I'm Jim, and I'm a Compulsive Overeater - Page 2

Stormieweather · 07-19-2010, 09:56 AM

I'm sorry to hear this, LJ. My partner struggles with this as well, and I've strugged with smoking and drinking. Overeating is particularly difficult to manage due to the fact that you can't simply NOT eat.

Good luck with it, and feel free to contact me if you want to know what is working for us.

Stormie

squirell nutkin · 07-19-2010, 10:19 AM

Jim, I admit to waiting for the other shoe to fall, but at the same time I can completely relate. Especially to the surreptitious eating. And the self sabotage.

Good luck and let us know if we can help.

lumberjim · 07-19-2010, 01:03 PM

Every day reveals to me a new level of how bad I've become. Today, and worst yet, a glimpse of how bad this all makes jinx feel. Through my selfishness, and gluttony, I've hurt not only her trust, but her feeling of self worth. I admit to feeling sorry for myself when this first happened, and being scared for my future.... fear of being alone, and the humiliation of the rejection.... but the way I feel right now? that I've made her feel like she deserved this for some reason? like there's something wrong with her?

This is no joke. not even a little bit.

Shawnee123 · 07-19-2010, 01:04 PM

Don't forget: you're human.

Undertoad · 07-19-2010, 01:12 PM

Yeah, I don't know many people who aren't fucked up somewhere in their life.

xoxoxoBruce · 07-19-2010, 01:18 PM

It's the nature of partnership... when one fucks up it's natural for the other to question whether it's partially their fault. Thinking maybe they could have done something to prevent it. That's just a sign it was a good partnership to begin with.

I'm absolutely, positively, unquestionably, without a doubt, certain you guys can weather this storm without permanent damage.

Shawnee123 · 07-19-2010, 01:19 PM

Nicely said, Bruce.

monster · 07-19-2010, 01:58 PM

thirded

Jaydaan · 07-19-2010, 02:19 PM

I am sure your counsoller (SP) will have some great ideas to help you out with this, But I have one that might help in the short term. Even before your "time apart" is finished, perhaps think of putting Jinx in charge of all finances. Sit down together and figure out all bills, spending money, savings, etc... Then give yourself an allowance. With your allowance, break that down even farther. How much is going to: booze, smokes( if you smoke), fast food, clothes, toys etc...
Use envelopes if needed, once the money in each envelope is gone, don't cheat and use another. Not having the money to spend will make you not have to lie, because you won't be able to slip.

This worked for my hubby and I, he had no concept of budgeting, and we were fighting all the time. Now I handle all finaces, and EACH of us get an allowance to spend however we want. The bills are getting paid, and our debt each year is going down. The best part is, we don't fight over missing a bill and who was suppose to pay it, or anything like that. Putting hubby on a budget helped him take more ownership with his money, and he was less likely to spend it all as fast. We have a pre-paid credit card with a bit on it, for emergancies, for things he can not wait for me about. Even after 17 years, he does have access to our joint account, but asks before using those funds, in case they are for a bill or something.
Perhaps something like this might help you guys?

I wish you both all the best, good luck with the road ahead, just remember curves, bumps and pit falls are part of the journey. If you can travel it together it won't feel so rocky.

Pete Zicato · 07-19-2010, 03:00 PM

Jim remember that there's a lot of people here (and in real life, I'm sure) that are rooting for you.

Gravdigr · 07-19-2010, 03:41 PM

The most important thing said here so far has been 'Don't beat yourself up too much, you are human after all.'

I do the "stress eating" thing. It's a repeating loop. I feel bad, so I eat. Then I feel bad for eating. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

Jim, please, share with us all of this that you feel you can comfortably share. I, for one am very interested in what the OA way is going to be like.

Gravdigr · 07-19-2010, 03:42 PM

Oh, and: Put. Down. The. Curly Fries. And slowly back away.

lumberjim · 07-19-2010, 03:50 PM

Well, diggr, it begins with admitting to yourself that you are powerless over your addiction.

After struggling with my weight for my whole life... I have to admit. I'm powerless over it. It's harder than it sounds to admit that. At this point, right now, I believe it intellectually. I don't think I 100% believe it in my heart though. I have to do that before I can go any further. I'll get it. It feels more like a matter of letting go, than grasping new knowledge. Surrender to the truth, not discover it.

limey · 07-19-2010, 04:10 PM

Oh LJ! I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles! I think Jaydaan has some very good advice about money management. You know that there are plenty here who've had thir own struggles and you've added your support when they've needed it. Now it's your turn to lean on us, your friends here. Hugs to you and your family, mate.

Flint · 07-19-2010, 04:19 PM

Dang, dude. I hate to hear about something like this. But I think it's good for you to be talking about it. I'm going to avoid the whole internet thing of giving all kinds of advice* based on a brief description of a complex issue, but I do agree that this can be conquered. I'm not very good at people skills but if there is something I could do that would help you, I would do that thing.

*Okay, but if I was going to, I would agree that some type of "envelope system" i.e. Dave Ramsey is a good system for managing money.

07-19-2010, 09:56 AM	#16
Stormieweather Wearing her bitch boots Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Floriduh Posts: 1,181	I'm sorry to hear this, LJ. My partner struggles with this as well, and I've strugged with smoking and drinking. Overeating is particularly difficult to manage due to the fact that you can't simply NOT eat. Good luck with it, and feel free to contact me if you want to know what is working for us. Stormie __________________ "First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win." - Mahatma Gandhi

07-19-2010, 10:19 AM	#17
squirell nutkin has a second hand user title Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: in a Nut House Posts: 2,017	Jim, I admit to waiting for the other shoe to fall, but at the same time I can completely relate. Especially to the surreptitious eating. And the self sabotage. Good luck and let us know if we can help. __________________ And now I'm finished posting.

07-19-2010, 01:03 PM	#18
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	Every day reveals to me a new level of how bad I've become. Today, and worst yet, a glimpse of how bad this all makes jinx feel. Through my selfishness, and gluttony, I've hurt not only her trust, but her feeling of self worth. I admit to feeling sorry for myself when this first happened, and being scared for my future.... fear of being alone, and the humiliation of the rejection.... but the way I feel right now? that I've made her feel like she deserved this for some reason? like there's something wrong with her? This is no joke. not even a little bit. __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

07-19-2010, 01:04 PM	#19
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	Don't forget: you're human. __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

07-19-2010, 01:18 PM	#21
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	It's the nature of partnership... when one fucks up it's natural for the other to question whether it's partially their fault. Thinking maybe they could have done something to prevent it. That's just a sign it was a good partnership to begin with. I'm absolutely, positively, unquestionably, without a doubt, certain you guys can weather this storm without permanent damage. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

07-19-2010, 01:12 PM	#20
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	Yeah, I don't know many people who aren't fucked up somewhere in their life.

07-19-2010, 01:19 PM	#22
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	Nicely said, Bruce. __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

07-19-2010, 01:58 PM	#23
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	thirded __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

07-19-2010, 02:19 PM	#24
Jaydaan Knight of the Oval-Shaped Conference Table Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Vernon, BC, Canada Posts: 378	I am sure your counsoller (SP) will have some great ideas to help you out with this, But I have one that might help in the short term. Even before your "time apart" is finished, perhaps think of putting Jinx in charge of all finances. Sit down together and figure out all bills, spending money, savings, etc... Then give yourself an allowance. With your allowance, break that down even farther. How much is going to: booze, smokes( if you smoke), fast food, clothes, toys etc... Use envelopes if needed, once the money in each envelope is gone, don't cheat and use another. Not having the money to spend will make you not have to lie, because you won't be able to slip. This worked for my hubby and I, he had no concept of budgeting, and we were fighting all the time. Now I handle all finaces, and EACH of us get an allowance to spend however we want. The bills are getting paid, and our debt each year is going down. The best part is, we don't fight over missing a bill and who was suppose to pay it, or anything like that. Putting hubby on a budget helped him take more ownership with his money, and he was less likely to spend it all as fast. We have a pre-paid credit card with a bit on it, for emergancies, for things he can not wait for me about. Even after 17 years, he does have access to our joint account, but asks before using those funds, in case they are for a bill or something. Perhaps something like this might help you guys? I wish you both all the best, good luck with the road ahead, just remember curves, bumps and pit falls are part of the journey. If you can travel it together it won't feel so rocky.

07-19-2010, 03:00 PM	#25
Pete Zicato Turns out my CRS is a symptom of TMB. Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Chicago suburbs Posts: 2,916	Jim remember that there's a lot of people here (and in real life, I'm sure) that are rooting for you. __________________ Talk nerdy to me.

07-19-2010, 03:41 PM	#26
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	The most important thing said here so far has been 'Don't beat yourself up too much, you are human after all.' I do the "stress eating" thing. It's a repeating loop. I feel bad, so I eat. Then I feel bad for eating. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Jim, please, share with us all of this that you feel you can comfortably share. I, for one am very interested in what the OA way is going to be like. __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

07-19-2010, 03:42 PM	#27
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	Oh, and: Put. Down. The. Curly Fries. And slowly back away. __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

07-19-2010, 03:50 PM	#28
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	Well, diggr, it begins with admitting to yourself that you are powerless over your addiction. After struggling with my weight for my whole life... I have to admit. I'm powerless over it. It's harder than it sounds to admit that. At this point, right now, I believe it intellectually. I don't think I 100% believe it in my heart though. I have to do that before I can go any further. I'll get it. It feels more like a matter of letting go, than grasping new knowledge. Surrender to the truth, not discover it. __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan Last edited by lumberjim; 07-19-2010 at 05:35 PM.

07-19-2010, 04:10 PM	#29
limey Encroaching on your decrees Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: An island within the south-west coast of Scotland Posts: 7,016	Oh LJ! I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles! I think Jaydaan has some very good advice about money management. You know that there are plenty here who've had thir own struggles and you've added your support when they've needed it. Now it's your turn to lean on us, your friends here. Hugs to you and your family, mate. __________________ Living it up on the edge ... of civilisation, within the southwest coast of

07-19-2010, 04:19 PM	#30
Flint Snowflake Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Dystopia Posts: 13,136	Dang, dude. I hate to hear about something like this. But I think it's good for you to be talking about it. I'm going to avoid the whole internet thing of giving all kinds of advice* based on a brief description of a complex issue, but I do agree that this can be conquered. I'm not very good at people skills but if there is something I could do that would help you, I would do that thing. Okay, but if I was going to, I would agree that some type of "envelope system" i.e. Dave Ramsey is a good system for managing money. __________________ *************** There's a level of facility that everyone needs to accomplish, and from there it's a matter of deciding for yourself how important ultra-facility is to your expression. ... I found, like Joseph Campbell said, if you just follow whatever gives you a little joy or excitement or awe, then you're on the right track. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Bozzio**

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