Should I contact my ex?

SamIam · 08-14-2012, 04:42 PM

I was talking with a friend this morning, and he happened to mention a website where you can look up many public records for free. I've come across these sites myself, and they always want money, so I was skeptical of his find. I decided to check it out myself, and I was surprised at the amount of information it contained.

I looked up myself then a bunch of friends from the past, and then I looked up my ex-husband. After he remarried we lost touch with each other, and haven't been in contact for years. So, I was surprised to see that he was listed as being divorced twice, and is now single again. (I knew that woman was just going to be trouble, and it turns out I was right).

My ex has turned into a big fish in a small pond. If anyone here is a fly fisherman who ties his own flies, you would recognize my ex's name. He has his own website (found that on Google) which lists his e-mail address.

We were married for 20 years - most of them good. Unfortunately, I was more interested in drinking than I was in staying married, so we parted ways a long time ago. However, we remained good friends until he met the woman who eventually became his second wife. After that he backed away, and I can understand that.

So, here we are today. I have been sober for over 3 years, and he is now single. I would be lying if I said I didn't entertain a fantasy of us getting back together - after all, it's not unheard of for couples remarry each other - sometimes after many years have passed.

However, my common sense informs me that we are two vastly different people than the two kids who met each other at the University of Colorado when I was 20 and he was 21. Still, I always feel that in a way we grew up together. We married a year after we met, and remained good friends for 3 years after the official divorce - that's 24 years of shared history.

My ex was my best friend as well as my lover and husband, and I can't help but wonder how he's doing (snappy website aside). If we could renew our relationship on a strictly platonic level, I'd be satisfied with that. Really, I would. I have so many questions to ask him and so many stories of my own to tell him. This long silence has always felt un-natural to me.

But I don't want him to feel like I'm stalking him or something, and I certainly don't want him to think that I'm a gold digger trying to get back into his life now that he's successful. I helped give him his start in his writing career, BTW. There were many years when he was trying to break into the field and getting stacks of rejection letters in the mail. I supported us both through that time, and was glad to do it. The result was a lyrical book, entitled "Seasonal," and I still think it contains some of the finest prose he's written to date (available thru Amazon, snap it up now!). He was up and running as a writer at last after the publication of that book.

I now have his telephone number, but I'd be very uncomfortable calling him out of the blue. I was thinking it would be less emotionally charged to send him a brief e-mail, keep it light, and write him in the same sort of manner that one old college friend might use with another. I'll leave it up to him if he wants to renew communication. If he doesn't reply, I'll know better than to continue to keep sending him e-mails.

I know that very possibly I'm setting myself up to for disappointment, as well as regret. But then again, what if I was able to get my old/new friend E. back? Shouldn't I at least give it a try?

Sorry this was so long. I'd appreciate any comments and/or suggestions from anyone who made it this far.

- Sleepless in Cortez

Sent by a nighthawk with the message attached to his leg.

Aliantha · 08-14-2012, 04:47 PM

Call him. Even if it's just to reminisce. There's no harm.

DanaC · 08-14-2012, 04:56 PM

I'd get in touch.

SamIam · 08-14-2012, 06:52 PM

But what if he just hangs up on me or gets mad or something?

ZenGum · 08-14-2012, 07:53 PM

I'd send an email.

What have you got to lose?

Worst case scenario, he tells you to tick off, leaving you where you are now.

xoxoxoBruce · 08-14-2012, 09:05 PM

That site lists 2 divorces. How many marriages?

DucksNuts · 08-14-2012, 09:12 PM

Id contact him....email seems less "in your face" to me and less likely to freak him out...

How excitement!!!

Keep us informed

SamIam · 08-14-2012, 10:08 PM

Well, I wrote him a one page letter which I am sending to him via snail mail because I found two e-mail addresses for him and I don't know which if either is correct. I know the PO Box one is right because he's had that same box number for years.

It would be great if he replies, but if he doesn't, I won't have lost anything other than some of my pride.

@ Bruce: Hell, for all I know he's joined some fundamentalist Mormon sect and now has 5 wives. It's been a long time.

BigV · 08-15-2012, 11:07 AM

now now, you don't have to be a bigamist to have two divorces and five wives.

....

You could be an axe-murderer.

Come on, people, think of the axes!

SamIam · 08-15-2012, 06:10 PM

LOL! E. has become an ax murderer in his spare time. He did work for the Forest Service for many years, so he would know all about axes. Still, why divorce wife no. 2 if he's become an ax murderer? Easier to do her in and bury her in the basement or something.

Actually, I am a bit concerned for E. He hasn't at all updated that snazzy web page of his for all of 2012. That's his bread and butter. He's quite in demand as a speaker all over the US and even in a couple of foreign countries. But no speech engagements for 2012 or anything else.

Maybe he decided to take some time off to get over the second divorce or something. He can certainy afford to do something like that.

Meanwhile, the cost of my letter to him shot up to $100 plus whatever a postage stamp costs these days. While I was distracted trying to get the right wording and tone to my epistle, Wyn took the opportunity to explore my closet where to his delight he discovered my good fur lined winter snow boots. I saved for those damn things for months and Wyn completely destroyed one of them in the space of a half hour.

At this point, E. BETTER respond to my note!

xoxoxoBruce · 08-16-2012, 02:45 AM

Quote:

Still, why divorce wife no. 2 if he's become an ax murderer?

Because she had a gun.

BigV · 08-16-2012, 10:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SamIam

LOL! E. has become an ax murderer in his spare time. He did work for the Forest Service for many years, so he would know all about axes. Still, why divorce wife no. 2 if he's become an ax murderer? Easier to do her in and bury her in the basement or something.

Actually, I am a bit concerned for E. He hasn't at all updated that snazzy web page of his for all of 2012. That's his bread and butter. He's quite in demand as a speaker all over the US and even in a couple of foreign countries. But no speech engagements for 2012 or anything else.

Maybe he decided to take some time off to get over the second divorce or something. He can certainy afford to do something like that.

Meanwhile, the cost of my letter to him shot up to $100 plus whatever a postage stamp costs these days. While I was distracted trying to get the right wording and tone to my epistle, Wyn took the opportunity to explore my closet where to his delight he discovered my good fur lined winter snow boots. I saved for those damn things for months and Wyn completely destroyed one of them in the space of a half hour.

At this point, E. BETTER respond to my note!

two words:

Dog-skin mukluks.

Wyn-nah!

SamIam · 08-16-2012, 11:43 PM

I think I'd only get one mutt-luk out of him. Corgi's aren't all that big to begin with and this one is a pup still.

Perhaps it was the universe's way of telling me to let sleeping dogs lie.

08-14-2012, 04:42 PM	#1
SamIam Registered User Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Not here Posts: 2,655	Should I contact my ex? I was talking with a friend this morning, and he happened to mention a website where you can look up many public records for free. I've come across these sites myself, and they always want money, so I was skeptical of his find. I decided to check it out myself, and I was surprised at the amount of information it contained. I looked up myself then a bunch of friends from the past, and then I looked up my ex-husband. After he remarried we lost touch with each other, and haven't been in contact for years. So, I was surprised to see that he was listed as being divorced twice, and is now single again. (I knew that woman was just going to be trouble, and it turns out I was right). My ex has turned into a big fish in a small pond. If anyone here is a fly fisherman who ties his own flies, you would recognize my ex's name. He has his own website (found that on Google) which lists his e-mail address. We were married for 20 years - most of them good. Unfortunately, I was more interested in drinking than I was in staying married, so we parted ways a long time ago. However, we remained good friends until he met the woman who eventually became his second wife. After that he backed away, and I can understand that. So, here we are today. I have been sober for over 3 years, and he is now single. I would be lying if I said I didn't entertain a fantasy of us getting back together - after all, it's not unheard of for couples remarry each other - sometimes after many years have passed. However, my common sense informs me that we are two vastly different people than the two kids who met each other at the University of Colorado when I was 20 and he was 21. Still, I always feel that in a way we grew up together. We married a year after we met, and remained good friends for 3 years after the official divorce - that's 24 years of shared history. My ex was my best friend as well as my lover and husband, and I can't help but wonder how he's doing (snappy website aside). If we could renew our relationship on a strictly platonic level, I'd be satisfied with that. Really, I would. I have so many questions to ask him and so many stories of my own to tell him. This long silence has always felt un-natural to me. But I don't want him to feel like I'm stalking him or something, and I certainly don't want him to think that I'm a gold digger trying to get back into his life now that he's successful. I helped give him his start in his writing career, BTW. There were many years when he was trying to break into the field and getting stacks of rejection letters in the mail. I supported us both through that time, and was glad to do it. The result was a lyrical book, entitled "Seasonal," and I still think it contains some of the finest prose he's written to date (available thru Amazon, snap it up now!). He was up and running as a writer at last after the publication of that book. I now have his telephone number, but I'd be very uncomfortable calling him out of the blue. I was thinking it would be less emotionally charged to send him a brief e-mail, keep it light, and write him in the same sort of manner that one old college friend might use with another. I'll leave it up to him if he wants to renew communication. If he doesn't reply, I'll know better than to continue to keep sending him e-mails. I know that very possibly I'm setting myself up to for disappointment, as well as regret. But then again, what if I was able to get my old/new friend E. back? Shouldn't I at least give it a try? Sorry this was so long. I'd appreciate any comments and/or suggestions from anyone who made it this far. - Sleepless in Cortez Sent by a nighthawk with the message attached to his leg.

08-14-2012, 04:47 PM	#2
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Call him. Even if it's just to reminisce. There's no harm. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

08-14-2012, 07:53 PM	#5
ZenGum Doctor Wtf Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Badelaide, Baustralia Posts: 12,861	I'd send an email. What have you got to lose? Worst case scenario, he tells you to tick off, leaving you where you are now. __________________ Shut up and hug. MoreThanPretty, Nov 5, 2008. Just because I'm nominally polite, does not make me a pussy. Sundae Girl.

08-14-2012, 09:05 PM	#6
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	That site lists 2 divorces. How many marriages? __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

08-15-2012, 11:07 AM	#9
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	now now, you don't have to be a bigamist to have two divorces and five wives. .... You could be an axe-murderer. Come on, people, think of the axes! __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

08-14-2012, 06:52 PM	#4
SamIam Registered User Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Not here Posts: 2,655	But what if he just hangs up on me or gets mad or something?

08-14-2012, 09:12 PM	#7
DucksNuts Bitchy Little Brat Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Queensland, Australia Posts: 5,067	Id contact him....email seems less "in your face" to me and less likely to freak him out... How excitement!!! Keep us informed

08-14-2012, 10:08 PM	#8
SamIam Registered User Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Not here Posts: 2,655	Well, I wrote him a one page letter which I am sending to him via snail mail because I found two e-mail addresses for him and I don't know which if either is correct. I know the PO Box one is right because he's had that same box number for years. It would be great if he replies, but if he doesn't, I won't have lost anything other than some of my pride. @ Bruce: Hell, for all I know he's joined some fundamentalist Mormon sect and now has 5 wives. It's been a long time.

08-15-2012, 06:10 PM	#10
SamIam Registered User Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Not here Posts: 2,655	LOL! E. has become an ax murderer in his spare time. He did work for the Forest Service for many years, so he would know all about axes. Still, why divorce wife no. 2 if he's become an ax murderer? Easier to do her in and bury her in the basement or something. Actually, I am a bit concerned for E. He hasn't at all updated that snazzy web page of his for all of 2012. That's his bread and butter. He's quite in demand as a speaker all over the US and even in a couple of foreign countries. But no speech engagements for 2012 or anything else. Maybe he decided to take some time off to get over the second divorce or something. He can certainy afford to do something like that. Meanwhile, the cost of my letter to him shot up to $100 plus whatever a postage stamp costs these days. While I was distracted trying to get the right wording and tone to my epistle, Wyn took the opportunity to explore my closet where to his delight he discovered my good fur lined winter snow boots. I saved for those damn things for months and Wyn completely destroyed one of them in the space of a half hour. At this point, E. BETTER respond to my note!

08-16-2012, 11:43 PM	#13
SamIam Registered User Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Not here Posts: 2,655	I think I'd only get one mutt-luk out of him. Corgi's aren't all that big to begin with and this one is a pup still. Perhaps it was the universe's way of telling me to let sleeping dogs lie.

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