Avoiding trouble

9th Engineer · 06-20-2007, 11:53 PM

Any advice on the wisdom of getting into a relationship with the (very) recent ex of a soon-to-be roommate (guy Y)? It's a bit complicated, timed with almost daytime-soap perfection. The girl in question (girl X) is a member of my department I've known for about 1.5 years, I've liked her since I met her but she's been in a relationship with aforementioned guy since before then. He's one of the people in the 4 person suite I'm living in this fall, added since we needed another person and he seemed nice enough. I ran into girl X last week (we're both working in labs on campus right now) and she didn't seem to be doing too well. Turns out guy Y just recently dumped her cold turkey while down at Duke University, looks like she's taking it pretty hard.
I know better then to think that she'll be interested in getting back into a relationship anytime soon, but I'm thinking a bit more long-term here since the housing thing has the potential to cause problems till this time next year.
Is this just a clean-cut case of "don't go there" even though I don't really know the guy and it was him who decided to drop her like a bad habit?

Warning bells going off all over, just wondering if I'm overreacting.

freshnesschronic · 06-21-2007, 01:08 AM

If you're living with him, and you take his ex, that looks like trouble. Especially since they will probably see each other, a LOT. I wouldn't touch it unless someone paid me for that emotional stress you're about to put on.

Aliantha · 06-21-2007, 01:11 AM

I think it'd depend on how much time you plan on spending in your room with her. If not much, then it probably doesn't matter. Also, if you're not going to be mates with the new guy then it probably doesn't matter either.

I don't really know what it's like in that situation though, so my input is probably pretty pointless.

Just forget I posted anything.

DucksNuts · 06-21-2007, 01:54 AM

I wouldnt have a problem with it from your point of view, but I would assume shes going to have major issues with it.

If he dumped her and she isnt taking it very well, I'd say she wont like being anywhere near him.....'specially if she is there and Y guy has another chick there...ohhh weird awkwardness!!!

Anyways, I dont think you can think that far ahead yet, there are many obstacles before you even have to worry about that part of the equation 9th.

BTW, its nice to see you around

06-21-2007, 04:17 AM

To me seems like Aliantha and DucksNuts are right: maybe she will feel not good wondering around the same flat with the new (let's hope) and the ex... but I think you can manage it if she wants, being around or at her place, and not at yours... I mean, now she has to be well, then think about new person, and if you two date then you'll decide if it's worthy! but I think so seeing what you write!

good luck

piercehawkeye45 · 06-21-2007, 08:33 AM

What do you mean by get together?

I have gone on dates before without actually having a boyfriend/girlfriend thing. If she is having commitment problems, or doesn't want to see guy Y, then just going out on a few dates without the boyfriend/girlfriend thing would probably be for the best. You can test the water and still be able to pull back without hurting her again if you don't want to go through with it. The worst thing you could do is get in a true relationship with her, feel uncomfortable about it, then back down.

Clodfobble · 06-21-2007, 10:36 AM

Why has no one mentioned actually asking the guy his opinion on the matter? (I mean, this is assuming she gets over him, is ready for another relationship, and then decides that she wants that relationship to be with you...) I'm not saying ask him for permission, but just feel out what he might be thinking--he dumped her, so he honestly may not care. He may even be happy that she's moved on if he was reluctant to hurt her in the first place.

On the other hand, I openly dated an ex's roommate even though the ex's discontent on the matter was well expressed (exact same situation, he dumped me! I was so pissed that he thought he had any right to complain), so maybe I'm not like normal people on this matter.

Aliantha · 06-21-2007, 06:54 PM

I didn't mention that because in my opinion it doesn't really have anything to do with him if he's the one that did the dumping. I think that if 9th asks him he's likely to denegrate the girl for his own personal reasons which may then cause 9th even more confusion.

I guess it's up to him. I don't think the other guy has a right to say she can't come in the house though. We've all lived with people who've had friends we don't particularly like but have had to just get over it for the sake of a peaceful existance. I would think this would just be one of those occasions if in fact the other guy has any opinion on the subject at all.

monster · 06-21-2007, 08:48 PM

Might be worth asking her opinion, though.....

xoxoxoBruce · 06-21-2007, 09:41 PM

Are you Nuts? Do you really need to complicate your life right now? At least find out why he dumped her and if he's bitter. This is a guy that's going to have access to your throat while you're sleeping.

TheMercenary · 06-21-2007, 09:49 PM

9th, are you crazy. Don't go there.

freshnesschronic · 06-22-2007, 12:39 AM

Here, here, Bruce and Merc. That's what I was thinking, too.

wolf · 06-22-2007, 01:16 AM

Ask yourself ...

Do you really want to be her revenge fuck?

bluecuracao · 06-22-2007, 01:33 AM

Well...9th is a guy. Does he care?

Aliantha · 06-22-2007, 02:19 AM

That's what I was thinking blue. lol

It could be he's one of those snaggy guys who wouldn't do that sort of thing though right?

06-20-2007, 11:53 PM	#1
9th Engineer Bioengineer and aspiring lawer Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Pittsburgh Posts: 872	Avoiding trouble Any advice on the wisdom of getting into a relationship with the (very) recent ex of a soon-to-be roommate (guy Y)? It's a bit complicated, timed with almost daytime-soap perfection. The girl in question (girl X) is a member of my department I've known for about 1.5 years, I've liked her since I met her but she's been in a relationship with aforementioned guy since before then. He's one of the people in the 4 person suite I'm living in this fall, added since we needed another person and he seemed nice enough. I ran into girl X last week (we're both working in labs on campus right now) and she didn't seem to be doing too well. Turns out guy Y just recently dumped her cold turkey while down at Duke University, looks like she's taking it pretty hard. I know better then to think that she'll be interested in getting back into a relationship anytime soon, but I'm thinking a bit more long-term here since the housing thing has the potential to cause problems till this time next year. Is this just a clean-cut case of "don't go there" even though I don't really know the guy and it was him who decided to drop her like a bad habit? Warning bells going off all over, just wondering if I'm overreacting. __________________ The most valuable renewable resource is stupidity.

06-21-2007, 01:11 AM	#3
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	I think it'd depend on how much time you plan on spending in your room with her. If not much, then it probably doesn't matter. Also, if you're not going to be mates with the new guy then it probably doesn't matter either. I don't really know what it's like in that situation though, so my input is probably pretty pointless. Just forget I posted anything. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

06-21-2007, 06:54 PM	#8
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	I didn't mention that because in my opinion it doesn't really have anything to do with him if he's the one that did the dumping. I think that if 9th asks him he's likely to denegrate the girl for his own personal reasons which may then cause 9th even more confusion. I guess it's up to him. I don't think the other guy has a right to say she can't come in the house though. We've all lived with people who've had friends we don't particularly like but have had to just get over it for the sake of a peaceful existance. I would think this would just be one of those occasions if in fact the other guy has any opinion on the subject at all. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

06-21-2007, 08:48 PM	#9
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	Might be worth asking her opinion, though..... __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

06-21-2007, 09:41 PM	#10
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Are you Nuts? Do you really need to complicate your life right now? At least find out why he dumped her and if he's bitter. This is a guy that's going to have access to your throat while you're sleeping. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

06-21-2007, 01:08 AM	#2
freshnesschronic Professor Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 1,555	If you're living with him, and you take his ex, that looks like trouble. Especially since they will probably see each other, a LOT. I wouldn't touch it unless someone paid me for that emotional stress you're about to put on.

06-21-2007, 01:54 AM	#4
DucksNuts Bitchy Little Brat Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Queensland, Australia Posts: 5,067	I wouldnt have a problem with it from your point of view, but I would assume shes going to have major issues with it. If he dumped her and she isnt taking it very well, I'd say she wont like being anywhere near him.....'specially if she is there and Y guy has another chick there...ohhh weird awkwardness!!! Anyways, I dont think you can think that far ahead yet, there are many obstacles before you even have to worry about that part of the equation 9th. BTW, its nice to see you around

06-21-2007, 04:17 AM	#5
bani Guest Posts: n/a	To me seems like Aliantha and DucksNuts are right: maybe she will feel not good wondering around the same flat with the new (let's hope) and the ex... but I think you can manage it if she wants, being around or at her place, and not at yours... I mean, now she has to be well, then think about new person, and if you two date then you'll decide if it's worthy! but I think so seeing what you write! good luck

06-21-2007, 08:33 AM	#6
piercehawkeye45 Franklin Pierce Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Minnesota Posts: 3,695	What do you mean by get together? I have gone on dates before without actually having a boyfriend/girlfriend thing. If she is having commitment problems, or doesn't want to see guy Y, then just going out on a few dates without the boyfriend/girlfriend thing would probably be for the best. You can test the water and still be able to pull back without hurting her again if you don't want to go through with it. The worst thing you could do is get in a true relationship with her, feel uncomfortable about it, then back down.

06-21-2007, 10:36 AM	#7
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	Why has no one mentioned actually asking the guy his opinion on the matter? (I mean, this is assuming she gets over him, is ready for another relationship, and then decides that she wants that relationship to be with you...) I'm not saying ask him for permission, but just feel out what he might be thinking--he dumped her, so he honestly may not care. He may even be happy that she's moved on if he was reluctant to hurt her in the first place. On the other hand, I openly dated an ex's roommate even though the ex's discontent on the matter was well expressed (exact same situation, he dumped me! I was so pissed that he thought he had any right to complain), so maybe I'm not like normal people on this matter.

06-21-2007, 09:49 PM	#11
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	9th, are you crazy. Don't go there. __________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!

06-22-2007, 12:39 AM	#12
freshnesschronic Professor Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 1,555	Here, here, Bruce and Merc. That's what I was thinking, too.

06-22-2007, 01:16 AM	#13
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	Ask yourself ... Do you really want to be her revenge fuck? __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

06-22-2007, 01:33 AM	#14
bluecuracao in a mood, not cupcake Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Philadelphia Posts: 3,034	Well...9th is a guy. Does he care?

06-22-2007, 02:19 AM	#15
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	That's what I was thinking blue. lol It could be he's one of those snaggy guys who wouldn't do that sort of thing though right? __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)