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01-24-2013, 08:39 AM | #1 |
I hear them call the tide
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Perpetual Chaos
Posts: 30,852
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Please just let me vent
don't judge. Yes, I get it. And for FSM sake... oh never mind. either you get it or you don't. this is beyond funny. to me.
Everyone wants me to be on the mend/improving/getting better because they care. And because that's easier to deal with emotionally and socially. Truth is, I'm not. But I feel a huge pressure to go along with them. Because you don't correct people inquiring after your health and who are glad you are getting better. they mean well. .....so then they have justification for their beliefs and so it snowballs........ - - - - - - - - Stop telling me you're glad I'm on the mend/improving/progressing/getting better. Where did you get this information from? What the hell am I supposed to say after that? Oh wait, I'm not because you don't actually want to hear the truth. Not that they've thought it through that way, they're just trying to show they care, I know. Nod and smile, monster. Thank them for their concern. PLEASE CAN I STOP NODDING AND SMILING AND JUST SCREAM AND CRY? Just because I can't explain just how awful my vision is and because I can actually pass a driving vision test -why yes, I did- doesn't mean I can see well. Turns out I used to have superwoman x-ray-MRI-FSM-round-the-fucking-corner vision. Now I don't. So I feel blind and dsoriented. Bereaved. Focus is such hard work I have a permanent headache from frowning. And periodically it feels like I just came in from the snow and need to turn more lights on. I don't know why this isn't measurable or demonstrable. all I know is I feel blind. and it isn't getting better. And my sciatica is getting worse from the compensation for my new bad leg. Yes, i know it could have been worse. Please, stop telling mw this, therapists, it doesn't help. When it comes to my health, sudenly everyone's a socialist and I am a Republican. Turns out I used to be superwoman. Just because I am now somewhere in the low average doesn't mean I don't feel a huge loss and am not suffering. OK, not everyone could do the splits. I could. And I could see round corners and I could do Zumba without dragging my foot on the floor and I could swim a mile every day and I could read things on my computer without feeling suicidally tired after 10 minutes. And I could drive my kids around. i could jump in the car and go rescue them when they threw up at school. I could go to the store and put a nice meal on the table and meet the schoolbus when there was a frostbite risk. And I'm not mourning a lost youth, decades-goone. I could do these things last fucking month. Yes, dear therapist, I know the old folk you usually treat haven't been able to do these things for years. Does that make it OK now we're all equal? It could have been worse. "at least i still have my sense of humor" "at least i still have my faculties". Really? Wouldn't it be easier to be a vegetable? At least i wouldn't care or realize what i've lost. But that would be hard on those who love me. Iknow. I know. We mustn't forget to care about the carers. Really? Do I look so dumb I don't know this is hard on everyone? If you got this far without thinking "what a bitch" or itching to tell me "it could be worse", thank you for understanding. I just need to say these things somewhere so i can cry about it and feel sorry for myself so i won't snap IRL and hurt the feelings of those who care and are doing their best. Beest is a trooper but the poor bloke has to go to work/escape sometime. And then do the school run I used to do and then come home to my misery as I've failed to do something I used tto do on autopilot as the 9th item of importance of the 10 currently baing multitasked........ He can do without this crap in the morning, so thanks for suffering on his behalf.
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The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart |
01-24-2013, 08:48 AM | #2 |
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Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 27,717
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01-24-2013, 08:50 AM | #3 |
Encroaching on your decrees
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: An island within the south-west coast of Scotland
Posts: 7,016
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Vent away. Scream, cry, shout here.
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Living it up on the edge ... of civilisation, within the southwest coast of |
01-24-2013, 09:17 AM | #4 |
Goon Squad Leader
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Seattle
Posts: 27,063
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Got it. Read the whole thing. You're not a bitch. Vent away. I am acquainted with life after stoke, unfortunately. You're not bothering me. It DEFINITELY SUCKS.
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Be Just and Fear Not. |
01-24-2013, 09:42 AM | #5 |
I hear them call the tide
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Perpetual Chaos
Posts: 30,852
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thanks
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The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart |
01-24-2013, 10:11 AM | #6 |
To shreds, you say?
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet!
Posts: 18,449
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Monster, like Nostradamus used to say, "I know how you feel."
Vent away.
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The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs |
01-24-2013, 10:37 AM | #7 |
Back in 10
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 3,684
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7 paragraphs I am impressed, keep up the good work. Vent on
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Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind. |
01-24-2013, 11:13 AM | #8 |
Not Suspicious, Merely Canadian
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 3,774
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I understand, monster. Sorry.
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The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. - Ghandi |
01-24-2013, 01:13 PM | #9 |
Slattern of the Swail
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 15,654
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I understand, too monster.
Barbara Ehrenreich (Of Nickel and Dimed fame) wrote her latest book about how she had cancer and she was sick to effing DEATH of all those positive polly's out there telling her chin up, etc. here's the title from the US and UK: Bright-sided: How the Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America (2009). In the United Kingdom this book is called Smile Or Die: How Positive Thinking Fooled America and the World 9 January 2010 Guardian
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In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum |
01-24-2013, 02:09 PM | #10 |
I hear them call the tide
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Perpetual Chaos
Posts: 30,852
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huh? I still have all my faculties, remember.
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The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart |
01-24-2013, 02:14 PM | #11 |
a beautiful fool
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: 39.939705
Posts: 4,504
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posted in the wrong thread at first, but....
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There's a Shadow just behind me. Shrouding every step I take. Making every promise empty, pointing every finger at me. _tool |
01-24-2013, 03:53 PM | #12 |
The future is unwritten
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 71,105
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If it happened to me, I'd be pissing and moaning and whining, and driving everyone I know batty... and I'm a lazy fuck to begin with.
Just tell the fools, "I've got a long row to hoe, but eventually I'll be able to strangle the annoying people again... what was your address?"
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The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump. |
01-25-2013, 07:37 AM | #13 |
UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 20,012
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Nothing is more irritating than platitudes. I suspect you are cursed to receive more than most people would because you were so active and "out there" and a part of so many other people's lives. I know you have to be nice to the people who love you, but therapists? They can suck it. Be rude to them all you want. It's their job to take it.
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01-25-2013, 09:39 AM | #14 |
I hear them call the tide
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Perpetual Chaos
Posts: 30,852
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The therapist in training didn't come today. Shame. One more in-home visit and I will be done!
Today I am teary and miserable for no apparent reason. Well apart from shitty non-profit-board politics but I don't normally let that get me down.....
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The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart |
01-25-2013, 01:19 PM | #15 |
Turns out my CRS is a symptom of TMB.
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Chicago suburbs
Posts: 2,916
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Some thoughts based on my experience after major surgery and prolonged recovery:
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Talk nerdy to me. |
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