What's mildly irritating you today? - Page 348

glatt · 05-10-2013, 07:58 AM

Sorry Ali. That sucks. You should talk to him. Can't resolve this and put it behind you without opening the lines of communication first. Sounds like it's festering and hurting the good vibes for the whole family.

Aliantha · 05-10-2013, 04:45 PM

Actually, I think I'd rather divorce him at this stage and never talk to him again. I am very angry.

fargon · 05-10-2013, 05:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aliantha

Actually, I think I'd rather divorce him at this stage and never talk to him again. I am very angry.

If I may ask what did he do that was so bad?

Aliantha · 05-10-2013, 08:14 PM

Just lots of little things fargon. If I started on the list it'd be like that episode of the simpsons where homer and marg go on that couples retreat to fix their marriage, and when marg is asked what she's upset with her husband about, she's still going on the list 3 hours later.

I suppose some of them are big things. One of them is the lack of time he seems to want to give to us, his family. He works long hours, and I don't begrudge him that, but every second he's not working or sleeping, he goes fishing. While I think it's good that he has a hobby and he enjoys it, I don't think it's too much to ask for a husband to spend a day with me and the kids every once in a while. By once in a while I would be happy with one day a month at this stage, but even that seems to be too much to ask, and I'm sick of asking. That's what sparked the argument last weekend.

fargon · 05-10-2013, 09:44 PM

Having sufferd a divorce, I don't want you to go thru one. I would suggest writing him a letter, and tell him why you are mad. See if you can get a baby sitter for a weekend to try and re connect with him(my parents did this and it seemed to work)
My own divorce was over her infidelity, and there was no going back after she moved him in and thru me out.
You owe it to your kids to try to keep your marriage together.

Aliantha · 05-11-2013, 04:47 AM

You're right fargon, and I wont be the one to walk away even though I'm full of big talk on here. My family means everything to me.

I am just tired of saying the same things. I'm tired of feeling like I'm nagging. I'm tired of begging. Our relationship has been pretty shitty for some time now, and his answer to that is to go fishing. My response is to cling to the kids.

We need to sort it out, but it's not the right time yet. The dust needs to settle after last weekends doozy. Anything I write to him now is not going to come across how I mean it to, and anything I write is likely to be tinged with my anger and frustration anyway, which is not going to help. I know what i need to do. I just have to wait for the right time.

I guess I'm just doing a lot of venting here. I don't usually bring this sort of stuff up on here, but it's just a bit much now. I have to get it out somewhere. Better here than having another argument I guess.

DanaC · 05-11-2013, 05:36 AM

Sounds tiring and frustrating, Ali. But I reckon you're right that timing is probably key to sorting this.

Good luck with it honey, and vent when you need.

fargon · 05-11-2013, 05:36 AM

Aliantha vent all you want. We are here for you.

footfootfoot · 05-11-2013, 05:55 AM

Sounds awfully familiar to me. He must feel the need to go fishing and be away for some reason. I think therein lies your answer, not a weekend get-a-way.

A lot of folks suggested to me/us what fargon suggested but at that point it was too late, and even then it didn't address the real problem. While a weekend spent with him may solve your problem, I don't think it addresses what's making him scarce.

No doubt this stress and irritation is taking its toll on you. I'm sorry you are going through this.

Undertoad · 05-11-2013, 11:59 AM

Their gradumacation day was yesterday, but the corn holing college kids at the top of my driveway haven't moved out.

Get on, now, boys, time to move on to reality.

Clodfobble · 05-11-2013, 12:03 PM

Are you sure they all graduated? Undergrad degrees can last 5, 6, 7 years these days... especially with all that important corn-holing to get done each day.

Griff · 05-11-2013, 12:04 PM

Its not like there is work to do, may as well suspend reality until all the loans come due.

Undertoad · 05-11-2013, 12:18 PM

Ursinus tuition is $44,350, so mommy and daddy do have good reason to make sure nobody has a second senior year.

Lamplighter · 05-11-2013, 12:28 PM

UT, send them this link:

http://events.ursinus.edu/index.php?com=detail&eID=2180

Or use it yourself sometime after midnight

orthodoc · 05-11-2013, 03:53 PM

Go ahead and vent, Ali. Sometimes the neglect is due to a need to get away, I agree. I think in some cases it can be a manifestation of selfishness that worsens until it becomes toxic. I know a woman whose husband has gone fishing (full time) for their entire 30-year marriage. She worked two jobs and raised the kids. He admits that he does it because he can and he's happy. She's not happy, but she chooses to remain in the marriage.

I suspect that, although communication is needed, a weekend isn't likely to do it. Maybe some couples' counseling? I'm very sorry this is happening.

05-10-2013, 04:45 PM	#5207
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Actually, I think I'd rather divorce him at this stage and never talk to him again. I am very angry. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

05-10-2013, 08:14 PM	#5209
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Just lots of little things fargon. If I started on the list it'd be like that episode of the simpsons where homer and marg go on that couples retreat to fix their marriage, and when marg is asked what she's upset with her husband about, she's still going on the list 3 hours later. I suppose some of them are big things. One of them is the lack of time he seems to want to give to us, his family. He works long hours, and I don't begrudge him that, but every second he's not working or sleeping, he goes fishing. While I think it's good that he has a hobby and he enjoys it, I don't think it's too much to ask for a husband to spend a day with me and the kids every once in a while. By once in a while I would be happy with one day a month at this stage, but even that seems to be too much to ask, and I'm sick of asking. That's what sparked the argument last weekend. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

05-10-2013, 09:44 PM	#5210
fargon Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: La Crosse, WI Posts: 8,924	Having sufferd a divorce, I don't want you to go thru one. I would suggest writing him a letter, and tell him why you are mad. See if you can get a baby sitter for a weekend to try and re connect with him(my parents did this and it seemed to work) My own divorce was over her infidelity, and there was no going back after she moved him in and thru me out. You owe it to your kids to try to keep your marriage together. __________________ Annoy the ones that ignore you!!! I live a blessed life I Love my Country, I Fear the Government!!! Heavily medicated for the good of mankind.

05-11-2013, 04:47 AM	#5211
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	You're right fargon, and I wont be the one to walk away even though I'm full of big talk on here. My family means everything to me. I am just tired of saying the same things. I'm tired of feeling like I'm nagging. I'm tired of begging. Our relationship has been pretty shitty for some time now, and his answer to that is to go fishing. My response is to cling to the kids. We need to sort it out, but it's not the right time yet. The dust needs to settle after last weekends doozy. Anything I write to him now is not going to come across how I mean it to, and anything I write is likely to be tinged with my anger and frustration anyway, which is not going to help. I know what i need to do. I just have to wait for the right time. I guess I'm just doing a lot of venting here. I don't usually bring this sort of stuff up on here, but it's just a bit much now. I have to get it out somewhere. Better here than having another argument I guess. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

05-11-2013, 05:36 AM	#5213
fargon Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: La Crosse, WI Posts: 8,924	Aliantha vent all you want. We are here for you. __________________ Annoy the ones that ignore you!!! I live a blessed life I Love my Country, I Fear the Government!!! Heavily medicated for the good of mankind.

05-10-2013, 07:58 AM	#5206
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	Sorry Ali. That sucks. You should talk to him. Can't resolve this and put it behind you without opening the lines of communication first. Sounds like it's festering and hurting the good vibes for the whole family.

05-11-2013, 05:55 AM	#5214
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	Sounds awfully familiar to me. He must feel the need to go fishing and be away for some reason. I think therein lies your answer, not a weekend get-a-way. A lot of folks suggested to me/us what fargon suggested but at that point it was too late, and even then it didn't address the real problem. While a weekend spent with him may solve your problem, I don't think it addresses what's making him scarce. No doubt this stress and irritation is taking its toll on you. I'm sorry you are going through this. __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

05-11-2013, 11:59 AM	#5215
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	Their gradumacation day was yesterday, but the corn holing college kids at the top of my driveway haven't moved out. Get on, now, boys, time to move on to reality.

05-11-2013, 12:03 PM	#5216
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	Are you sure they all graduated? Undergrad degrees can last 5, 6, 7 years these days... especially with all that important corn-holing to get done each day. __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

05-11-2013, 12:04 PM	#5217
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	Its not like there is work to do, may as well suspend reality until all the loans come due. __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

05-11-2013, 12:18 PM	#5218
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	Ursinus tuition is $44,350, so mommy and daddy do have good reason to make sure nobody has a second senior year.

05-11-2013, 12:28 PM	#5219
Lamplighter Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Bottom lands of the Missoula floods Posts: 6,402	UT, send them this link: http://events.ursinus.edu/index.php?com=detail&eID=2180 Or use it yourself sometime after midnight

05-11-2013, 03:53 PM	#5220
orthodoc Not Suspicious, Merely Canadian Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 3,774	Go ahead and vent, Ali. Sometimes the neglect is due to a need to get away, I agree. I think in some cases it can be a manifestation of selfishness that worsens until it becomes toxic. I know a woman whose husband has gone fishing (full time) for their entire 30-year marriage. She worked two jobs and raised the kids. He admits that he does it because he can and he's happy. She's not happy, but she chooses to remain in the marriage. I suspect that, although communication is needed, a weekend isn't likely to do it. Maybe some couples' counseling? I'm very sorry this is happening. __________________ The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. - Ghandi

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