Is romance overrated?

Telefunken · 07-01-2007, 10:01 AM

I'm back to actively dating. Earlier in my life I used to be a romantic fool. But I've been burn bad in the past and vow not to repeat my mistakes. These days I'm approaching my dating more rationally. I used to fall deeply in love and get hurt because of it. Now I'm reserving my emotional energy until after my first few dates or until I am able to "feel" out if the woman I'm dating is mature and balanced. I get the fact that romance and physical attraction helps build the first stages of a relationship. What happens when the romance stops and both of us have to face realities we ignored during the first stages of our relationship? Is romance overrated or am I overlooking the importance of romance?

freshnesschronic · 07-01-2007, 01:38 PM

No. Romance is not overrated. It's just hard, man. Good luck though, hope you can pull through!

piercehawkeye45 · 07-01-2007, 02:17 PM

It depends on the person and what "phase" you are in.

Some people love relationships and the highs and lows that come with them. Other people see relationships as overrated. There are people that will only look for long-term relationships and others that will never have one. It just has to do with preference.

Personally, right now I have no intention in having a long-termed relationship but in 10 or 15 years, I will hopefully settle down, get married, and start a family. If something happens, it happens, if nothing happens, then oh well.

My best advice is to not try to control what happens, just ride it and see where it takes you. But that also works best for my personality so if you have a different personality it may be different....

skysidhe · 07-01-2007, 06:05 PM

I used to think it was overrated. Now I think people have a big idea of what 'romance' is and can't jump that hurdle in their mind. Is it something you feel or something you do? Maybe it's emotional maturity and courtesy?

I think what people are really looking for is emotional honesty and deciding exactly what 'romance' looks like to them and if they are willing to put out the money to create the reality that romance is suppose to look like.

oh and you know. There are alot of unbalanced men looking for that reason to not commit so don't look to hard for faults you'll find them when all the while she might be overlooking yours.

kerosene · 07-01-2007, 10:46 PM

Romance without love is overrated. That may be an oversimplified statement, but my definitions of love and romance are very different. romance with love is not overrated at all.

07-01-2007, 10:57 PM

I think insincere romance is overrated. Most "romance" is something used for manipulation, not a sincere expression of love.

skysidhe · 07-01-2007, 11:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rkzenrage

I think insincere romance is overrated. Most "romance" is something used for manipulation, not a sincere expression of love.

or the stroking of one's ego. ( not hers )

Aliantha · 07-02-2007, 12:16 AM

Romance is having someone else stack the dishwasher.

07-02-2007, 12:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by skysidhe

or the stroking of one's ego. ( not hers )

That is part of what I was talking about.

Hime · 07-02-2007, 02:01 PM

Yeah, it depends on the definition. I think that a lot of culturally indoctrinated ideas of romance (the rubbish about an engagement ring having to cost at least 2 months' salary...) are either hopelessly materialistic or patriarchal -- which come down to the same thing ultimately, that is, a man trying to prove that he is capable of buying the woman's affections.

If a guy showed up for a date with me bearing an armful of roses (which I don't like), diamond jewelry (which I don't wear), etc, took me to the most expensive restaurant in town regardless of whether there was anything vegetarian for me to eat, etc, that might look like romance from the outside, but to me it would feel like someone preferred to spend money on impressing me rather than spending *time* on getting to know me and figure out what I really like. Remember that a lot of what we think of as "romance" was created by advertising!

On the other hand, my husband and I just got back from our honeymoon, so I can't really say that I don't believe in romance... but I think it comes more from really knowing and appreciating one another. More about a moment being personally meaningful than flashy or expensive.

Cicero · 07-03-2007, 03:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Telefunken

I'm back to actively dating. Earlier in my life I used to be a romantic fool. But I've been burn bad in the past and vow not to repeat my mistakes. These days I'm approaching my dating more rationally. I used to fall deeply in love and get hurt because of it. Now I'm reserving my emotional energy until after my first few dates or until I am able to "feel" out if the woman I'm dating is mature and balanced. I get the fact that romance and physical attraction helps build the first stages of a relationship. What happens when the romance stops and both of us have to face realities we ignored during the first stages of our relationship? Is romance overrated or am I overlooking the importance of romance?

I think you're getting a little ahead of yourself.

07-04-2007, 10:18 AM

*balanced* is the keyword.

If he/she is balanced, then romance is good, can evolve to somethiing better, and deserves lot of fun and good things.

If he/she is not balanced we go to the

"Most "romance" is something used for manipulation, not a sincere expression of love.
or the stroking of one's ego. ( not hers )"

part, no way out

piercehawkeye45 · 07-04-2007, 05:31 PM

Here is the Triangle love theory and the different types of relationships.

http://www.smoocherie.com/trianglelove.htm

07-05-2007, 01:27 PM

there is no nut people variability. too easy!

elSicomoro · 07-05-2007, 02:02 PM

I've been overly romantic and under-romantic, but I think April and I have the right balance. At least, it works for us...I think some would argue that we're too mushy. Of course, I could give a shit.

As a whole, I don't think romance is overrated at all. I just think that the two people need to be on the same wavelength.

07-01-2007, 10:01 AM	#1
Telefunken Going for the DX Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Taxachusetts Posts: 82	Is romance overrated? I'm back to actively dating. Earlier in my life I used to be a romantic fool. But I've been burn bad in the past and vow not to repeat my mistakes. These days I'm approaching my dating more rationally. I used to fall deeply in love and get hurt because of it. Now I'm reserving my emotional energy until after my first few dates or until I am able to "feel" out if the woman I'm dating is mature and balanced. I get the fact that romance and physical attraction helps build the first stages of a relationship. What happens when the romance stops and both of us have to face realities we ignored during the first stages of our relationship? Is romance overrated or am I overlooking the importance of romance?

07-02-2007, 12:16 AM	#8
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Romance is having someone else stack the dishwasher. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

07-01-2007, 01:38 PM	#2
freshnesschronic Professor Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 1,555	No. Romance is not overrated. It's just hard, man. Good luck though, hope you can pull through!

07-01-2007, 02:17 PM	#3
piercehawkeye45 Franklin Pierce Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Minnesota Posts: 3,695	It depends on the person and what "phase" you are in. Some people love relationships and the highs and lows that come with them. Other people see relationships as overrated. There are people that will only look for long-term relationships and others that will never have one. It just has to do with preference. Personally, right now I have no intention in having a long-termed relationship but in 10 or 15 years, I will hopefully settle down, get married, and start a family. If something happens, it happens, if nothing happens, then oh well. My best advice is to not try to control what happens, just ride it and see where it takes you. But that also works best for my personality so if you have a different personality it may be different....

07-01-2007, 06:05 PM	#4
skysidhe ~~Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.~~ Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 6,828	I used to think it was overrated. Now I think people have a big idea of what 'romance' is and can't jump that hurdle in their mind. Is it something you feel or something you do? Maybe it's emotional maturity and courtesy? I think what people are really looking for is emotional honesty and deciding exactly what 'romance' looks like to them and if they are willing to put out the money to create the reality that romance is suppose to look like. oh and you know. There are alot of unbalanced men looking for that reason to not commit so don't look to hard for faults you'll find them when all the while she might be overlooking yours.

07-01-2007, 10:46 PM	#5
kerosene Touring the facilities Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: The plains of Colorado Posts: 3,476	Romance without love is overrated. That may be an oversimplified statement, but my definitions of love and romance are very different. romance with love is not overrated at all.

07-01-2007, 10:57 PM	#6
rkzenrage Guest Posts: n/a	I think insincere romance is overrated. Most "romance" is something used for manipulation, not a sincere expression of love.

07-02-2007, 02:01 PM	#10
Hime Extraordinary Machine Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Outside of Washington, DC Posts: 307	Yeah, it depends on the definition. I think that a lot of culturally indoctrinated ideas of romance (the rubbish about an engagement ring having to cost at least 2 months' salary...) are either hopelessly materialistic or patriarchal -- which come down to the same thing ultimately, that is, a man trying to prove that he is capable of buying the woman's affections. If a guy showed up for a date with me bearing an armful of roses (which I don't like), diamond jewelry (which I don't wear), etc, took me to the most expensive restaurant in town regardless of whether there was anything vegetarian for me to eat, etc, that might look like romance from the outside, but to me it would feel like someone preferred to spend money on impressing me rather than spending time on getting to know me and figure out what I really like. Remember that a lot of what we think of as "romance" was created by advertising! On the other hand, my husband and I just got back from our honeymoon, so I can't really say that I don't believe in romance... but I think it comes more from really knowing and appreciating one another. More about a moment being personally meaningful than flashy or expensive.

07-04-2007, 10:18 AM	#12
bani Guest Posts: n/a	balanced is the keyword. If he/she is balanced, then romance is good, can evolve to somethiing better, and deserves lot of fun and good things. If he/she is not balanced we go to the "Most "romance" is something used for manipulation, not a sincere expression of love. or the stroking of one's ego. ( not hers )" part, no way out

07-04-2007, 05:31 PM	#13
piercehawkeye45 Franklin Pierce Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Minnesota Posts: 3,695	Here is the Triangle love theory and the different types of relationships. http://www.smoocherie.com/trianglelove.htm

07-05-2007, 01:27 PM	#14
bani Guest Posts: n/a	there is no nut people variability. too easy!

07-05-2007, 02:02 PM	#15
elSicomoro Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 12,486	I've been overly romantic and under-romantic, but I think April and I have the right balance. At least, it works for us...I think some would argue that we're too mushy. Of course, I could give a shit. As a whole, I don't think romance is overrated at all. I just think that the two people need to be on the same wavelength.

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