Kid is obsessed, wants everything and lots of it

footfootfoot · 10-13-2010, 08:41 PM

The inch's 7th birthday is about 48 days away. According to his concept of time that is like the day after tomorrow. He is obsessed with this "Forces of Valor" collector's tank that he saw at our local Pet/Hobby shop. They sell for about $50-$60 each.

He just won't stop with it. Last week we were at a Military History Museum and he saw these pull back toy tanks and I didn't get him one (Big mistake and I am still pissed at myself for my totally arbitrary decision not to buy one and defuse the situation) So he decides that the reason I didn't buy him the pull back tank was because I had bigger plans in mind. (Not exactly, no. I was just being a tightwad)

So somehow he figured out that we could look for the tank he wanted on the internet and when we got to the website of "Forces of Valor" and he saw the 97 different tanks they sell, he broke out a pen and paper and began his list. He narrowed it down to about 8 or 9 tanks that "I absolutely have to buy for him"

INCH: "I'm ordering you to buy these."

ME: Order eh -- who does he think he is?
INCH: I am your king!
ME: Well, I didn't vote for you.

But seriously, WTF? He thinks he is going to get nine tanks from me? He is like a cocaine rat with those tanks, Jesus. My wife had this whole convo with him because he thought he wasn't worth the $ that the tanks cost. For some reason his self worth is all wrapped up in things. He definitely associates love with toys (I blame the evil MIL) and was in tears when I read the description of the F of V products as being collectibles for adults and not toys. "I'm not an adult." (therefore no tank) He was sobbing.

The three of them (the inch, the mm, and mrs. foot) are on some kind of emotional jag lately and all of them are crying at the drop of a hat.

I'm fucking perplexed.

Cloud · 10-13-2010, 09:03 PM

um . . . you let your 6 year old surf for toys on the internet?

I mean . . . No, no, no--totally not blaming you. just a little boggled at that.

I say absolutely NOT give him any such toy, or allow anyone else to give him that. Give him a piggy bank and tell him he has to save chore money. Give him a book about tanks instead, or take him to the library and let him check out tanks. Is it a model? Get him a small one he has to put together himself (which I'm pretty sure he couldn't do without help).

Keep him off the tv and out of stores. Hit that self worth does not equal "things" -- HARD.

It's something we all struggle with, adults and kids, in our consumerist society. And we must fight it tooth and nail.

footfootfoot · 10-13-2010, 09:14 PM

No, he doesn't surf the net, he asked me to look it up for him and stood next to me. We don't own a TV and he gets to watch one video (BBC nature program) per week. He has read just about every book at the library about everything from pyramids to the history of Britain. Especially fond of the DK books.

He's too young for chores and pay-- he doesn't understand money, barely understands numbers and quantities, but he has an astounding vocabulary.

Yeah, my wife and I are not at all consumerist or materialistic. I really have no idea how he is so obsessed with things, the only store he goes to is the food coop. He's been in a target for clothes about five times in his life.

Gonna dig deeper into the self worth thing with him though. I really think the toy thing has always been out of hand, especially from my wife's mom her aunts. He goes for a day outing with grandma and comes back with a toy truck in each hand and one more in hers.

Cloud · 10-13-2010, 09:19 PM

just general comments, okay? You know the answers for yourself, obviously. Keep plugging away at the good stuff. kids don't have any sense of proportion or appropriateness; it's up to us to help them achieve that.

footfootfoot · 10-13-2010, 09:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cloud

just general comments, okay? You know the answers for yourself, obviously. Keep plugging away at the good stuff. kids don't have any sense of proportion or appropriateness; it's up to us to help them achieve that.

Oh, I appreciate it. I'm always wavering between shock and horror at what I see other parents doing and then wondering if I am the cause of shock and horror to those same parents.

E.g. I take a somewhat Lenny Bruce approach to language. There are no bad words, just inappropriate audiences. I don't drop the F bomb in front of the kids, but I also don't let words like poop and penis become "charged." So when we had a spate of "penis butt" this and that. I just told them that those words are fun to say, but they have to consider who their audience is. It is not ok to say them to the librarian since she is not the right audience, but it is ok to say them to their friends.

Well, almost. Some semi-horrified looks from the other moms at school when the 3 yo, mm, was calling everything "stupid"

Aliantha · 10-13-2010, 09:32 PM

Maybe the excessive gift buying by other grownups has taught him to associate happiness with toys and things, moreso than self worth?

In my opinion the only answer is really to simply cut back on the gifts and make sure everyone else does too. Yeah I know you have a hard time controlling MIL, but it's really the only way I think.

I don't think 7 is too young for chores and pay or rewards. Not even close to too young. My cousin has a star chart reward system going for her two boys who are in grade 1 and kindergarten. It works well for her. My boys have always had chores to do also, and they get rewards too. I think they've pretty much always been required to do jobs around the house, and I'll expect Max to do the same. The key is that kids are never too young to learn about reward for effort. It's what teaches them the value of things. I thoroughly believe that the younger they start helping out and being rewarded for it, the better off they'll be.

Clodfobble · 10-13-2010, 09:59 PM

Honestly, I think in the end, he will be getting a Forces of Valor truck. It's just a question of when, how, and how much resentment he builds up about it beforehand. Vacillating between absolute-zero materialism with mom and dad with spurts of ridiculously high materialism with MIL has got to be hard on the kid. It's my humble opinion that at this point it would be better to get him the truck yourself before your MIL does, which will only reinforce his idea that it's because she thinks he's deserving of it and you don't.

But not for free--I'm with Ali on the 'plenty old enough for chores' idea. If he doesn't really understand money, you can put it in a currency he does understand. Even my kid understood a little picture chart with ten blank spaces and a picture of a Hot Wheels car at the end of the line. (Still decided he wasn't willing to do what was necessary to fill even one square, but he definitely understood what he was supposed to do.) It doesn't have to be chores that are actually useful to you, or things he has to do by himself. Maybe tell him he can wash the car with you for a star, or he can help Mrs. foot fold the laundry for a star, even if he's not really making the process any more efficient. Or he can read a certain number of books to the mm.

He may never be as completely non-materialistic as you want him to be, but he can certainly learn a sense of working hard for it in the process...

Edit to add: I just had a flashback to my childhood. My parents never did this, but my best friend across the street would regularly be sent to the neighbors on either side to ask if they had any chores that needed doing. She would do a kid's crappy job of raking their leaves or whatever, but work her ass off doing it, and the neighbors didn't care because they were going to have to do it anyway and it was funny watching the neighbor-kid fight with a rake that was taller than she was.

Cloud · 10-13-2010, 10:14 PM

that's a pretty good compromise

zippyt · 10-13-2010, 10:24 PM

Do NOT cave to the emotional Black male

Clodfobble · 10-13-2010, 10:55 PM

.

monster · 10-13-2010, 10:58 PM

We've been right there... and the problem is that "Yeah, my wife and I are not at all consumerist or materialistic." and " he doesn't understand money, barely understands numbers and quantities".

he gets from you that you're not really concerned about stuff and money, so he doesn't get that these things are not freely available.

Time for a math and reality lesson. or two.

And you do need to reel your MIL in a little. Tell her your principles and that you understand if she doesn't agree and if that is the case, it's fine for her to buy those toys, but they need to stay at her house for when he visits.

Our kids are a little older than yours, and love when Grandma visits because she takes them to the toy store and buys them stuff. Now they tell her that and it doesn't feel so good. You'll be doing MIL a favor too.

glatt · 10-14-2010, 07:53 AM

He's old enough to be setting and clearing the table at dinner. Sweeping the floor on a regular schedule (maybe with a gentle reminder when it's time.) Folding clothes. There are a few chores he's capable of doing.

If it were me, I'd probably end up buying him ONE of the tanks for his birthday, or letting him earn ONE through a couple of weeks of chores. The timing is bad, because ideally I'd have him work for a month to earn one, but then you will be almost at his birthday anyway when you would be getting him a gift without expecting him to earn it.

But I think at his age he is capable of learning about how much stuff costs, and that you have to earn money. I'd consider giving him a regular chore and a small allowance. 50 cents a week or so. That way he can go to the store and see how much stuff costs and compare it to what is in his hand. Do you have any stores near you that sell cheap crappy toys from China? Like the little plastic army dudes or the balsa wood airplanes? Letting him look at the $1.95 balsa wood airplane when he only has 50 cents is a good lesson.

xoxoxoBruce · 10-14-2010, 08:12 AM

Work him hard enough and he'll be to tired for toys... especially if you cut his portion of gruel.

monster · 10-14-2010, 08:17 AM

yes, the small amount of pocket money helps. And it has to be small -if it's a dollar, then there's a lot of crap they can instantly buy with that.

xoxoxoBruce · 10-14-2010, 08:23 AM

I'd figure coins are easier to understand. More substantial, and better to understand it doesn't have to be all or nothing. You can spend part/keep part, watch them accumulate/diminish, as a result of earning/spending. And being used to coins makes it easier on the tooth fairy.

10-13-2010, 08:41 PM	#1
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	Kid is obsessed, wants everything and lots of it The inch's 7th birthday is about 48 days away. According to his concept of time that is like the day after tomorrow. He is obsessed with this "Forces of Valor" collector's tank that he saw at our local Pet/Hobby shop. They sell for about $50-$60 each. He just won't stop with it. Last week we were at a Military History Museum and he saw these pull back toy tanks and I didn't get him one (Big mistake and I am still pissed at myself for my totally arbitrary decision not to buy one and defuse the situation) So he decides that the reason I didn't buy him the pull back tank was because I had bigger plans in mind. (Not exactly, no. I was just being a tightwad) So somehow he figured out that we could look for the tank he wanted on the internet and when we got to the website of "Forces of Valor" and he saw the 97 different tanks they sell, he broke out a pen and paper and began his list. He narrowed it down to about 8 or 9 tanks that "I absolutely have to buy for him" INCH: "I'm ordering you to buy these." ME: Order eh -- who does he think he is? INCH: I am your king! ME: Well, I didn't vote for you. But seriously, WTF? He thinks he is going to get nine tanks from me? He is like a cocaine rat with those tanks, Jesus. My wife had this whole convo with him because he thought he wasn't worth the $ that the tanks cost. For some reason his self worth is all wrapped up in things. He definitely associates love with toys (I blame the evil MIL) and was in tears when I read the description of the F of V products as being collectibles for adults and not toys. "I'm not an adult." (therefore no tank) He was sobbing. The three of them (the inch, the mm, and mrs. foot) are on some kind of emotional jag lately and all of them are crying at the drop of a hat. I'm fucking perplexed. __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

10-13-2010, 09:03 PM	#2
Cloud ... Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 8,360	um . . . you let your 6 year old surf for toys on the internet? I mean . . . No, no, no--totally not blaming you. just a little boggled at that. I say absolutely NOT give him any such toy, or allow anyone else to give him that. Give him a piggy bank and tell him he has to save chore money. Give him a book about tanks instead, or take him to the library and let him check out tanks. Is it a model? Get him a small one he has to put together himself (which I'm pretty sure he couldn't do without help). Keep him off the tv and out of stores. Hit that self worth does not equal "things" -- HARD. It's something we all struggle with, adults and kids, in our consumerist society. And we must fight it tooth and nail. __________________ "Guard your honor. Let your reputation fall where it will. And outlive the bastards!"

10-13-2010, 09:14 PM	#3
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	No, he doesn't surf the net, he asked me to look it up for him and stood next to me. We don't own a TV and he gets to watch one video (BBC nature program) per week. He has read just about every book at the library about everything from pyramids to the history of Britain. Especially fond of the DK books. He's too young for chores and pay-- he doesn't understand money, barely understands numbers and quantities, but he has an astounding vocabulary. Yeah, my wife and I are not at all consumerist or materialistic. I really have no idea how he is so obsessed with things, the only store he goes to is the food coop. He's been in a target for clothes about five times in his life. Gonna dig deeper into the self worth thing with him though. I really think the toy thing has always been out of hand, especially from my wife's mom her aunts. He goes for a day outing with grandma and comes back with a toy truck in each hand and one more in hers. __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

10-13-2010, 09:19 PM	#4
Cloud ... Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 8,360	just general comments, okay? You know the answers for yourself, obviously. Keep plugging away at the good stuff. kids don't have any sense of proportion or appropriateness; it's up to us to help them achieve that. __________________ "Guard your honor. Let your reputation fall where it will. And outlive the bastards!"

10-13-2010, 09:32 PM	#6
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Maybe the excessive gift buying by other grownups has taught him to associate happiness with toys and things, moreso than self worth? In my opinion the only answer is really to simply cut back on the gifts and make sure everyone else does too. Yeah I know you have a hard time controlling MIL, but it's really the only way I think. I don't think 7 is too young for chores and pay or rewards. Not even close to too young. My cousin has a star chart reward system going for her two boys who are in grade 1 and kindergarten. It works well for her. My boys have always had chores to do also, and they get rewards too. I think they've pretty much always been required to do jobs around the house, and I'll expect Max to do the same. The key is that kids are never too young to learn about reward for effort. It's what teaches them the value of things. I thoroughly believe that the younger they start helping out and being rewarded for it, the better off they'll be. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

10-13-2010, 09:59 PM	#7
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	Honestly, I think in the end, he will be getting a Forces of Valor truck. It's just a question of when, how, and how much resentment he builds up about it beforehand. Vacillating between absolute-zero materialism with mom and dad with spurts of ridiculously high materialism with MIL has got to be hard on the kid. It's my humble opinion that at this point it would be better to get him the truck yourself before your MIL does, which will only reinforce his idea that it's because she thinks he's deserving of it and you don't. But not for free--I'm with Ali on the 'plenty old enough for chores' idea. If he doesn't really understand money, you can put it in a currency he does understand. Even my kid understood a little picture chart with ten blank spaces and a picture of a Hot Wheels car at the end of the line. (Still decided he wasn't willing to do what was necessary to fill even one square, but he definitely understood what he was supposed to do.) It doesn't have to be chores that are actually useful to you, or things he has to do by himself. Maybe tell him he can wash the car with you for a star, or he can help Mrs. foot fold the laundry for a star, even if he's not really making the process any more efficient. Or he can read a certain number of books to the mm. He may never be as completely non-materialistic as you want him to be, but he can certainly learn a sense of working hard for it in the process... Edit to add: I just had a flashback to my childhood. My parents never did this, but my best friend across the street would regularly be sent to the neighbors on either side to ask if they had any chores that needed doing. She would do a kid's crappy job of raking their leaves or whatever, but work her ass off doing it, and the neighbors didn't care because they were going to have to do it anyway and it was funny watching the neighbor-kid fight with a rake that was taller than she was. __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal Last edited by Clodfobble; 10-13-2010 at 10:06 PM.

10-13-2010, 10:14 PM	#8
Cloud ... Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 8,360	that's a pretty good compromise __________________ "Guard your honor. Let your reputation fall where it will. And outlive the bastards!"

10-13-2010, 10:24 PM	#9
zippyt LONG LIVE KING ZIPPY! per Feetz Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Arkansas Posts: 7,661	Do NOT cave to the emotional Black male __________________ "Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get. " Brother Dave Gardner

10-13-2010, 10:55 PM	#10
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	. Attached Images __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

10-13-2010, 10:58 PM	#11
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	We've been right there... and the problem is that "Yeah, my wife and I are not at all consumerist or materialistic." and " he doesn't understand money, barely understands numbers and quantities". he gets from you that you're not really concerned about stuff and money, so he doesn't get that these things are not freely available. Time for a math and reality lesson. or two. And you do need to reel your MIL in a little. Tell her your principles and that you understand if she doesn't agree and if that is the case, it's fine for her to buy those toys, but they need to stay at her house for when he visits. Our kids are a little older than yours, and love when Grandma visits because she takes them to the toy store and buys them stuff. Now they tell her that and it doesn't feel so good. You'll be doing MIL a favor too. __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

10-14-2010, 07:53 AM	#12
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	He's old enough to be setting and clearing the table at dinner. Sweeping the floor on a regular schedule (maybe with a gentle reminder when it's time.) Folding clothes. There are a few chores he's capable of doing. If it were me, I'd probably end up buying him ONE of the tanks for his birthday, or letting him earn ONE through a couple of weeks of chores. The timing is bad, because ideally I'd have him work for a month to earn one, but then you will be almost at his birthday anyway when you would be getting him a gift without expecting him to earn it. But I think at his age he is capable of learning about how much stuff costs, and that you have to earn money. I'd consider giving him a regular chore and a small allowance. 50 cents a week or so. That way he can go to the store and see how much stuff costs and compare it to what is in his hand. Do you have any stores near you that sell cheap crappy toys from China? Like the little plastic army dudes or the balsa wood airplanes? Letting him look at the $1.95 balsa wood airplane when he only has 50 cents is a good lesson.

10-14-2010, 08:12 AM	#13
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Work him hard enough and he'll be to tired for toys... especially if you cut his portion of gruel. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

10-14-2010, 08:17 AM	#14
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	yes, the small amount of pocket money helps. And it has to be small -if it's a dollar, then there's a lot of crap they can instantly buy with that. __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

10-14-2010, 08:23 AM	#15
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	I'd figure coins are easier to understand. More substantial, and better to understand it doesn't have to be all or nothing. You can spend part/keep part, watch them accumulate/diminish, as a result of earning/spending. And being used to coins makes it easier on the tooth fairy. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)