Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 154

sweetwater · 11-18-2008, 02:22 PM

A skeleton walked into a bar, and said, "Gimme a beer! And a mop."

skysidhe · 11-18-2008, 03:11 PM

I just liked it and wanted to share it. It doesn't really belong in the wtf thread not was there any other category to put it.

SteveDallas · 11-21-2008, 10:23 AM

I like it!

jester · 11-21-2008, 03:40 PM

BEAR SEX

Frank was excited about his new rifle and decided to try some bear hunting. He traveled up to Alaska , spotted a small brown bear and shot it.

Soon after there was a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.

The black bear said, 'That was a very bad mistake. That was my cousin. I'm going to give you two choices: Either I maul you to death or we have sex.'

After considering his situation briefly, Frank decided to accept the latter alternative.

So the black bear had his way with Frank. And even though he felt very sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge.
He headed out on another trip to Alaska where he found the same black bear and shot it dead.

Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him.

The grizzly said, 'That was a big mistake, Frank. You killed a cousin of mine and now you've got two choices: Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex.'

Again, Frank thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear than be mauled to death. So the grizzly had his way with Frank.
Although he survived, it took several months before Frank fully recovered.

This time Frank was completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and managed to track down the very same grizzly bear and shot it- dead.

He felt sweet revenge, but then, moments later, there was yet another tap on is shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there.

The polar bear looked at him and said, 'Admit it, Frank. You don't come here for the hunting, do you?'

jester · 11-21-2008, 03:41 PM

A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a young boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm.

He stopped and asked the boy, 'Where did you get that turkey?'

The boy replied, 'What turkey?'

The game warden said, 'That turkey you're carrying under your arm.'

The boy looks down and said, 'Well, lookee here, a turkey done roosted under my arm!'

The game warden said, 'Now look, you know turkey season is closed, so whatever you do to that turkey, I'm going to do to you.

If you break his leg, I'm gonna break your leg. If you break his wing, I'll break your arm. Whatever you do to him, I'll do to you. So, what are you gonna do with him?'

The little boy said, 'I guess I'll just kiss his ass and let him go!'

Aliantha · 11-23-2008, 04:21 PM

Irony: Mark Webber crashes his push bike so that he can't crash his car again till next March.

(MW is Australias best F1 driver...unfortunately he usually crashes during qualifying...or on the first turn of the race)

lumberjim · 11-24-2008, 09:13 AM

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road And slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get so stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

TheMercenary · 11-24-2008, 05:44 PM

Ibby · 11-25-2008, 09:29 AM

perry bible fellowship for the win

SteveDallas · 11-25-2008, 09:54 AM

I wonder if that was inspired by the lost toolbag in space.

Nirvana · 11-26-2008, 04:22 PM

What do you have when you've got 50 lesbians and 50 state workers?

.... 100 people that don't do dick!

footfootfoot · 11-26-2008, 04:48 PM

I heard that as a million lesbians and the million man march, but that is so un pc

Nirvana · 11-26-2008, 06:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by footfootfoot

but that is so un pc

B/c the state workers would be offended?

TheMercenary · 11-27-2008, 02:28 PM

Football fans!

http://www.twincities.com/ci_1107524...ce=most_viewed

http://www.desmoinesregister.com/art.../NEWS/81126006

Crimson Ghost · 11-28-2008, 12:09 AM

Bob took his nymphomaniac wife to the doctor for treatment. "This is one hot potato of a lady, Doctor," he said. "Maybe you can do something for her? She goes for any man, and I get very jealous."

"We'll see," the doctor said. He directed the missus into his examining room, closed the door behind him and told her to undress. Then he told her to get up onto the examining table on her stomach.

The moment he touched her buttocks, she began to moan and squirm. It was too much for him to resist, and he climbed up on top of her and began to screw her.

Bob heard moans and groans coming from the room. Unable to control himself, he pushed open the door, only to be confronted by the sight of the doctor astride his wife banging away.

"Doctor, what are you doing?" he asked.

The flustered doctor said, "Oh, it's you, Bob? I'm only taking your wife's temperature!"

Bob opened his switchblade knife and began to wipe it on his sleeve very deliberately. "Ok Doc,....." he said, "but when you take that thing out, it better have numbers on it!"

11-18-2008, 02:22 PM	#2296
sweetwater lives inside a Mobius strip Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 1,120	A skeleton walked into a bar, and said, "Gimme a beer! And a mop." __________________ I knew I shoulda taken that left turn at Albuquerque! - Bugs Bunny

11-23-2008, 04:21 PM	#2301
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Irony: Mark Webber crashes his push bike so that he can't crash his car again till next March. (MW is Australias best F1 driver...unfortunately he usually crashes during qualifying...or on the first turn of the race) __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

11-24-2008, 09:13 AM	#2302
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road And slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get so stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?' __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

11-24-2008, 05:44 PM	#2303
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	__________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!

11-25-2008, 09:29 AM	#2304
Ibby erika Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: "the high up north" Posts: 6,127	perry bible fellowship for the win __________________ not really back, you didn't see me, i was never here shhhhhh

11-18-2008, 03:11 PM	#2297
skysidhe ~~Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.~~ Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 6,828	I just liked it and wanted to share it. It doesn't really belong in the wtf thread not was there any other category to put it.

11-21-2008, 10:23 AM	#2298
SteveDallas Your Bartender Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Philly Burbs, PA Posts: 7,651	I like it!

11-21-2008, 03:40 PM	#2299
jester why so serious Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 1,712	BEAR SEX Frank was excited about his new rifle and decided to try some bear hunting. He traveled up to Alaska , spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Soon after there was a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said, 'That was a very bad mistake. That was my cousin. I'm going to give you two choices: Either I maul you to death or we have sex.' After considering his situation briefly, Frank decided to accept the latter alternative. So the black bear had his way with Frank. And even though he felt very sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip to Alaska where he found the same black bear and shot it dead. Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, 'That was a big mistake, Frank. You killed a cousin of mine and now you've got two choices: Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex.' Again, Frank thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear than be mauled to death. So the grizzly had his way with Frank. Although he survived, it took several months before Frank fully recovered. This time Frank was completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and managed to track down the very same grizzly bear and shot it- dead. He felt sweet revenge, but then, moments later, there was yet another tap on is shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear looked at him and said, 'Admit it, Frank. You don't come here for the hunting, do you?'

11-21-2008, 03:41 PM	#2300
jester why so serious Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 1,712	A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a young boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm. He stopped and asked the boy, 'Where did you get that turkey?' The boy replied, 'What turkey?' The game warden said, 'That turkey you're carrying under your arm.' The boy looks down and said, 'Well, lookee here, a turkey done roosted under my arm!' The game warden said, 'Now look, you know turkey season is closed, so whatever you do to that turkey, I'm going to do to you. If you break his leg, I'm gonna break your leg. If you break his wing, I'll break your arm. Whatever you do to him, I'll do to you. So, what are you gonna do with him?' The little boy said, 'I guess I'll just kiss his ass and let him go!'

11-25-2008, 09:54 AM	#2305
SteveDallas Your Bartender Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Philly Burbs, PA Posts: 7,651	I wonder if that was inspired by the lost toolbag in space.

11-26-2008, 04:22 PM	#2306
Nirvana Back in 10 Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,684	What do you have when you've got 50 lesbians and 50 state workers? .... 100 people that don't do dick! __________________ Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind.

11-26-2008, 04:48 PM	#2307
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	I heard that as a million lesbians and the million man march, but that is so un pc __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

11-27-2008, 02:28 PM	#2309
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	Football fans! http://www.twincities.com/ci_1107524...ce=most_viewed http://www.desmoinesregister.com/art.../NEWS/81126006 __________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!

11-28-2008, 12:09 AM	#2310
Crimson Ghost Larger than life and twice as ugly. Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 5,264	Bob took his nymphomaniac wife to the doctor for treatment. "This is one hot potato of a lady, Doctor," he said. "Maybe you can do something for her? She goes for any man, and I get very jealous." "We'll see," the doctor said. He directed the missus into his examining room, closed the door behind him and told her to undress. Then he told her to get up onto the examining table on her stomach. The moment he touched her buttocks, she began to moan and squirm. It was too much for him to resist, and he climbed up on top of her and began to screw her. Bob heard moans and groans coming from the room. Unable to control himself, he pushed open the door, only to be confronted by the sight of the doctor astride his wife banging away. "Doctor, what are you doing?" he asked. The flustered doctor said, "Oh, it's you, Bob? I'm only taking your wife's temperature!" Bob opened his switchblade knife and began to wipe it on his sleeve very deliberately. "Ok Doc,....." he said, "but when you take that thing out, it better have numbers on it!" Attached Images __________________ We must all go through a rite of passage. It must be physical, it must be painful, and it must leave a mark. I have no knowledge of the events which you are describing, and if I did have knowledge of them, I would be unable to discuss them with you now or at any future period. Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years

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