be happy. I told her to focus on getting through this and whatever he says - do not let him or anyone else take your happiness from you.

It's just so hard to believe how someone can be married to another person for so long and be treated so badly. It's a damn crying shame.

Cloud · 02-12-2010, 12:39 PM

very sad story.

Inertia and depression are powerful forces. There are no easy ways to lift yourself out of those kind of situations. It's too bad the kids wouldn't help.

SamIam · 02-13-2010, 09:15 AM

I think after a while the abused spouse begins to think that they don't deserve any better - especially in a case where the abuse has increased gradually over the years. Its too bad this lady couldn't get out sooner, but I guess it takes what it takes. I wonder if she'll hire somebody to help her throw all that bastard's junk out.

ZenGum · 02-13-2010, 06:04 PM

Like the frog in slowly-warming water, you don't sense the need to jump out. It's amazing the crap people will put up with - even return to - when the alternative is such a big scary hassle.
Good luck to her, and I hope the chap manages a bit of personal growth.

xoxoxoBruce · 02-13-2010, 06:29 PM

The frog is a myth.

jinx · 02-13-2010, 06:33 PM

Yeah I'm sick of hearing about the stupid frog...

Flint · 02-13-2010, 07:09 PM

People can choose to be the frog...

Quote:

There's an old saying in Tennessee (I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee)
that says, fool me once, shame on...shame on you. Fool me--can't get fooled again.

squirell nutkin · 02-13-2010, 09:18 PM

That story is sad and too common.

But I'm not sorry about your frog.

monster · 02-13-2010, 09:33 PM

It's not a frog, it's a toad.

squirell nutkin · 02-13-2010, 11:07 PM

ZenGum · 02-14-2010, 03:34 AM

I've had my suspicions about the frog story for a while.

Clodfobble · 02-14-2010, 07:32 AM

The doubt slowly grew and grew, so you never realized you were simmering in it?

xoxoxoBruce · 02-14-2010, 09:11 AM

Sure, when it grows slowly it seems normal, and you'd tend to accept it. It's just the frog example that's bogus.

02-12-2010, 12:20 PM	#1
Madman has left the building. Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 455	No one's immune. I've know this elderly couple for several years now. Both, in their time, were professionals with PhD's (he still works). They are well off, but live modestly. A little too modestly in my opinon, but I'm not them. They've been married for just over 40 years. Couple kids and a few grandkids. They only have one son that visits regularly. The others - they rarely ever mention them. The husband, I've spoken to several times over the years in short conversations. When he refered to his wife, he does so in a derogative sense - damn near insulting, definitely demeaning. About a year ago I lost my patience with a remark he made and I told him off in a not so loud manner. To summarize; I told him he should respect his wife and not put her down to other people. After that he pretty much avoided me. Well, yesterday I get this phone call. It was the wife - she had apparently gone to a lawyer and got an order of protection and filed for divorce. The sheriff had come by and had him vacate the house. The wife, had apparently moved to a motel for a few days while the husband was being served. Long story short... She asked for me to come over and rehook up her television because she thought her husband had messed with it and broke it. I went over and, man-o-man, what a mess. The house looked like something out of a bad reality TV show. The husband had literally taken every square foot of the house over for his own amusement or purpose. The living room was full of boxes with papers, books, magazines and other junk. These boxes were stack as high as four feet and there were narrow trails weaving in and out of chairs and other miscellaneous furniture. He had a desk with a couple tables in the middle of the living room floor that made a "U" shape. Then two more desks against the opposite wall which the tops weren't even visible. Across the room on the fireplace mantle was a couple 5x7 photo frames with pictures of, what I guessed were their kids and grandkids. It was rather obvious the mantle had, at one time, several frames lined across because of the gaps on the mantle. There was also some nice little things on the walls where she had, maybe once, tried to decorate and make the home look nice. I followed her to a back room to where the TV was. It was the master bedroom. The closets had bookcases in them and the bookcases were full of junk. There was a large dog cage in the bedroom where they apparently would lock up the dog (when, I have no idea - there was no dog there at that time). There was a pile of lady's pajamas piled up in a heap with a bunch of other junk scattered amongst them. Clothes were hung on a loose clothes rack against the wall. The television problem wasn't a problem. I just turned on the cable box and told her what to do if it happened again. It was easy to see why this old lady always seemed so unhappy and depressed. Her husband was a creep who treated her poorly. She told me a little bit about what happened. It was pretty sad really. The lady is in her 70's, stayed with this man for 40 years and the last 20 he was emotionally abusive to her. I stayed for a little while and gave her a pep talk. Pretty much told her that she paid her dues with interest in life and that she deserves to be happy. I told her to focus on getting through this and whatever he says - do not let him or anyone else take your happiness from you. It's just so hard to believe how someone can be married to another person for so long and be treated so badly. It's a damn crying shame.

02-12-2010, 12:39 PM	#2
Cloud ... Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 8,360	very sad story. Inertia and depression are powerful forces. There are no easy ways to lift yourself out of those kind of situations. It's too bad the kids wouldn't help. __________________ "Guard your honor. Let your reputation fall where it will. And outlive the bastards!"

02-13-2010, 06:04 PM	#4
ZenGum Doctor Wtf Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Badelaide, Baustralia Posts: 12,861	Like the frog in slowly-warming water, you don't sense the need to jump out. It's amazing the crap people will put up with - even return to - when the alternative is such a big scary hassle. Good luck to her, and I hope the chap manages a bit of personal growth. __________________ Shut up and hug. MoreThanPretty, Nov 5, 2008. Just because I'm nominally polite, does not make me a pussy. Sundae Girl.

02-13-2010, 06:29 PM	#5
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	The frog is a myth. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

02-13-2010, 06:33 PM	#6
jinx Come on, cat. Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: general vicinity of Philadelphia area Posts: 7,013	Yeah I'm sick of hearing about the stupid frog... __________________ Crying won't help you, praying won't do you no good.

02-13-2010, 09:15 AM	#3
SamIam Registered User Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Not here Posts: 2,655	I think after a while the abused spouse begins to think that they don't deserve any better - especially in a case where the abuse has increased gradually over the years. Its too bad this lady couldn't get out sooner, but I guess it takes what it takes. I wonder if she'll hire somebody to help her throw all that bastard's junk out.

02-13-2010, 09:18 PM	#8
squirell nutkin has a second hand user title Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: in a Nut House Posts: 2,017	That story is sad and too common. But I'm not sorry about your frog. __________________ And now I'm finished posting.

02-13-2010, 09:33 PM	#9
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	It's not a frog, it's a toad. __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

02-13-2010, 11:07 PM	#10
squirell nutkin has a second hand user title Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: in a Nut House Posts: 2,017	__________________ And now I'm finished posting.

02-14-2010, 03:34 AM	#11
ZenGum Doctor Wtf Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Badelaide, Baustralia Posts: 12,861	I've had my suspicions about the frog story for a while. __________________ Shut up and hug. MoreThanPretty, Nov 5, 2008. Just because I'm nominally polite, does not make me a pussy. Sundae Girl.

02-14-2010, 07:32 AM	#12
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	The doubt slowly grew and grew, so you never realized you were simmering in it? __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

02-14-2010, 09:11 AM	#13
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Sure, when it grows slowly it seems normal, and you'd tend to accept it. It's just the frog example that's bogus. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

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